Four ways to get better at failing.
Leaders need to learn how to lose graciously. Persistence is laudable but only up to a point. As a society, and especially in business, we must not just tolerate but embrace losses as experiences that can prompt change and growth. We need to build workplaces where you can lose without being considered a “loser.” Leaders can demonstrate how to lose well in four ways. First, when faced with a defeat in one arena, consider moving to a new field of competition. Second, focus on mission and team and play for the enjoyment of playing not just to win. Learn how to fail fast and slow and make time to discuss both. Finally, know when to surrender because you’re not pursuing a greater good or circumstances are out of your control.
Four ways to get better at failing.
Leaders – whether in politics or business – are understandably focused on winning. To come out on top is an inherent human desire; it shows we have impact and yields both financial and psychological rewards. Countless management books preach about how to win customers, form winning teams, and beat the competition. Losing – control, face, status, job, power, wealth – remains anathema.
However, as this past presidential election cycle has shown us, leaders do need to learn how to lose graciously. Persistence is laudable but only up to a point. As a society, and especially in business, we must not just tolerate but embrace losses as experiences that can prompt change and growth. We need to build workplaces where you can lose without being considered a “loser.”
Here are four ways that leaders can demonstrate how to lose well:
Change your field of competition. Consider the politician, lawyer, and voting rights activist Stacey Abrams. After her defeat in the 2018 Georgia gubernatorial election, she could have tried to run for office again herself. Instead, she decided to redouble her voter registration efforts to help other Democrats, including Joe Biden, Jon Ossoff and Raphael Warnock, win their races, fundamentally reshaping the power balance in U.S. politics. Staying true to her mission rather than seeking personal recognition, Abrams re-oriented herself and won a perhaps more consequential victory in a different arena.
In business, Slack is a great example. Founder Stewart Butterfield and his team initially set out to build a massive, multiplayer video game called Glitch. When the project failed to gain traction, they pivoted to turn the internal communications tool they had built into a product instead. It became Slack, and was acquired by Salesforce last year for $27.7 billion.
Play to play. If you enjoy what you do and are working toward a purpose, you’ll care a lot less about who “wins” and “loses.” To understand this idea, it is helpful to review James P. Carse’s definition of “finite and infinite games.” Finite games end when someone wins, while infinite games go on forever because they are played for the sake of playing.
Leaders who play infinite games – defined by a sense of mission, a unique culture, and a cohesive team – are the ones who truly inspire. Take Ignacio S. Galán, the CEO of Spanish electric utility company Iberdrola, which made an early move to renewable energy and wants others to do the same. Of course, Galán wants his company to grow faster than its competitors, but he also doesn’t mind if they copy Iberdrola’s strategy because he believes it will be better for society if they do. For him, protecting the environment is the infinite game. As he wrote in HBR, “Climate change has become a climate emergency, and we need everyone on board to fight it.”
Be willing to fail fast – or slow. Start-up culture led us to recognize the value of failing “fast” or “forward” in the name of risk-taking and entrepreneurship. There are now public get-togethers, where people share stories of professional failures.
But let’s not forget that losing can be agonizingly slow, with some heartbreak involved, and opportunity costs mounting up. When that happens to an individual, team, or organization, we need to make space for the associated emotions, including frustration and sorrow. This ensures greater psychological safety, which boosts collaboration, innovation, and productivity, paving the way to a strong recovery. Moreover, a study found that sad leaders often achieve better outcomes than angry leaders. Acknowledgement of negative emotions can also lead to more fruitful performance reviews; in an atmosphere where people feel free to not excel at all times, at every task, people might actually have more meaningful conversations that further personal and professional development.
Know when to surrender: A defeat is an opportunity to show vulnerability and humility. As presidential historian Doris Kearns Goodwin suggests, the secret star of any election night is the loser who gives a graceful concession speech remembered forever, like the late John McCain in 2008.
Leaders need to recognize when their actions are being driven more by an impulse to maintain the upper hand than a genuine desire for positive impact. They should understand when their “victory” is hollow or short-term or has come at too high a price. Countless corporate scandals, from Enron to Wells Fargo, illustrate the dangers of trying to win (that is, maximize revenues) at all costs. Consider instead a company like Dick’s Sporting Goods, which estimated that its decision to pull guns from its stores would result in a $150 million hit to revenue, but did it anyway.
It is also important to understand when events are out of any one individual, team, or organization’s control. Leaders manage what can be managed, but for all those things that cannot, they should know when to surrender. Numerous retail and restaurant companies have had to declare bankruptcy as a result of the Covid-19 pandemic, and yet many are doing so with the knowledge that it might allow their employees and executives and even their brands to carry on. When Friendly’s announced it would restructure while still keeping its 130 owned locations open and preserving jobs, CEO George Michel said, “We believe the voluntary bankruptcy filing and planned sale to a new, deeply experienced restaurant group will enable Friendly’s to rebound from the pandemic as a stronger business.” All of its 130 company-owned locations are expected to stay open and jobs will be preserved.
All of these suggestions imply a key ethical reflection: What kind of loser do I want to be?
In organizations, over the next few years, many of us will lose the status markers that we once used to assure ourselves we were winners. Hybrid workplaces and flat, networked organizations will be tough on our egos. The consequences will be material, too: We will see many jobs disappear, and employment cycles shorten. Many of us will find ourselves at a disadvantage competing for maximum efficiency with ever smarter machines. That’s not pessimism on my part, just the facts of the future of work in a volatile and uncertain world.
But if we think differently about winning and losing – switching up the arena in which we play, embracing the infinite game, allowing ourselves the time to recover from defeat, and sometimes surrendering when we’re no longer achieving greater good or facing circumstances beyond our control – we will lead more satisfied working lives. And go on to win or lose another day.
Whether you’ve landed a new job in a new city or you’re simply ready for a change, moving to a new state is sure to be an exciting adventure. You just have to get there (with all of your stuff!) first. Thankfully, we’re here to help. Here are our tried-and-true tips for successfully moving to a new state without losing your mind!
Research ahead of time
Before you move, research as much as possible about your new city. From restaurant suggestions and local businesses to recreational activities and social clubs, you’ll find a wealth of information about your new home on the internet. I also suggest visiting the area and exploring the city for yourself. Speak to locals, ask questions, look at maps, and drive around neighborhoods to get a real feel for the area.
Find a new home
At least a few months before you move, I recommend contacting a local real estate agent in your new state to help you find a home. Regardless of whether you’re renting or buying, you’ll need someone who’s an expert in the area’s housing market to show you around. Realtors possess a deep knowledge of the market and can narrow down your search, so that you spend less time looking at houses and more time preparing for your move. To find the right Realtor for the job, check Realtor.com’s Find a Realtor tool.
Hire a reputable moving company
With so many moving companies vying for your business, hiring the right one can be tricky. First, I recommend asking friends, family and neighbors for recommendations to see if they’ve had good experiences with local movers in the past. Second, double-check a moving company’s online reviews and ratings. Moving.com’s Moving Company Directory includes customer reviews of more than 600 moving companies nationwide. The reviews also include the moving company’s U.S. DOT number, Better Business Bureau rating, any official complaints filed with the FMCSA, and whether the moving company has any association with the American Moving & Storage Association.
Third, check to see if the moving company is properly licensed by the Department of Transportation. If so, you can check the company’s USDOT number for information. Finally, contact three to four reputable moving companies about your upcoming relocation. Each company should perform either an in-person inspection or a video survey of your belongings before giving you a quote.
To find the right moving company to handle your next move, check Moving.com’s extensive network of reputable and reliable movers. All relocation companies in our network are licensed and insured, so you can rest assured that your move will be in good hands.
Gather all records
D on’t forget to pack important documents before the move in a separate and clearly labeled box or folder. These documents should include Social Security cards, birth certificates, tax forms, health records, school records, etc. Make sure all records are in a safe and secure place at all times.
Pack, pack, pack!
Word of advice: start packing as soon as possible! If you’re planning to pack yourself, don’t procrastinate. Not only will you have to box up all belongings, but you’ll also have to spend time deciding what to keep and what to toss. Remember: the cost of your long distance move will be based on the overall weight of your things. The less you bring with you, the cheaper your move will be. So, with that in mind, start the packing process by eliminating all of your unused clothing, out-of-date electronics and any items that only weigh you down. Sell what you can on Craigslist or another online marketplace. Consign gently used items at your local consignment stores. Donate the rest of your unwanted belongings to a local Salvation Army , Habitat for Humanity and Goodwill .
Once you determine exactly what you are bringing with you, calculate the number of moving boxes needed using our handy Packing Calculator . I recommend starting with all of your non-essentials (everything you won’t need during the last month in your home) first. As the weeks progress, move room-to-room and pack as much as you can. Don’t forget to label your boxes. Finally, pack the kitchen and all other essentials last, as you’ll need to use these items leading up to the move.
Forward your mail
Several weeks before you move, notify USPS of your upcoming change of address. All you have to do is go to USPS.com and choose the date you wish to begin forwarding your snail mail. If you’re interested in renting a PO Box in your new city, check out Moving.com’s helpful guide to setting up a PO Box when you move .
Save all moving receipts
Save all moving receipts for three reasons: First, By donating your things to a Goodwill or Habitat for Humanity, you may be able to deduct a portion of the value of these donations against your income tax. Second, if you’re relocating for work, you may be able to deduct moving expenses from your taxes come tax season. For more information on moving expenses and taxes, read the IRS’s information sheet here . And third, if your company plans to reimburse you for the move, you’ll need to show HR all of the receipts in order to get your money back.
Notify utility companies
Unless you want to walk into a house with no electricity, I suggest notifying the new utility companies of your upcoming move. This way you’ll have all utilities up and running within the first week of moving in. You’ll also need to call your current utility companies to make sure your cable, electricity and gas are turned off the day after you move out.
Moving with school-age children? It’s never too early to start thinking about schools in the new town. To find top-rated schools in your new neighborhood, use Moving.com’s School Ratings tool , which includes GreatSchools ratings and other helpful information.
Transfer an out-of-state driver’s license
Planning to drive in your city? You’ll need a new driver’s license for that. Many states require you to get a new license within a certain time window after establishing residency. To transfer your out-of-state driver’s license, visit your local Department of Motor Vehicles office. While requirements vary from state to state, you’ll most likely need: your current driver’s license, proof of residency (lease, electric bills, etc), proof of your social security number and an additional form of identification, such as a birth certificate.
A Letter to Younger Me About Money
The Evangelical Drug of Choice
How to Have a Happy Life
What Is Your Biggest Regret?
Online Friendships Are Not Enough
Pastors Lead by Example
A Letter to Younger Me About Money
The Evangelical Drug of Choice
How to Have a Happy Life
What Is Your Biggest Regret?
Online Friendships Are Not Enough
Pastors Lead by Example
We know the Scriptures proclaim that God is gracious, but many struggle to believe it. Others wonder what grace actually looks like. If we take seriously the righteousness of God and the heinousness of our sin every day, we might find ourselves asking God, “Do you still love me?” or “Why are you so patient with me?” or “Why haven’t you killed me for what I’ve done?”
As our hatred for and awareness of our sin increases, we desperately need a biblical view of the grace of God. We need the Scriptures to paint a clear picture of who God is and how much he loves us in Christ Jesus. We need to see the God of the Scriptures who is so gracious it blows our minds — bringing us to tears and repentance.
How We Think About God
In Micah 6:6–7, the Israelites have a warped view of who God is. In verses one through five, the Lord offers a tender rebuke asking, “What have I done to you?” He reminds them of how he delivered them out of the hand of Egypt and other righteous acts he’s done on their behalf.
Their response in verses 6–7 is dumbfounding but painfully familiar:
With what shall I come before the Lord, and bow myself before God on high? Shall I come before him with burnt offerings, with calves a year old? Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams, with ten thousands of rivers of oil? Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?
Instead of responding in gratitude, they exposed themselves. Whether they intended to or not, they paint this picture of God that makes him seem demanding, cruel, and impossible to satisfy. The tone is unclear. We could assume that the speaker is genuinely trying to repent or we could assume that the speaker is indignant. Their disposition is beside the point. The point is that their view of God doesn’t line up with reality and I’m all too familiar with their view of God.
Back in college, a dear friend and I were confessing sin and praying. During our time of confession and prayer, we discovered that we had very similar pictures of God. We both viewed God as the angry father sitting on the throne appalled and shocked we had sinned again. The God we pictured was impatient, angry, and completely disappointed in us. We thought our heavenly Father lived in constant frustration with his rebellious children. So when I read Micah 6:6–7 recently, I could relate to the Israelites.
God’s Grace Is Not Like Man’s Grace
Part of how we view God’s grace is often birthed out of our experience with each other. Whether it’s a parent, relative, or our general view of mankind, our experience with sinful and broken people affect our view of our holy and righteous God. We’re unacquainted with grace, mercy, and truth that’s untainted by sin. Humanly speaking, though we’ve experienced grace, we’ve never met a person that embodied grace perfectly.
As I reflected on how we love and show grace, two things stood out to me about man and our motivation to forgive:
- Natural man is motivated to be gracious because man is aware (to some extent) that he’s just as guilty as the person in need of grace.
- Natural man forgives others because he often only knows a small piece of all the other person is actually guilty of.
I’m sure there are more human motivations for showing grace, but from these two alone we discover two factors that play enormous parts in our ability to forgive — our own sin and ignorance.
As I began to process this, I was blown away. God is neither motivated by his own sinfulness nor enabled by his ignorance. He is a holy and righteous God, completely void of sin and full of goodness and love. He’s never made a mistake and can do anything but fail. He is perfect in all his ways. If he were a doctor, he’d never lose a patient. If he were a lawyer, he’d never lose a case. There is no moral compass that could measure how upright and blameless he is.
Nevertheless, when we, his sinful and rebellious prodigal children, spit in his face, wallow in our sin, and grieve his Spirit, he calls us to repentance with open and loving arms saying, “Come home, child.”
He’s not ignorant of all the ways we’ve sinned against him. He knows everything we’ve ever done and is able to stomach it. His knowledge of who we really are will never hinder his love for us. He’s even aware of the evil behind our righteous deeds. The intimacy by which the Lord knows us but is able to lovingly embrace us as his children is supernatural. God’s grace is mind-blowing. Every time I think of this reality, I’m brought to tears because I serve a God whose love and grace baffle me.
Knowing God’s Grace Through the Scriptures
Throughout the Scriptures, the message of this grace is proclaimed. Our God is “merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin” (Exodus 34:6–7). This grace is distinct to the Christian faith. No other religion emphasizes divine grace the way the Bible does.
This is why reading the Bible and communing with God is essential to Christian flourishing. The less we read and pray the Bible, the more blemished our view of God becomes. If you want the grace of God to blow your mind again, read your Bibles.
Everyone has challenges in life, but not everyone handles those challenges well.
— Everyone has challenges in life, but not everyone handles them well. And many of us look back on some of our life’s most difficult moments and wish we had handled them with just a little more refinement.
“We all have moments where we don’t love how we responded to a situation or how we acted,” said Dr. Sherrie Campbell, psychologist and author of Loving Yourself, The Master of Being Your Own Person. “Many of us are emotionally out of control, lacking presence of mind, allowing life to take us on an emotional roller coaster where we feel crazy and at the mercy of our life situations, people and emotions.”
Campbell has shared her 7 steps to “inner elegance.” To be elegant, she said, “essentially means that you know who you are and are grounded and comfortable in that person.”
Here are 7 Steps to the Development of Your Inner Elegance:
In order to find and express your inner elegance, you first have to envision yourself as an elegant person. To start this change, you have to begin thinking of yourself in the way in which you wish to be perceived. Once you start this thought process, everything else will fall into place.
When you think about displaying an inner elegance, gracefulness is one of qualities to express this. When you are graceful you move slowly, have a positive but quiet confidence about your aura and you think and speak with poise, charm, dignity, and beauty. You are deliberate in who you are without being pushy.
Do not have tantrums or play emotional games. You do not need to manipulate to get what you want. Being in control and owning who you are is what draws love and opportunities to you. When you show you have self control and are emotionally intelligent, you are viewed as smart, and smart is sexy.
4. Classy-Sexy Style
An elegant woman does not show all her assets. Dress in a way that provides some sex appeal by provoking curiosity and professionalism. Your style should exude sophistication. Do not overtly use your appearance to be noticed. Become more by being less. Elegance is not conservative. It is refined, sexy and tasteful.
Use your intelligence and be dynamic in your speech, neatness, and in your complicated simplicity. As a woman, use all the intricacies of your personality. You are clever, which brings out your charm, intelligence, innocence and cuteness.
Do be not afraid to be yourself. Give little thought to what others think of you. A big ego is not part of your plan and nor do you need to court attention and this is exactly why you will get it. When you are clear about whom you are, your inner elegance shines through. Demonstrate you have high standards and will not accept less than the treatment you deserve.
Do not expect anyone to take care of you emotionally, physically, or financially. You must have the confidence, courage, and motivation to be self-sufficient. To truly possess this quality and not have it be an act, you have to walk your talk. You have to be passionate about your life, your independence, and also your ability to love. When you embody this you can give yourself to relationships without losing your own ground, your passion for your life and the achievement of your dreams. You come first and everyone else comes second. You know that if you love yourself, you can better love others.
As you focus on yourself, you learn to love yourself. When you love yourself you become that elegant, confident, graceful, desirable woman who commands the right kind of attention and praise. Why? Because people can feel you have it together inside and out. Her advice: Handle your emotions like a business, rather than like a little girl who needs nurturing and reassurance.
Your fear could be telling you to act right now.
- What Is Fear?
- Find a therapist to combat fear and anxiety
I’ve been thinking and writing about the phenomenon of fear for years. Every time I think I’ve got fear figured out, I learn something new that can help me—and you, of course—to harness it and get better results than ever.
In my own life and working with coaching clients, the focus is usually on getting past fear(s) and doing whatever it is that the fear stands in the way of. Recently, though, I read a blog post from Seth Godin that made me gasp.
Its truth hit me like a wave of cold water: fear can be a much more critical, time-sensitive sign than we realize, and we may hesitate or shy away at our peril.
“By the time the fear subsides, it will be too late. By the time you’re not afraid of what you were planning to start/say/do, someone else will have already done it, it will already be said or it will be irrelevant. The reason you’re afraid is that there’s leverage here, something that might happen. Which is exactly the signal you’re looking for.”
Wow. So fear isn’t just something to deal with and get past. It may mean the moment is nigh—you need to take action now, because it signals that a window of opportunity has opened in front of you.
The bells in the part of you that “knows” are clanging wildly, trying to get your attention and putting your mind and body on full alert. This means that getting past your fears and just doing it is more important than ever.
Here are a couple of other practical thoughts to help you harness and leverage your fears:
1) Fear will show up every time you’re growing or going where you dream of.
Many of us think fear is a sign of danger, that if we feel any kind of fear it must mean something bad is about to happen and we should try to avoid it. This may have served us well when we were kids. Those who live this way feel fear and immediately stop, turn around, and run back to the soft cozy place they’re used to (as much as they complain about it or say they want to change things).
Note: there’s a difference between the fear of the unknown that comes from venturing into new territory, and the instinctual gut feeling that something isn’t right—if you ask yourself which one you are feeling, I’m quite sure you’ll be able to tell.
I can still remember exactly where I was standing in my bedroom in Cabo, when I realized that the new anxiety I was feeling wasn’t a sign of trouble to come. I was taking some really big leaps towards my dreams, and would sometimes wake up trembling.
Yet at that pivotal moment, standing to the left of my bed, I received a great rush of insight that the tingling of my nerves was actually more like the best moment in a good movie. The sweet tension increases and the soundtrack lifts and swells, signaling that something wonderful, new and beautiful is building on the horizon, just a few more triumphs around the corner.
I’ve never run away from or worried about that kind of fear again—thank goodness, as I’ve gone some really wonderful places with that fear humming in the background, a constant companion tucked neatly away in my pocket.
2) Everyone who has done anything unique and wonderful was probably terrified much of the time, and very likely still is.
- What Is Fear?
- Find a therapist to combat fear and anxiety
I sometimes get unbelievably nervous before a speaking engagement or big dance performance, it can go on for weeks before the event. I had expected this to go away after a certain amount of on-stage experience, but it didn’t. This sometimes made me question why I agreed to do these events.
Maybe in the interest of my sanity and my fight-or-flight nervous system I should be on stage less often? I got the answer to this recently, and it wasn’t at all what I expected.
A few weeks ago, before a big flamenco show, I mentioned my fear to a renowned flamenco performer. “It drives me crazy,” I told her. “There’s nothing like performing, but every time I have a big show coming up I get so nervous that I wish I hadn’t agreed to it. Of course, after the performance I’m on an absolute high and can’t wait to do it again. Am I insane?”
Fear Essential Reads
Managing the Fear of Missing Out
Love or Fear—What Motivates You?
She laughed and told me that after decades of performing around the world, she still got incredibly nervous and also often asked herself why she tortured herself this way. “I know now that as an artist I don’t have any choice but to endure the fear,” she said. “In order to experience the high of dancing for a crowd, which for me is the best feeling in the world, I have to get through the weeks of agony and worry that might precede it. It can happen with even the smallest, least prestigious of events, I’ve learned to accept that that’s just the way it is.”
I was amazed by this admission, and I’d bet you’d be shocked to know how many people you admire, including the most successful people in the world, regularly experience fear.
To confirm this theory, I asked another dancer I met, a leader in one of the top ballet companies in the world, if she ever got nervous. She told me that whenever she has to develop a new choreography, she can’t sleep because she gets so anxious about whether she’ll be able to pull it off. Just like the famous flamenco dancer, this continues after decades of working at a world-class level! She still worries about it?!
Conclusion: Success doesn’t appear to immunize you against fear, so don’t expect it ever to fully go away.
This was a huge revelation for me.
What are you thinking of doing, or changing, or saying in your life that causes your body to hum with fear at the mere thought? What does this mean that you need to do now – or at the very least this week or sometime very soon! Let’s all grab hands, take a big breath, and jump!
For more information, read my book and follow me on Facebook and Twitter.
You’ve finally decided to quit your job—congratulations!
Maybe you landed a great new gig and you’re moving on to greener pastures. Or, maybe you hate your boss and—let’s be honest—can’t wait to stick it to him with your two weeks’ notice.
But whatever the situation, quitting your job can be awkward and uncomfortable—and if you don’t have a clear plan of action, you might end up burning bridges and sacrificing valuable references down the road.
So whatever’s pushing you out the door, exit the right way: with grace, class, and preparedness.
If you’re not sure how to make the big announcement or navigate your last two weeks, don’t worry—I’ve created an easy three-step plan to guide you through it.
Step #1: The Set-Up
First, set a firm date for your last day of work. Make sure to give yourself enough time to tie up any loose ends and train your replacement, if necessary. In most states, you’re not required to give two full weeks’ notice—but as a professional courtesy to your co-workers and boss, it’s a good rule of thumb.
Once you’ve decided on your last day, compose your official resignation letter. In my experience, I’ve found that less information is better—and no matter how casual your company is, err on the side of formality. (Even the most laid-back company won’t appreciate a “BTW, August 1 is going to be my last day” email.)
Here’s a sample template I’ve used:
This letter is to inform you of my resignation from my position as account executive for The Evans Company, effective May 29, 2013.
I truly appreciate the opportunities you’ve provided during my time here. Thank you for your continued support and guidance. I am happy to assist in the transition process to make it as smooth as possible.
Finally, schedule a time and date for the face-to-face meeting with your boss to break the news. If you’re pressed to reveal why you’re calling a meeting, you can say it’s just a general check-in—feel free to keep it vague.
Then, make sure you have a printed, signed copy of your letter to hand over to make it official.
Step #2: The “I Quit” Meeting
Up until this point, the quitting process has been pretty easy: You settle on a date, whip out a formal notice, and mentally picture yourself crossing that finish line.
But when it comes to actually telling your boss that you’re out of there, it gets a little more intimidating.
When I decided to quit my first job, I was unbelievably nervous, so naturally, I took my quandary to Google. But when I searched for “what to say when you quit your job,” nothing brilliant came up—because the truth is, there is no script. Until you’re actually in that conversation, you’ll have no idea what direction the conversation will take, how much your boss will beg you to stay, and whether he’ll grill you on what you’re doing next.
But no matter how the conversation goes, it’s important that you don’t feel guilty about moving on or feel like you need to over-explain. In fact, my mantra for my “I quit” meeting was simple: It’s not personal; it’s business. No matter how close you are to your boss or how irreplaceable you think you are—your boss will find a new “you” to fill your role. Keeping this in mind will help create some distance between you and your job, making the conversation just a little easier.
But to take it a step further, write down (and practice!) a few talking points to start the conversation. Begin with a reason that you feel comfortable sharing, like, “I’ve been offered an opportunity I want to pursue,” or, “I’m finally making the switch to full-time freelance work.” And as you did in your resignation letter, pepper the conversation with gratitude (e.g., “Thank you so much for all the opportunities you’ve given me here” or “I’ve learned so much about the ins and outs of technical recruiting”).
After you say your piece, wait for your boss to respond. Of course, every situation will be different: Your boss may press you about your new job, ask if there’s anything he or she can do to keep you there, or ask you why you didn’t mention anything about this before. Unfortunately, there’s no script for these situations, either (believe me, I checked!)—but if you feel pressured to respond, you can’t go wrong with a genuine “Thank you so much for this opportunity.” Your employer isn’t entitled to know where or why you’re moving on—simply when.
The more professional and respectful you keep the conversation, the easier it will be to leave your boss with a great impression—so he or she will remember the great work you did; not just how you left. And down the road, if a potential employer calls your boss or you want to request a reference, you’ll be in the clear.
Your employer isn’t entitled to know where or why you’re moving on—simply when.
Step #3: The Last Words
After this meeting, as easy as it would be to check out, it’s important to be as helpful as possible as you finish your last few weeks.
Distribute your unfinished projects to colleagues, along with sufficient descriptions of your progress so they can pick up right where you left off. If they’ll need background information on certain clients or projects, forward important emails and e-introduce folks who haven’t worked together before. And, if you have specialized knowledge or a unique responsibility (e.g., running reports in SalesForce), create a how-to guide for whoever’s taking over for you.
Then, and as you prepare to leave the office for the last time (after your resignation has been officially announced), send a goodbye email to your co-workers. A short, sincere note (e.g., “It’s been great working with all of you! I’d love to stay in touch—feel free to contact me on LinkedIn or via my personal email address”) will help you avoid any bridge-burning—and will keep your network strong.
When it comes to leaving a job (especially a terrible one), you may be tempted to go out with a bang. But quitting with grace and professionalism—and a well-thought out plan—will help you infinitely more in the long run.
The psychology of moving to a new city is a thrilling adventure and an intimidating change. I know because I’m living it. In the past few weeks, I have interviewed for a new job, been offered a new job, quit my old job, and accepted a new job. I have subleased my apartment and rented a new apartment. I have decided to uproot my life in Chicago for a new Midwestern city, Madison, for a new job that I love. Apart from being a whirlwind of decision-making, these last few weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster. Moving to a new city is stressful on so many levels, but beyond the stress of logistics, the start of something new brings with it conflicting feelings of eagerness and anxiety. In these last few weeks, I’ve had all the unexpected feels. The list that follows illustrates the emotional whirlwind that I’ve experienced as a direct result of my impending life adventure.
I was over the moon when I got the news that I’d be moving to Madison to start my new career. It felt like the next chapter of my life was starting; the good chapter. I finally landed a job where I could pursue my passion for public service and was crazy about the idea of making a difference in the lives of others. Beyond my new professional life, I had a whole new city to explore; new streets to fall in love with, new routines to fall into, new restaurants to become my favorites, and new corners of the Midwest to fall in love with. Newness is exciting, and I couldn’t wait to turn the page and start the next chapter in my life.
I was at my yoga studio when the terror hit. Anxiety over where I would practice yoga in Madison soon transformed into terror as I realized all the things I’d be losing when I moved away from Chicago. The things I was originally excited about now terrified me, and I felt myself pumping the brakes. Why did I feel the need to make a new city my own? I had already made a city my own! I had my routines, my favorite restaurants, and my cozy neighborhood, and I was leaving all that behind. It was scary. The terror reached a new level that weekend while I was at brunch. Surrounded by friends who warmed my heart like a comfort blanket, I became terrified at the idea of leaving them. I had no friends in Madison; I had no security blanket. I understand that Chicago and Madison are not that far apart, but I also understand that people always say they’ll visit, but then never do. I realized that I would no longer be a bike ride away from my loving, funny, and supportive tribe, and I was scared at the idea of finding new friends, and leaving my old ones. Starting a new chapter meant finishing another.
With the frightened feeling in the pit of my stomach, I started doubting my decision to leave, thanks to the psychology of moving. Was this even the right choice for me? All of a sudden the job and apartment that I had complained about endlessly seemed so homey, so right. To me, wheezing radiator, you are perfect. Desk job, I love you. Why did I need to leave? Maybe I was just being selfish. Maybe I could reach my full potential right where I was at. Maybe comfort was more important than adventure. The idea of physically moving allowed doubt to encroach on my mind even further. How was I going to pack and move and unpack all this stuff I had accumulated? Moving is a hassle, staying where you are comfortable is easy, and easy was looking really great to me in that moment.
4. Apprehensive enthusiasm
Soon enough, I snapped out of it. Well, sort of snapped out of it. I shut down the pity party and came to my senses. I knew all along that moving to Madison and starting a new career was the best decision for me, even if it was a little scary. When discussing this feeling with some friends, one of them reminded me that if something doesn’t scare you, it’s not worth doing. Aha, my new mantra! And after weeks of pretending that it was indeed my mantra, it soon became true. I finally developed that guiding voice in my head that motivated my enthusiasm and reminded me that Madison was worth it, the job was worth it, and I was worth it.
Finally, the excitement was back, even if it was accompanied by a bit of fear. However, I was overwhelmed by the sense of acceptance I felt. Acceptance on all fronts. I no longer feared being away from my friends. Real friends don’t fade with distance, and technology makes staying in touch easier. I knew we’d make the effort to stay in each other’s lives. And I knew I’d make new friends and build a new network of support. On the professional front, starting a new job means accepting that new and unknown challenges will be the norm for a while. I basked in the face of these upcoming challenges and accepted them as opportunities for greatness, instead of obstacles. Finally, I accepted that while Chicago will always be in my heart, Madison was my new home. I was ready to soak up the new town, the new apartment, the new routine, the new life.
A Chicago native, Laura is a lover of travel, fun fitness, and eating all the foods.
Moving can be an exciting time in your life. Or, it can be a negative, unwelcome event. In fact, moving is one of the top stressors in life, right along with death of a loved one, divorce, a major illness, and job loss. So, how can you make moving a little less stressful and more enjoyable? Believe it or not, there are things you can do to make this transition a positive experience. Here are 11 tips for making the best of moving to a new place:
1. Adopt the right mental attitude.
Maybe it was your choice to move, but maybe it wasn’t. And if it wasn’t, then the first thing you are going to have to do is adopt the right viewpoint. You can wallow in your unwelcome move, or you can try to make the best of it. Think of all the good things that can happen. You’ll meet new people, have new experiences, and hopefully create a life that’s even better than the one you’re leaving behind.
2. Research the new area.
If you’re moving a significant distance away, then you will need to do your research. People are always the most comfortable when they feel prepared, so do your research. For example, find the schools, the malls, the restaurants. See what events regularly happen in the area. Get a feel for where you will be setting your roots down.
3. Plan, plan, plan.
If you’re a procrastinator, this tip is especially for you. Doing things at the last minute is always stressful, but when you have to move an entire household full of things — and get your family ready — well, you don’t want to be doing this at the last minute. Start planning as far ahead as you can.
4. Hire professional movers.
No one really likes packing and lugging around furniture. So if your budget allows for it, hire a dependable moving company like Allied. When I have moved, I have done it both ways — done it myself (along with friends and family members who helped out), and I have hired movers. Trust me, having movers do all the work took away so much of my stress, and it was definitely worth it.
5. Take care of your emotional needs.
If you are moving against your wishes, then you will probably be sad about leaving. It’s normal! Usually, we think that grief is reserved for when people die or for events like divorce. But grief often accompanies a move. So don’t be afraid experience your feelings. It will help you move to a happier emotional space faster than if you ignore them.
6. Rely on your support system for help.
You might feel overwhelmed with things that need to be done before, during, and after the move. So don’t be afraid to ask for help! That’s what friends and family are for. Yes, they are there for you in the good times, but they are also there for you during times of life transitions. So don’t feel like you have to go it alone.
7. Make specific plans with your old friends to see them in the future.
It’s always difficult to say goodbye. And when people move, they usually have very good intentions of staying in touch and visiting. But let’s face it — sometimes life gets in the way and you don’t get around to making those plans. So put the get-togethers and reunions on your calendar before you leave. That way, you’re more likely to follow through.
8. Introduce yourself to your new neighbors.
Even if this is out of your comfort zone, it is always helpful to know your neighbors. Whether you need to borrow a cup of sugar, have someone keep an eye on the house when you’re traveling, or simply to make new friends, it is definitely worth it to go out of your way to get to know the people who live near you.
9. Seek out new experiences — become a “joiner.”
You’ll want to make new friends, so don’t be afraid to introduce yourself to new circles of people at work or school. Is your company starting a softball team? Join them! Does the PTO need someone to organize a school event? Volunteer for it! This will help you become socially integrated into the new area.
10. Establish new routines.
Let’s face it — everything has probably changed for you. And that includes your routines. Maybe your route to work is a lot longer, so now you can’t get up early to do your morning workout. Try to figure out ways that you can still do the things you love, but with different routines.
11. Think of it as a new beginning, not an ending.
The only thing constant in life is change. And while most people resist change, it’s just not possible to do so. Everything ends eventually, but that also means that it’s a new start. So, make sure you don’t look back. The past is over. Embrace your new future and look forward to the wonderful things yet to come!
Whether you like moving or not, we all do it. If you take some of these tips into consideration when you are going through this transition, it will make your life a whole lot easier!
Have you ever felt like you couldn’t keep going due to being drained emotionally? It happens to the best of us, and often when we least expect it. Being emotionally paralyzed means that we’ve been through so much turmoil that our minds and spirits have a hard time processing it all, so we begin to shut down mentally. When we go through trauma, taking time for ourselves is perfectly understandable and normal. However, when we start to fall into a habitual state of emotional fear and stress, this is where it can become a problem. Here are some ways to move on when you feel you can’t any longer.
7 Ways To Move Forward When You Feel Emotionally Paralyzed
Deep and purposeful breathing is our best tool against anxiety, frustration and overall negative feelings. When you start to feel tension in your neck or butterflies in your stomach, take a minute and breathe deeply.
Close your eyes and focus on your breath. Breathe in deeply through your nose and visualize your entire body filling up with your breath. Then slowly exhale through your mouth and watch the breath leave.
Do this five times and feel the incredibly relaxing effects it has on your body and mind.
Clutter can rob you of the vital energy you need to live your best life. Spending just a few minutes decluttering the spaces you live and work in can have a huge impact on enhancing your life.
Make a conscious choice to declutter. This will free you up to appreciate what you have and focus your attention on the things that matter most. Start small with a shelf or a drawer. You will be surprised how far you can get with just ten minutes of decluttering.
3. Do what scares you
Ride a motorcycle, go zip-lining, parachute, climb a mountain, go surfing, or go skiing. Overcoming your fears is one way to live life on the edge. Get in front of an audience in Open-Mic night at any local cafe or bar. Join a meet-up group and explore an area near where you live. Take a cruise alone. Go to a homeless shelter and help for a day. Take flowers to a stranger in a hospital. Leave a sweet note on a neighbor’s door. To get over fears, you must tackle them head on…you cannot go around them.
4. Give up the “all or nothing” mentality
Even the most positive, self-confident people in the world have spells of insecurity and negative thinking sometimes, but it can become debilitating if you actually believe these thoughts. For example, let’s say you want to get a higher paying job. You might tell yourself “If I don’t land this job, then I will never find anything else and that means I just don’t deserve anything better.” See how damaging this type of thinking can be? By telling ourselves we won’t find happiness and fulfillment unless a certain event occurs, then we have vested all our faith and energy in an outcome. This means that if something different happens, our rigid way of thinking will prevent us from seeing the bigger picture, and realizing the universe simply had different plans for us.
Rather than thinking in absolute terms and conjuring up the worst case scenario in your mind, start thinking more realistically. Self-defeating thoughts can really prevent you from living up to your full potential, and trick you into thinking you can never change your life due to one event or situation.
5. Stop comparing yourself to others.
Comparison does nothing for you, except make you doubt yourself and feel inferior to others. It can make you feel worthless if you expect your life to look exactly like someone else’s, and will most certainly only pave the road to disappointment. Or, you could use it in the opposite way, in order to feel better about yourself and where you’re at in life. It helps to remember that everyone here is on their own journey, and no one is inherently better than anyone else. We all have our own roads to take, our own destinies to fulfill. Your path will look differently than your neighbor’s, your sister’s, and your friend’s, and this doesn’t mean you have chosen the wrong route.
It means you have certain lessons you need to learn here that might differ from others, so stop comparing your journey to everyone else’s. Focus on how you can become a better person, and everything will start to fall into place.
6. Replace the “I Can’ts” with “I Can’s”
Another form of degrading thoughts, the “I can’t” mentality can stop you in your tracks before you’ve even taken a step forward. If you don’t think you’re good enough or deserving of something, then of course, it won’t show up in your life because you’ve created a blockage. You have put up walls to keep out potentially amazing things from manifesting in your reality, and told yourself you can’t achieve what you want before you even try. The universe works with the Law of Attraction, so whatever you think will show up in your life, regardless of if you want it or not.
If you don’t like what you see in your life, the primary culprit here is your mind. Change your thoughts, change your life!
7. Spend 10 minutes a day in gratitude.
Focusing on the things that we are grateful for every day brings the good in our life into focus. What better way to move on in life than to realize you already have everything you need to begin with?