They say marriages are made in heaven. But then, there ends the ‘heavenly’ part. Down here on earth, it isn’t so rosy. Marriages need a lot of work and sometimes just a little help when things just don’t go as planned. A failing marriage is a real problem. Either you stop loving each other, or they start loving someone else or may be even you get attracted to a third person. There comes a time when you may feel like you can’t handle it all and it’s becoming a failing marriage, and simply falling apart.
So What Do You Do About A Failing Marriage?
In moments like these, you need to do two things – identify the problems and signs and fix it. Let’s talk about some of the signs you may notice that are indicators that you marriage is falling apart, and how you can save it.
Distance is a sign of a bad marriage if not a failing marriage. You start feeling this awkward distance between your minds. You find it hard to connect and relate to your partner. He/she doesn’t happen to be the first person you want to share news with. And no quick fix solution is possible.
2. Silence In A Failing Marriage
Silence is definitely not a sign of true love from a woman or a man. It is one of the biggest signs of a failing marriage. You can sit quietly in a room for hours and have absolutely nothing to talk about. You wake up and mutter a ‘good morning’ and go to bed with a disinterested ‘good night’ and have no meaningful conversation in between.
You find yourself cribbing and crying about each other’s flaws all the time. No matter where you go, ‘how fed up I am’ is the only thing you can think about. You cant even imagine how you can save the relationship.
There is no peace in each other’s company; instead you would rather be happy without each other. Their work commitments in different cities no longer make you sad. You look at those as opportunities to regain your calm. Or you find a fix for a failing marriage, somewhere else.
Without each other! You love going out with your friends and family as long as it’s some place away from your partner. You dread the moment you have to come back into your real life with them. This is one of the most commonly unchecked signs of a failing marriage or a failing relationship.
6. Fights In A Failing Marriage
There is no calm in your household. You are ready to pounce at each other with accusations for things as silly as ‘who left the lights on.’ You don’t need a major reason to get mad at each other now.
Another sign of a failing marriage and a cry for help is a lack of those special moments. You start feeling like there is no intimacy left in your relationship. The closest you come to each other is when you forcibly have to be together for the public eye.
You have no interest in each other’s lives now. Neither do you share updates from your life nor do you show interest in their life. This is the last straw normally, and a sure sign of a failing marriage.
Do any of the above mentioned signs remind you of your own failing marriage? If you still haven’t given up and know it in your heart that you don’t want to part ways then here are some of the things you can do to revive the lost spark in your marriage. But remember, if it’s important, it will require hard work.
1. Communication Is Key In A Failing Marriage
I understand that the communication must be dead by now, but try. Try to talk, pick up small topics like daily chores, or the kids. This will help because healthy communication is the key to almost everything. And when it comes to a failing marriage, it’s a way to start again.
There are always some hidden and unspoken feelings inside the heart, whether it’s a failing marriage or a successful one. Express and tell them how you truly feel. Talk about what you expect, in simple terms. Maybe later, you can talk about where you think things took a wrong turn and how you can make it work. You can try short love messages.
Don’t just keep talking about your feelings because the problem has to be from both sides. Ask your partner about what they are feeling. When it comes to it, ask them where they think you went wrong.
Sometimes, after marriage, we get so engrossed in the lifestyle that we stop looking after ourselves. We only focus on getting by each day and start looking dull and behaving dull. And before you know it, one thing lead to another and now you’re dealing with a failing marriage and wondering how you can save it. Introspect and think whether you’ve become dull and have stopped trying to be your best.
Flirting never hurts, in fact in relationships, and even failing marriages, it helps bring back the lost fun-quotient that you had. So flirt a little to remind yourselves of the time you first fell in love with each other and you can still fix the relationship.
Ask your partner out on a coffee date or a dinner date (whichever suits you more). Begin the process of getting to know each other all over again. You never know, the conversation might make you both realize the main problem of your failing marriage. Or it might be signs of a new beginning.
When it comes to a fix for a failing marriage where children are involved, so much more is the issue. It is important to do everything you can to save it. Focus on working as a team for the sake of your children and also for what you both have built. Don’t work as individual parents, work together as a team to give your children the best happy childhood and life that they deserve.
All the signs of a failing marriage might seem like the end of things but it never really is. If you want to, and if you do work hard enough, you might just end up making your marriage happier than ever. All it needs is a bit of love and effort.
When a relationship is failing, there are usually some pretty obvious signs, like an increase in arguments, name-calling, and more time spend apart. But, when things have gotten unhealthy (and may be rushing towards an end) it’s not always so obvious. Sometimes, there are subtler signs a relationship is failing. While they can be easy to miss, these symptoms are just as important to recognize if you want to save your relationship.
Keep in mind though, that some relationships are too toxic, and thus not worth holding onto. But if your partnership is worth saving (i.e., it has some redeemable, healthy qualities, or you’re just going through a rough patch), rest assured there are some things you can do.
If things don’t feel right or you’ve noticed some changes, start by talking with your SO and laying everything out on the proverbial table. “Communication is key,” says NYC-based therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW. “Talk to your partner in a relaxed environment and commit to taking steps to make a change. People get comfortable and want to avoid conflict. However, the only ways things change is to work through issues.” Here are some signs that it may be time to reevaluate where things went wrong, so you can work together to make them right again.
1. You’ve Stopped Arguing (Or Never Started)
While this might sound like heaven on earth, it’s actually not a great sign if you and your partner never argue. “It . suggests that you are either not comfortable, or not aware that you are molding yourself into a carbon copy of the other person,” psychologist and radio show host Dr. Joshua Klapow tells Bustle. For a relationship to last, you both need to be able to argue and speak your mind.
2. You Let Each Other Get Away With Everything
In the same vein, it’s not healthy to let your partner bug the hell out of you without saying anything, simply because “you love them.” Because, turns out, there is a thing as being too tolerant. As Klapow says, “This is the idea of basically letting your frustrations and compromises build up so much that you lose yourself in the process. You no longer have a life you want, but a life of tolerating them.” And that’s not as sweet as it sounds.
3. They Disregard You In Little Ways
A relationship that’s built to last will consist of two people who always take each other into consideration. So yes, you should be concerned if your parter is suddenly living that solo life. “They eat by themselves and don’t include you in dinner plans. They stop adding your laundry to the loads they are washing. They don’t leave your mail in a neat file for you like they used to,” couples counselor Erin Wiley tells Bustle. “Discontinuing the simple, small things we do for each other when we are in a solid relationship is a good indicator that your partner is not as invested as they used to be.”
4. Your Arguments Go From Zero To Sixty
Again, arguing is a good thing. But it could be a sign of a problem if they start off way harsh. “When your partner вЂ” who used to bring up concerns or conflicts in a fairly peaceable way вЂ” starts out difficult discussions at an intense level, with anger from the very first words uttered, that is cause for concern,” Wiley says. “There is likely an underlying contempt that’s been brewing that is not being identified, spoken, and dealt with. “
5. You Don’t Appear To Be Included In Future Plans
If, when you stop and think about it, you realize you’ve yet to hear about any holiday plans, take note. If things are on the outs, “[our partner] may start planning activities in the future that don’t include you: holidays, trips with friends, things that you have been included in the past,” says relationship expert Stef Safran.
6. They’re Not As Available As They Used To Be
While you don’t have to do everything together as a couple, you certainly want to be involved in their life. So speak up if you notice that they’re never around anymore. As Safran tells me, they might be spending more time with friends, or taking longer to come home from work. This could be a way of establishing themselves outside the relationship, because they know it’ll end soon. Or, a way to avoid the problems you’re having at home.
7. You Aren’t As Close Anymore
As Beverly Hills psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish tells me, you’ll notice a gradual distancing between you and your partner. “You’re now feeling a sense of chasing [them] or trying to get hold and sustaining [their] attention, when before it required no effort at all.” In other words, you feel kind of ignored. And that’s not OK.
8. You Haven’t Had Sex In Ages
Sex can dwindle as a long-term relationship goes on, but do take note if you look up one day and realize it’s been. well, you’re not even sure how long since the last time you had sex. As Walfish says, “The number one symptom of a failing relationship is the disappearance of sex. When the communication falters, sex wains.”
9. Or, You Have Sex All The Time
If the only thing you two have going for you is a fun sex life, think twice. “If the sex is great but there is little emotional connection and not much quality time together, the chance of your relationship lasting is pretty small,” says Hershenson. “Sex is only part of a good relationship.” So don’t think things are “great” just because you’re constantly in bed.
10. You Spend 24/7 Together
Again, a healthy relationship does not mean you two spend every waking moment together. “It’s important to have your own interests outside the relationship. Spending time with friends and having hobbies will only make you a better person and more present in the relationship,” Hershenson says. So make this a priority, or consider your relationship headed for disaster.
11. Their Jealousy Has Gotten Out Of Control
If you or your partner are the jealous type, it can take a toll on your relationship вЂ” and may even mean things will end. So, do they get jealous over every little thing? “Those are signs of an insecure person who is struggling with sharing you and your time with others,” Wiley says. “An unhealthy sign that the relationship may not last long-term.”
These subtle signs are all tiny symptoms of a failing relationship, or issues that can make things fail. Once you notice them, speak up ASAP. If the relationship is worth saving, you and your partner can work together вЂ” by having open communication вЂ” to make things healthier.