If you’ve ever been told you have a strong personality, or if you feel like people see you as ‘intimidating’, then this article is for you.
I personally think that a strong personality is a gift, but having a too strong and assertive one can become an issue.
Malcolm X once said, “Why am I as I am? To understand that of any person, his whole life, from birth, must be reviewed. All of our experiences fuse into our personality. Everything that ever happened to us is an ingredient.”
It is the great north wind that made the Vikings
Our experiences in life mold us into the people we are. Chances are, if you have a strong personality, it’s because you’ve had to have one. Sometimes life throws curveballs, and you’ve learned how handle them.
It’s not a bad thing to be one of those people although, judging by the reactions of those around you, you may sometimes feel you’ve crossed the line. Your career may have had a few hiccups, and your relationships may be trademarked by tension. Nonetheless, your independent way of thinking isn’t wrong. It just rubs some people the wrong way.
You might have noticed that people are cautious when you approach them. When they see you coming down the hallway, they give a quick nod and a smile, and try to get out of your way as quickly as possible. The sad part of this is that some people don’t even realize that they’re coming off this way. More often than not, these people have a big heart and are very kind, but their strong personality makes them come off as aggressive or even rude.
Drawing a line of distinction between a strong personality and an intimidating one can be difficult, as there aren’t unified standards.
Listed below are some of the character traits that seem to be defining the notion of intimidating personality. Well, to some extent, at least.
However, there are a couple traits and characteristics that seem to be quite common.
1. You don’t tolerate willful ignorance
Whenever you encounter such type of behavior, it either makes you extremely angry, or it makes you want to walk away without saying a word. This might be because most strong-willed people are also highly educated.
Having done everything they could to understand as much of the world as possible (which requires a mind of openness), when they see someone who is willfully ignorant or judgmental, they simply can’t handle it, and they won’t tolerate it.
2. Small talk is annoying
Conversations that invite intellectually stimulating discussion are always welcome, whereas mundane chit-chat about the weather, or who is marrying whom make you feel frustrated and annoyed.
And yes, those with strong personalities are not afraid to tell others exactly what they think. This is especially true when they are trying to focus on something important and get interrupted by someone’s lame attempt to start a small talk. They really just don’t have the time to be bothered with the trivialities of life.
3. You find opportunities where others see none
One of the undisputed advantages of having a strong personality and a daring mind is that you are able to see opportunities where others see closed doors. Everything is possible given the right mindset.
This trait can help you survive (and thrive) when times get tough. The only issue you will encounter is when others start showing animosity and jealousy of your natural ability to succeed in all of your doings.
4. You focus on solutions, not problems
People that have a strong personality are known for their ability to get things done. They keep their nose to the grindstone and work tirelessly to reach their goals. When a problem arises, they focus on solving the issue. Because of this type of mentality, these people do not tolerate lame excuses.
Whining and complaining to a person with a strong personality is not a good idea. Instead, try to get the job done or fix the problem. Others may find your unwillingness to listen to ungrounded complains intimidating, but they should know that strong personalities don’t pander to weak-willed individuals.
5. Your word is everything.
If you have a strong personality, then you are one of the few people out there who really say what they mean, and mean what they say. You’ve never been the one to break a promise, or lie to a friend (even when you knew the truth would hurt), and people respect you for your honesty.
But they might not appreciate it at the time. In fact, you’ve probably had someone tell you how much they dislike the words you told them, even though you said them with kindness and honesty.
Your honesty causes you to despise liars and people who couldn’t keep a promise to save their life. They say something you know is false and suddenly you start seething with indignation. It just happens. Because of this tendency of yours, you pick and choose your friends wisely.
Does this sound like you or someone you know?
Just remember, people who have a strong personality aren’t rude, neither do they try to dominate anything or anyone.
They simply can’t put up with duplicity and ambiguous behaviours in other people. They find dealing with such individuals unnecessary and exhausting.
Knowing When to Act Adopting the Attitude Taking Action Community Q&A Being mean and intimidating all the time can be exhausting and won’t help you make any friends.
However, there are times when it’s absolutely necessary to scare people off a little bit and to assert yourself.
If you need to be mean and intimidating toward someone, then you have to have an attitude of “I don’t care what anyone thinks,” a healthy dose of confidence, and the words to back it up.
If you want to know how to be mean and intimidating when you need to be, see Step 1 and be on your way.
gives me confidence while enabling me to be my true self.
You’ve changed my life, making me a happier person, because now I have the tools to sift through the BS, taking only the best, without losing myself, but finding more of myself.
If you have the Persuasive feat, you get a bonus on Intimidate checks (see Feats).
If successful, the target gives you the information you desire, takes actions that do not endanger it, or otherwise offers limited assistance.
After the Intimidate expires, the target treats you as unfriendly and may report you to local authorities.
If you fail this check by 5 or more, the target attempts to deceive you or otherwise hinder your activities.
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How to Be Intimidating
Intimidating others may not be among your priorities but it comes in handy in some situations. Some people have naturally intimidating personalities, while others have a mild temperament and spirit. It is difficult for individuals with mild personalities to be intimidating when the need arises. That’s when this article comes handy.
How to Be Intimidating
Use your body language techniques
Your body language communicates a certain attitude to those around you. Here is what you should do to appear intimidating:
Stand upright and lean forward a bit when talking to others. Such a posture makes you appear tall and confident.
Command your space by taking as much space as possible when walking, sitting, or standing. Stand with your arms out and legs apart and walk with your arms open. Keep your arms and legs open and lean back when sitting.
If you are addressing a group of people, rest your hands on your hips while your arms remain open, away from your body. Such a posture conveys authority.
Another intimidating posture is crossing your arms firmly on your chest when sitting, walking, or standing. But crossing your arms loosely on the lower part of your body conveys nervousness instead of authority.
Smiling shows that you are agreeable and friendly. So replace smile with scowl if you want to convey anger, disinterest, and aggression. People will fear talking to you with such an attitude.
Point fingers at others if you want to convey conviction and authority. It may seem rude and aggressive but it is a good way to be intimidating.
Pay attention to your appearance
You can learn how to be intimidating by appearing clean and well-groomed at all times, which will make you look confident and assertive. Grow a beard if you want to display assertiveness and masculinity. You should also dress better than those who you want to intimidate. Choose formal wear such as suits and formal dresses if you want to convey authority.
Control your facial expression
Your facial expressions convey your emotions. People know that you are happy when you smile, shocked when you gasp, and in disagreement when you frown. Maintain a neutral expression to limit the emotions you show. Practice how to maintain such an expression in situations that call for you to smile, frown, or laugh. Master the technique alone with a mirror or together with a friend.
Look directly into people’s eyes
You can intimidate people by maintaining direct eye contact. But some cultures consider direct eye contact as rude and disrespectful, so you have to be careful when applying this technique. Besides, rolling your eyes and glaring while talking to people will also intimidate others. But this can be interpreted as rude in some contexts, so use it with caution.
Be confident when talking to others
Learn to voice your opinions and face conflicts confidently. You do not have to agree with others all the time. Use “I” statements instead “you” statements to convey authority. Do not defend yourself when others criticize your opinion. Instead, use direct statements to emphasize your opinion. You can agree with others in principle but disagree with the details. Maintain your stand and state it repeatedly when necessary. Learn to say no to some requests.
Trash talk helps
How to be intimidating? Use trash talk or just criticize others which communicates confidence when used properly. You can use it directly or sarcastically. For example, you can try words like “I’ve finished 10 cases this month. What about you, Cal? 3?” But do limit your trash talks to one’s abilities and not identity. Do not use offensive language such as racist or sexist talks.
Take advantage of a group
Ask a group of friends to walk with you especially when walking into new places. You look important and confident with an entourage behind you, which also makes you come off as a dominant figure. Your entourage can boast about your abilities and achievements to others. You can hire an entourage where necessary or ask your friends to idolize you when walking with you.
Stay calm and quiet
You can intimidate others with your composure and silence. Keep your talk direct, short, and snappy. Avoid any expression like blinking, gulping, and smiling while speaking. The other person will know that you are serious. Besides, you can even look disgusted and give orders without adding a word to them. One important rule is to never repeat yourself. The person should get it the first time. A timely violent act comes in handy at times but you don’t need violence in most situations. Always stay composed and never flinch or show any emotion when speaking.
A big size will definitely make you look intimidating. You can increase your size by going to the gym or practice some martial arts as well. You can always command attention with a black belt. Bear in mind you cannot scare anyone with baggy pants and tight shirts, so always wear many layers if you are small. Your clothing should make you look solid.
Hide behind the curtain
How to be intimidating? Let people know of you without meeting you. Let them know you as the person on the other side of the line. Send people to handle your business on your behalf. You can also create an impression of the boss upstairs without allowing people to see your face. By the time you show up in person, the people you have been dealing with will esteem you highly.
Being called good-looking, talented, friendly, funny or classy is great.
But more often than not, you find yourself on the receiving end of a different kind of compliment: the old “you’re so intimidating” line.
Being called intimidating feels like a sneaky diss that somehow makes you swell with pride.
Why? Because being called intimidating is actually the greatest compliment you’ll ever receive.
It means many things, but no matter the source, being an intimidating person implies the following:
You’re not easily impressed.
Why should you be?
When was the last time someone said something that really blew your fucking mind, anyway? You’re not going to walk around giggling at nonsense.
Most of the people you meet like you or at least seem interested because you have made yourself an interesting person.
You have cultivated вЂ” over time вЂ” a personality that draws people in like a good story at The Moth.
When you ARE impressed, you know how to show it. People see that, and it becomes instantly clear how little you give a shit about them in comparison.
You’re unapproachable. But that’s not on you.
You’re unapproachableВ because most people are dramatically unremarkable, and you don’t want to waste time getting caught in conversations with people who trap you with long storiesВ and laugh at their own jokes.
I don’t work for the Census Bureau, but these awful people make up 89 percent of the human population.
You don’t sweat the shit you can’t control.
There are few things more true in life than this: You become glued to what you hate, simply by hating it.
Hate and resentment are a cycle that don’t end, but you know better. You don’t allow the people, places or things you can’t control in life to ruin you.
You are a human being, you feel feelings and you allow yourself the freedom to experience them without trying to hide them.
This openness may frighten people. It may challenge their own ideas about what they were taught was “the proper way to behave.”
But you know behaving is for squares and you, my friend, are a circle. You’re a bright and beautiful orb of majesty and light.
You exude pure, super-human power.
Intimidating people are something of an anomaly, in that they are literallyВ real-life X-Men.
Sure, you put your pants on every day one leg at a time, but there is something about you that just exudes mystery and inspires fear.
When you walk into a room, you give off a vibe that people instantly respond to, like you’re just breezing through while your private jet waits outside.
You are Mr. Christian Grey, and the world is your sub.
Much like the X-Men (and Christian Grey,) you need to use your power for good.
Be aware of your impact and know your own strength. Otherwise, you can turn from Christian Grey to Lenny from “Of Mice And Men,” and shit will go downhill real quick.
В People want to be your friend.
Although most of them underwhelm you, people want to be your friend.
And this is a good thing because being unapproachable can lead to a lonely life, and a lot of people who are described as intimidating are unaware of the vibe they give off.
In spite of the fact that you most likely enjoy your own company, you might also find yourself feeling like you actually repel friendships.
It’s important for you to know that if you want to actually be friends with someone, you may have to make the first move.
Most of us do not deliberately try to intimidate others. While it may be enjoyable to get people to do what you want, it’s preferable to motivate and inspire co-workers and family members rather than intimidate them into action. The intimidation might be created by something you don’t consciously control, such as excessive height that makes you tower over others, or your leadership position, but it is usually the result of how you communicate. If you want to cease intimidating those around you, you’ll have to adopt new ways of communicating.
Be aware that intimidation can ruin relationships. When people feel intimidated they usually become resentful and lose respect for the intimidator.
Determine why people feel intimidated by you. Examine your interactions and ask yourself if you have a subconscious desire to manipulate others. unresolved feelings of insecurity might manifest as a desire to bully or control. Increasing your self-confidence may help you interact in a more positive way.
Think about what you’re going to say before you say it. Choose your words carefully, especially when it’s necessary to give criticism. Avoid pejorative words, and don’t make threats.
Don’t project a know-it-all attitude. Some people feel intimidated when confronted by arrogance. Don’t interrupt when someone is speaking to you, even when you believe that person is wrong. Show that you can really listen and keep an open mind to alternate points of view. Disagree respectfully if you must.
Let people know you’ll be OK with a negative response from them before you make a request. For example, introduce your request with a phrase such as, “I’ll understand completely if you’re unable to help . ” And mean it. Insincerity can be detected.
Pay attention to your tone and volume when you address someone. Use a soft, gentle voice with inflection that goes up at the end of your sentence so you’ll sound less demanding.
Speak slowly and pause during the conversation to seek feedback. Ask nonthreatening questions such as, ”Is that OK”? Avoid using sarcasm.
Keep your relationships friendly and supportive. Offer to help whenever possible. Never betray a confidence. If you always act with integrity, you’ll increase trust.
Be aware of relative height positions during conversations. You’ll be perceived as more intimidating if you’re standing while others are sitting. Sitting side by side with someone is less intimidating than if you remain seated behind your desk, especially if you hold a position of authority.
Keep in mind that body language is a major part of any communication. Pay attention to your hand gestures. What you intend to be enthusiasm could be perceived as aggression.
Keep your distance and don’t invade other people’s personal space. The acceptable, comfortable distance between nonfamily members during regular conversations varies by culture, but most North Americans feel threatened if you stand closer than 4 feet.
Be careful where you place yourself in the room. People feel intimidated by those who project a sense of entitlement or ownership to the physical objects around them. Leaning in the doorway of someone else’s office or sitting on the edge of someone else’s desk can be threatening. Asking permission before you sit shifts the power balance and makes you more approachable.
Has anyone ever told you that you look intimidating? If so, you might wonder all throughout your life why certain people appear shy in your presence. They don’t go out of their way to introduce themselves to you, they stay out of your way, and they seem overly polite when they talk to you. It’s enough to make you wonder if there’s something wrong with you, right? Well, it’s not that there’s anything wrong with you. It’s actually just that you seem. well. intimidating! If you can relate, then you might be one of the most intimidating zodiac signs: Taurus, Scorpio, Capricorn, and Aquarius.
You want to know the truth about “intimidating” people? They’re total softies on the inside. Just cause they’re not going out of their way to smile or seem friendly doesn’t mean that they’re not capable of being the nicest people in the world. In fact, I’d even venture to say that the people who seem the most intimidating are often the most sensitive. Why? Because they need that tough outer shell to protect their energy. It’s not that they’re purposefully trying to intimidate everyone with their smoldering look or subtle eye-roll. It’s just that they’re not going to open themselves up to just anybody. If you can make any of these zodiac signs feel comfortable and secure in your presence, you’ll find that they’re anything but intimidating.
Taurus: They’re Selective About Who They Talk To
If you know a Taurus well, you know that they’re all soft and gooey on the inside. However, they definitely don’t want people to know that. They reserve that vulnerable part of themselves for only the people they really trust, which is probably only like three people total (just kidding). For everyone else? They appear distant and slightly judgmental, which puts everyone on their best behavior in their presence. The funniest part? A Taurus is probably well aware of the fact that they seem intimidating and they like it that way.
Scorpio: Not Everyone Understands Their Intensity
I can’t even imagine what it must be like to be a Scorpio because this zodiac sign is dealing with some seriously heavy emotions. So heavy, in fact, that they have no choice but to pull themselves together and put up a strong front. If they were opening themselves up to just anyone, a Scorpio would have no cards left to play. And they love having a card to play. Scorpios are very strategic and when they get that intimidating look on their face, it’s probably because they’re thinking of their next move.
Capricorn: They Always Radiate Power And Authority
A Capricorn looks intimidating probably because they’re already in a position of authority and they understand what it takes to maintain power. If they were all sweet and lovely right from the get-go, would anyone take them seriously? The last thing a Capricorn wants is to be sidestepped and they know if they get too comfortable in their environment, someone might try to take advantage of them. Their intense focus on their goals simply looks a whole lot like intimidating.
Aquarius: They Can See Right Through Your Bullsh*t
An Aquarius is known for putting up a cold and detached front so that they can maintain control over their emotions. Their eccentric, off-the-wall nature doesn’t always come across as friendly or excited to see you either, and their uniqueness can certainly be intimidating. Despite how social and charismatic they can be, they’re also known for being independent and they like doing things on their own if they can help it. This preference for their own company causes them to seem closed off, but really, they’re just in their own little world.
By CareerOne | November 7, 2019
Some people may see their boss as intimidating. Keep in mind that an intimidating boss isn’t the same as a mean boss. Intimidating bosses refers to one that comes across as confident, strong and stoic to the point that it’s hard to interact with that person. People may feel like a single mistake will cause an unstoppable rage from their boss.
While a boss may be intimidating, and that boss may also get angry, there are ways that you can overcome this intimidation. Keep in mind that your boss may not do it on purpose and you simply need to learn how they work. This article will provide you with a few tips to help you deal with an intimidating boss.
Get to Know Your Boss
While this may seem simple, it’s also the most effective. When you get to know your boss, you can identify things about the boss’ personality. For example, your boss may come across as intimidating, but it could be because that boss has a “resting angry face”, but are actually more reserved and relaxed.
You won’t know this unless you get to know your boss. Spend a bit of time watching them and seeing how they react to different situations. Do they treat others with respect? Do they tend to get angry quickly? Are they judging or providing criticism? After all, there’s a difference between judging people and providing constructive criticism.
When you learn how your boss operates and how they think, it makes it easier for you to work as your boss expects you to. You can also ask co-workers about your boss to see what they have to say. They may be able to provide details that you didn’t think of on your own.
Find Out Their Expectations
Every boss will have different expectations than others. Some may focus on customer satisfaction, some may focus on quick work and others may focus on quality. It’s important for you to find out what your boss expects. By meeting those expectations, you can stay on your boss’ good side and not feel as intimidated.
To explain further, many people feel intimidated when they think a person is judging them or upset with them. By knowing your boss’ expectations, you can meet those expectations and alleviate that stress. This will make your life easier and less stressful while providing the same for your boss.
Talk With Them
Simply talking with someone can fix various problems. Many people are intimidated by things that they don’t understand. You can find out many details by talking with your boss. You can also discuss any problems or concerns you have in an attempt to address those issues and gain further understanding for yourself.
Depending on how intimidated you are, it may take courage to talk with your boss, but that’s okay. By talking with your boss, you can become less intimidated and overcome those issues. After all, you’re both there to work as a team and to accomplish the necessary goals for you both to succeed.
While some bosses might be intimidating and not mean, some may be both. If this is the case, it’s important for you to figure out if the work environment is one that you can effectively work in. While intimidation can make things harder for you, keep in mind that intimidation can be alleviated over time, with understanding and with experience.
Continue to build up that relationship with your boss so that you can have an enjoyable work environment. After all, if you’re constantly worrying as you work, that doesn’t benefit anyone. Work hard and overcome that intimidation so that you can feel safe and successful at the place that you work.
Knowing if you intimidate men can mean the difference between getting the guy that you want and being passed over for your friend. You’re an attractive, smart and successful woman. You’ve been told so for years by your friends, family and even strangers. But men seem to be literally afraid to get close to you. Finding out if you intimidate them can be the key to attracting Mr. Right.
He Turns Away
There are some obvious signs of intimidation. If men are intimidated by you, they will often look at you but seldom approach. Alternatively, they will look at you when you are not paying attention; but when you notice, they will look away. When a man averts his gaze like this, he may be communicating that he is afraid of you, according to Reginald Adams and Robert Kleck in a 2003 study in “Psychological Science.” His nonverbal behavior is telling you to avoid him, rather than approach him.
He Won’t Follow Through
Men can also be intimidated after you start dating. They may be intimidated if they email a few times but then suddenly stop. Guys may also flirt when they meet you but often neglect to ask you out on a date. When you are out on a date, a man may be intimidated if he suddenly becomes quiet early in the conversation. These examples of a man suddenly becoming inhibited can signal that he is feeling less powerful, say psychologist Dacher Keltner and colleagues in an article published in the journal “Psychological Review” in April 2003.
Assess Your Interaction
A guy who is intimidated by a woman’s beauty may be nervous in her presence. He often won’t even attempt to invite her out if he assumes she’s out of his league. But if men that you find very attractive are consistently not approaching you, then they are probably not intimidated by your beauty. According to Michelle Jacoby, a dating coach and matchmaker in Washington, D.C., it is a certain type of energy and lack of femininity that repel men. Specifically, men may find your style of relating to them restrictive, says research by Eleanor Maccoby, professor of psychology at Stanford University. Restrictive styles of interacting tend to derail conversations and involve contradicting, interrupting and boasting.
If men are not approaching you, consider being more inviting when you see someone you like. Smile at him while making eye contact. When you are out on a date, make a point to lengthen interactions with him. An inviting, facilitative style helps achieve this. Let him know that you are listening by nodding your head and asking questions. Don’t be argumentative if you don’t agree on a point; simply politely agree to disagree. And when he tells you a funny story about moving to a new apartment, simply laugh. Don’t follow with a funnier story about your latest rental fiasco.
If you’ve ever been in a situation where you had to stand up for yourself, then you already know it can make for a super stressful situation вЂ” and sometimes even one that ends up backfiring. When things don’t go according to plan, experts say it may be due to habits that cause others to shut down and stop listening, or mistakes that may make you seem less assertive than you actually are.
Getting your point across and standing up for yourself can be nerve-wracking, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to become passive, or to sit idly by when something’s bugging you. “Standing up for yourself allows you to address the situation in the moment (or shortly after) it happens, and then move on with your life,” coach Ashley Bradley tells Bustle. “I believe [that speaking your truth] will build your confidence and allow you to be a happier person.” And, to top it off, it can help address potential problems head-on so those around you know you won’t settle for less than what you are asking for.
By using a few simple tricks, like the ones listed below, you can easily feel better about speaking up on your behalf. Here are 11 ways experts say you can improve your assertiveness skills, so you can stand up for yourself in pretty much any situation, and get your point across in a clear and concise way.
While it’s obviously great that you have an opinion, and want to stand up for it, remember that whoever you’re talking to has one, too. “It’s important for self worth to be able to stand up for yourself; that’s why you’re doing it, right? Remember then that it’s equally as important to respect someone else’s self worth in the process,” author and life coach Jaya Jaya Myra tells Bustle. “Diminishing someone else doesn’t elevate you any higher, and it surely won’t gain you any respect. If you validate the other person before you state your point of view, you’ll help diffuse any potential arguments or hurt feelings before they form.”
Standing up for yourself can be nerve-wracking, so remember to take a deep, cleansing breath before launching into your point. “This is just plain science,” Myra says. “Research has shown that breathing deeply will diminish fear, making it easier for you to say what you need to say.”
Pay attention to your body language and push your shoulders back to convey physically that you are ready to assert your point. “Good posture contributes to confidence (and also better breathing), both of which show that you mean business,” says Myra. “Posture and your overall body language will speak just as much if not more than your words, leaving it absolutely clear that you deserve respect.”
Nothing garners more respect than the ability to say “no.” So be sure to say the word, loud and clear, when necessary. As Myra says, “Setting boundaries is crucial. Say ‘no’ when something doesn’t feel right to you, even if it’ll make another person upset. The more you voice your true feelings, the easier it will be to do it all the time.”
Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it can be difficult to properly gather your thoughts, which is why you shouldn’t be afraid to rehearse beforehand, if you can. “You can write it out or practice saying it out loud,” therapist Laura Winters, LCSW, owner of Postpartum Health & Harmony, tells Bustle. By running through your ideas, you’ll be boosting your confidence and solidifying key points in your mind, so they’ll come out smoothly and succinctly.
When standing up for yourself, always keep it short and sweet. “You don’t have to explain yourself, and I’d encourage you actually to avoid doing this,” says Winters. “If you find yourself explaining, it can open the door to the other person picking apart your rationale and trying to persuade you.” By leading with your point, you are confidently putting forth your perspective in a way that can prevent people from questioning it.
Even though you may secretly be horrified by eye contact, try not to make a habit of glancing away. “As far as body language, it’s important to look the person in the eye and stand tall,” says Winters. When you maintain eye contact, it shows the other person that you have conviction behind your point, and that you should be taken seriously.
Even if you feel cornered or attacked, it’s important to keep a cool head. “Very often situations that ask us to stand up for ourselves feel like we are being attacked. We often go on the counter attack when we feel this way,” clinical psychologist Dr. Josh Klapow, host of The Web radio show, tells Bustle.
“When you feel attacked and feel like you must defend yourself, remind yourself that stating your position is all about you,” he says. “ItвЂ™s not about telling the other person they are ‘wrong,’ [or] ‘bad,’ . DonвЂ™t get into their actions, or their business. Standing up for yourself means simply stating what you think, feel, and believe. Nothing more.”
One way to put someone on the defensive, and thus escalate a situation, is to get “defensive” yourself via your body language. So even though you may be tempted to step forward or point your finger at them, do resist.
“Hold your body in a ‘neutral position,” says Klapow. “DonвЂ™t point fingers but do communicate directly. Defending yourself means staying upright in your personal space where you can be strong. The more you remind yourself not to shrink and not to attack, the more your body will be placed optimally.”
Placing blame on the other person can cause them to shut down and stop listening. But this can be avoided by using “I” statements, instead of “you” statements when sharing how you feel.
“This type of talk takes ownership and responsibility for your experience, which decreases defensiveness in others,” psychotherapist Lisa Hutchison LMHC tells Bustle. “Assertiveness increases the likelihood of others hearing your message. If they do not hear you the first time, you have not done anything wrong. Simply repeat your message calmly and assertively again.”
Sometimes it’s necessary to call in for backup in the form of friends, family, or coworkers who can support your claims, and give you more confidence. “Recruit your friends, a coach or a therapist to run through your thoughts,” life transition coach Andrea Travillian tells Bustle. “They are also great to help you with practicing boundaries.”
Standing up for yourself may be difficult вЂ” and even a little intimidating at times вЂ” but with a few tips and tricks, and a support team, it’ll be possible to effectively get your point across, and feel all sorts of confident as a result.
“ I never knew you are this warm, nice, friendly… blablabla….” Are you one of the people that often get that? You know you are a very nice, warm and friendly person, but people just judge you, size you up or even hate you without knowing the real you. Most time you didn’t offend them, in fact you haven’t utter a word to them, they just feel kilokanseleyi, is she the only one, who does she think she. Can you identify with this kind of situation?
I might not understand how this feel for you, but i can relate with this circumstances because I’m actually there. Sometimes i tried to reduce myself just to convince them I’m not whom they think i am, at times i just keep quiet so they wont think I’m trying to make my opinion count. Even with all of these, they still feel why is she keeping quiet.
There are few people like this, people judge you wrongly at the first encounter. Sometimes you might even begin to worry about yourself, you might think you have attitude problem, if care is not taken, these opinions can reduce you to nothing and make prevent you from achieving your life objectives.
Wonder why people don’t get to know you before passing their judgmental remarks? Read up this article, then you find out you are not the problem but them. I have never seen an article that has perfect answers to so many questions. You might want to read along if you are interested in finding out why people get the wrong signal.Have you ever gone somewhere and not exactly blend in…? It’s more than what you decided to wear that seems like an anomaly. People behave a certain way. You observe this many times at different social scenes. Nobody will approach you aside from a little “hi” and a courteous fake smile.
1. You look unapproachable, or give off that energy that says something completely opposite of the way you are. Maybe it’s your clothing, maybe it’s a “don’t fuck with me” attitude displayed in your facial expressions, or maybe it’s just like the animal kingdom and your composure. The alpha male or alpha female struts in and all the other animals take notice and make a mental note to stay the fuck away.
2. You have confirmation: Your friends didn’t like you originally, they told you they didn’t, but now that they know you, you’re really not that bad. People refuse to make eye contact with you for long periods; they look away and keep their glances short.
3. You have an aggressive and confrontational demeanor. You don’t start fights, but you’re known to assert yourself when necessary. You say what you mean and you mean what you say.
4. You’re a nonconformist, you’re not afraid to say “No.” You know what you want and what you don’t want. You don’t follow the crowd.
5. You move heaven and earth to make things happen. You don’t settle for anything less than what you had planned. When shit goes downhill you don’t take it easy. You have to have it all. For some reason people don’t like go-getters, they’re seen as opportunists or too selfish.
6. You have had that one super nice acquaintance that secretly hates you but showers you with tons of compliments, plays with your hair, and a lot of other deceitful behavior. You know what’s up, but it’s easier to just be cordial because you’ve been considered being a bitch for too long on one too many occasions. This person is the first person to try to make you feel bad when you’re feeling vulnerable and will use your situation to their own insecure advantage.
7. People misunderstand you. You don’t set out to offend anyone but at the same time you don’t care what people think. Your ideas, beliefs and shared posts usually range from crazy to bat-shit crazy, extreme even. You don’t need anyone to validate your authenticity, you just continue being yourself. If anyone has a problem they can remove themselves from your life. Let’s face it; social networking has brought on more judgments.
8. You’re okay with being alone and it’s obvious that you enjoy your own company. Your circles start off small and remain small. Society drives people to want other’s acceptance, we’re bred that way. To be liked is desired more than the desire to be successful. When you seek out social acceptance all the time it’s like sleeping with partner after partner. You give away little pieces of yourself each time until there’s nothing left. But in this case, you don’t mind being alone.
9. You walk into a room and know immediately how people feel about you. It’s all in their eyes, not only do they avoid eye contact but when they do make eye contact, it’s not a welcoming and pleasant look. Every fiber of your being tells you who you should be careful with because they don’t have the best intentions. You’ve never done anything to this person yet your gut feels negatively when you’re near them. This is the person who will like+comment on your posts on FB and when you see them in real life they will say hi and avoid you, walk past you and act like you’re not even there. You’re under their skin even though you’re unsure why regardless of how nice you are to them.
What do you do in this situation? follow the crowd, change whom you are because they got it wrong, wallow in self pity, allow them lower your self esteem? NO….. TC Mark says “Don’t Change; kill them with Kindness anyway”.
|Adj.||1.||intimidating – discouraging through fear|
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Being assertive is important. It means expressing your thoughts, feelings, needs and wants in a relationship, said psychologist Julie de Azevedo Hanks, Ph.D, LCSW. However, many of us have a hard time being assertive with certain people.
Maybe it’s someone with a strong personality. Maybe it’s someone you perceive as more powerful or even “better” than you. Either way, one thing is clear: You find yourself being passive and unable to speak your truth.
The problem? According to psychotherapist Michelle Farris, LMFT, “over time, not speaking up makes you feel like a doormat.” This sinks your self-esteem, sets you up to be a victim and makes you feel powerless, she said. “You say yes when you mean no, which leads to resentment and a sense that you’re invisible. This can lead to feeling depressed and devalued.”
It might be harder for you to be assertive because you fear “being challenged, shamed, ignored, disregarded or socially excluded,” Hanks said. You also might’ve had critical or rejecting caregivers, peers, teachers or neighbors; you find anyone who reminds you of those relationships to be intimidating, she said.
Hanks often hears clients talk about loved ones as intimidating — anyone from a spouse to an in-law. This is because we fear being rejected or losing the relationship, she said. “The stakes are higher with people you care deeply about, so expressing a difference or a preference can feel more intimidating because the risk of loss is higher.”
“[I]ntimidation, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder,” said Diann Wingert, LCSW, BCD, a therapist and coach with a private practice in Pasadena, Calif. That is, each of us finds different people intimidating.
Thankfully, we can work on this. Wingert helps her clients realize that they can choose to feel secure (instead of intimidated), “regardless of the situation and who else is in it.” Here are six tips to try.
1. Clarify your values.
The first step to being assertive is knowing yourself and your values, said Hanks, director of Wasatch Family Therapy and author of The Burnout Cure: An Emotional Survival Guide for Overwhelmed Women. She’s found that most people who have a hard time acting assertively haven’t reflected on what they think, feel, need and want.
“If you have uncertainty or don’t have conviction about what you want to express, it’s really difficult to behave assertively.”
To get clarity, she suggested simply asking yourself questions, like the below, on a regular basis:
- How am I feeling right now?
- What signs is my body giving me that I need to be aware of?
- What matters most to me in life?
- What were the best days of my life so far?
- What do these experiences have in common?
Hanks also recommended using a feelings word list to describe how you’re currently feeling. To clarify your values, read through a list of values, and pick three which matter most to you. “Write them down and post them on your fridge, your mirror, your computer and ponder them to make sure they ‘fit’ for you.”
2. Start small.
Most of us find it hard to set boundaries in general, because we were taught to seek approval and please others in childhood, Wingert said. So if you’re just starting to act assertively, she said, it helps to start small.
Instead of being assertive with your boss or parent, practice with less challenging people in your life, she said. For instance, practice with “the barista who always seems to get your coffee order wrong or the co-worker who monopolizes every conversation in the lunch room.”
3. Remember you’re not “less than.”
One of Hanks’s friends uses the saying: “Everyone is worth one point.” This is helpful to remember when you’re feeling “less than” someone else, she said. “No matter who you are, your value is equal to the person with whom you are interacting, and you deserve to have a voice.”
4. Think of the person as your employee.
Many of us find doctors, professors and others in prominent or powerful positions to be intimidating. Wingert suggested thinking of yourself as their boss. “You are the reason [this person] has a job… See if this causes a different pattern of thoughts and feelings to emerge when you think of this person.”
5. Think silly.
“The next time you are going to interact with your ‘intimidator,’ try imagining him or her wearing a clown nose or diapers and a baby bonnet or a bunny costume,” Wingert said. You might visualize this image before interacting with them or during your interaction if you start feeling uncomfortable, she said.
“Visualization is a great tool for changing the way you feel in any situation. It’s completely portable, and no one even knows you are doing it.”
6. Refocus on the person’s emotional state.
For instance, you might decide to feel empathy or compassion toward them, Wingert said. “Imagine that [they’re] behaving in the ways that you find intimidating because [they’re] deeply unhappy about some aspect of [their] life. You can imagine that the behavior you find so challenging is a symptom of this unhappiness that has nothing to do with you.”
This doesn’t mean putting up with bad, abusive or unacceptable behavior, Wingert said. Rather, it shows you that you can choose what to think, and this can change how you feel, she said. Because what matters most isn’t the situation; it’s what we tell ourselves about it.
“Looking for alternative explanations can demonstrate to us that we have a lot more control over how we feel than we think we do,” Wingert said. “We have the power to shift our perceptions, our thoughts and our beliefs intentionally and deliberately. When we do, our emotional reactions begin to change, and we experience a greater sense of control and power over our lives.”
And, again, as Hanks said above, remember that you deserve to have a voice when interacting with anyone.
Here are all the possible meanings and translations of the word intimidating.
Princeton’s WordNet (0.00 / 0 votes) Rate this definition:
daunting, intimidating (adj)
discouraging through fear
Wiktionary (5.00 / 1 vote) Rate this definition:
Webster Dictionary (0.00 / 0 votes) Rate this definition:
How to pronounce intimidating?
How to say intimidating in sign language?
The numerical value of intimidating in Chaldean Numerology is: 7
The numerical value of intimidating in Pythagorean Numerology is: 3
Examples of intimidating in a Sentence
The White House thought this kind of gear was intimidating to people, but they didn’t know the purpose it serves.
I can’t speak to what the president is trying to do, but I think the effect is to be intimidating.
There has been a chilling effect in terms of public engagement on issues, and when you think about what a caucus is, especially a face-to-face caucus, it can be a very intimidating process.
When I met with the surgeon the first day, it was an intimidating day and it was overwhelming.
The meetings with employees covered regular business aspects, as well as workplace behavior and culture issues, this included reaffirming the company’s strong commitment to a safe, open and inclusive workplace, with zero tolerance for intimidating or intolerant behavior.
What you need to know to inform your decanting decisions
Decanting is one of those elements of wine service that remains mysterious and intimidating to many drinkers: Which wines need it? When should you do it? And how? Is it really even necessary or just a bit of wine pomp and circumstance?
Get the Sed(iment) Out
Fundamentally, decanting serves two purposes: to separate a wine from any sediment that may have formed and to aerate a wine in the hope that its aromas and flavors will be more vibrant upon serving.
Older red wines and Vintage Ports naturally produce sediment as they age (white wines rarely do); the color pigments and tannins bond together and fall out of solution. Stirring up the sediment when pouring will cloud a wine’s appearance and can impart bitter flavors and a gritty texture. It’s not harmful, but definitely less enjoyable.
Decanting is simply the process of separating this sediment from the clear wine. It’s fairly safe to assume that a red will have accumulated sediment after five to 10 years in the bottle, even if this can’t be verified visually, and should be decanted. Here’s how to do it well:
- Set the bottle upright for 24 hours or more before drinking, so the sediment can slide to the bottom of the bottle, making it easier to separate.
- Locate a decanter or other clean, clear vessel from which the wine can easily be poured into glasses.
- Remove the capsule and cork; wipe the bottle neck clean.
- Hold a light under the neck of the bottle; a candle or flashlight works well.
- Pour the wine into the decanter slowly and steadily, without stopping; when you get to the bottom half of the bottle, pour even more slowly.
- Stop as soon as you see the sediment reach the neck of the bottle. Sediment isn’t always chunky and obvious; stop if the wine’s color becomes cloudy or if you see what looks like specks of dust in the neck.
- The wine is now ready to serve. Discard the remaining ounce or two of sediment-filled liquid in the bottle.
Air on the Side of Caution
The question of whether—or how long—to aerate a wine can generate extensive debate among wine professionals. Some feel that an extra boost of oxygen can open up a wine and give it extra life. If you’ve opened a wine and it seems unexpressive upon first taste, it can’t hurt to try moderate aeration in a decanter to see if that transforms it.
Others feel that decanting makes a wine fade faster, and that a wine is exposed to plenty of oxygen when you swirl it in your glass. Plus, it can be fun to experience the full evolution of wine as it opens up in your glass; you might miss an interesting phase if you decant too soon.
A particularly fragile or old wine (especially one 15 or more years old) should only be decanted 30 minutes or so before drinking. A younger, more vigorous, full-bodied red wine—and yes, even whites—can be decanted an hour or more before serving. At some tastings, wines are decanted for hours beforehand and may show beautifully, but these experiments can be risky (the wine could end up oxidized) and are best done by people very familiar with how those wines age and evolve.
If you’re curious, experiment for yourself with multiple bottles of the same wine—one decanted and one not, or bottles decanted for different lengths of time—and see which you prefer.
Starting the conversation about mental health with your kids
It’s a conversation every parent should be having with their sons and daughters, but it can be very intimidating. The director of psychology at Johns Hopkins All Children’s Hospital provides tips on discussing mental health with children.
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. – Experts say Florida, and the United States as a whole, is in the middle of a mental health crisis.
Child suicide rates are rising. Depression is the leading cause but often isn’t diagnosed until it is too late.
“We know half of all mental disorders can be diagnosed prior to age 14. But for about half of those kids, they’ll go up to ten years without appropriate diagnosis and treatment,” said Dr. Jennifer Katzenstein, Johns Hopkins All Children’s Hospital director of psychology.
She said Florida doesn’t have the resources to provide a full continuum of care for children. Screening is improving but falls mainly on busy pediatricians.
“That’s difficult for a pediatrician to do everything they are supposed to be doing during that appointment,” said Dr. Katzenstein.
Another problem is waiting lists. A shortage of child psychologists and therapists means families can’t get the help they need. Mental health care at schools also has challenges.
“Providing a therapeutic intervention in the middle of a school day can sometimes result in a child coming back to class feeling more emotional or being more upset,” said Dr. Katzenstein.
She explained that parents have to step up.
“It’s always about remembering that they are the expert on their child and knowing what is developmentally appropriate,” she added.
Watch for important changes, Dr. Katzensteineven suggested, in children as young as four and five years old. Kids that young will show increased irritability, frustration and mood swings.
“For older kids, maybe a change in what they want to wear or a lack of interest in doing self-care tasks,” she said.
Then there is the delicate issue of discussing mental health with a child. It starts at the right time and place. Get rid of all distractions like phones and television.
Dr. Katzenstein said parents should know language is important. Eliminate words like “crazy” from the conversation.
For young kids, concentrate on feelings, she said. Books, or movies, that deal with emotions can be helpful. Ask them questions like:
What are some times when you felt happy?
Or when you felt sad?
For older children, ask open-ended questions:
What does your school day look like?
Who are you hanging out with at school?
“If you are asking those questions regularly and getting a different answer, that can be a red flag that something might be going on,” said Dr. Katzenstein.
She said parents shouldn’t be afraid of silence.
“A lot of times, if we sit through that silence after we’ve asked a question, our kids will respond to us,” she said.
When children do open up about an issue, don’t freak out.
“It may take all of our strength as parents to not find ourselves becoming emotional in that point, but staying calm and cool and collective,” Dr. Katzenstein said.
If mental health issues do arise, she said to let children know they’re never alone.
“As parents we keep you safe,” she explained, “but we’ll also seek out the treatments for you that you need, in order to be your best self and to have the highest quality of life.”
How to talk to your kids about mental health struggles
One of the biggest challenges facing families today is mental health disorders — feelings of loneliness, stress, and social media. There are ways parents can be part of the solution.
Ok, I think I have a problem. I have started to talk/date/go out with guys who tend to dissapear without any reason after some weeks. After asking my male friends about this issue, they told me I should change a little because they perceive me as “Intimidating” or “too much”. What does this mean. What is it that I have to change exactly?
to discourage, restrain, or silence illegally or unscrupulously, as by threats or blackmail
Without knowing you personally, I can’t pinpoint the exact issue. Intimidating can mean many things. You might just be a personal space invader or you might speak at a high volume constantly. You may also talk too much, I’m just guessing because I don’t know you. Perhaps they just find you inapproriate at times. Even constant, unbroken eye contact is sometimes deemed as intimidating by some easily intimidated people.
Also, I have no idea what you look like. For example, being a six foot woman, myself, many people (women and men) find me intimidating before I’ve even opened my mouth. I cant help it, so this is their problem, not mine. However, when they get to know me they realise that I’m actually very nice and have misjudged me.
If none of the above applies to you, consider changing the type of men you date.
Hope I helped in some way.
If you are intimidating, my first thought would be that you might be confrontational or violent. If you intimidate girls, I’d say you might be a bully. If you intimidate guys, that says so much more.
Are you too experienced? Do you present yourself that way (even if you aren’t)? Do you physically or verbally threaten or attack when you are upset? Do you break windows out of cars, throw cell phones, have tantrums, threaten? Have an attitude?
Other than that, if more than one guy is intimidated, I would wonder whether you are very tall and/or built rather solid. Obviously, body type doesn’t mean you are bad, I’m just wondering why the guys are intimidated.
Have you considered that it might be the GUYS you are dating? Are the guys all the same? Maybe you attract (or seek out) guys that you feel like you can (or need to) be tougher than?
These are just suggestions. You may need to talk to someone professionally to work this out. Your guidance counselor at school (or your doctor can suggest one) might be able to help.
You can be scary.
When you walk into a room, you feel it immediately — you’re not like everybody else. There’s something about you that intimidates other people. Maybe it’s your take no sh*t attitude or perhaps it’s the way you stand tall and proud.
People tend to avert their eyes, or if they do look at you, they’ll try to avoid direct eye contact. Do you make them feel ashamed in some way because they’re not as open and honest as you are?
It’s your honesty that might be intimidating to certain people. You don’t hold back with your feelings whether they’re good or bad; you express them and some people just aren’t up to hearing your brutal assessment of their personalities.
You don’t understand people who play dumb or don’t try to improve themselves as if they never need to learn anything ever again. You won’t suffer fools for any reason, except to laugh at them. You have what people describe as having a strong personality. You are who you are and you don’t try to hide the traits that other people might think of as negative or unattractive.
Many people admire you and how you live your life, even to the point where they want to copy the way you do things. Your self-sufficient way of thinking can be off-putting to some people but you don’t care what anybody thinks about you.
You live your life for you, not for other people. You’re not content to say what you’d like to do or what you’d like to change — you get out there and do it, no matter how challenging it might be. You want to be able to look back at your life and know that you did everything you could to be a better person and make a better world.
But not everybody who is intimidating is intimidating in the same way. Here are the most intimidating zodiac signs, according to astrology.
I am very curious as to how feminism is perceived by the average (and I use this word very generally) woman who does not have a political science or gender studies degree.
Feminist discussions can be very political and often require an excellent knowledge of history, law, politics, social sciences.
But what about all those women who have a very real awareness of feminist issues, but haven’t necessarily studied these disciplines in great depth.
It can be quite intimidating to enter in to a feminist discussion.
Yeah – Well I’m not speaking personally really. I’m just very much interested in how other people think. I have had friends who talk specifically about feminist issues, but once I identified it, they shy’d away from discussing them further citing a lack of real knowledge. I wondered how common this was. Thanks everyone 🙂
Dammit I am only level 1 and can’t give any thumbs!
You’ve got a really good point, Miss Bennet.
I’m sure that’s a very real possibility. Kind of like walking into a room of people who’ve all known each other for a while, and being the ‘odd’ one out . it CAN be intimidating and a little scary until you start getting to know people.
Most feminists (unfortunately, like anything not all) are very much interested in the views and opinions of other women, especially women they don’t know.
Ideas come from so many sources and the diversity of women’s lives, experiences and dreams is one of feminism’s great strengths.
Please don’t let your natural reticence hold you back from making your voice heard, especially if you have a particular issue or idea you want to discuss.
If necessary, take to reminding the various old (and young) bats that they are not the only ones with something to say 🙂
Very best wishes to you 🙂
Hmmm, I’m an average woman who hasn’t been to college/uni and my prior knowledge of Feminism was very innocent to say the least.
Feminism doesn’t intimidate me, rather it does confuse me because there is much more to it than I previously thought.
Some of the discussions between Feminists are way over my head even though I try to understand best I can.
Some Feminist issues I feel also aren’t so black and white, there is room for discussion. For instance, how are men or families affected by laws that Feminists fought for?
Although women should have rights, sometimes a little tweak may be needed so it is fair all around.
If you had asked me “is there a problem that male doctors play golf together” before my Women in Science class, I would have said no. Ask me after the class and I could tell you that men used to discuss important info to their careers – it was their network – and yes, it prevented women from advancing when they were left out.
So, I could see my knowlege pre-women’s studies classes and post. Just as I learned more about racism in social work (altho I grew up with African Americans in my neighborhood and my best friend was black, so I was already aware of many issues). Or take any other courses, where you come out at the end -hopefully in all classes- made much more aware.
Without a doubt, feminists are more in tune with a lot of the theories – on poverty, economic coercion, power structures, subtle and overt signs of discrimination, laws, etc.
While I think many feminists have more knowledge of the theories, laws, history, etc. that it does not have to be intimidating – — the 2 don’t correlate. Anyone can be intimidated by someone with more knowledge – doesnt matter the gender or topic.
My sister-in-law used to ask me specifically ‘what do feminists think’ b/c she really didnt know. This goes to show that it is something that is learned. We’ve been conditioned in our society to accept many things. It is a shame to we have to “learn” how to achieve equal human rights.
As for the ad nausem postings about women’s “extras” I would surely like to know what they are. The US ranks #31 on the gender equality index. No country on earth has achieved equality. How are we unequal yet privileged? That is a very interesting concept.
Wow! i did no longer think of i might easily examine each and all the linked articles yet I did. The sentence out of the two articles that hit domicile with me the main replace into, “all of us understand that if a guy or woman has greater helpful reviews with women human beings, alongside with their mothers, acquaintances or co-workers, then a guy or woman is greater possibly to have a greater effective concepts-set in direction of women human beings.” i think I even tend to desire women human beings over men in line with possibility because of the fact i’ve got faith much less unconsciously intimidated by potential of females than I do by potential of fellows — and additionally a splash attracted to them too. It is clever that some men might like women human beings over men because of the fact their male friends are often seen as opposition interior the presence of different females. As for the girls human beings feeling intimidated by potential of a bunch of technology and math geeks it truly is obviously comprehensible. Math and technology are chilly, boring matters and a similar in all probability is going for the folk who pursue those fields. i’m helpful there could be a hotter reaction from the girls in the event that they have been outnumbered by potential of a bunch of bookish men donning thirsty sweaters sipping on warm chocolate who have been speaking approximately present day artwork, literature and music.
verb (used with object), in·tim·i·dat·ed, in·tim·i·dat·ing.
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Example sentences from the Web for intimidate
The mother, Emily Kruse, was charged with obstructing justice and intimidating a witness.
Thanksgiving may be about family, but that comes with an intimidating collection of double-edged swords.
Eventually, Scott began stopping by the offices and intimidating editors into covering his music.
Brienne of Tarth is back on the road—a far more worldly and intimidating figure than her hapless male squire, Podrick Payne.
The group helped set the pattern Bloomberg is using to lend his intimidating campaign some moral heft.
There was something conclusive and intimidating about Ellen’s look and tone.
I was on the point of saying this, but Schomberg’s stare was intimidating.
She had dignity in spite of her whimsies, but he could not imagine her intimidating even a schoolgirl.
All three started back a little as he drew near; there was something in his unwinking eyes which was intimidating.
She sipped her drink and wished it was a little more serious and intimidating.
Have you ever suspected that your friends, colleagues, acquaintances, and even close family members are blindsided by the sheer strength of your personality?
If you are the kind of person who knows their own mind, always sees their plans through, and doesn’t believe in following the herd, other people might find you somewhat intimidating!
Do any of these signs sound familiar?
If so, you probably earn the respect of others – but they may also be a little bit scared on occasion!
Your intuitive abilities are strong, and you form accurate impressions of people within seconds of meeting them.
Dishonest, ignorant, and bigoted people can’t hide their true nature from you – and this makes them nervous.
You aren’t afraid to call out bad behavior when you see it, and are quite capable of putting obnoxious individuals in their place.
Have you often been told that you are “too blunt” or even “too honest”?
If so, your personality might be intimidating to those around you!
Whilst most people like to ease into a conversation with small talk, this isn’t your preferred approach.
You’d much rather focus on big, important, or even abstract issues rather than what you had for lunch, the latest celebrity gossip, or your next-door neighbor’s vacation plans.
You don’t conform just to meet the expectations of others, and you don’t go along with their requests if they don’t sit with your values.
Because you pride yourself on being an independent thinker, it’s likely that you are alone in your opinions from time to time.
People with low self-confidence find you intimidating because they can’t understand what it’s like to validate yourself instead of looking to others for approval.
You’ll also be unsurprised to learn that unintelligent people also find it uncomfortable to be around you, because they soon realize that your IQ far exceeds their own.
You don’t whine about your circumstances and you don’t see yourself as a victim, even if everything is collapsing around you.
There is no place in your life for people who moan and complain.
When you set a goal, you pursue it with vigor and do not tolerate laziness and procrastination.
Although you can be tender-hearted and kind, your willpower can make you appear resilient and tough, which can be intimidating.
It’s not that you lack sympathy for those going through a hard time, just that you have no patience for people who would rather wallow in their own misery than take action.
For you, it doesn’t matter what other people have.
You know that their money, jobs, or status doesn’t affect your own chances of success, so you don’t waste your time feeling jealous.
When you congratulate someone on their accomplishments, you truly mean it, without a trace of malice or envy.
Your ability to focus on your own goals and destiny can surprise others, particularly if they happen to be envious or bitter themselves.
Lots of people prefer to stay in their comfort zone, but this isn’t an option as far as you’re concerned.
For you, life is about exploring new ideas and making the best of opportunities you have been given.
In fact, you even see problems or setbacks as blessings in disguise!
You aren’t a starry-eyed optimist, but you have an amazing ability to review a situation from multiple perspectives and try several approaches when solving a problem.
What’s more, you aren’t easily discouraged.
If one solution doesn’t work, you just pick yourself back up and try a new tactic.
Your open-minded attitude and capacity for critical thinking means that stupid or ignorant people really get on your nerves.
Perhaps you sometimes catch yourself thinking, “Why don’t they just read a book once in a while?” or “There’s no excuse for being that ignorant!”
Although you are usually polite and patient, you have no desire to spend any more time than is absolutely necessary with those who can’t understand high-level concepts.
Is an intimidating personality a blessing or a curse?
Sometimes, you might scare away potential friends and partners just by being yourself.
On the other hand, those brave enough to stick around and get to know you will come to appreciate your intelligence, honesty, and unique perspective on the world.
Because you are willing to meet lots of new people there’s a good chance that you will find your tribe sooner or later, even if it takes time to find friends who are capable of keeping up with your incredible mind.
Embrace your intimidating personality! Your proactive, strong-willed nature will set you up for success in every area of your life.
Being assertive at work is a great quality. You can stand up for what you believe in, advocate for yourself and for others, and be sure that credit is given where it’s due. But when does assertiveness cross over into the territory of being intimidating?
Sometimes, assertiveness can go too far and can make people feel afraid to state their opinion and contradict you. A healthy environment of debate is essential to a productive and innovative business environment, so there’s really no room for intimidation in the workplace. So what should you do if you get this feedback at work from your peers or superiors?
Here are five steps to reforming your unapproachable image and getting back on track.
1. Get all the details.
“You must first understand what it is exactly that your peers or superiors perceive as intimidating,” explains Charina L. Flores, VP of HR for the Barbelo Group . She suggests asking for specifics. “Our brain tends to reject or dislike people or something that is too perfect or demands perfection from us. Social Psychology calls this the Pratfall Effect. The Pratfall Effect happens when a person makes a mistake and, in doing so, becomes more likable. Admitting that you are not perfect and need help understanding how people perceive you can give you the Pratfall Effect.” In other words, you can start combating the perception that you’re intimidating by admitting a small amount of fault and asking people to explain how your behavior affects them. “Being open and authentic to others, and giving them a reason for your actions not only humanizes you but also increases your likeability,” says Flores. She also points out that self-awareness is critical to personal growth, so knowing exactly which of your actions is making others uncomfortable will be worth it in the long run.
2. Consider what others bring to the table.
Part of what makes people give off that intimidating vibe is an unwillingness to acknowledge that others have ideas that are worth considering. “ It’s important to be able to accept and value contributions from others, and to not act as if you can singlehandedly ‘run the show,’” notes Ferne Traeger, career coach, psychotherapist and founder of Beyond the Boardroom . “This is potentially a problem not only because it repels others, but also because it doesn’t give them the opportunity to contribute and feel valued.” It’s true that if one person is dominating a team, the other members will become less invested, feeling as if their contributions don’t matter or won’t be acknowledged. “What is critical,” says Traeger, “is that others have the opportunity to struggle, learn and grow.”
3. Work on your relationships with your colleagues.
In the same vein, being part of a team means having relatively good, friendly relationships with your coworkers. “This isn’t about being best friends,” cautions Karlyn Borysenko, Principal at Zen Workplace . “This is about having more informal bonds and allowing them to see a different side of you.” The more personable you are with others, the harder it is for them to be nervous around you. “Get to know them on a more personal level and that fear will start to go away. It brings humanity back into the equation!”
4. Ask for feedback, and keep asking.
“If you’ve gotten feedback before that you come across intimidating, ask for more feedback,” says Coach Colene , career coach and HR professional. Colene recommends being clear that you don’t intend to be intimidating, signaling that you’re open to working on the problem, and actively requesting more information. Ask questions like: “Was it what I said, or how I said it?” and “What would make the situation better?” Colene notes that you need to “be really open and set goals to make specific behavioral changes. All of business is about building the best, most impactful relationships you can. It’s hard to do so if people are intimidated or scared of you.”
5. Rework your image.
Certain small actions can have a big impact on how others perceive you in general. Alison Popp, Talent Programs Manager at Influitive , says you should take the time to “build the brand you want” for yourself, or craft the way you want others see you. “If you want to be less intimidating, take practical steps that rework your image in another way using things like body language, emails, less curtness in interactions etc.” One strategy you can try is to take a little more time with each workplace interaction than you normally would. “You don’t need to be a sap,” says Popp, “but you can take a moment to listen and think about how your behaviour affects others and how you are being perceived.” She warns “not to swing too far the other way,” though, because it could seem disingenuous if you’re suddenly interested in every little detail of people’s lives if you weren’t before. More than anything, just take the time to listen to what your colleagues are saying, and let them know you’re hearing them.
Home > What to Do When Your Coworkers Find You Intimidating
The problem is NOT you, girl.
After four years of dipping my toe into the dating pool, I’ve recently taken a full cannon ball plunge into the depths of the single scene. I feel open and ready to genuinely explore the possibilities with curiosity.
But while I’ve met a few wonderful guys, most of the men I’ve connected with voiced a common objection to my company that I found quite perplexing at first.
Being self-employed as a Certified Professional Life Coach, I’ve done more than my fair share of networking, public speaking and teaching. So, I feel very comfortable meeting new people face to face and speaking confidently. I prefer to discuss big ideas and thoughtful insights instead of small talk, so if there’s ever a time I mention my accomplishments, it’s reflective rather than hubris.
I own my weaknesses as well as my successes, since they’re all part of who I am, but while some men feel my confidence and openness make me approachable, and even inspirational, a great number of men tell me that I’m … intimidating.
One guy even went so far as to advise me on how to tone down my confidence so that men might find me more desirable in the future.
When I look at it from the man’s point of view, I understand how hard it is to put yourself out there. The expectations about what it takes to “be a real man” these days is convoluted and confusing. Men want to know they shine amongst the competition, so it’s disheartening when they show up ready for validation only to find that the beautiful woman across the table is just as successful, can meet the basic needs in life herself, and is looking for something deeper and more profound than what the conventional paradigm offers. Accomplished women are just harder to impress.
But, let’s be crystal clear about something here, ladies: When a man says, “You’re intimidating”, what he’s really saying is, “I’m intimidated.” And there is a BIG difference between the two.
When women feel criticized, we inherently look within to see if there is any truth to the harsh judgment, we can’t help it. As such, women often instantly assume that because a man said it, that comment must be true. We’re the problem. And that’s nonsense. You can’t “make” anyone feel a certain way.
Short of arriving with hell hounds at your heels and blood lust in your eyes, there’s no way you “make” a man feel intimated. Every person comes with their own story about themselves (and their own self-worth, or lack of it) and what they want in a partner. We are rarely privy to knowing any of that during the introduction stage of a relationship.
The hot guy who thought you’d be impressed by his dedication to a job he hates and his lackluster (contractual) involvement with the kids who live with his ex-wife is bound to feel intimidated by the woman who has made the best of her new beginning, is willing to put herself out there in service to others, and does it all with a smile on her face and happiness in her heart.
What can a guy like that offer to the woman who is already taking pretty good care of herself? In his mind, not much.
So, don’t internalize “you’re intimidating.” Sure, absolutely self-reflect. And if you find work within yourself needing to be done, by all means, learn from it and do better. But, if you find that you are showing up whole, real and unassuming then keep on being your big, bold, bright self.
Men who feel good about who they are and what they bring to the table feel emboldened by happy, confident women, not diminished by them.
As for Mr. Critical … use the experience with him to hone in on what you really want in a partner.
Dating for strong, powerful woman is usually an ongoing process of elimination, and that’s OK. Perhaps you’d feel quite happy with an everyday achiever, after all, his life is fairly uncomplicated. Now just uplevel that notion to add “every day achiever” who is ALSO genuinely “happy with where he’s at.” Because those men are out there. Or, maybe you realize you really do want someone who sees something greater in himself and is willing to do the scary work it takes to rise into that. Those men are out there, too!
Either way, you’re honing in on what works for you. And that’s a gift that only comes from putting yourself out there in as real a way as possible.
Ultimately, ladies: We get to choose how we react to other people’s judgment.
So, NEVER dim your light for someone else.
Don’t cave to the temptation (e.g. social pressure) to slow yourself down or make yourself smaller to give the potential greatness in another person a chance to catch up with you’re own. Dimming your light and power only enables their weakness and creates co-dependency, which is the opposite of what you truly desire. As author Marianne Williamson says, “Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”
So, stay true to your greatness and wish guys like this all the best on their journey as they grow into their own greatness.
Though I haven’t found my “forever” romantic partner yet, I have made a couple fantastic friends; my strength excites and encourages them. They are men who want to stretch and grow because of me and my influence, who feel that their own unique strengths can compliment mine. And I feel like I’m benefiting from their influence in equal measure.
Yes, the pool of prospective partners shrinks a bit the more you stand in your joy, confidence and power. Just use the hiccups to your advantage as you move closer to the “real thing.”
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Synonyms & Antonyms of intimidating
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- ( or sombre ) ,
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“Intimidating.” Merriam-Webster.com Thesaurus, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/intimidating. Accessed 10 Aug. 2020.
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What made you want to look up intimidating? Please tell us where you read or heard it (including the quote, if possible).
Guys just don’t really approach me. People have told me that I am very pretty, even random people I don’t know. My friend had also previously told me that there would be a queue of guys waiting for me if I wasn’t so intimidating.. What does that even mean? Am I that scary? I have to admit that I dont have a naturally smiley face. I never really initiate conversations with guys unless necessary. I am also an introvert. I was also one of the “smarter” people at my previous school. Do these qualities really make a girl that intimidating?
You have to realize that many guys are intimidated by really pretty girls. They just assume that they will be rejected. If you learn to smile when a guy makes eye contact he is more likely to feel comfortable about approaching you. If you don’t even though you are shy and that is the reason he’ll assume that you don’t want him to talk to you. Generally you will only be approached by obnoxious guys that will use cheesie pick up lines because they are used to getting rejections and aren’t bothered by it at all. These aren’t the kind of guys that you want to get to know because they are only interested in a girl for sex! Many go by the logic that if you ask a hundred girls at least one will say yes. So they are willing to go through 99 rejections if that is what it takes!
To guys, a pretty girl is intimidating. They believe you to be out of your league, and don’t want to even come close to you as they feel like they will be rejected right away. Just try to be open and hopefully one guy might grow some guts.
I used to have the same problem. If you have a “resting bich face” that may be some of it. Everyone always thoughy I was mad at them but it was just my face. Always try to come off as sweet, charming, and approachable. Maybe change your look. Try colors that complement the complexion of your face and eye color. Try to smile as much as possible, especially when looking at guys or talking to people. You are naturally beautiful, and the right guy who respects you is out there looking for you. Also, most guys are just scared of most girls (especially in high school, which I’m assuming you’re in) and they’re just shy themselves. It may seem like everyone is in a relationship in high school, but it’s just that you notice them more because they stand out to you because that is what you want, but really, solid relationships in high school are very rare. I hope that helped. Good luck!
there is no such thing as an “intimidating” woman —- if you like someone you dont hesitate to let her know or at least talk to her —- it could be the guys are just too immature and or not that attracted to you or they think you are already with someone
Hi:,( I’m 16 and my friends tell me that when they first saw me that I look mean and intimidating. But when they actually talked to me they say that I am one of the nicest and sweetest people they have ever met. I don’t try to look mean I really don’t. ( some say that my height being 6’0 sometimes adds to it but my monotone facial expression makes me seem mean. Please help mee. I really don’t like this:,(
LOL.. I desire you have been my dad!! LOL your too funny. Good i dont feel its your daughter thats causing it perpetually to be only a 1st date. It might be your gun assortment, or the truth that your telling them that your dream would be to get by way of an anger administration classification without the law enforcement officials being known as on you. Truthfully i dont feel there’s something that would be carried out about these boys being intimidated by using you. I think that these boys are too smooth on your daughter. Maintain up doing what your doing. The person that’s purported to be intended on your daughter will show up someday, and daily after considering nothing scares him, and the matters you do entertain him. Excellent luck..
Dye your hair pink. Totally worked for me.
All joking aside, it’s not a bad thing to be serious. Just not all the time. Try smiling more often. People will be more likely to see what a nice person you really are.
I kid you not bro, people say the same thing about me, I just learned to run with it, be open to new people, show them who you really are, and hay there is a bright side, it keeps people away that you would otherwise not want around. don’t let it get you down man. stand with pride.
Change the things that can be changed and accept the ones that cannot.
Whether your personalities clash or your work performance hasn’t been up to par, there could be a lot of reasons why you and your boss are just not getting along. Even though there may be clear signs that your boss doesn’t like you, there could be a way to turn the relationship around.
While you don’t have to become best friends with your manager, you do want to feel that you’re being respected and supported. It’s easier to feel vulnerable with your ideas when you know that your boss likes you and doesn’t judge you, but sometimes that’s not always the case. According to CheatSheet, if your boss is avoiding eye contact with you or constantly criticizing you, those might be signs that it’s time to reevaluate your relationship with your manager. However, just because your boss doesn’t like you doesn’t mean you need to put up with their abuse. A good leader should want to help you improve your problem areas and should communicate with you about their concerns. Yelling or being passive aggressive are not professional ways to handle a working relationship. If you feel that your relationship between you and your boss has been on the rocks lately, it might be time to set up a meeting to discuss your concerns. But if you’re still not 100 percent sure whether your boss is just a bad leader or they just don’t like you, here are 11 key signs that indicate that your boss isn’t fond of you.
1. They Never Ask For Your Opinion
A boss that is fond of you will constantly ask you for your input when it comes to important decisions, especially if they’re thinking of promoting you. But a boss that doesn’t believe in you and your potential might do the complete opposite. “Your boss may not be invest in you and he/she seldom asks you the hard questions,” says founder and CEO of Works Nicole Williams in a phone interview with Bustle.
2. You Have A Bad Feeling
Even if everyone is saying that you’re crazy or imagining things, it’s best to listen to your gut if you feel like your boss is not caring about you as much as other employees. “If your boss is asking you terribly difficult questions or is just extremely tougher on you than the other employees, then they might be doing it on purpose because they’re not fond of you,” says Williams.
3. They Micromanage You
“One sign that your boss may not trust you is if they’re constantly second-guessing and double-checking your work. It may feel like your boss is micromanaging you and constantly looking over your shoulder. Sometimes it’s quite that obvious, but having an instinctual gut feeling can also be a sign,” says career expert for Monster Vicki Salemi in an interview with Bustle over email. While micromanaging might just be some bosses’ work styles, if you feel like they’re only doing that to you, then your boss might not like you.
4. They Ignore Or Insult Your Ideas
A boss who’s not fond of you may purposely insult your ideas in meetings in front of others or completely overlook your suggestions. “Instead of praising you and/or giving you credit for your work, a boss that doesn’t like you will do the opposite by putting you down making jokes at your expense and more,” says Salemi.
5. They Don’t Give You Feedback
If your boss is not giving you feedback on your performance every once in awhile or doesn’t address your bad behavior, they just might not be that interested in you. “Generally speaking, when a boss is invested in you, they’re going to be up your butt,” says Williams.
6. They Give You Menial Tasks
Having hard tasks might seem intimidating, but it’s one of the best ways for you to grow as an employee, especially when you want to be promoted. “You may notice that your boss gives others in your group opportunities to learn and grow, attend training classes and take on more challenging responsibilities,” says Salemi.
7. They Don’t Keep You In The Loop
Constantly hearing new news from other employees about your job and not directly from your boss may make your job harder. It can make you feel left out and under appreciated. “Your boss might not invite you in meetings or loop you in important conversations. Overall, they may have a general disinterest and may not be respectable towards you,” says Williams.
8. They Close Off Communication Through Their Body Language
“Your boss may not look you in the eye or pay attention to you when you’re talking. They may also seem more pre-occupied with their phone than your conversation. Their body language can be a sign too: Are they standing with their arms folded and closed off?” says Salemi. This could also involve communication via tech. If they’re avoiding your emails or your text messages, that could also be a clear indicator that they are not invested you.
9. Your Job Responsibilities Have Dramatically Been Altered
If your boss is reassigning your tasks to other employees without communicating with you as to why, then you might want to consider that they might not like you. “Your boss might not like you if they start giving another employee tasks that you used to be responsible for. It might mean they are ‘switching things up’ because they no longer trust you with those tasks,” says career expert and strategist Mary Jeanne Vincent in a phone interview with Bustle.
10. They Don’t Treat Other Employees The Way They Treat You
“For one week, observe your boss with your coworkers. Does he [or she] tend to double check their work, not like their ideas, or re-do their projects as well? Does he [or she] only focus on you? In some cases, he [or she] may be a micromanager, in other cases he [or she] is only trying to make sure that everything under his [or her] supervision is completed correctly,” says career coach Hallie Crawford in an interview with Bustle over email. Take note of all the times your boss treats you differently. If you feel like it’s affecting your work performance, try to set up a meeting with them so you can discuss your thoughts and find a solution with your boss.
11. Your Performance Evaluation Takes A Nose Dive
“If your performance reviews were always positive in the past, but then suddenly took a down turn, even when your work ethic hasn’t changed, it might mean your boss doesn’t like you,” says Jeanne. Ask specific questions if you feel like this is a concern during your review. While you always want to improve yourself, you also want to make sure that your boss has valid reasons as to why they believe your performance has become poor.
It’s never easy working at a job where your boss doesn’t value you as an employee. If you’re bringing your A-game and/or you recently improved your performance and your supervisor is still not cooperating, then it might be time to clean up your resume and go on the search for a new job.
Recently I was the target of email harassment, also known as cyberbullying. I was tangled up in business with someone who seemed sane. Then I discovered that this person had impersonated me online, buying a gift from an online vendor and signing my name and personal email address.
Soon thereafter, I made a decision the person did not like. When I stood my ground, the person first was conciliatory, and then suddenly, the switch flipped. Over the course of a few hours, Mr. Hyde emerged.
This person sent dozens of violent, offensive emails that included threats of bodily harm, like promising to fight me until “blood trips” [sic]. There were other vulgar threats, and even an oblique reference to the mutilation of female genitalia.
The emails, which were sent to a few of my email addresses, were increasingly poorly spelled and were filled with the foulest language imaginable. They included manic threats of various sorts. The diction was completely out-of-bounds. I was called the “c” word repeatedly, even in the subject line of the emails–where the person dared me to post the emails publicly, on my blog.
One of the emails, demanding a large sum of money to be sent within 24 hours, was also sent to my husband.
In the course of this mad ranting, the person claimed to have phoned a longtime friend of mine, and he’d given up some dirt on me. When I forwarded the email, my friend responded, “Contrary to what was written, I have never spoken to the person and never heard of them until today. “
Another threatening email purported to be from an attorney admitted to the bar in a different state than the sender, and the attorney’s name and legal credentials were signed. When my attorney sent cease and desist letters, the other attorney said that the email was written without his knowledge or consent.
Know what constitutes harassment. These caustic and deranged emails weren’t spam and they weren’t a simple disagreement. Early on, I sent an email saying, “Kindly refrain from sending me offensive and threatening emails which are not going to help resolve this situation.”
The emails continued. And these 30+ emails were clearly sent with the purpose of intimidating and frightening me. The harasser intended to cause me emotional distress.
Indeed, it was a shocking and awful experience. As I spoke with friends about it, I discovered that I wasn’t alone. One woman told of similar vitriolic emails coming into her inbox in the middle of the night, and how she seethed with anger. I felt outrage and disgust. I looked for ways to deal with it constructively.
The first thing any email harassment victim should know is that if there is a physical threat, report it to local law enforcement. Anyone who thinks their life is in immediate danger should call 911.
Next, as with any crime, the target of email harassment should save all evidence of abuse, taking screen shots, printing out emails, and making note of links to websites. I set up filters in my email accounts and directed all emails from the sender into a separate email account so I didn’t have to see these insane messages in my inbox.
Also, don’t engage with the abuser beyond a clear, firm request for the abuser to cease and desist. Save the evidence that this request was sent. Often the sick person wants attention and wants to drag you down into engaging at their level. Don’t be sucked in. Chances are good that they’ve bullied other people.
I made contact with Haltabuse.org, an online site that provides free help for harassment victims. Peter Kurata, the kindly case worker assigned to help me, wrote, “The cease and desist is next not only to document your disapproval, but to show non-compliance by the abuser. Whether in email or on a website, reply or post a message to remove the offending material, and save evidence.”
Most email services and social media sites have a way to report abuse. For example, email harassment is a violation of Gmail policy, and Google has a specific page for reporting a Gmail user who engages in abusive emails.
You need to copy the email header from the sample email reported to Google, and that process is explained on the Google page. A response from Google may take some time.
Sometimes an attorney is necessary when an email can’t be traced to the source, and a subpoena is necessary for gathering supporting evidence.
In addition to being a world-renowned comedian, talk show host, philanthropist, husband and father, Steve Harvey is the Chief Love Officer of online dating site Delightful. He draws on his personal experiences and the stories that millions of people have shared with him over the years to help more people find and keep the love they deserve.
Everyone says communication is the key to good relationships, but that’s not very helpful when certain words are so confusing. Take the word “intimidating.” That’s got to be one of the most frustrating words in the whole dating world, am I right, ladies? If you’ve been called intimidating, you’re probably wondering what the &*^# is up with that! Is the person doing the calling trying to say you’re an impressive and accomplished woman? More often than not, yes. But what else could it mean? Read on for a few different interpretations of this often-used label.
You’re more successful than he is. If you’re out there crushin’ it professionally, it might soon become clear to the man you’re seeing that you’re more successful than he is. This is no problem unless it bothers him–or you. Be your genuine self and let him get to know the real you. He’ll see you as a whole person and not just a scarily impressive job title. There’s no reason to ever downplay your success. If you find yourself doing so for the sake of a man, snap out of it!
Success doesn’t just have to be a work thing, either. You may have a large social network or be an accomplished dancer or activist. In any case, a man you might date and form a relationship with should admire and appreciate the accomplishments that make you, you. If he doesn’t, I have two words for him: bye-bye.
He’s insecure. If a man actually says “you’re too intimidating” as an excuse to break up with you, let him walk away without any fuss. What’s he’s really saying is he’s sure you’re too cool, too beautiful and too all-around amazing to stick with a schlub like him if something better comes along. And if that’s his attitude, he’s right! You deserve to be with a confident man has more faith in your relationship than that.
If you’re approaching a new relationship with your act together, you’re choosing to be with a man out of want, not out of need. And that’s really the only way to create something healthy and lasting. So steer clear of the insecure men of the world.
You’re unapproachable. Let’s face it–it takes guts to approach a fine woman such as you. He might think of you as intimidating because you seem too perfect and unapproachable to a man. If your facial expression and your walk suggest you have absolutely no interest in talking to others, he might decide it’s is better to steer clear.
To become even more approachable, consider the subtle messages you’re sending with your body language when you’re out on the town. Even something as simple making the effort to throw out a few more smiles really helps.
For example, when you are out at a bar or party, talk to the first guy who approaches you. Don’t brush him off right away if you aren’t interested; just have a short and pleasant conversation. The other guys nearby won’t think you are so intimidating.
You’re opinionated. Now, before you get upset, let me just say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with an opinionated woman. Men like a lady who knows who she is and what she wants. But the fact of the matter is that if you aren’t afraid to share your opinion with little to no filter, you might be called intimidating. To this, I say who cares? Own it.
He admires you. I think it’s time we stop thinking of the label “intimidating” as a bad thing. It’s possible that you’ve been called intimidating in an admiring way, as a means to acknowledge your strength, knowledge and power. If your man was raised right, chances are good that a long line of strong women had something to do with it. Intimidating is good. Intimidating means you have standards and demand to be courted. The world could use more “intimidating.” Men will rise to the occasion.
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You’re absolutely swamped—there are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. And, despite the fact that you know your to-do list is overflowing with things that require your attention and action, you’re frozen. You have so much to do, you only feel paralyzed.
We’ve all been there. Dealing with a plate that’s far too full isn’t fun. But, while your first inclination might be to head for the couch and curl up for a lengthy nap, you know that’s not necessarily the most effective strategy for tackling your workload.
Instead, you need to take a deep breath, chug a few mugs of hot, strong coffee, and get to work. Here’s how to best wade through that daunting to-do list of yours—categorized by what exactly you need to accomplish.
1. When You’re Intimidated by a Large Project
There’s that big assignment that’s been hanging out on your list for weeks—OK, well, a month. Every day, you have the best intentions of finally getting started on it. But, time after time, you end up pushing it to the backburner.
You tell yourself it’s because you have more time-pressing things you need to handle (hey, you’re only trying to prioritize after all!). But, you’re not fooling anyone—you continue to push that project off simply because it seems so intimidating and overwhelming, you have no idea where to even get started. And, now that deadline is fast approaching.
Yes, those giant assignments are enough to inspire plenty of stress and panic—but, that doesn’t mean they’re impossible. Instead, when a huge project is taking up the majority of the space on your plate and your to-do list, your best bet is to address it with a bit of strategy.
This means that you should split that large project up into smaller, more actionable mini-milestones—rather than simply writing “complete humongous project” on your checklist. Using this method, you’ll be able to identify more manageable action items within that huge assignment that need be accomplished, which gives you an easy-to-follow roadmap you can use to stay on track.
Additionally, these bite-sized chunks give you opportunities to celebrate your smaller accomplishments and successes—rather than only taking a breather and a pause for your happy dance once the entire project is completed. And, as research explains in the concept of the Progress Principle, taking steps forward in meaningful work is enough to boost our mood, perceptions of our careers, and—of course—our productivity!
2. When You’re Overwhelmed By Small Loose Ends
Sometimes, it’s not one daunting project that’s making you feel stressed and overloaded. Instead, it’s a bunch of little things that just keep piling up. Emails that need to be answered, phone calls that need to be made, things that need to be followed up on—for every one thing you cross off, 10 things are added.
This constant barrage of tiny tasks can be both distracting and disheartening. And, while it’s a drastically different scenario from that one big, overwhelming assignment, it presents a similar problem: How can you know where to start? When all of those fires need to be put out (and soon!), where should you focus your attention first?
When your day’s jam packed with little loose ends that need tying up, it’s time to take a page from Nike’s book and “just do it.” Pick a specific item, tackle it, cross it off your list, and then move on to the next.
The nice thing about those smaller to-dos is that they aren’t incredibly time consuming, so you’ll be able to move through them pretty fast. And, thanks to a little something called the Zeigarnik Effect, once you actually get the ball rolling on those loose ends, you’ll feel that much more inspired to push forward and finish them.
So, while strategy and detailed planning are usually helpful, sometimes you’re better off just jumping in and chipping away at what you can—particularly when everything on your list is equally time-pressing.
3. When You’re Dealing With a Mix of Both
Let’s say your list consists of both of these types of things. Then what? Should you attempt to make some progress on that big project first, before taking care of any smaller items? Or, should you get those loose ends out of the way so you can channel your focus on that large assignment once and for all—without getting distracted? What method is best?
When you find yourself in this situation, you’re going to have to rely on that age-old concept of prioritization. It’s simple: You should get started with whatever needs to get done the soonest.
I’d recommend starting by outlining your “mini milestones” for that large project, so you have an idea of what smaller action items are required of you—and when they need to be done by. Then, grab yourself a highlighter and pull out those things on your to-do list that you should focus on first. For example, maybe you need to answer a few emails and then take care of the first step for that bigger assignment.
I know, this concept seems almost painfully straightforward. But, actually going through the process of highlighting where you should get started will make it easier for you to see where you should be focusing your time and attention immediately—rather than wandering aimlessly through a mess of overwhelming tasks.
We’ve all experienced those moments of sheer panic when we feel like we’ve piled way too much on our plates—and, that’s really only fun at a buffet or Thanksgiving dinner.
Luckily, there are a few actionable tips and strategies you can use to whip yourself into shape and start making some significant progress on that seemingly never-ending list of yours. Give these a try, and then let me know on Twitter how they work out for you—once you’ve wrapped up your to-do list for the day, of course.