Believe it or not, you can stay calm, defuse conflict, and keep your dignity.
We’ve all been there—trying valiantly to reason with an incredibly difficult person. The situation proves frustrating, maddening, and sometimes even frightening. The truth is, you can’t reason with an unreasonable person. However, there are proven techniques to better manage such dicey situations.
I learned the ropes of what’s technically called “verbal de-escalation” from many years working in hospitals. Every year, we’d go through training on how to defuse difficult situations in which a patient, family member, or even another employee was extremely angry and seemingly out of control.
What follows are the tactics that professional crisis intervention teams use, and you can learn them, too. You can use these techniques with your boss, a customer, a family member, even a stranger. Keep in mind: The closer your relationship the person, the more knowledge you’ll have of what will best work to calm things down.
These tips may feel unnatural at first. When you’re dealing with a person behaving unreasonably, the fear response center in your brain (the fight-flight-freeze part) is going to be activated. This part of the brain can’t distinguish between a customer that’s yelling at you or a vicious dog about to attack you. It’s up to you to engage your conscious mind in order to defuse the situation. Some of these tips are general, suggesting a mindset to cultivate. Others are more specific in advising you what to do in the moment.
In This Article
“Your emotions are very unstable and should never be the foundation for direction in your life.” – Joyce Me
Living with an emotionally unstable spouse can pose major challenges in life. An emotionally unstable relationship entails a lot of emotional exhaustion and a deviation from reality.
What causes emotional instability
In an attempt to delve into what causes emotional instability, let’s understand the emotionally unstable symptoms.
- If you have an emotionally unstable boyfriend or girlfriend, they are pricky and tend to get upset or enraged easily.
- If you notice that they come from an unloving, dysfunctional and non-dependable family, it could be a sign you are dating an emotionally unstable woman or man.
- An emotionally unstable man or woman will try to one-up you. They will counter your statements, convictions and try to outsmart you.
- A mentally unstable girlfriend or boyfriend is fearful of criticism or rejection.
- They don’t take ownership for their actions or mistakes.
- When you are dating an unstable person you will constantly find them yo-yoing between emotions.
The melancholy of obsession
The obsessed and overly frantic age of fear, rejection, revenge, melancholy and loneliness has consumed every inch of today’s man. The advancement in science and technology has raised our standards insanely high and unattainable.
The more we long for true happiness and fulfillment, the less we confront our reality and hence we become vulnerable to our weaknesses, whilst trying to achieve an eternal state of beauty and perfection.
The modern-day living has enabled us to enjoy certain perks of technology, but sadly, at the cost of our health. The more we cyclone toward rapidly changing trends, we witness an increase in dissatisfaction, emotional instability and discontentment with the quality of our lives.
Truth be told, we are driven by fear, our cognitive ecstasy depends on the approval of others, we are controlled by our relationships, and consumed by our helplessness.
In other words, in this dire age of competition, we are driven nuts by our camouflaging and constantly changing surroundings, hence making us emotionally sick in one way or another.
Emotional stability is the key to a happy life and can only be achieved by treating yourself nicely.
Identifying emotionally unstable behavior
The eggshell relationships, 24/7 work stress, distrust, bitter experiences, and low self-esteem are the crucial factors that poison us bit by bit, until we surrender and feel left out, abandoned or betrayed.
The emotionally unstable people are unaware of their behavior and its effects on people.
Emotionally unstable individuals are extremists in reacting to sensitive topics and possess distinct social traits.
They are often associated with having suffered traumas in one point in their lives.
Therefore, it is important to have a strong support system that heals an emotionally troubled individual by providing sufficient resources on anger management and temper control practices, thereby highlighting the importance of emotional health.
Also, watch this video on emotionally reactivity:
Borderline personality disorder
A Borderline personality disorder is a mental disorder that features fractured and traumatic social experiences marked by damaged self-esteem, abuse or depression.
It is also termed as an emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD).
Individuals who are emotionally unstable have strained interpersonal relationships and experience extreme mood swings where they oscillate between extreme elation and despondency.
Steps to enforce sound emotional health
An emotionally unstable individual can regain perspective by taking into account the following ways:
- Try to sleep because it helps to soothe your nerve cells
- Count your blessings as an attitude of gratitude is immensely powerful
- Breathe in and out. Stay grounded and calm yourself
- Counsel yourself to have a wise insight into the situation
- Instead of lingering on the unrealistic aspects, focus and set realistic expectations
- Ignite yourself; spark your energy into something useful or creative
- Set healthy boundaries
- Do not be a slave to your past, rather learn from it and evolve
- Take care of yourself – you and only you can save yourself
Remember, stress ruins everything!
Emotional stability can be achieved in a positive and socially uplifting environment. Therefore, it is important to be mindful in order to recognize your every emotion and channel it wisely.
Just like your other body parts, your brain needs to detoxify itself. In this regard, emotional hygiene is the core tool to attain emotional intelligence.
Dealing with unstable people
Looking up for help on how to deal with an emotionally unstable girlfriend or boyfriend?
For the successful handling of toxic people, you need a strategic approach that equips you to control what you can and eliminate what is beyond your control.
- Don’t get into the game of beating them by reasoning with them. Proactively draw a boundary where you don’t engage in their personal chaos.
- Reach out to your support system who are not emotionally invested in this situation– friends, family, colleagues who will root for you, share an unbiased perspective on this difficult situation.
- Get plenty of sleep to help you become more clear-headed, attentive and in control, to help you manage your stress levels.
- Engage in positive self-talk, to help you move past the negativity inflicted on you by the unstable person in your life.
Finally learn to master your own happiness, without trying to seek approval or joy from others. As an emotionally intelligent person, don’t get swayed by the negative remarks or disapproval of the toxic people in your life. Regardless of other people’s opinions, allow your self-worth to come from within.
Also, it is good to let go, but don’t let emotionally unstable people get the impression that you have come around to accept their irrational behavior. You are in control of your own peace of mind and happiness, for which you get to set and maintain boundaries in place when the person tries to overstep them.