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How to deal with visitors after giving birth

You’re back from the hospital, and everyone wants to visit. Here’s how to manage the crowds.

Home . but Not Alone!

The phone starts to ring, the doorbell goes off like an alarm, and well-meaning friends and family members start trooping through your home. Even though they promise not to stay long and insist that you not go to any trouble, you probably feel compelled to make them comfortable.

The standard advice is to limit visits. Sounds easy, but it’s tough to tell your 89-year-old grandmother that she has to wait a few weeks to see her first great-grandchild. Besides, you appreciate all of those presents, flowers, and casseroles people deliver, and it’s nice to be congratulated once in a while. Plus, of course, you want to show off your baby.

The key is to make visits as stress-free as possible. We’ll show you how.

Take It Easy

You’ve been through an arduous journey — hey, it’s called labor for a reason. As the demands and sleep deprivation increase, it’s important to take care of yourself, along with the baby. Promise yourself you’ll sleep when baby sleeps, kick out visitors when you’re tired, and don’t be too proud to ask for help.

When Gina Maggerd, of Neon, Kentucky, had her baby, she told herself, This is me, how I am after giving birth, and I am not going to fret trying to make everyone else feel comfortable.

Taking it easy also applies to the baby. “I made it a rule I would not wake the baby because someone was visiting,” says Joyce Anthony, a mom from Erie, Pennsylvania. (Yes, people asked!)

No-Fuss Makeover for Mom

Okay, so they’re really not coming to see you; they’re coming to see the baby. But even so, you don’t want to greet visitors in those pajamas you’ve been lounging in for four days straight.

Set aside one outfit that is decent looking and comfy. Put it on before people visit, then pull it off after they leave so it stays reasonably clean. Store it in the same easily accessible place so you know where it is at a moment’s notice. Or “throw a cardigan sweater over whatever pj’s, sweats, or drooled-on clothes you are wearing,” suggests Stacy DeBroff, author of The Mom Book — 4,278 of Mom Central’s Tips — for Moms, from Moms (Free Press).

For quick touch-ups, create a beauty station in the family room or living room. Stash facial wipes, lip gloss, a small mirror, a brush, ponytail holders, and breath mints in a drawer or in a box under the couch. After a touch-up, no one will know that you haven’t showered or brushed your teeth. Keep fresh nursing pads there as well so you can change them before or after company visits.

What to Say and Do

Home Clean Home

A lack of sleep, coupled with your newfound responsibilities, makes it a challenge to keep your house from looking like a combat zone. Stop stressing about it. “Consider using just one room to entertain,” says Maureen Wild, a certified hostess from The Protocol School of Washington, in Washington, D.C., which provides hospitality training for the diplomatic community. “It may be your living room, or family room, or if you live in a warm climate, the patio. Be a little more scrupulous about making this space enticing to guests.” However, there’s no need to go overboard: “The disorder is part of the charm,” she adds.

  • Skip making the beds, putting away the laundry, or taking out the trash. Just close the doors to these rooms. Focus on things that guests will notice, like dog fur on the carpet, dishes piled to the ceiling, and a dirty bathroom. Let other less noticeable things, like dust on your knickknacks or water stains in the shower, go.
  • Put your feet up and let your partner vacuum a few times a week, and use bathroom wipes to clean the bathroom. For the usual things that get left around a house, Amy Crane, a mom from Erie, Pennsylvania, suggests “keeping a laundry basket handy so the new mom or her helper can quickly dump all the stuff into the basket and then hide it.”
  • Learn not to apologize for the state of your home. “Apologizing calls attention to the house and invites scrutiny,” says Susan Isaacs Kohl, author of The Best Things Parents Do (Conari Press). “Not saying anything sends the message, ‘I’m coping with a baby, please respect that.'”

Doling Out Duties to Dad

While your partner may be pitching in like a champ, he won’t know what you’re stressing about if you don’t tell him. It helps to have a plan in place for visits so you each know your roles. You should remain focused on staying comfortable. Before guests arrive, point out things he may have missed in his pre-visit cleanup. If you don’t, it’s going to irk you, and you may be tempted to clean it yourself. When guests arrive, let him handle food and drinks — you can deal with presents and small talk. Decide that Dad will be the doorkeeper, responsible for getting people in, keeping them comfortable, and moving them out. If you want time to relax and chat with visitors, he’ll be more than happy to step in for diaper duty or soothing your baby.

So Nice to See You ? and Goodbye!

While you might be happy to introduce your new family member to guests, a long visit will only make you tired. Make it clear how long the social call will be by saying something like, “It would be great if you could stop by at 2. Just so you know, we’re usually ready for a nap by 2:30.”

Take charge of the visits. Michelle Palter, of Sea Cliff, New York, says, “I screened my calls. I’d call back in batches when I got the time and try to schedule visits in batches, too.” Having three visits in one day simplifies the cleaning and straightening process too — it’s the same amount of work for three times as many guests.

Getting oblivious guests to leave can be a challenge, but there are discreet ways to make the point. “My trick was to simply say it was time to nurse and take the baby and leave the room,” says Manton, Michigan, mom Ami Weaver. Her husband, Anthony, would put the baby down for a nap, “then mention how I usually took a nap when he did. People took the hint,” she adds.

It’s okay to be blunt and say, “Sorry for such a short visit, but it’s time to feed the baby.” Remember, visits are supposed to be fun. And with a little crowd control, you can revel in your newest family member.

Brette McWhorter Sember, a mother of two, is the author of Your Plus-Size Pregnancy (Barricade Books).

Originally published in American Baby magazine, March 2006.

How to Deal with Visitors After Giving Birth

When people hear you’re going into labor (and by people I mean friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, etc.), everyone will be dying to meet the brand-new baby. Forget how exhausted you are or if you’re recovering from any kind of birth trauma: it’s all about the baby. You? No one cares. Sure, maybe a handful of people will ask how you are, but most will push your tired butt aside and say, “Give me that kid!”

It’s a sad reality for us moms that no one quite cares how labor went but they do care how the baby is. And who can blame folks for wanting to see your little bundle of joy? Not us! We love them more than the visitors do, but I can guarantee you that the visitors will want to come in droves. You’re probably thinking, “Oh sure, I can’t wait to have everyone see the baby,” but before you start planning visitors to filter in after Junior or Princess arrives, heed my advice carefully.

I personally had no one, and yes, I mean no one, other than her dad and myself, see the baby for the first night she was here. I had my daughter at 6:06 p.m. after 24 hours of labor, five of pushing, and ending with a C-section. I was beat. Our parents didn’t arrive until early afternoon the next day, and that was about it for the following few days until I felt ready for visitors and a bit better after my C-section. Why did I put the “no visitors” vibe up? Here’s why:

You’ll Never Get Those Moments Back Again

It was our first and only child. For those of you with more than one child, consider how differently your post-labor or C-section life was with baby number one . . . and then baby number two. With your first child — and for some of us our only — you’ll never get those quiet moments of just mom, dad, and baby again. Even if you have a million kids, don’t you want to cherish those first few hours with just your immediate family? The first nursing or feeding. The first time you hold your baby. Do you really need a ton of fanfare, or is it just nice to have some private intimacy when you’ve brought another being into the world?

I wanted the privacy and time to simply drink in what had just happened: I became a mom. He became a dad. Give us a few hours to cherish these moments before all the noise and craziness of people, opinions, and presents come to shower in on our little world.

Sssh. Let it be quiet. For just a bit.

Nursing

I didn’t want anyone to make me anxious or uncomfortable while I was trying to nurse for the first time. Plus, even after the grandparents came, we still kept it quiet with visitors until I could get into a better rhythm — or, in other words, could get my daughter to latch well instead of continuing to latch shallowly so my nipples bled. With fewer people to fawn, fuss, and add their two cents, nursing got off to a good start for me. Yes, we had latch issues, but because I kept the visitors list short, we could work on this with a lactation consultant and my ex-husband could focus on supporting me. I can’t tell you how glad I am that we did this. Never once do I think, “Gee, I wish we had more visitors that first week of our child’s life!”

Hormones (and Food)

Hello, hormones! Nope, they don’t stop. At least not for a while postpartum. The crying and emotional moments? Yeah, I preferred to let those happen in front of people I was close to, namely my husband at the time. Not to mention I had endured hyperemesis gravidarum during my pregnancy and was finally hungry after birth. I wanted to eat and start to feel better while dealing with the crying and mood swings among “my peeps” and not the adoring audience for my daughter.

Plus, who feels superawesome when they’re wearing a maxi pad the size of a car, trying to poop, and dealing with bloody nipples and potentially ginormous and superengorged breasts while trying to change a diaper for the first time and waddle around post-C-section or birth? Nobody! It’s nice to feel a little crappy and achy and emotional without the whole peanut gallery around.

Routine

It was great to get into a little routine during the time my ex was off from work for the first two weeks of my daughter’s life. Scheduling visitors properly helped any disruptions in our new parent routine. It made our lives go more smoothly when he went back to work and I was home by myself as a new stay-at-home mother. Plus, by that time, I was dying for visitors and ready. Do you remember, mommies, what it felt like the first time you took your baby out in the world all by yourself? I do. It felt like a victory just lifting the car seat alone!

No matter what you decide, consider who you want to visit you and when before the baby is here so you have an idea of the amount of chaos you want to invite into your home and hospital — or not. And don’t feel bad if you need to say, “Hey, best friend. I am bleeding like a stuck pig and am having a tough time with nursing. Can you see me in another few days?” You don’t owe anyone an apology for holding off on visiting. All you need to focus on is your new family member or members!

How to Deal with Visitors After Giving Birth

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In the days and weeks after your baby is born, you’re supposed to be spending your time blissfully in the fourth trimester, getting to know your new little babe, and recovering from one of the biggest physical and psychological events you’ll ever experience. You’re not supposed to be worrying about how you’re going to be dealing with visitors after birth, but unfortunately, that’s not always the case.

A newborn baby is like a magnet for so many people. Some even go so crazy and act like they’ll be in physical pain if they don’t get the see the baby (I had one friend whose sister in law literally had a tantrum about not seeing the baby at the hospital – yes, she was an adult). Then there are all the people who decide that the moment you have a baby is the perfect time to catch up, even though you haven’t seen them for 2 years or ever actually socialised with them before.

Here are a few ways you can deal with visitors after birth so that both you and babe get the rest and recovery you need, while still being able to share and show off your new babe to the people who matter the most to you.

1 – Set Clear Boundaries Before Birth

When my son was born, I hadn’t really thought about the visitor’s side of things because we knew he was going to be in NICU and that was our entire focus. We quickly learned that there were loads of people who expected to be able to come and visit and that we had to get pretty strict on who we let in (after all it was an Intensive Care Unit with babies who were fighting every moment for their lives).

When we had our baby girl, it was a totally different scenario having her at home, but we realised we needed to set these boundaries before she was born so we didn’t have to think about it afterwards.

We spoke with each other about what we wanted and needed so we were both on the same page and could ensure our boundaries were going to be met.

How to Deal with Visitors After Giving Birth

2 – Remember You Can Say No

This amazing thing happens after you have a baby, all of a sudden these people you haven’t spoken to in months want to come and visit and meet your new little babe. While this can be a lovely thing if they are wanting to do something to help you as a new Mama, it can be completely overwhelming when your days start looking more like managing a social calendar than recovering and healing from birth.

Even after I had my baby girl (second child) and had set clear boundaries, I still found myself saying yes to more people than I wanted to because I felt like I should make the effort. I was tired, exhausted and just couldn’t keep up.

So I said no. A few times… and then a few more. And it felt good. I was able to rest, and no one was actually offended (like I feared they would be) because they knew I needed to rest. And if they were offended, then they aren’t the kind of people you want around you anyway.

How to Deal with Visitors After Giving Birth

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How to Deal with Visitors After Giving BirthWhen baby arrives, it’s only natural for your friends and family to want to pay a visit and spend some quality time with the new arrival. However, as well-meaning as they are, these visits can quickly become overwhelming.

The phone just doesn’t seem to stop ringing, you’re exhausted, and you’ve already forgotten what sleep is. So, how can you tell your loved ones you’re just not up to visitor right now? Here, we’ll look at some of the best ways to handle visitors after giving birth.

Table of Contents

Send A Text

Once baby has arrived and everyone’s doing OK, it’s a great idea to send a mass text to friends and family who you think will want to come and visit. Include a photo as well as details of your baby and then use it as an opportunity to say you’ll let them know when you’re accepting visitors.

This way, you’ve provided them with an update, given them a cute photo and left it down to you to choose when people can start visiting. It limits those unexpected drop-ins and gives helps you to set boundaries early on. Of course, it may not totally eliminate those unexpected visitors, but it will greatly reduce them.

Have An Outfit Ready To Go

When you’re expecting visitors at home, it can help to have an outfit all ready to go. After you’ve spent what feels like forever with no sleep, hectically rushing around caring for baby, you’re definitely not going to look or feel your best. This can add to your stress levels when you know visitors are arriving soon.

So, have an outfit on hand that’s clean and stain-free which you can easily throw on at short notice.

Set Your Own Visiting Hours

If you’re in hospital, the visiting hours can be pretty long, leaving visitors the opportunity to pop and see you whenever it’s convenient for them. However, you can get around this by letting everyone know what specific hours you’re available from.

The same applies when you’re at home. You don’t want people to just turn up whenever they please, so set your own visiting hours. This will also help moms who are trying to get into a breastfeeding routine, as they won’t need to worry about whether they are going to be interrupted when the time comes.

Don’t Be Afraid To Say No

This is probably the hardest tip to follow. Saying no doesn’t come naturally to some people. However, when you’ve not long given birth and you’re trying to get into a new routine with baby, saying no becomes essential.

If a friend wants to stop by and it isn’t a good time, tell them. They’ll totally understand. You could also recommend an alternative time just so they know you do want to see them, but right now isn’t convenient.

Spread Out The Visits Over The Same Day

This may seem like a bad idea but accepting visitors all on the same day can work out really well. It means you’ll get through them together, leaving the rest of the week free for just you and baby. Just be sure to space the visits out a little. That way, you’ll be able to have a quick breather before the next set of visitors arrive.

Use One Room For Visitors

Another great tip is to only use one room for visitors. That way, you can focus on just cleaning that one room in time for when they arrive, rather than the entire house. It can save you so much time and stress as trying to clean up when you’ve got a baby to look after isn’t easy!

There’s also the benefit that you can take baby into a different room in private if you do need to change them or feed them during the visit.

Consider Taking Baby To See Visitors Who May Be Difficult To Get Rid Of

If you know that certain friends and family can be quite hard to get rid of, it may be a better option to go visit them. That way, you’re in control of when you leave. It’s a simple tip, but it can save you a lot of stress.

Going to their house instead also gives you the opportunity to get outdoors. If they don’t live too far away, consider walking just so you can enjoy the fresh air with baby. Getting out of the house is important as it’s easy to spend the majority of your time cooped up indoors. Getting out into the fresh air will make you feel so much better, leaving you feeling more relaxed and refreshed by the time you get home.

Getting Them To Leave

OK, so we’ve come to the tricky bit – how to get your visitors to leave. If you really need to get on with your day, the best excuse to give them is that baby needs to be fed. Most people understand that breastfeeding can be difficult at the beginning, so they’ll usually take the hint and leave you to it. If they don’t, you could always say how lovely it’s been to see them and you’ll be in touch soon to arrange another visit.

Conclusion

Overall, while it’s great to have visitors who want to come and see you and baby, it can become more than a little overwhelming. Unless managed properly, you could end up with visitors popping around what feels like every two minutes. The tips above will help you to better-handle visitors without coming across as rude.

Did you have trouble with visitors after your baby arrived? Share your stories in the comments below.

January 16, 2018 Updated March 31, 2020

“Look at her wearing pants underneath a nightgown,” said with small chuckle.

“I don’t think you’re changing his diaper the right way — he seems fussy,” said while pushing me away from the baby bed.

“Are you falling asleep again?”

“What does the scar look like?”

After giving birth to my first child, these were the statements I was welcomed with by family members. I know they didn’t mean any harm, but I had sacrificed my personal wish of not having any visitors come to visit me at the hospital for the sake of being polite to people that wanted to be there anyway.

Reluctantly, I smiled and tried to stay awake, but I was exhausted. I was on oxycodone to control the pain of my C-section, and with all the trauma of having my child delivered two weeks early due to dangerously low oxygen levels, smiling was the last thing on my mind. I wanted to eat and rest, and hold my new baby, whom I didn’t even get to meet until nearly four hours after my surgery.

Yes, I missed the birth of my own baby because I had to be put under general anesthesia. Not only that, but I had to be in the operating room alone because my husband was about 800 miles away on a U.S. Navy base, frantically trying to book a flight home.

So, how did I feel about having people come to see me when I had expressed that I wanted this to be a private experience? I felt glad that I could be mature enough to not cause a fuss. But, I was also upset that I had undergone major surgery, yet, my waking moments had to be spent pretending that people’s comments weren’t insulting and that their presence was a pleasant thing.

I’m sorry I don’t look the most fashionable right now, but rushing out of my house when I noticed I was bleeding didn’t exactly give me the chance to grab my most flattering apparel (none of which existed for my 38-week pregnant self anyway). And maybe I’m taking a few seconds longer than you would have to change this diaper, but I’m a first time mom and specifically didn’t ask for help because I’m trying to learn. Yes, I’m falling asleep again due to the side effects of my strong meds and, no, I’m not showing you my scar. I can barely muster the nerve to look at it myself, so please keep your face out of my underwear.

I wasn’t aware that you continue to bleed, even if you don’t deliver a baby naturally. This, and other new things happening to my body, made me feel extremely uncomfortable lying in a bed, wearing no bra, trying to be a host for these uninvited “houseguests.”

I’m a private person; I still get shy when my husband sees me naked and I don’t go to the gynecologist unless I think there’s a tumor down there. For me to sit quietly on my adult diaper and try to carry on a normal conversation was severely challenging and embarrassing, even if others disagree. I would have preferred to be alone with my baby.

Instead of being given the opportunity to build on the special bond with my newborn, I had to share him with extended family, plus the nurses, specialists, and doctors who dropped by occasionally to check up on us. It’s not that I wasn’t grateful that my son was so loved (or that I didn’t appreciate the hugs, take-out food, and stuff from home people brought me). It’s that I wanted to recuperate, and make up for the time I had lost with my newborn baby (between his NICU stint and my recovery).

When my husband’s flight finally arrived, I also wanted to be able to have time alone as a family. And that was only possible in the wee hours of the morning, after visitors stopped cycling through my door and nurses had completed their rounds. Unfortunately, this was also the same time that my husband and I needed to try to sleep. It was an emotional, exhausting journey.

Fast forward to now, and we are expecting our second child.

Over the past few months, my husband and I have had this discussion numerous times. What do we do about visitors with baby number 2? Personally, I don’t want any visitors. I tried to be nice last time by allowing people to see me after my delivery and, as predicted, I wasn’t comfortable with it.

My husband, whose family lives locally, is trying to fight me on this, because he thinks his parents will be offended if they aren’t invited to the hospital, shortly after birth. While I understand that he doesn’t want to hurt their feelings, it brings me right back to where I was before my last C-section: do I make a VIP list of people who are allowed to visit me and have the hospital shoo others away, or do I just let anyone come to avoid the ensuing complaints I will be sure to get?

We have come to the conclusion that my feelings matter most. We can’t please everyone, and we shouldn’t be expected to either. How is it that I’m here stressing about how to avoid family drama during my pregnancy? Our focus shouldn’t be about the happiness of others.

If I don’t want to see anyone after the birth of my baby, then people will have to deal with it. I have a right to privacy even if I’m not breastfeeding (which seemed to be the only time I was ‘allowed’ to ask people to leave my room with my previous delivery) and the right to choose my comfort over someone else’s. Moms rarely get to be selfish, but this seems like an important time to draw the line and center my feelings.

We plan to ask the hospital staff to not allow visitors. If someone takes an issue with that, they will have to figure out how to get over it, because trying to dictate what a woman is allowed to request — or limit — in terms of company after the birth of her child is not polite behavior. And if they can’t be considerate of my, and my family’s, needs during this special time, I shouldn’t have to worry about how they feel either.

Hospital staff, please close the door. No visitors allowed.

First baby due in a few weeks. I’m feeling fairly calm (harhar) about almost everything birth-related, but the thought of visitors afterwards is worrying me more than it should be.

What I would really love is to have 4-5 days of just me DH and the baby without visitors. The thought of having his family, my family (divorced parents so more of ’em) all round at the house after just giving birth, even briefly, is horrendous. I get on with all of them, (only a few minor issues lately with MIL;) they’re all looking forwards to meeting the baby and it’ll be lovely when they do.
I’m sure it’s selfish to be thinking like this as this is a first grandchild on both sides, but I’ve read so many stories of women who struggled to establish bfing or just generally felt bewildered by it all because baby was being pass-the-parceled round straight after birth. It seems people who felt like this seem to insist on a few days visitor-ban for subsequent children.

I tentatively mentioned that we’d quite like a few days alone, but sister and grandma think it’s the most precious thing they’ve ever heard of and keep sneaking in comments about when they’ll be ‘allowed’ to see the baby. I’m not some crazed possessive hag who wants DC to be My Precious, just want this to be a calm, special time for a few days.. I’m thinking DC has his or her whole life to meet the relatives, but I know we’ll not get the first few days back.

I think this topic has come up before, but would really appreciate some fresh opinions and to see what others have done.
Thank you

How to Deal with Visitors After Giving Birth

“Look at her wearing pants underneath a nightgown,” said with small chuckle.

“I don’t think you’re changing his diaper the right way — he seems fussy,” said while pushing me away from the baby bed.

“Are you falling asleep again?”

“What does the scar look like?”

After giving birth to my first child, these were the statements I was welcomed with by family members. I know they didn’t mean any harm, but I had sacrificed my personal wish of not having any visitors come to visit me at the hospital for the sake of being polite to people who wanted to be there anyway.

Reluctantly, I smiled and tried to stay awake, but I was exhausted. I was on oxycodone to control the pain of my C-section, and with all the trauma of having my child delivered two weeks early due to dangerously low oxygen levels, smiling was the last thing on my mind. I wanted to eat and rest, and hold my new baby, whom I didn’t even get to meet until nearly four hours after my surgery.

Yes, I missed the birth of my own baby because I had to be put under general anesthesia. Not only that, but I had to be in the operating room alone because my husband was about 800 miles away on a U.S. Navy base, frantically trying to book a flight home.

So, how did I feel about having people come to see me when I had expressed that I wanted this to be a private experience? I felt glad that I could be mature enough to not cause a fuss. But, I was also upset that I had undergone major surgery, yet my waking moments had to be spent pretending that people’s comments weren’t insulting and that their presence was a pleasant thing.

I’m sorry I don’t look the most fashionable right now, but rushing out of my house when I noticed I was bleeding didn’t exactly give me the chance to grab my most flattering apparel (none of which existed for my 38-week pregnant self anyway). And maybe I’m taking a few seconds longer than you would have to change this diaper, but I’m a first time mom and specifically didn’t ask for help because I’m trying to learn. Yes, I’m falling asleep again due to the side effects of my strong meds and, no, I’m not showing you my scar. I can barely muster the nerve to look at it myself, so please keep your face out of my underwear.

I wasn’t aware that you continue to bleed, even if you don’t deliver a baby naturally. This, and other new things happening to my body, made me feel extremely uncomfortable lying in a bed, wearing no bra, trying to be a host for these uninvited “houseguests.”

I’m a private person; I still get shy when my husband sees me naked and I don’t go to the gynecologist unless I think there’s a tumor down there. For me to sit quietly in my adult diaper and try to carry on a normal conversation was severely challenging and embarrassing, even if others disagree. I would have preferred to be alone with my baby.

Instead of being given the opportunity to build on the special bond with my newborn, I had to share him with extended family, plus the nurses, specialists, and doctors who dropped by occasionally to check up on us. It’s not that I wasn’t grateful that my son was so loved (or that I didn’t appreciate the hugs, take-out food, and stuff from home people brought me). It’s that I wanted to recuperate and make up for the time I had lost with my newborn baby (between his NICU stint and my recovery).

When my husband’s flight finally arrived, I also wanted to be able to have time alone as a family. And that was only possible in the wee hours of the morning, after visitors stopped cycling through my door and nurses had completed their rounds. Unfortunately, this was also the same time that my husband and I needed to try to sleep. It was an emotional, exhausting journey.

Fast forward to now, and we are expecting our second child.

Over the past few months, my husband and I have had this discussion numerous times. What do we do about visitors with baby number 2? Personally, I don’t want any visitors. I tried to be nice last time by allowing people to see me after my delivery and, as predicted, I wasn’t comfortable with it.

My husband, whose family lives locally, is trying to fight me on this, because he thinks his parents will be offended if they aren’t invited to the hospital shortly after birth. While I understand that he doesn’t want to hurt their feelings, it brings me right back to where I was before my last C-section: do I make a VIP list of people who are allowed to visit me and have the hospital shoo others away, or do I just let anyone come to avoid the ensuing complaints I will be sure to get?

We have come to the conclusion that my feelings matter most. We can’t please everyone, and we shouldn’t be expected to either. How is it that I’m here stressing about how to avoid family drama during my pregnancy? Our focus shouldn’t be about the happiness of others.

If I don’t want to see anyone after the birth of my baby, then people will have to deal with it. I have a right to privacy even if I’m not breastfeeding (which seemed to be the only time I was ‘allowed’ to ask people to leave my room with my previous delivery) and the right to choose my comfort over someone else’s. Moms rarely get to be selfish, but this seems like an important time to draw the line and center my feelings.

We plan to ask the hospital staff to not allow visitors. If someone takes an issue with that, they will have to figure out how to get over it, because trying to dictate what a woman is allowed to request — or limit — in terms of company after the birth of her child is not polite behavior. And if they can’t be considerate of my, and my family’s, needs during this special time, I shouldn’t have to worry about how they feel either.

Hospital staff, please close the door. No visitors allowed.

This post was originally published on Scary Mommy.

About the Author

Originally from Florida, Susana now lives in wintry Minnesota with her husband, son, and two dogs. With a background in mechanical engineering, she is currently working as a technical advisor to patent attorneys at a prominent law firm. Susana loves swimming, watching ‘Friends’ and ‘The Office’, eating pizza, and scrapbooking. Her writing has appeared in newspapers, magazines, websites, and technical manuals. She recently created a blog to share the whimsy of her life as a working mother with bipolar depression. Follow Susana on Twitter and read more on her blog Singing and Screaming.

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How to Deal with Visitors After Giving Birth

How to Deal with Visitors After Giving Birth

The much-anticipated birth of your baby is also a big deal for your family and friends. When the news breaks that baby is coming—or here!—you’ll likely be swimming in texts, calls and social media posts.

And odds are that a stream of visitors aren’t far behind. Relatives and close friends often want to have a part in baby’s arrival—either at the hospital (sometimes even in the delivery room) or in those first days at home.

Knowing this can help you set important, sanity-saving boundaries, says Joanna Cascione, RN, IBCLC, a postpartum mother-baby registered nurse and lactation consultant. “Once your baby is born, you and your baby and your partner are a family, and everyone else are relatives,” she says. “This is the time to prioritize your family. Everyone else is extraneous, unless they’re helpful.”

Every clan has its own needs—and its own quirks. Here’s are some strategies for ensuring that, in the moment, you’re able to put your new family first.

Make a List of How Vistors Can Help

Before the birth, sit down make a list of all the things that would be helpful for other people to do for you. That could be bringing over (or ordering!) food, walking your dog, throwing in a load of laundry, sorting through baby clothes—even holding the baby while you shower.

“Hang up the list, and then when someone comes over and says, ‘How can I help?’ hand it to them,” Cascione says.

You also might designate a best friend, new aunt or grandparent to help field requests to see baby pictures or schedule visits, so you can focus on your new family.

Set Clear Limits for Visitors Before Your Baby Arrives

If your mother-in-law would love to be in the delivery room, but the thought of it freaks you out, address that issue ASAP.

“This is just the first time that your family’s needs are going to be bumping up against your relatives’,” Cascione says. “If you avoid the conversation now about your baby being more important than your mother-in-law’s feelings, you’re just going to have it later. You might as well have it now.”

Resist the Urge to Entertain

During the first few weeks, try to limit visits to just 30 to 60 minutes.

If you have a partner, “they should be prepared to be a bouncer,” Cascione says. Also suggest guests to pitch in. “If they bring flowers, have them put them in a vase,” she says—and even get out that list, if necessary. In the meantime, baby is your first priority.

“If your kid needs to feed, feed your kid.”

It’s OK to Feel ‘Off”

Enraged by something your mom did? Counting the seconds until your high-school friend takes off? Unable to hold a conversation for longer than a few minutes? “Try to keep in mind that sleep deprivation destroys any sense of perspective,” Cascione says. “It also destroys any ability to be creative, so you can’t problem solve and may feel like you’re doing the same thing over and over and banging your head against the wall.”

If you gave birth to the new baby, couple that with the postpartum hormone rollercoaster you’re on, and you’re dealing with an emotional time. It’s something you should remind yourself of. And remember: it’s OK to be honest with your guests and tell them you need to rest or have time alone with your new family.

Sarah J. Robbins is an independent writer, editor and content strategist whose work has appeared in Consumer Reports, Glamour, Good Housekeeping and Real Simple, among others. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband and two kids.

You know you will need physical recovery after giving birth, but what you may not realize is that giving birth can also cause psychological damage. Since these injuries take place out of the view of the world, it’s easy to forget that you need techniques and help to heal.

Get as Much Help as You Can

It’s not wise to parent in a bubble if you don’t have to. Instead of taking on all the chores you had before giving birth, Stanford Children’s Health suggests that you have a spouse, parent, or friend help you out. You are the only one who can take care of your child the way a mother does, but anyone can wash the dishes or do the laundry. Don’t isolate yourself or feel like being a good mom means being a superwoman who does every little thing. Take time to let your body and mind heal and prioritize taking care of yourself and your baby.

Seek Compensation

Birth injuries are a major reason that women suffer emotionally after giving birth. It’s hard enough when labor and delivery don’t go as planned, but it’s especially difficult if mom or her baby is injured as well. According to The Law Offices of George Salinas, if a medical professional was negligent, the mother may be entitled to compensation for her suffering. There is nothing wrong with seeking compensation for a birth injury, especially if you are suffering because of it. Physical damage can cause psychological damage, and you should find out if you are eligible for compensation.

Talk to Other Mothers

One of the best things you can do to deal with emotional trauma is to talk to mothers who already have experience with it. No matter why they felt traumatized after giving birth, moms who have been through it will understand and offer a non-judgmental, safe place to vent about your feelings. You may think everyone else’s births went just as they planned, but that’s simply not true. There are support groups and places for moms who need help recovering from whatever sort of damage giving birth caused them. Seek these groups out, or simply grab coffee with a mom you know has similar struggles. According to Brit + Co, the connection to another person will lift you as you realize you are not alone in your recovery efforts.

Psychological damage needs to be taken just as seriously as physical damage, so don’t ignore your state of mind after giving birth. Reach out, ask for help, and do what you need to do to heal properly.

When you have a baby you’ll no doubt have a constant stream of well wishers visiting you and your new arrival. While it’s wonderful to have friends and family over in the weeks following the birth, it’s important to keep these visits manageable, and not to let yourself get overwhelmed by hoards of visitors!

Keeping Visits Manageable

You’ll have your hands full looking after a newborn baby and recovering after the birth so don’t be worried about offending people by asking that they keep visits to an hour, or however long you feel comfortable with. Arrange a time for them to visit in advance that suits you and your baby’s needs. If you are breastfeeding your baby, you might feel self-conscious about doing it in front of other people, but reluctant to go into a different room as newborn babies can take up to an hour for one feed! It’s important not to let visitors coming round interfere with you feeding your baby, so if you need to feed your baby, explain that your baby is hungry and you need to feed him in private. If any visitors seem reluctant to leave, tell them that you need to have a rest or feed or bathe the baby. New mums are famous for being very busy and sleep deprived so no-one will be offended!

Don’t be worried about turning down people’s offers to visit as well. If you only want one visitor a day, suggest a different day if anyone else wants to come round. If you don’t feel up to having visitors, politely tell them that now is not a good time and suggest that they come round in a couple of weeks when things have calmed down a bit. Don’t pre-arrange visits before you’ve had your baby, as you might not feel up to it once your baby is here. Wait until you’ve had your baby to arrange for people to come round so you know if you’re feeling up to having visitors or not.

Visitors can however be a great help to new mums, especially if you’re not very mobile as a result of a cesarean delivery or stitches. Most visitors will want to help you, so don’t be shy about accepting their offers to help! Close friends and family members will be especially keen to help so let them do the washing up, make some lunch, put the laundry on, or take your older children to the park etc if they want to. It can also be lovely seeing friends and family and showing off your new baby, and chatting about life as new mum, but only do as much as you feel up to doing.

Visitors and Cigarette Smoke

Cigarette smoke is very dangerous for babies. It doubles the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), increases the risk of ear infections, and damages their lungs by weakening them. You should make sure that no-one smokes anywhere in your house. Don’t let anyone smoke even if they go into a different room to your baby, as secondhand cigarette smoke doesn’t stay in one room, but will spread throughout the house, even if the window is open. Studies have found that houses where people smoke in one of the rooms have 5-7 times the amount of nicotine in the air than in houses where no-one smokes. If you have visitors over who are smokers, you’ll need to ensure they wash their hands thoroughly before holding or touching your baby. This is because when somebody smokes, the smoke clings to their fingers, clothes, breath and hair and then seeps out into the air, which will be breathed in by your baby. Studies have found that even in houses where smokers only smoked outside the house, there were elevated levels of toxins from cigarettes inside the house that had been carried in by the smokers. If a smoker is coming round, ask that they wear clean clothes, and that they wash their hands and face before touching the baby. They also shouldn’t let the baby suck on their fingers, even if they have just been washed as there will still be nicotine residue on their fingers and nails.

Washing Hands

You should ask all visitors to wash their hands before touching your baby. Babies are vulnerable to picking up viruses because their immune systems aren’t fully developed yet. Germs can be passed on to babies if a visitor is ill (in which case, don’t let them touch your baby, and ask that they keep a distance from your baby). Ideally, ask that they don’t visit when showing any signs of illness such as cold, fever, flu, sore throat etc, but to come round when they are fully recovered. Germs can also be passed on if someone has touched a surface previously touched by someone who is ill. Germs can live up to eight hours on some surfaces. Doorknobs, escalator handrails, and public transport are germ hotspots. It’s not rude to ask people wash their hands when they enter your home and you have a young baby; most people know that babies are vulnerable to germs and won’t be offended. Keep a gel hand sanitizer or antibacterial hand wipes on standby for when visitors come over, for times when a full hand wash isn’t convenient. Keep them out of reach of your baby though.

How to Deal with Visitors After Giving Birth

The impact of poor sleep can spread far beyond diet and into a person’s workout. Regardless of what an individual’s fitness goals are, having muscle is vital and the lack of sleep is an arch enemy of muscle development.

Lack of sleep will decrease a body’s ability to build muscle, can contribute to muscle loss, and can result in physical injuries.

Of course, if you are an individual who does not necessarily enjoy exercise, a bad night’s sleep can make the situation even worse. When you are experiencing sleep deprivation, everything you do can feel more challenging, particularly your workouts.

How Can I Improve My Sleep Patterns?

Unfortunately, there are no silver bullets for long-term sleeplessness and professional intervention may be required to deal with acute insomnia. There are, however, few things a person can do to assist in receiving a good night’s sleep; thereby, preventing sleep loss from reaching the chronic stage.

Enjoy the Daylight and Fresh Air

In order for a person’s body clock to operate correctly, it is important that the person sends messages about daytime and night time. The best method of doing this is by receiving large amounts of light during the day and dark during the night.

How to Deal with Visitors After Giving Birth

Adhering To a Routine

This may sound simple, but adhering to a routine is the most effective method of attaining positive sleep patterns. A body’s clock is just this – a clock. For this clock to operate efficiently, it is essential that the person creates a steady rhythm and sticks to the rhythm. This is the way our bodies know when to fall asleep and will prepare to do this according to the routine.

Do Not Lie Awake In Bed

If you cannot fall asleep or have woken up during the night, it is recommended that you get out of bed. The longer a person lies in bed attempting to fall asleep, the more frustrated one becomes.

As a result, the person will begin to subconsciously relate feelings of stress with bed and being awake rather than falling asleep. It is advised that you leave the bedroom and perform some relaxing task, such as reading a book, then retire to bed when you start to feel sleepy.

How to Deal with Visitors After Giving Birth

Do Not Watch the Clock

Watching the clock can increase pressure to fall asleep and makes this less likely.

Do Not Stress About Sleeping

The worst case scenario is that you are tired during the day, and we have all been in this situation before. The more pressure we place on ourselves to fall asleep and sleep well, the more difficult it will become; therefore, you should not stress about the task.

Mattress

If you purchase a new mattress it will help you sleep, particularly if your current one is over a decade old. Check out these Sears mattress reviews if you’re looking, they’re held in high acclaim.

I know there are rules in regard to social gatherings. Not over two.

I’m not planning any gatherings with friends. But family as in parents, are other people at least allowing their parents to meet their grandchild?

Comments (23) Add a comment

In reply to 1sttimemumma9

Yeah I’m thinking the same. Who knows where this will all be at this time.

It’s tricky as my partner is in contact with people at work and going out for groceries etc. but he also lives with his parents and little boy at his parents house still. There are some unforeseen reasons for us not moving in together yet, but I’m even worried about exposure from my partner and his little boy.

In reply to bubsnme2

Yeah I’m thinking the same. Who knows where this will all be at this time.

It’s tricky as my partner is in contact with people at work and going out for groceries etc. but he also lives with his parents and little boy at his parents house still. There are some unforeseen reasons for us not moving in together yet, but I’m even worried about exposure from my partner and his little boy.

O dear thats tough, its hard to know where it will be in June. June is also flu season so will have to be careful and if you have visitors make sure that they dont come if unwell and wash there hands and maybe no kissing the baby 🤷‍♀️

Im hoping everything has calmed down by then but preparing to be in a lockdown.

Im abit sad this is my first pregnancy and was hoping my partner and i could make the most of our time together before baby comes but we cant even do date nights out.

It’s such a hard one isn’t it,
it hurts me to even say that no we won’t be allowing anyone to visit, grandparents, uncles, Aunties ect, nobody,
I just feel that our bubs have absolutely no immunity at all and at the moment with things as bad as they are and apparently expected to get worse with colder months coming and recently news coming out of babies and young toddlers contracting CV it’s really scared me,
I think we will just face time everyone at the start,
We have already spoken to family and they all completely understand,
I also understand anyone that let’s really close people see bub as I know they will be making sure they are well and sanitized b4 going near bub,
each to their own,
it so sux that we all have to even think of this! good luck hun xx

No not in person unless there is a significant change with what’s happening. All grandparents are 68-71 years old with medical conditions so too risky. As for aunties, uncles and cousins I think I would be happier to wait it out. It’s terribly sad but with cases of children becoming a little more regular for various ages it’s too high a risk I think.

I will wait and see I guess but am prepared to make that tough decision for everyone wellbeing

I would get your flu shot if you haven’t already so that baby has some immunity to normal flu when he or she is born.

As for visitors, for me it would be based on my relationship with them and their personal circumstances. Are they working, still socialising in the community, are they in a job that is more exposed than other roles? Have they been isolating for the most part and not exposed to many other people? I would consider it but honestly I don’t know. I definitely wouldn’t allow them to kiss or hold baby close to their face. A lot of hospitals right now are allowing 1-2 visitors twice a day so if they aren’t in full lockdown that might be something that influences how comfortable you feel doing so. They wouldn’t allow this if they didn’t feel it was safe.

It depends on the circumstances in June as well. We might be reaching the end of the epidemic and if it was clear we probably have only a few more weeks before things return to normal I’d probably just wait it out.

Learn what causes constipation post-delivery and how to handle it.

How to Deal with Visitors After Giving Birth

“Constipation is commonly due to the patient’s inactivity, decreased intra-abdominal pressure after the delivery and painful perineum,” explains Dr. Abat. A diet rich in fiber with lots of water will help alleviate the situation. Exert effort to be as physically active as you can after delivery. If need be, you can ask your doctor about stool softeners or laxatives. For women who went through a prolonged labor, LBM is usually the main complaint. Kegel exercises can also help; however, if it persists do relay this to your doctor right away.

Most women tend to be constipated during the first few weeks following delivery. While the last thing you may want is to move your bowels and be reminded of the pain in your perineal area, it is important that you try.

Fill her up: Stay hydrated (prune juice is great for this) and eat fiber-rich foods like oats, corn, green leafy vegetables, and pineapple. For your overall health’s sake, it is best to stay away from junk foods during the entire post-partum period.

Did you experience constipation after giving birth? How did you deal with it? We’d love to know. Fill up the comment form below.

How to Deal with Visitors After Giving Birth

  • How Soon Can You Start Driving After Having a Baby?
  • Precautions to Take while Driving Afte Delivery

After giving birth to your precious little one, you might want to jump straight back to your old routine and start doing all the things that you couldn’t do during your pregnancy. Driving is one of them, and you must be wondering when you can start driving on your own after delivery. You might be eager to get your foot onto that accelerator but take a moment to truly know whether you are safe and ready post-delivery to take the wheel.

How Soon Can You Start Driving After Having a Baby?

Driving right after giving birth is not so easy. This is because the act of driving uses many of the same muscles that a woman uses during the labour and delivery of her baby. This is why it is highly important for you to heal properly before you start driving again. Two weeks is the minimal healing time during which you must abstain from driving, lifting heavy objects, and cleaning the house. However, this is still a short time and only applies to women who have had an easy delivery. Depending on the type of delivery, whether it is a normal delivery or a C-section, you can determine how many weeks you should give a rest before you drive again. Let’s see the cases below:

1. Driving After a Normal Delivery

Normal delivery is also called a vaginal birth, during which your muscles do a lot of work involving pulling and stretching to push the baby out. You need to give time for those muscles to recover along with giving yourself time to heal from all the pain and jagged nerves. If you have undergone a vaginal birth, you are advised to keep physical activity to a minimum level in the days following your delivery. However, if you had very less bleeding and felt no dizziness, then you can slowly try out short drives after two weeks. But the safe thing for new mothers is to wait for 6 weeks before a long drive.

2. Driving After a C-section Delivery

Most of you may have the question, ‘Can I drive after a C-section delivery?’ Well, the answer is yes, you can, but only after you recover fully. C-section deliveries usually have a much longer recovery time compared to vaginal births. This is because you would have gone through a major surgery where you would have lost some blood. Your uterus and your tummy need to heal from being cut open, and you will be advised not to lift anything more than your baby’s weight to prevent your stitches from opening (which will be very painful indeed!). This means you shouldn’t lift your baby’s car seat to put into the car. You also won’t be able to twist for some weeks, so trying to settle your baby in the car will be impossible. More importantly, driving restrictions after C-section delivery are mainly because you will not be able to use your abdominal muscles to press down on the brake pedal during emergencies. Therefore, if you have had a C-section delivery, make sure you wait at least 4 weeks before your resume driving again and that too, after consultation with your doctor.

How to Deal with Visitors After Giving Birth

Precautions to Take while Driving Afte Delivery

There are a few precautions you must keep in mind while driving after a few weeks of giving birth to your baby. Here are a few mentioned below:

  • If you have had a vaginal birth, you can resume driving once your pain, discomfort, and dizziness goes away. Don’t try to drive before that.
  • If you are taking narcotic pain medication to help with your post-delivery pain, then you should not drive at all.
  • Once your baby comes in your life, you can just hop into your car and drive away. You need to plan your drives coinciding with times when your baby is not hungry.
  • When you are taking your baby along, you will have to spend extra time to change his diaper. So, pack his diaper bag and make him sit in the baby car seat which you will then need to lock in position inside the car.
  • All these activities might tire you out as a new mother, especially if you have not recovered fully. If you are breastfeeding, you will have to manage sore and enlarged breasts also. Hence, it is better not to drive for the first few weeks post-delivery.

Even if you are athletic and healthy, postpartum healing does not happen in a few days. Thus, it is a good idea to take proper rest and wait for a few weeks before you start driving. In the meantime, enjoy the precious time you have with your newborn. Let your body heal and get completely healthy for your baby’s sake.

What “visitor” rules would you implement after giving birth?

My old neighbour just had her baby, and because it’s winter, her obgyn said she should have too many visitors until the end of April when the “flu season” is over.

also, my mom said ‘no one should be kissing the baby on the lips/ face, just in case, only the feet’ (she read an article able a visitor kissing the baby on the face/lips, and passed the herpes virus to the newborn. and the baby died).

(I have a 2.5 year old nephew who is constantly sick because he’s in daycare, and is in the middle of his “hitting phase/ terrible twos” . and Im a little worried, he may pass a cold to the newborn).

To second/3rd time moms, when did you start allowing visitors to come? Or did you have a meet and greet with all your friends?
How did you tell them to please not kiss the baby on the face?

Comments (24) Add a comment

I waited for the first vaccinations. When people came over I told them the baby rules: don’t hold baby going and down the stairs, wash hands when entering house, dont kiss baby face, or hands.

People didnt argue. Most understood.

We let people come visit pretty shortly after our first was born, but I have made it clear to friends and family: no influenza vaccine = no baby.

My son is in daycare, so to a certain extent we are going to have germs in our house no matter what.

Do what you are comfortable with! It’s nice to have people around to help, but also nice to reserve yourself some recovery time too!

I made sure people called first (no just showing up) so I could decide if we were up to it. Also if you are remotely sick do not come over at all. Mostly it was just immediate family though, and a few friends. I encouraged hand washing and had hand sanitizer and stuff.

When I’m going to see a baby I won’t go over if either or us are feeling a little sick, and I also avoid holding any newborns just because I don’t want to be the one to get them sick.

I also bring food 🙂

My son was born at 3:43am. I think our first visitors were my in-laws at about 9am that day and pretty much he was around people from then on. People were excellent about washing their hands and not coming around if they were sick but we also were out and about with him a lot. So he was definitely exposed to things. We were lucky – the first time my son was sick was a 12 hour fever at 10 months. So, obviously being exposed to people wasn’t a problem for him, but of course, every baby and situation is different.

This time, baby is going to be exposed to daycare germs immediately because my son will still be going (first full-time and then part-time after the first month) and I’m going to want visitors right away because I’m going to want the help! My big thing will be to remember to wash my toddler’s hands more often than I do now!

Do what is comfortable for you. If you’re out and want to avoid strangers touching your kid (which many seem to do) use a carrier, not a stroller! If people ask to come over, just quickly make sure they’re not sick with anything. The majority of (normal) people are not offended by the question. Some people forget that a slight cold that amounts to few sniffles for them could mean a very stuffed up, miserable baby. And for the first little while, make sure people wash their hands before holding baby. If they make a big deal out of the request then, who cares? Your baby, your rules.

Comments (18) Add a comment

I was very explicit that not one single person other than my husband, midwives and doula were allowed to be present at my birth. Not my mom, not my in-laws, not well-meaning friends, NO ONE. I was also very clear that no one would be visiting the birth centre/hospital even after my child was born – that was time for our new little nuclear family. People were not super pleased with my decision but I didn’t care and I don’t regret it.

As it turns out, my labour was short-ish, and did not go according to plan. After assuming I would give birth at the birth centre, I decided at the last minute to give birth at home. When my midwife broke my water there was meconium in it and we had to go to the hospital. I would have been so stressed out with a bunch of family members trailing us around from location to location. On top of that, my son spent his first night in the NICU and I also was admitted for the first night. I was exhausted, disgusting and absolutely needed my space. When we brought my son home we had no visitors for the first week. This was extra-touchy because everyone was already taken aback that I said no hospital visitors. Again, I did not care. This was important bonding time for us. Everyone got over it in the end so I’m glad I didn’t compromise what I wanted.

I can’t think why ANYONE would be there for the birth besides your partner. I mean if people want others there, fine. I wouldn’t.

Visiting after the birth? Maybe for short periods, as long as you’re totally comfortable nursing in front of them. Otherwise visits limited to, like, 20 minutes.

So no, you’re not selfish.

Be selfish!! It’s about you, your partner, baby and NO ONE ELSE. Do what you feel comfortable with. They can meet baby a different day when you’re read. I don’t think it is selfish btw but even if it is who cares.

I didnt want anyone in the hospital aside from my mom and told that to everyone well before my due date. My MIL thought it was weird lol but I guess she understood in the end because we had the one conversation and never again. The in laws didn’t even meet baby until day 5 and I don’t think I would’ve been ready earlier.

People tend to forgot it’s not just the baby it’s also what your body is going through (either natural or c-section) and you’re in the hospital for that reason too.

1000% not selfish. In fact it’s selfish if anyone else pushes to be there. There are very few times in life that can be just yours & your SO – this is one of them!

With both my kids we didn’t let anyone at the hospital at all until we called them, hours after we were settled and ready for visitors. Even then we asked that they came bringing food 😉 and visits were no longer then half hr.

The nurses at our hospital told us to have them be the bad guys, they offered to be gate keepers if we didn’t want visitors and kick people out when we wanted.

I had my mom and my husband in the room. I let my mom be in the room as a courtesy. I kind of regret it in some ways, but she was good for keeping people informed as to what was happening. My sister in laws, and my best friend were in the waiting room for part of it. My husband kept his family informed of what was happening. Do what you want and don’t be worried that you are going to hurt someones feelings. Make sure your bf will be ok seeing you in pain and being able to deal with the situation.

I ended up having to have a c-section late at night (10-10:30pm). My sister-in-laws waited until our dd arrived before they left. I believe my mom gave them a ride home. After we were in recovery my husband went out to tell them and even showed them the video of her after she arrived.

It wasn’t too bad to have visitors at the hospital, but it was nice of people to wait til we got home. Most of the people who visited me at the hospital was my older brother, my parents, my best friend and her husband, and my sister in laws. It was nice to see everyone as at times it was needed as I wasn’t able to do much and at times I needed to talk to someone besides my husband and the nurses. Plus it gave him time to go home, or to run and get me a few things that I needed. My husband stayed with me the whole time I was there. I was there for 5 days.

Once I got home it was a little overwhelming with the amount of visitors during the first week or so. Everyone wants to come over to visit your lo.

Re: Unreasonable not to want visitors straight after birth?

My husband and I had a big debate about this a few weeks back. We agreed that no one would be at the hospital while I’m in labor. After baby comes, I will have time to meet the lactation consultant, shower, eat and sleep. Once I’m feeling up to visitors, the grandparents (and only the grandparents) can come to visit.

My parents know I don’t really want visitors until we get home, so they are going to wait until we get home to come visit. We also agreed that our 10 year old will be the first to meet his new brother/sister. We don’t want him to feel like he’s being left out and it’s more important to us to have our family of four together for a little bit.

We basically told family that if we don’t feel that they can respect our request, they won’t get a phone call until we are home.

As a side note, my husband was dead set against this plan. so I spammed him with a bunch of youtube birth videos (including birth gone wrong) and a bunch of articles about what a woman’s body goes through during labor. It took him about 2 articles and a video before he sided with me In this case, my body means my rules!

It’s not unreasonable! I personally won’t mind having the grandparents visit (after babies are delivered, not during labor), but I don’t know that I’ll want a bunch of other people around – just will have to see how I feel.

I would hope that your husband’s parents know that if they do come home with you, not to expect YOU to ensure they’re taken care of. Their job should be taking care of YOU and your husband, and getting to know their grandchild.

Stand your ground, hopefully you and DH can come to an agreement – maybe that they come visit a day or two after you go home, instead.

We have a no hospital visitors policy. With our first we added no visitors for the first couple of days. With my second and this one my mom and mil will help out with the kids. My mom will stay for a few days but she’s good at kid wrangling and ordering take out and understands that’s her role.

I don’t think your being unfair. As a mother, I would respect any mothers desire to want alone time with her new family regardless of how strongly I wanted to be there. Even if everything goes amazingly well, your baby needs to bond with you and your partner first- not your in laws.

I had a lot of visitors after my last son was born. But he was kept in the NICU for a week and not in the room with me. I pumped milk and brought it down throughout the night for him. But having so many people cooped up in the hospital room sucked ! Even after the baby I just wanted alone time to gather myself and spend time with the baby. I wasn’t in any amount of pain and I felt great but I still just wanted me and baby alone time.

P.s why is this thread posted twice ?

I agree, I told my husband that I just want it to be the 2 of us when we deliver. Especially since we’re team green, that moment should just be us. My Mother on the other hand has it in her mind that she will be there too but the thing is she lives over 3 hours away so I’m thinking I can avoid that as long as my labor isn’t forever.

Also no visitors the first day since I’ll be recovering and most likely be exhausted. I did make a rule to follow, if you haven’t called or texted me or my husband the entire pregnancy or even asked about it you are not allowed to come to the hospital period.

I don’t think its unreasonable at all. I’m dealing with this myself. My husband and I were married last December and found out we were pregnant in February. So I’m a newlywed, a first time mom, and also looking at a lot of changes as far as becoming a stay at home mom. I’m thrilled about it all and love my husband and my child, but everything has been so rushed! That’s why when the baby is born, I want it to be just my husband and I. My parents completely understood. Its my sister who is being unruly. I tried to explain to her that things kind of sorta change when you are pregnant. You carry a child for 9 months and that child is solely yours. You want to keep it to yourself as long as you can. And once its delivered its separated from you. Its no longer just yours. (This is how I see it anyways and why I feel so strongly about it) I don’t want people flashing cameras in its face or trying to take turns holding it. I really want to be with my husband as we experience one of the most awesome things ever in our first year of marriage. Her reply was: You cant stop me from visiting if I want to. I’ll go to the nursery. I’ll talk to your husband. etc.

My husband thought I was being a little unreasonable at first, but I told him he didn’t really get a say seeing he had no idea what labor felt like and that he most certainly doesn’t have a vagina that would experience the sensation of going through a meat grinder. I guess he couldn’t argue with that so we agreed that we will let people visit the next day as long as they understand they cant stay all day, no cameras, and they must text before coming over.

How to Deal with Visitors After Giving Birth

When people hear you’re going into labor (and by people I mean friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, etc.), everyone will be dying to meet the brand-new baby.

Forget how exhausted you are or if you’re recovering from any kind of birth trauma: it’s all about the baby. You? No one cares. Sure, maybe a handful of people will ask how you are, but most will push your tired butt aside and say, “Give me that kid!”

It’s a sad reality for us moms that no one quite cares how labor went but they do care how the baby is. And who can blame folks for wanting to see your little bundle of joy? Not us! We love them more than the visitors do, but I can guarantee you that the visitors will want to come in droves.

You’re probably thinking, “Oh sure, I can’t wait to have everyone see the baby,” but before you start planning visitors to filter in after Junior or Princess arrives, heed my advice carefully.

I personally had no one, and yes, I mean no one, other than her dad and myself, see the baby for the first night she was here. I had my daughter at 6:06 p.m. after 24 hours of labor, five of pushing, and ending with a C-section. I was beat. Our parents didn’t arrive until early afternoon the next day, and that was about it for the following few days until I felt ready for visitors and a bit better after my C-section.

Why did I put the “no visitors” vibe up? Here’s why:

1. You’ll Never Get Those Moments Back Again

It was our first and only child. For those of you with more than one child, consider how differently your post-labor or C-section life was with baby number one. and then baby number two. With your first child — and for some of us our only — you’ll never get those quiet moments of just mom, dad, and baby again.

Even if you have a million kids, don’t you want to cherish those first few hours with just your immediate family? The first nursing or feeding. The first time you hold your baby. Do you really need a ton of fanfare, or is it just nice to have some private intimacy when you’ve brought another being into the world?

I wanted the privacy and time to simply drink in what had just happened: I became a mom. He became a dad. Give us a few hours to cherish these moments before all the noise and craziness of people, opinions, and presents come to shower in on our little world.

Sssh. Let it be quiet. For just a bit.

2. Nursing

I didn’t want anyone to make me anxious or uncomfortable while I was trying to nurse for the first time. Plus, even after the grandparents came, we still kept it quiet with visitors until I could get into a better rhythm — or, in other words, could get my daughter to latch well instead of continuing to latch shallowly so my nipples bled.

With fewer people to fawn, fuss, and add their two cents, nursing got off to a good start for me. Yes, we had latch issues, but because I kept the visitors list short, we could work on this with a lactation consultant and my ex-husband could focus on supporting me.

I can’t tell you how glad I am that we did this. Never once do I think, “Gee, I wish we had more visitors that first week of our child’s life!”

3. Hormones (and Food)

Hello, hormones! Nope, they don’t stop. At least not for a while postpartum. The crying and emotional moments? Yeah, I preferred to let those happen in front of people I was close to, namely my husband at the time.

Not to mention I had endured hyperemesis gravidarum during my pregnancy and was finally hungry after birth. I wanted to eat and start to feel better while dealing with the crying and mood swings among “my peeps” and not the adoring audience for my daughter.

Plus, who feels super awesome when they’re wearing a maxi pad the size of a car, trying to poop, and dealing with bloody nipples and potentially ginormous and super engorged breasts while trying to change a diaper for the first time and waddle around post-C-section or birth? Nobody! It’s nice to feel a little crappy and achy and emotional without the whole peanut gallery around.

4. Routine

It was great to get into a little routine during the time my ex was off from work for the first two weeks of my daughter’s life. Scheduling visitors properly helped any disruptions in our new parent routine. It made our lives go more smoothly when he went back to work and I was home by myself as a new stay-at-home mother.

Plus, by that time, I was dying for visitors and ready. Do you remember, mommies, what it felt like the first time you took your baby out in the world all by yourself? I do. It felt like a victory just lifting the car seat alone!

No matter what you decide, consider who you want to visit you and when before the baby is here so you have an idea of the amount of chaos you want to invite into your home and hospital — or not.

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And don’t feel bad if you need to say, “Hey, best friend. I am bleeding like a stuck pig and am having a tough time with nursing. Can you see me in another few days?” You don’t owe anyone an apology for holding off on visiting. All you need to focus on is your new family member or members!

This article was originally published at Popsugar Moms. Reprinted with permission from the author.

When I was pregnant with my children, I made it clear that I did not want any visitors after giving birth, for at least two weeks. Not a single one. Not in the hospital and not at home.

Extreme? Maybe. But for me, it was necessary.

As an introvert, it’s difficult for me to host visitors even when I haven’t just pushed a living, breathing human being out of my body. I need my own space. A space to escape to. Space to breathe. Add to that the life altering experience of bringing home a new baby and it just makes things even more of a challenge.

Having visitors at the hospital was an absolute no. There was no way I was going to sit there and smile, cramping and bleeding into my mesh panties, while everyone passes around the child who I desperately want to have back in my own arms. I wanted privacy and I wanted time to bond only with my new little family.

I know that I’m certainly not alone in my desire for those early days of bonding without a stream of visitors. I frequently see posts in groups and on message boards from mothers-to-be who are worried about all of the family and friends planning on coming to the hospital as soon as labor commences. The family member who is insistent on being present for the actual birth. The visitors who show up as soon as they get home from the hospital. I see all these posts asking for advice on how to handle these situations, because they feel like they can’t say no. These are women who feel like they don’t have a say. Women who wrongly believe that birth is a spectator sport and all must be welcomed.

Then, when you bring your newborn home, there is a completely new “normal” that you have to get used to. It takes a while to get into that groove and form a routine. Post-birth, my husband and I developed a sleep schedule, alternating our “on duty” waking hours in shifts so that we could catch up on as much sleep as possible. As exciting as it is to see a new baby, visitors need to remember that new parents are tired. Soul-crushingly tired. We needed quiet. We needed zero interruptions. It took those first couple of weeks to gain our bearings and adjust to our roles as new parents. I wanted to figure out how to be a mom without any external advice or opinions.

Postpartum depression is also very real. I struggled almost immediately after the birth of my first and it didn’t subside until I stopped nursing. I remember those first few weeks after birth I would sometimes get an overwhelming urge of sadness, and just burst into tears for no reason. One time I failed to remove myself from the room in time and ended up crying uncontrollably in front of some of our family. As someone who prefers to handle my emotions in private, or only with those I’m extremely close to, this was humiliating and degrading for me.

I also had a very hard time with others holding my crying newborn. Whenever my baby would cry, I wanted to be the only one holding her. Whenever she was crying and someone took her from me, I could feel the overwhelming panic rising inside of me and it was all I could do not to grab her back and run crying from the room.

Honestly, there is a whole host of reasons why having visitors after giving birth can make things incredibly stressful for mothers. Learning to breastfeed is one of them. Nursing is hard, stressful, and can oftentimes be painful. My firstborn had a severe lip and tongue tie that went undiagnosed until she was almost two months of age, so nursing was exceptionally frustrating for us in the beginning. A nursing cover wasn’t an option because I needed to help her re-latch repeatedly. The most comfortable position for both of us was on the sofa with a pillow pressed up against the arm rest. But every time we had a visitor, we were resigned to hiding in the bedroom, my exhausted arms falling asleep while trying to hold her up to my breast, with a nursing pillow that I could never seem to get the hang of using.

I have read a lot of articles on rules for visiting a new mom and they always seem to include a recommendation to offer help. Empty the dishwasher. Run a load of laundry. Fold the towels. Cook dinner. Honestly the thought is always appreciated, but it’s misleading to insinuate that all moms desire this help. Personally, I have very specific ways of doing things and when others try to do them for me, it just stresses me out even more. But how do you say no to well meaning friends and family who are just trying to make your life easier?

I have expressed my views before regarding visitors after birth and of course I have been met with the comments telling me that I am selfish. That “it takes a village” and that I shouldn’t have kept those closest to us from visiting in those early days. But those comments are in the minority. The vast majority are women who say they “wish” they could have done what I did. I’ve been called “brave” for not allowing visitors the first two weeks. One woman told me she wished she had my “courage.” There is something wrong with this mindset. It shouldn’t take courage and bravery for new mothers to set boundaries. It is not selfish to know what we desperately need and to ask for it.

Take as much time as you need, Mom. The visitors can wait.

Placenta is an organ formed in human embryonic development. It is like a transit station, mainly responsible for the transport of oxygen and nutrients needed for growth between the mother and the fetus. So for the expectant mothers who are about to give birth, are they very concerned about where the placenta goes?

When the fetus is born, the placenta will be delivered to the body together with the fetus. How does the hospital deal with the placenta?

Generally speaking, before giving birth to a mother, the doctor will ask the mother and her family members for their opinions and sign an agreement to let them choose to be handled by the hospital or by themselves.

Some people look at the bloody lump and don’t know how to deal with it. If they choose not to, then the hospital will deal with it in accordance with relevant regulations. Some of them may be made into specimens, and some of them may become medical waste.

However, people who choose to take placenta home may bury it at the door of their home or use it as fertilizer in their own fields due to different customs. There are many different ways to do this, which are not listed one by one.

Placenta is also called Ziheche. In compendium of Materia Medica, it is a precious traditional Chinese medicine. Therefore, some people will choose to boil placenta and eat it, or dry it and grind it into powder for skin care.

But in the medical field, it is generally not recommended to eat, because there are harmful substances on the placenta.

Of course, not all placenta can be taken away, although the Ministry of health has made it clear that after childbirth, placenta should belong to the mother.

But if there are infectious diseases, such as AIDS, hepatitis, venereal diseases, etc., in order to prevent the spread of infectious diseases, the hospital is also strictly prohibited to take the placenta away by itself.

Some irregular hospitals, in order to seek illegitimate interests, may cheat the puerpera and quietly carry out illegal sales of placenta.

Of course, these are in a small number, so you have to go to a regular hospital to have children!