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How to smooth talk your way out of trouble

How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

Star Trek‘s Jean Luc Picard had a certain savoir faire, a style of getting out of dilemmas smoothly and quickly — like when he tricked “Q” into promising never to meddle with humanity. I’m no Starfleet captain; I am an average 30-something who dislikes speeding tickets, jealous girlfriends, and unnecessary personal inquiries. Over the years, I’ve learned a few tricks to talk my way out of hot spots, and as a business owner I’ve studied how others squirm before the sharp end of my own questions. Here are a few tips that have worked.

It worked on Ezra, a high school bully I dodged for an entire semester after beaming him in the back of the head with a juicy seeded grape. The easiest way to talk your way out of a jam is not to put yourself in that situation at all. In short, be prescient and avoid confrontation. Avoidance may delay the inevitable, but it may also give you time to prepare and your adversary time to cool off.

Avoidance is also possible, but not as easy, in conversation. Simply changing the subject rarely works. Instead, create a conversational diversion such as a compliment, “call-waiting,” and in extreme cases, poor cell phone reception (that’s right, hang up).

Explain (in Detail)

Oscar Levant said, “There’s no problem so simple a little explanation can’t make complex.” Indeed, every time I try to get straight answers from my IT team I end up wading neck-deep in geek-speak. Talk your way out of a jam by making your opponent regret ever asking their elementary question. Elucidate, expose, and expound upon your explanation enigmatically and inscrutably. Add an argumentative tone or a “that’s a stupid question” to your verbal defenestration and your sophistry will be complete . or whatever I just said.

The Power of Suggestion

A master stroke of conflict avoidance, or, as I like to call it, my coup d’état. One morning while driving unbuckled in my convertible, I was waved to the side of the road by a police officer at a seat-belt checkpoint. “Why aren’t you wearing your seat belt?” he barked as I stopped the car. And then I did something that would have made Miss Cleo, Mind Freak, and every other intuitive out there proud. “Excuse me?” I answered before I knew what I was doing. “You just watched me take my seat belt off as I was pulling over. You were looking at me the entire time!” The deer-in-the-headlights look on his face was priceless. I had just rocked his entire world, I shook the very foundation of his sanity, I blew his mind — and he let me go! Never underestimate the power of suggestion.

When confrontation is unavoidable, consider deferring to another authority (your friend, your boss, your mother). I see it regularly as a real estate investor; the person with whom I am speaking is uncertain about giving a price, so they “have to check with someone.” It can be an effective, albeit freshman, approach.

Lie, or Be Selectively Honest

In his “The Decay of the Art of Lying,” Mark Twain said it best: “Lying is universal — we all do it. Therefore the wise thing is for us diligently to train ourselves to lie thoughtfully, judiciously; to lie with a good object and not an evil one; to lie for others’ advantage, and not our own; to lie healingly, charitably, humanely, not cruelly, hurtfully, maliciously; to lie gracefully and graciously, not awkwardly and clumsily; to lie firmly, frankly, squarely, with head erect.”

Practice these tips, and at the least, they may get you out of your next traffic stop.

Ian Charles Parrish is an investor and president of Investors United School of Real Estate, America’s first professional school for real estate investing. For more advice,

You need to know how to talk your way out of trouble soon. There are many effective ways of using your mouth to talk your way of out of trouble in the future. If you are in trouble and need to talk your way out of it, then you need to do the right things now. It is very possible to use your mouth to talk your way out of trouble when relying on effective details. The great tips which have been listed below show you how to perfectly talk your way out of trouble soon hence they are awfully insightful.

If you want to talk your way out of troubles, you need to behave in a very aggressive way. You should start remaining very aggressive if you want to talk your way out of trouble soon. If you have being considered a suspect for a crime which has taken place in the setting you live in, you will have to start remaining aggressive now. You will have to start cooperating with police officers so that you can stop your reputation from being ruined by jealous people. Become a very bold individual and talk like a man if you suspect people want to damage your reputation. Bad cops in your setting could put you in trouble by picking you as a suspect when something awful takes place in your neighborhood. Do not remain smooth when talking your way out of trouble before your ineffective plans backfire soon.

Talking your way out of trouble soon is surely important. You will need many people at your beck and call when aiming to talk your way out of trouble at times. It is certain that subservient professionals will be able to help you to talk your way out of trouble in the future. Do not try to talk your way out of trouble without relying on quality lawyers of today. Right, you need to rely on seasoned lawyers when aiming to talk your way out of a very huge problem. Lawyers will do the talking for you when you are taken to court and need to have a very effective mouth for convincing a judge. You should not always try to do things independently. Sometimes, it is important for us to seek help from others when preventing troubles from ruining our lives.

You need to know how to talk your way out of trouble soon. There are many effective ways of using your mouth to talk your way of out of trouble in the future. If you are in trouble and need to talk your way out of it, then you need to do the right things now. It is very possible to use your mouth to talk your way out of trouble when relying on effective details. The great tips which have been listed below show you how to perfectly talk your way out of trouble soon hence they are awfully insightful.

If you want to talk your way out of troubles, you need to behave in a very aggressive way. You should start remaining very aggressive if you want to talk your way out of trouble soon. If you have being considered a suspect for a crime which has taken place in the setting you live in, you will have to start remaining aggressive now. You will have to start cooperating with police officers so that you can stop your reputation from being ruined by jealous people. Become a very bold individual and talk like a man if you suspect people want to damage your reputation. Bad cops in your setting could put you in trouble by picking you as a suspect when something awful takes place in your neighborhood. Do not remain smooth when talking your way out of trouble before your ineffective plans backfire soon.

Talking your way out of trouble soon is surely important. You will need many people at your beck and call when aiming to talk your way out of trouble at times. It is certain that subservient professionals will be able to help you to talk your way out of trouble in the future. Do not try to talk your way out of trouble without relying on quality lawyers of today. Right, you need to rely on seasoned lawyers when aiming to talk your way out of a very huge problem. Lawyers will do the talking for you when you are taken to court and need to have a very effective mouth for convincing a judge. You should not always try to do things independently. Sometimes, it is important for us to seek help from others when preventing troubles from ruining our lives.

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How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

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How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

“Enter the bathroom.”

“The bathroom. OK.”

“Check under the sink.”

“Under the sink? There’s nothing there.”

“Look in the mirror.”

“OK. I need to change out of this outfit.”

“What? Take a shower? Not in your lifetime.”

“Behind you! Dodge left! Reload! Shoot!”

For video gamers, guiding a young woman armed with a handgun through a ravaged space station usually means hand-cramping sessions of frantic joystick movements and light-speed button pounding. But in the new PlayStation 2 action-adventure Lifeline, all that stands between you and a grisly death at the hands of drooling aliens is your voice.

That’s because Lifeline, developed by Sony in Japan and published by Konami in the United States, uses a USB, or universal serial bus, headset microphone as its main method of interaction. Using voice-recognition middleware developed by ScanSoft, Lifeline can recognize over 5,000 words and 100,000 phrases. In practice, that means that the game’s main character, Rio, will understand anything that’s relevant to her predicament, as well as many things that aren’t.

Lifeline is thus a unique step toward deeper player immersion in the game world, but not simply because of the technology. It’s because although Rio is the main character, “you” are not Rio – “you” are another survivor, trapped in the security room of the space station, who is watching Rio on the security monitors and giving her advice. So in real life you’re sitting in a chair with a headset on, holding a controller and watching a monitor, while “you” in the game does the exact same thing.

And since your TV, for the moment, becomes a space-age security system, every convention of video gaming that in another game would only seem incongruous is now completely logical. For example, if a medieval knight in another game were to tell you “Press R2 to bring up the map,” it’s utterly nonsensical and shatters the suspension of disbelief. But when Rio says something like this, it makes perfect sense within the game’s world.

What transpires is an action-adventure game in the style of Resident Evil – find important items, use them in the right places, shoot monsters, open doors, rescue the other survivors, try to escape. To aid in your communications with Rio, you can press the L and R buttons to bring up word lists and commands that she will understand in battle.

The designers have made a conscious effort, in the various game sequences they’ve devised, to raise the level of your communications with Rio beyond “go here, do this.” Sometimes you’ll need to brainstorm ideas with her to “jog her memory” – in the infirmary, she’ll ask you to start naming things that are in a hospital (and she’ll recognize everything you can think of). In another memorable scene she will become frightened and refuse to enter a room. Simply repeating “enter the room” won’t work – you have to tell her to “calm down.” Sometimes, as in the example above, conversations with Rio go swimmingly. But if you don’t enunciate perfectly, well .

Stephen K. Hetey, M.S., “I wish I’d said that!” How to Talk Your Way Out of Trouble and Into Success, American Journal of Hospital Pharmacy, Volume 51, Issue 3, 1 February 1994, Page 430, https://doi.org/10.1093/ajhp/51.3.430

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I would like to hear stories from people about a time that they got into some sort of problem/trouble/argument.

I would like to hear stories from people about a time that they got into some sort of problem/trouble/argument and how you were able to talk yourself out of it.

1 Answer

quick story. i was in another town after KATRINA and i was at a car wash.two guys in separate cars pulled in and started washing!

one of them kept mumbling about ppl from louisiana looking for handouts! (the other one was cool)

i ignored him and continued washing.

when he came on my side of his car to dry it of he repeated what he said the first time only louder!

still i ignored him! (realizing that he was looking for a fight)

after i was almost finished drying my car he sprayed this oily “tire black” in the air on purpose to go on my car.(it was hard to get off without rewashing. but i managed) i didn’t even act like i noticed!

i went in the store connected to it and bought two sodas and came back and said man it sure is hot out here is i gave him one!

the look on his face was priceless. he started talking so much that you would have thought that he was my best friend!

he told me that it was ashamed what happened to new orleans and invited me to a barbeque on saturday!

every time i would see him after that he would go out his way to say hello or something!

How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

Milly was a 65-year-old woman who came into my office complaining of persistent neck and stomach pain. She said she could no longer drive her car on a regular basis because the neck pain was so severe, and her digestive system was also suffering whenever she ate certain foods that she had enjoyed without problems her entire life.

Milly’s husband, Sal, had recently been diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), also known as Lou Gehrig’s disease. It’s a nervous system disorder that severely weakens the muscles and impacts all physical function. Its progression is known to be very fast.

Milly and Sal did not have any children, and their extended family was living in the Midwest, where she and Sal had met. Milly never worked because Sal’s Wall Street job had afforded them a comfortable life, and given Milly the opportunity to spend her time volunteering and being a homemaker. She took great pride in her gardens and was always pleased to have company so she could show off her hard work.

When Sal was diagnosed with ALS, Milly became his caretaker on a round-the-clock basis, attempting to meet all of his needs — even just to scratch his back whenever needed. Milly’s life became consumed with helping Sal and, because of the rapid progression of his illness, she found herself forgoing sleep, getting only a couple of hours here and there, when she could.

Milly came to see me the week that an in-home nurse’s aide began coming to their home for two full shifts a week. In addition to Milly’s ongoing neck and stomach trouble, she had lost about 20 pounds, was looking underweight and frail, and had stopped doing the things that she loved — gardening, decorating, and volunteering at a local arboretum. Milly explained that she didn’t want to leave her home much anymore, feeling overwhelmed by her husband’s ordeal. She reported that she had been prescribed Xanax, a psychotropic medication used to treat anxiety, and was taking it only “as needed,” whenever the panic attacks set in. “Sometimes I just feel as if darkness is closing in on me and the floor is dropping out below,” Milly said, aptly describing the terror of severe anxiety. “And I feel like I need to run for my life, but my feet are locked in cement.”

Eventually, she began taking Xanax not just “as needed,” but regularly and several times a day. She reported that she didn’t feel the medication was doing much good, offering only temporary relief at best. She still felt paralyzed by the fear of an uncertain future.

Anxiety is one of the most common mental health issues in the United States. It can manifest in a number of ways, including intense physical pain; isolation; avoidance of people, settings and events that have any connection to the source of the anxiety; and persistent worry, stress and fear that seeps into your mind as though there’s a little demon on your shoulder, screaming into your ear that life is hopeless. The fear needn’t be well defined; in fact, the less definition there is, the harder it is to overcome. This is called “free-floating anxiety” – a generalized, persistent, pervasive fear that is not attributable to any specific object, event or source. It’s often the most difficult anxiety to treat, for the very reason that there are no well-defined elements you can attack therapeutically.

Anxiety is treatable, even curable, but a challenge to overcome even in the best of circumstances. Because the only effective treatment is to meet the anxiety head-on, to scrutinize the source of the discontent, examining each and every fear. Of course, you have to isolate the fears before you can scrutinize them, and that’s where therapy comes in.

In working with Milly, we managed to identify the fears of what her life might be like without Sal. He had been responsible for the household income, but he was also the man by her side for 40 years. They spent much of their free time together, going to the movies, traveling, walking in her gardens, and none of this was possible anymore. But Milly’s dread transcended simple loneliness. There was a valid fear that the cost of Sal’s care could wipe them out financially and leave nothing for her to live on in her remaining years. Still only 65, Milly understood that she could live for several more decades, but decades without Sal’s companionship, without Sal’s income, without the life she had come to know throughout their marriage. Her very existence was coming unhinged.

When experiencing anxiety, it is important to utilize talk therapy in combination with psychotropic medication (if medication is indicated). While many people want to “pop a pill” to feel better, when it comes to anxiety, medication is very different than, say, taking an aspirin for a headache. A headache is a medical condition that an analgesic, like aspirin, can rectify. Anxiety is a psychological condition, and, while medication may dull the anxiety, it doesn’t resolve it. Anxiety is brought on by the mind and its perception of events, situations, feelings, etc., so it is recommended that patients engage in talk therapy to address the mind’s discontent. Therapy allows the patient to find and understand the source of their anxiety, to identify coping skills to help manage it, and, by managing the anxiety in a healthy manner, the patient is often able to resume normal daily functioning.

Through our work together, Milly was able to see that her life without Sal would be difficult and initially very sad, but that she would be able to find solace in the things she had always loved — gardening and volunteering. She would discover a new life, one that may never match her life with Sal, but one that was manageable, peaceful, and allow her to feel happiness again.

Erin Tishman is Family Centers’ Manager of Clinical Services for Darien/New Canaan. Serving Greenwich, Stamford, Darien, New Canaan, CT, and Westchester County, NY, Family Centers is a United Way, New Canaan Community Foundation and Community Fund of Darien partner agency that offers counseling and support programs for children, adults and families. For information, call 203-869-4848 or visit www.familycenters.org.

Photo by Peter Capuciati.

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 28th, 2015 at 4:14 pm and is filed under Emotional Support, Family Matters, Grief, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

5 Great Ways to Become a Smooth Talker (Guys Only!)

BECOME A SMOOTH TALKER WITH THESE 5 TIPS.

Learn how to talk to a girl like a real smooth talker, no matter where you are. All you need are just These 5 moves to work your magic and impress her!

Have you ever walked into a room and instantly found yourself smitten by a beauty standing across the room? Ever wondered how to talk to a girl you like at a time like this? See These 5 Great Tips to Become a Smooth talker . . .

How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

Making a move to talk to a girl

One of the biggest hurdles most guys face is making the first move. Chatting up a girl is easy if you’re going to be introduced to her. But when you have to walk up to a girl you’ve never spoken to before, and want to start a conversation, your heart can start to beat faster than a hummingbird on heat.

Follow these Five steps one at a time, and before you know it, knowing how to talk to a girl you like will be as easy as taking a walk in the park.

What you need to know

You’re interested in talking to great girls, aren’t you?

And just like you, girls are interested in talking to great guys too.

So really, there’s nothing to be worried about here!

Remember the biggest rule when it comes to knowing how to talk to a girl – you can’t jump steps. Just like you have to learn to walk before you can run, you need to learn to warm her up before you talk to her. Read on.

#1 Let her know you’re interested in her. Talking to a girl isn’t as simple as walking up to just about any girl and asking her out on a date. It may work in the movies, but in all probability, it won’t work in real life. A girl needs to know you’re interested in her so she can evaluate you.

If you just walk up to a girl who doesn’t have a hint that you’re approaching her, you may just end up shocking her. And she’s going to say the first thing her mum taught her to say to intruding boys. “Go away!”

#2 Play the staring game. Once she knows you exist, take the game a notch higher. Glance at her now and then to arouse her curiosity. Does she glance back at you now and then? Does she smile to herself when you catch her eye? Do her friends look at you and smile? Watch out for the happy signs.

There’s no point in trying to figure out how to talk to a girl if all she does is gives you a dirty stare or doesn’t care whether you’re looking at her. Asking a girl out in such cases usually ends up being a disaster and for a novice’s confidence, it’s best to be avoided.

#3 Don’t pick her up. Using a pick up line may be smart and cocky, but in most cases, pick up lines fail. The best way to figure out when and how to talk to a girl is to avoid pick up lines and use pick up circumstances instead!

If it’s a conference or a gallery and she walks up to a display, stand next to her and say something out of the blue like “do you know how long it took to make this?” or something just as casual. Likewise, whether it’s in the office, a park or even a bar, look around and ask her a question that’s relevant to something around her.

But always remember to keep it vague. A vague question makes a girl wonder for a few seconds, she’s going to end up responding to you.

#4 Don’t come on too strong. Now this works best just after you’ve spoken to her after asking her a really vague question. Once she answers it, both of you are in talking mode but not really friends. She would have answered your question and looked away. She obviously knows you’re hitting on her, so she won’t really try to continue the conversation. She may just smile and look away.

You can do one of two things, introduce yourself or continue to play the game and introduce yourself after asking her a few more questions. Prolonging the game can make it so much more exciting for both of you. But of course, she could just walk out of the conversation if she’s in a bar counter waiting for a drink. If you’re introducing yourself, go ahead and introduce yourself. And be frank, tell her you have a confession to make, that you’ve been waiting to meet her for a long time or all evening.

She obviously knows you’ve been staring at her, so why pretend like you’re picking her up. Telling her the truth may flatter her instead of making her feel like she’s being picked up.

#5 Give her the space

When you’re talking to a girl, make sure she knows she can walk out whenever she wants. Don’t corner her in awkward places like outside the ladies room, or a quiet corridor. If you can handle it, you can even talk to a girl when she’s with her friends. Always remember, if she feels like she has the space, she’s going to be a lot more comfortable to talk to you.

But then again, this is tricky. If you give a girl enough space, you may not be able to build a connection and she may just end up walking away. But as long as you’ve got the first four steps right, she won’t really walk away.

After all, if you’ve warmed her up, she’s going to want to talk to you too! As long as you’ve used these first four steps on how to talk to a girl to the tee, you’ll be able to talk to a girl and impress her, without really making it appear like you’re trying to pick her up.

smooth out

smooth something out

smooth out

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18 Answers

How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

Yes I could I have done this quiet a few times

Probably but I’ve another weapon. I once got out of a traffic ticket by slipping a leg out the car door as the officer approached. Yeah, I know, bad, bad girl but hey I really was sort of innocent.

How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

Yes, I Could Quite Easily.

How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

Oh, I could an ACTRESS. I am good AND with experience when it comes to talking out of trouble :]

How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

though I’m just as likely to dig a deeper hole in the short term

How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

I am a good girl, I never get in to trouble.

How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

yeah but, no but, yeah, but the thing is tanish said that tyrik said that jasons mum said to gemma that she wasnt allow to go down the skate park drinkin vodka but the kelly said to jess that she was a totally minger but i said she wasnt even though i fink she is anyway, then brandine said to me that mark fisher wanted to get off wiv me down the duck pond but baza saaid he never we its alright cos i never liked him anyway cos i know that kelly smith saw him in the school showers and says his nob is like well small.

Introverts tend to dread small talk. They worry that it will be boring, awkward, or that they’ll run out of things to say.

But in today’s world, small talk is difficult to avoid. Cocktail parties, networking events, and even the line for coffee at work may require a brief exchange of pleasantries.

Many introverts would be surprised to discover that small talk doesn’t have to be painful. By learning a few simple techniques, you can polish your conversational skills and make a positive impression.

Here are eight tips to master the art of small talk.

1. Reduce anxiety.

Introverts may approach small talk with anxiety, ranging from slight apprehension to debilitating dread. One introvert told me that he hides in the bathroom or fiddles with his phone to avoid idle chitchat. To curb your anxiety, stay rational and positive. Tell yourself any of the following (the first four tips are adapted from Alan Garner’s excellent book, Conversationally Speaking: Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness):

  • “The anxiety is coming from me and my beliefs, not the situation. I can do this.”
  • “What’s the worse that can happen? If they don’t like me, so what?”
  • “Just because [XYZ] happened in the past, doesn’t mean it will happen again.”
  • “Labels don’t define me. I’m an interesting, worthy person with a lot to contribute.”

2. Be purposeful.

Thoughts tend to be self-fulfilling. If you approach small talk with the belief that it will be dull and pointless, it probably will. Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts (“I’m awful at this,” “I hate small talk,” or “when can I go home?”), remind yourself that small talk isn’t superficial. Small talk serves an important purpose – it helps build the foundation for authentic conversations and deeper relationships down the road. Think of small talk as the light appetizer before the main course, and approach it with renewed purpose.

3. Channel your curiosity.

Introverts tend to be curious people. They love digging deep, delving into topics that interest them, and learning what makes people tick. Channel your natural curiosity into small talk. When you ask “how are you?” or “how was your weekend?”, approach the conversation with genuine interest. Carefully listen to the other person, and provide a thoughtful response. If you show true interest, you’ll invite further discussion and set a positive tone for future interactions.

4. Ask questions.

Introverts tend to feel uncomfortable in the spotlight. They are often reluctant to disclose too much about themselves, especially to new people. So how can you start conversations and keep them flowing? The answer is simple – ask questions. By allowing the other person to take center stage initially, you can build your comfort level and test the waters before sharing your own thoughts. If you feel uncomfortable or fatigued mid-conversation, ask more questions and subtly turn the attention away from yourself. (But do not be tempted to let the other person do all the talking! See tip #5.)

Gallery: World’s Most Famous Introverts

5. Add juicy tidbits.

If you relentlessly pepper the other person with questions, it will feel like an interrogation. At some point, you must share a bit about yourself. Do not provide one-word, closed responses; these cut the conversation short. Instead, embellish your responses with juicy tidbits of information. By providing multi-faceted responses, you can provide “hooks” for the other person to continue the conversation. For example:

  • Question: “How are you?” Short response: “Fine.” Better response: “Good, thanks. I’m getting ready for my vacation to England. It will be my first time in Europe, and I look forward to trying proper English tea.”
  • Question: “Where are you from?” Short response: “Seattle.” Better response: “I’m from Seattle. It doesn’t rain all the time, and I enjoyed the amazing seafood and coffee. There are Starbucks on every corner.”
  • Question: “What did you do this weekend?” Short response: “I went house-hunting.” Better response: “I went house-hunting. We’re considering the city versus the suburbs. We can get more house in the suburbs, but the trade-off is the commute.”

6. Deepen the conversation.

Simple questions tend to elicit a one-word answer. Open-ended questions, on the other hand, can spark longer and richer discussions. Start with simple questions. After all, you don’t want to scare the other person away. In Conversationally Speaking: Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness, Alan Garner suggests following up simple questions with open-ended ones. Open-ended questions can nudge the conversation into deeper, more authentic territory – where introverts tend to thrive. Here are a few examples:

  • “Where are you from?”, followed by “What is your hometown like? How is it different than here?”
  • “What do you do?”, followed by “How did you enter that profession? What brought you to that type of work?”
  • “Have you attended events organized by this group before?” followed by “What did you think of today’s presentation?”

7. Recognize cues.

Introverts are often misunderstood. Other people may interpret the introvert’s reserved nature as snobbish, or they may find an introvert’s deep passion for a particular topic to be too intense or serious. As an introvert, you can search for cues and learn to respond appropriately. For example, if the other person seems taken aback by your reserved nature, be sure to smile and express genuine enthusiasm in the conversation. Or if the other person starts to get fidgety while you’re speaking at length on a subject, it’s probably time to switch to another topic or wrap up the conversation.

8. Be kind to yourself.

Introverts are typically introspective souls who can concentrate for long periods of time. However, this gift can become a curse when introverts dwell on their own perceived faults and failures. If a particular endeavor didn’t go well, introverts may replay the episode in their minds and berate themselves for not doing things differently. If you botched up a conversation or wish you hadn’t said this or that, take a few minutes to reflect and focus on your “takeaway” lesson for next time. Then simply let it go. Everyone makes mistakes. To accomplish anything worthwhile, you must be willing to fail many times (and occasionally look silly) before achieving success.

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How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

There are two sides to every conversation, and both are essential to the art of communication.

So, how are your conversation skills? Think about it: Are you a smooth talker, or do you ramble? Are you an attentive listener, or do you tend to interrupt?

Here’s how to master the art of conversation—both sides of it:

When it’s your turn to talk

1. Get your thinking straight.

The most common source of confusing messages is muddled thinking. We have an idea we haven’t thought through. Or we have so much we want to say that we can’t possibly say it. Or we have an opinion that is so strong we can’t keep it in. As a result, we are ill-prepared when we speak, and we confuse everyone. The first rule of plain talk, then, is to think before you say anything. Organize your thoughts.

2. Say what you mean.

Say exactly what you mean.

3. Get to the point.

Effective communicators don’t beat around the bush. If you want something, ask for it. If you want someone to do something, say exactly what you want done.

4. Be concise.

Don’t waste words. Confusion grows in direct proportion to the number of words used. Speak plainly and briefly, using the shortest, most familiar words.

5. Be real.

Each of us has a personality—a blending of traits, thought patterns and mannerisms—which can aid us in communicating clearly. For maximum clarity, be natural and let the real you come through. You’ll be more convincing and much more comfortable.

6. Speak in images.

The cliché that “a picture is worth a thousand words” isn’t always true. But words that help people visualize concepts can be tremendous aids in communicating a message.

But talking, or sending messages, is only half the process. To be a truly accomplished communicator, you must also know how to listen, or receive messages.

If you’re approaching a railroad crossing around a blind curve, you can send a message with your car horn. But that’s not the most important part of your communication task. The communication that counts takes place when you stop, look and listen—a useful admonition for conversation, too.

So, when it’s your turn to listen

1. Do it with thought and care.

Listening, like speaking and writing, requires genuine interest and attention. If you don’t concentrate on listening, you won’t learn much, and you won’t remember much of what you do learn. Most of us retain only 25 percent of what we hear—so if you can increase your retention and your comprehension, you can increase your effectiveness.

A sign on the wall of Lyndon Johnson’s Senate office put it in a down-to-earth way: “When you’re talking, you ain’t learning.”

2. Use your eyes.

If you listen only with your ears, you’re missing out on much of the message. Good listeners keep their eyes open while listening. Look for feelings. The face is an eloquent communication medium—learn to read its messages. While the speaker is delivering a verbal message, the face can be saying, “I’m serious,” “Just kidding,” “It pains me to be telling you this,” or “This gives me great pleasure.”

3. Observe these nonverbal signals when listening to people:

  • Rubbing one eye. When you hear “I guess you’re right,” and the speaker is rubbing one eye, guess again. Rubbing one eye often is a signal that the speaker is having trouble inwardly accepting something.
  • Tapping feet. When a statement is accompanied by foot-tapping, it usually indicates a lack of confidence in what is being said.
  • Rubbing fingers. When you see the thumb and forefinger rubbing together, it often means that the speaker is holding something back.
  • Staring and blinking. When you see the other person staring at the ceiling and blinking rapidly, the topic at hand is under consideration.
  • Crooked smiles. Most genuine smiles are symmetrical. And most facial expressions are fleeting. If a smile is noticeably crooked, you’re probably looking at a fake one.
  • Eyes that avoid contact. Poor eye contact can be a sign of low self-esteem, but it can also indicate that the speaker is not being truthful.

It would be unwise to make a decision based solely on these visible signals. But they can give you valuable tips on the kind of questions to ask and the kind of answers to be alert for.

4. Make things easy.

People who are poor listeners will find few who are willing to come to them with useful information. Good listeners make it easy on those to whom they want to listen. They make it clear that they’re interested in what the other person has to say.

Are you sitting on your stuff? It’s time to let it out.

Posted Mar 03, 2011

The problem with problems is that they don’t come one at a time. They generally appear in clusters and sometimes they even have puppies. When one is taken care of, another pops up to take its place, and you wonder to yourself, “What did I do to deserve this?”

No, it isn’t Karma-you aren’t being punished-it’s just life. Combine the economic woes that we can’t seem to fix, issues that arise in any normal relationship, plus the unexpected upsets that besiege our day, and it’s understandable that there will be times when your mood reaches a low point.

There’s no quick fix or Pollyanna affirmation that’s going to change things. The truth is that you have to trudge forward until you can make them change. Perhaps someone else can help, but chances are they can’t take away your troubles.

A lot of people think that there’s a magic bullet that could make it all better. Well, it can help you feel good when someone touches your heart, but on the other hand, if you are struggling with personal or professional problems, they can be a burden on a relationship—especially if you refuse to talk about it.

Not wanting to look bad in the eyes of the person you admire may keep you from sharing what’s on your mind. Yet, if someone loves you, he or she will help you deal with your dilemmas. Talking about it can help shed light on how to get through a problem. That’s also how therapy works.

You may find that brainstorming with another person or even a group will help you find new ideas to help you move forward. When you know someone has your back, that emotional support can make all the difference.

If you have been sitting on your stuff to the point where it’s starting to hurt, it’s time to let it out. How you choose to do it is up to you, but just keeping your pain inside will eventually lead to some kind of a meltdown.

Learning that it’s okay to talk about our problems can feel a bit like a trip to the dentist. You know that the discomfort will stop once you get the tooth fixed, but you don’t want to go though the process because it hurts too. And sometimes, with emotional issues, you may be embarrassed to share what’s really going on for you. That’s why it’s so important to talk with someone who is comforting and nonjudgmental.

There will always be problems in our lives, but sometimes we don’t have the capacity to handle them all by ourselves. Getting a 360-degree view is impossible when all you can see is what’s going wrong. And talking with another person can give you perspective.

Just know that you can minimize your problems by discussing them with those you trust. Give your pain a voice, and let someone listen. You will be amazed at how much weight will be lifted off your shoulders.

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How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

How to Talk Yourself out of a Speeding Ticket

Or influence anyone who is an “authority figure” to give you what you want.

1. Admit that you are wrong.

If, for example, you’re dealing with a police officer who pulled you over, you might be tempted to say, “Excuse me, officer, but I don’t think you know who you are dealing with. I am a personal friend of the mayor.”

This is not a good idea. It is unlikely that just because you know the mayor the officer will not write the ticket. Instead, it is better to say, “I’m not going to try and claim that I wasn’t speeding, because I know I was . and I shouldn’t have been doing it.”

Never try and claim that you are right. Chances are, the authority figure has heard all of your arguments before. If anything, it will only antagonize the guy. If your goal is to persuade the authority figure to accept your point of view (as opposed to laying down groundwork for a legal defense), it is much better to acknowledge that you were completely wrong. If he was expecting a confrontation, that will take all the wind out of his sails.

2. Acknowledge that the authority figure has all the power – and that his decision is final.

Say something like, “I understand that the final decision for this matter is yours. So I understand if you have to give me a ticket.”

By saying this, you have done something for the authority figure. You have acknowledged his power – so he will instinctively feel like reciprocating. In simple language, since you did something nice for the authority figure, he will want to do something nice for you.

Now, that does not mean the police officer will simply forget about your ticket. He has a conflict . the sense that it is his obligation to write you a ticket because it is his job. So, there is one final critical step.

3. Shift the blame somewhere else . so it seems that it is not your fault that you made the error.

In our justice system, this “parry technique” is commonly used. It’s a kind of defense that is well recognized, and deeply embedded into every level of our culture.

So, you explain your reason. Perhaps you were speeding because you did not want to get to work late. And the reason you got a late start was because your kid was vomiting. Now, you have offered a sympathetic reason why you were speeding. It can be argued that it was not your fault. After all, you were just trying to be a good parent and a responsible person by staying employed. By providing such an explanation, you have given the officer a way to justify giving you a warning instead of a ticket.

Naturally, there are many variables in situations such as these, so there is no way to guarantee that these persuasion techniques will work every time with every authority figure. But they have been successfully used, over and over again, by me and other students of the art of persuasion.

When problems arise in a relationship, couples are often told they need to “communicate”—or talk to each other.

In many cases, however, couples do not know how to talk about problems and communication only makes the situation worse.

For the most part, there are two basic ways of talking about problems: Direct Accusation versus Problem Identification (described below). Unfortunately, most couples use Direct Accusation rather than Problem Identification when trying to resolve conflict.

How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of TroubleThe idea that Problem Identification is a better way of solving problems draws upon Gibb’s work on defensive communication and Cupach and Canary’s work on conflict management. Cupach and Canary’s book is a great resource for dealing with conflict management as well the book Broken Trust (written by a founder of this site).

Direct Accusation – Focus on Partner’s Behavior

When upset or angry, many people confront their spouses by focusing on their partner’s behavior. These accusations can be made directly “I am upset because you…” or even in the form of a question “why did you…?”

The motivation behind making such accusations is typically to change a spouse’s or partner’s behavior. People believe that if they get upset and point out their partner’s mistakes, things will change. This rarely works.

How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of TroubleIf you accuse a partner of wrongdoing, partners typically:

  • get defensive—fight back or withdraw (stop listening)
  • offer an (insincere) apology designed to stop your attack
  • hide and conceal similar behavior in the future

The long term outcome of directly confronting a partner is:

  • increased distance
  • less understanding and greater dissatisfaction
  • the lack of a genuine resolution
  • increased future conflict

A more effective approach involves focusing on one’s feelings, not a partner’s behavior.

Problem Identification – Focus on One’s Feelings

A better way to resolve relationship problems involves focusing on one’s feelings, rather than blaming a partner for what happened (even if, your partner deserves blame).

It is easier for a partner or spouse to hear what you have to say when you focus on your own feelings and not dwell on his or her mistakes. For example, if your spouse has a habit of coming home late—rather than make a direct accusation—“I hate when you’re so late—why do you do that?”—it helps if you can focus on your feelings instead “I am feeling sad and a little frustrated. I sometimes feel lonely when you are not home.”

When trying to discuss a problem—it’s important not to assign blame. Even saying something as simple as “It makes me feel uncomfortable. ” can come across as an accusation—leading to a defensive response. Phrasing a concern as “I feel. ” rather than “It makes. ” is a more effective way of solving problems.

Your motivation for dealing with problems this way should be to get your partner to hear what you have to say. If you can get your partner to understand your point of view, you are much more likely to create a meaningful and lasting resolution.

By focusing on your feelings instead of your spouse’s behavior, partners are more likely to:

  • listen to what you have to say
  • empathize with your position
  • discuss the problem in a constructive manner

And there are many benefits of approaching relationship problems with this way:

  • increased closeness, satisfaction and understanding
  • greater potential for resolution and change
  • less future conflict

Simply put, directly confronting a partner often leads to greater resistance, more conflict and deception. Of course, it is easier to get angry and make accusations, but doing so rarely leads positive, long term outcomes.

For the latest research on lying, infidelity and relationships, please visit our blog.

Related Information – common relationships issues – articles, links and resources

Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20+ years. She’s the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book.

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Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments.

How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

  • Spouses & Partners
    • Marital Problems
  • Violence and Abuse

Throughout your marriage, there will be times when you need to have “must-have” conversations.

These are the conversations that you both may not want to talk about. These are conversations about difficult issues and situations. These are the conversations that may make you both angry, defensive, sad, and hurt.

Overview

Pretending that there is nothing wrong will keep both of you walking on eggshells and will ultimately cause your marriage to fail.

Having a difficult talk shows you care enough about your spouse and your marriage to have the conversation.

Considerations

Here are tips for when you have to have that difficult talk — THE talk.

  • Look at your expectations. If you expect the conversation to go badly, it will. If you assume that having a big talk will make the situation worse, it probably will. You need to define your expectations of the conversation and to think in positive terms.  
  • Know why you want to have the talk. Do you want to talk with your spouse about a difficult issue to gain a better understanding of your spouse’s perspective on the issue? Do you want to clear up a misunderstanding? Do you need to confront your spouse about a suspected lie or hurtful behavior? Are you concerned about your level of intimacy with one another and want to be closer to your spouse?
  • Accept that it will probably be a stressful conversation. Although you don’t want either one of you to be stressed, hurt, or angered by the conversation, it is important to realize that you both may be defensive and emotional as you talk.  

First Steps

Below are suggestions for how to start your conservation:

There are two aspects to changing doctors: leaving one doctor, and finding and seeing a new one. Once you have decided you have valid reasons for changing doctors, you’ll want to be sure to do it the right way. If you don’t, you may be left out in the cold when it comes to finding a new provider to meet your needs.

How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

Before You Leave the Doctor You Already Have

In order to make the transition from your old doctor to your new doctor go smoothly, you’ll want to do the following:

  • If finding a new doctor is your choice, and not mandatory, then make sure there are other doctors who can help you before you leave. Some doctors do not take new patients. Others will not take Medicaid patients. Specialists are booked months in advance. You’ll need to do your due diligence to identify your new doctor before you leave the other one behind.
  • Schedule one last visit with the doctor you are leaving. Ask for a status report on current and recurring health conditions. Take notes, and take a second person with you, if possible. If you can discuss your reasons for leaving, this is a good time to do it. Just don’t burn any bridges. The community of doctors is small, even in large cities. Making things difficult for your doctor may make it difficult to find a new doctor.
  • Ask for copies of all medical records that relate to any current or chronic problems you have suffered throughout the past five or six years. Doctors’ notes, test results, and other information will be useful to your new doctor. In general, your access to these records is regulated by HIPAA federal government policies which address access to health records. However, each state has its own laws about how to make formal requests, and how that request will be carried out. You will most likely need to make the request in writing, and you may have to pay for the copies. Further, if your doctor uses an electronic medical record-keeping system (EMR), then you may find that the process will be altered, depending on whether the new doctor is using a similar system.
  • Once you have had this final briefing with your doctor, and with copies of your records in hand, you’ll be ready to visit your new doctor.

Do You Need to Tell Your Current Doctor Why You Are Leaving?

No, you don’t. But if you are leaving because you don’t have a choice, then it shouldn’t be difficult to do so. It’s good for your doctor to know you aren’t leaving because of some problem she caused.

On the other hand, if you are leaving because you choose to, and your reasons include some problem you’ve experienced with your doctor, that would be valuable information for your doctor to have, too. It’s not easy, but if you have it in you to do so, share your reasons with the doctor. You can do so respectfully and politely.

Speak to the doctor directly or write a letter to send your doctor apprising her of your reasons for leaving her.

You may find it’s cathartic, and doing so will help the doctor adjust her practice and future patients to be better served. You may also find out that the problem you perceive is simply a misunderstanding.

Visiting Your New Doctor

Assuming you have done your due diligence, and you have found Dr. Right as a replacement for the doctor you are leaving, there are some steps to take to ensure the development of the right relationship with your new doctor.

  • Begin by making an appointment just to get to know the new doctor, perhaps to have a physical. You may want to do this before you leave the former, if possible. Visiting the doctor when you have a few minutes to talk generally is a much better way to start a new relationship than when you are sick or hurt and must attend to those problems instead of your general health.
  • It’s good practice to keep copies of all your medical records. Therefore, make a second set of copies of your records so you can keep one set, and give the other to the new doctor. If possible, provide the copies to your new doctor before your visit. If she has time, she may review them prior to your appointment and that will leave you more time to chat, less of which will be taken up by her reading.
  • Write down a master list of questions for your new doctor to discuss when you visit. You may or may not choose to tell him why you left your previous doctor. If you do decide to share that information, do so knowing that you are providing information about your expectations for this new relationship. Just like you did with your former doctor, discuss these points respectfully and politely. You are establishing a professional, trustful relationship and it’s good to start off on the right foot.

Once you’ve begun working with your new doctor, remember that you must invest as much into the relationship as your new doctor does. Your doctor may be the person who is supposed to fix your health problems—but it’s up to us patients to be sure we are making healthy life choices and complying with their instructions once problems arise.

How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

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Lately we’ve had a number of readers asking about more ways to talk to women and keep the conversation going. Here’s JFav, answering the question of what he’d like to see in the new forum‘s bonus book:

“ Love to see something on keeping the conversation going. Some strategies a newbie could possibly use to deep dive. ”

Wanting to know more about conversation, particularly for newer guys.

How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

And on the recent article about how to pick up girls shopping, Maxz commented:

“ Hey Chase, another rocking article.

Question for you man, I have been having problems on the conversational aspect of the game lately. When you talk about deep diving and all, is it all about asking girls qestions about themselves? I can’t seem to truly crack this nut. Some of the girls I have talked to lately, we usually just end up in strange silences at some point in the conversation. What kind of easy probing questions will you suggest to carry on these conversations?

Thanks Chase, love every single lessons on here. ”

I referred Maxz to a few articles to help him get his bearings, but I realize that a lot of guys need a more basic layout of how to talk to women properly than is laid out in the article on deep diving or being a conversationalist.

So, today’s article has been put together to be exactly that: talking to women for beginners (with a few neat tips thrown in here and there to spice things up for the old pros), broken down into four lessons with five points each – a total of 20 ways to talk to women and make it go swimmingly.

Bad haircuts: Along with massive acne breakouts, they’re one of the most mortifying beauty experiences you can have. To make the most of your crowning glory—and to avoid any freak-outs, meltdowns or OMG salon moments—use these straight-from-the-pros tips to make sure your next haircut is the most perfect do ever.

How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

Make sure your hairstylist sees and touches your hair before he picks up the scissors.

While the shampoo stage of the haircutting process can be the most relaxing, don’t rush right into it. “If someone from the salon offers to shampoo you before your stylist sees you, ask to wait to talk with the stylist,” says New York City hair pro Philip Pelusi. “It is important for the stylist to see how your hair looks currently, how you style it now and to check out your hair’s growth patterns before she starts cutting.”

Use the right lingo—and a lot of it.

A few adjectives could mean the difference between the best cut of your life and a hair horror story, so get specific about what you want—your stylist won’t mind if it takes you a few different tries to say exactly what you mean. This is especially true when you get into tricky territory like bangs. “I like words that are a little more descriptive like strong bangs, soft bangs or a general vibe like I don’t want hard lines,'” says celebrity hairstylist Ted Gibson.

Talk in terms of problems and not “wouldn’t it be cool if it looked like _______” solutions.

“Make a list of the problems you had with your last haircut and also all the styling problems you are having with your hair. List color or chemical problems, too,” suggests Philip Pelusi. “This is a very effective way to get all your hair problems solved at once instead of something like asking for more layers because you need more volume or a darker color because your color is fading.”

Bring in a hairstyle scrapbook…

You know all those celeb magazine photos you’ve gazed at and thought, Gee I wish my hair looked like that? Bring a few with you to your next salon appointment. “Photographs are a terrific starting point, so I recommend that my clients bring in images that relate to the hair texture they want, colors they love and shapes that inspire them,” says Sassoon Salon regional creative director Martyn Duff.

…but be prepared for some ideas to stay in the wishful-thinking pile.

Are you ready for a reality check? Here it comes: Your ideal hairstyle might not work with the hair you were born with—and a good stylist won’t try to do the impossible, which could result in a less-than-sexy do. “They’ll either tell you steps that can be taken to achieve that style or maybe why your hair type won’t work for the style,” says Pelusi. “Either way, [showing photos to your stylist is a] time-saver that really helps communicate your hair dreams.”

Be careful when you use the words “short” and “shorter.”

Your version of short could be very different from your hairdresser’s. To avoid having a freak-out about losing too much length, ask your stylist to show you exactly how short she’ll be cutting. ” As hairdressers, we want to make our clients happy, so don’t hesitate to ask to see how much will be cut off,” says Pelusi.

Make sure the “snip tour” goes all the way around your head.

When your stylist is giving you a little preview of what’s to come, make sure you talk about the back, sides and front of your hair—and ask for a guided tour. “Be sure to be specific about your questions and answers,” advises Gibson. “Short layers and long layers work well, but if you like your hair more layered in one place and longer in another, tell the stylist.”

Let your stylist know if you’re low- or high-maintenance.

“If a client can articulate how her hair relates to her lifestyle and how much time she’d like to spend on her hair, those details are really the best way to ensure we will create the most appropriate look,” says Duff. Translation? If you’re a ponytail-n-go kind of girl, don’t ask for a hairstyle that’ll take you two hours to get right. It’ll only frustrate you later on down the line.

Find out if you have to use specific products to re-create the styling magic.

Yes, hairstylists are total pros, but part of the reason your hair looks so good when you leave the salon is because they use the right products. Take the opportunity while you’re sitting in your chair to find out what they’re using, what they like and what exactly you should use. To get the best answers, you have to be specific: “If you have curly hair, ask how often to shampoo and what products you should use so that it doesn’t dry out your hair. Ask what styling products are going to give the best results and not weigh down hair, etc.,” suggests Gibson.

Don’t be afraid that you’re being an annoying client with all these questions.

“It is best for clients to be armed with as much information as possible,” says Duff. “You won’t offend us—the more details the better! Then the stylist and client can be on the same wavelength.” You heard it from the pros, so feel free to ask away!

How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

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If there’s one thing that managers have in common, it’s that they all hate surprises. So, if you’re about to spring something on your manager, be mindful of how you do it.

Alert your boss to a problem early—while he or she can still do something about it—is always the right move. It’s never a good idea to dump your problems in your boss’s lap. Instead, approach someone in a way that sets you up to get the best reaction and best engagement from them. Here are a few smart steps that will yield positive results and resolution .

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Ask for time. Give your boss a head’s up that you would like to speak with them before you barge into their office or interrupt them with an alarming phone call. Let them know that you have a significant issue to discuss, and ask them when would be a good time to speak.

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Make sure your boss is in “receive” mode. Sure you have a burning issue, but your boss may be busy putting out other fires that might even be bigger emergencies than yours. Be aware of what else is going on, and be sensitive about when you approach someone with a problem. Watch for patterns so you can tell when your boss is overwhelmed so you can stay away at that moment. Approach your boss when he or she is in a good place to have a productive discussion.

Own it. Explain the situation, and be honest about how big of a problem it is, but don’t pawn the problem off. Do not make your problem their problem. Instead, say, “I know this is mine to resolve,” then ask for any suggestions your boss might have. Managers prefer to be solicited for advice and wisdom, rather than having to solve a problem for someone else.

Make sure you are also in “receive” mode. You have the opportunity to learn a lot from someone who’s been through this before. Be open to accepting coaching. That’s the best way to solve the current situation well and advance in your career.

How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

I’ve spent 40 years in the tech industry and held every position in a workplace (from entry-level to CEO). Now, I’m drawing on my experiences and life-lessons to cover

I’ve spent 40 years in the tech industry and held every position in a workplace (from entry-level to CEO). Now, I’m drawing on my experiences and life-lessons to cover entrepreneurship, the challenges of working in — and running — a startup, the future of work and mentorship. I’m the founder of the seed investment firm Webb Investment Network (WIN); board member for Salesforce and Visa; and creator of the Webb Family Foundation. Formerly I served as Chairman of the Board of Yahoo!, was CEO and Chairman at LiveOps, and COO of eBay. I am the author of two bestselling books: Rebooting Work and Dear Founder.

  • Figuring out how to contact Facebook for problems with your account or other issues can be difficult, as the company does not accept phone calls for customer support.
  • There are a number of email addresses to which you can try to contact Facebook through, but the responses can be slow and aren’t assured, either.
  • Using the platform’s own Help Center to send messages to Facebook can be the most reliable way to connect with the company to report a problem with your account or other issues.

Don’t bother trying to call Facebook.

If you dial either of the Palo Alto-area phone numbers you’ll easily find for the social media mega platform via online search (those are 650-543-4800 and 650-308-7300, for the record), you’ll get a recording. It will talk you through a series of menus, each option of which will ultimately direct you to send an email to an appropriate account. These include [email protected] for media inquiries and [email protected] for law enforcement concerns.

But if you hit 1 for customer service? The recording will direct you to click the word “Help,” saying that it’s “found at the bottom of any Facebook page.” Here’s the thing: it isn’t. In fact, if you’re on your main Facebook feed, there is no “bottom” of the page.

Here are a few things you can do instead.

How to contact Facebook customer support

If you want to contact Facebook, you’ll first need to log into your account. Then look up at the top right corner of the screen. There, you’ll see a little question mark inside a dark circle. Click it, then from the dropdown menu, select “Report a Problem.”

Another menu will pop up that features three clickable options. These are:

  • Payment Issue
  • Something Isn’t Working
  • Abusive Content

If you are reporting hate speech or a problem with your account like, say, difficulty uploading photos, you’ll know where to go. (“Abusive Content” for the hate, “Something Isn’t Working” for the upload issue, e.g.). But for more general customer service inquiries, Facebook is rather inscrutable.

Your best bet may be to do an end run around the folks from Facebook itself, and instead go to the Help Community and asking other platform users like yourself.

How to ask the Facebook Help Community a question

From any Facebook page, again click that question mark at the top right of the page. At the top of the dropdown menu you’ll see the words “Help Center.” Click there.

On the Help Center page, scroll down as far as you can. On the left near the bottom of the page, click “Visit Help Community.”

You will be taken to a page where lots of questions have already been answered, but where you can also post your own question. At the top right of the Help Community page is a gray box with the words “Ask a Question.”

Hit that link. On the next page, choose the right Topic and Sub-Topic, then type your question. Now it’s time for some waiting. Regardless of where you posted your query, you can go to your “Support Inbox” from the menu that drops down from that same question mark to see if anyone, be it a helpful community member or actual staffer, has decided to give you a hand.

How to contact Facebook via other social media platforms

Another way to attempt to connect with Facebook is to reach out to them through or mention them on another social media platform. You can send a direct message to FB via Twitter or use their @Facebook Twitter account in a Tweet you post. If it gets enough traction, they will likely see it.

So too can you approach via Instagram, including Facebook in a post, but unless you get a lot of love on that snap, chances are you’re better back on the Facebook Help Center.

If you’re upgrading from an older iPhone to the shiny iPhone SE, this tool makes transferring everything a breeze. We walk you through what you need to know.

How to Smooth Talk Your Way out of Trouble

Apple’s iPhone SE is a steal of a deal.

Getting the new iPhone SE ? It’s a heck of a deal at $399 . If you’re upgrading from an older iPhone, your new phone’s camera tricks, faster performance and improved battery life mean you’re in for a treat. With orders starting to arrive, we want you to be prepared for one of the first tasks you’ll need to do — transfer all of your information from your old iPhone to the new SE.

This can be a problem if you realize you’re out of iCloud storage or your phone hasn’t been backed up in weeks. Ugh. Don’t sweat it. As long as your old iPhone is running iOS 12.4 or newer (you can check in Settings > General > About), you can forget about all that iCloud nonsense and use Apple’s newest transfer tool.

With a quick scan of a code and a couple of taps on your phone, you’ll transfer all of your contacts, photos, messages and the rest of your most important info from your old iPhone to your new one. It sure beats paying for extra storage (just make sure you’re regularly backing up your iPhone using a computer).

Using the new data migration tool is simple, just make sure to set aside some time to allow for everything to transfer over.

Setting up your new iPhone has never been this easy.

What you need

You’ll need two iPhones — your old one and the new one you’re setting up — both running iOS 12.4, and access to a Wi-Fi network.

Go to Settings > General > Software Update on your old phone to make sure you’re running the latest version of iOS 12.

What’s transferred

By the time you’ve eventually finished setting up your new phone (step-by-step instructions below), it will essentially be a direct copy of your current phone. Apps will be in the same place on your home screens, settings will be the same, email accounts. everything.

iOS 12.4’s new data transfer tool eliminates the need to worry about iCloud backups.

Using the new transfer feature

With your old and new iPhones powered on, unlocked and next to each other, your old phone should display a prompt asking if you want to set up a new phone. Tap Continue and then point the old iPhone’s camera at your new phone’s screen.

Follow the prompts on your new phone, completing tasks like entering a passcode, setting up Touch ID or Face ID and agreeing to Apple’s terms and conditions. Eventually, you’ll end up on a screen asking if you want to transfer data directly from one phone to the other, or if you want to restore from iCloud.

Select Transfer from iPhone and follow the prompts, after which your iPhones will take care of the rest. Make sure you leave the two phones near each other, otherwise the transfer can slow down or stall.

Pour yourself a cup of tea and let the transfer process do its thing.

It will take some time for the transfer to complete, depending on the speed of your Wi-Fi network and the amount of data you’re transferring. Naturally, 2,000 photos will take longer to transfer than 500. If you have a lot of apps and photos, be prepared to be patient — it’s going to take a while. It took me about 25 minutes to transfer all of my data, which is exactly the amount of time the tool estimated it would take.

The default method is to use a wireless connection for the transfer. Alternatively, if you have a Lightning-to-USB 3 camera adapter and a spare Lightning USB cable, a wired transfer is possible and should be faster. But it’s not worth going out and buying the adapter just to save yourself a few minutes.

After the transfer is complete, your new phone will reboot and your apps will finish downloading. All of your photos, emails, contacts, appointments and messages will be there.

After you’ve set up your new phone, take a few minutes to get familiar with iOS 13 and its hidden features , then make sure to do these things first .