How to make a woman feel sexy

Sexiness, much more than beauty, is very subjective. What I find sexy, you may not find sexy — and vice versa.

There’s a strong correlation between what we find attractive and social status/financial stability. Having nice clothes, being groomed, even being healthy all costs money. We find peopleВ whoВ are well-off more attractive than those whoВ aren’t. We’re attracted to peopleВ who are most likely to provide a comfortable life for us and our offspring.В We find people attractive when we believe theyВ have an innate greatness.

However, attractiveness and sexiness aren’t exactly one and the same. Sexiness is subjective.

There are plenty of non-sexual qualities that make a women incredibly sexy. Ladies, if your man doesn’t find you sexy for these reasons, then you may be better off with another man. Guys, if you don’t find women sexy for these reasons, then you need to reassess your thinking a bit.

I’d say to each his own, but you’ll regret not being capable of appreciating a woman for the right reasons.

1. The way she walks

Get that image of hip swaying and dipping out of your head. That’s not what I’m talking about.

It’s not about the way she actually walks. It’s about the way she walks into a room and somehow instantly catches your attention. It’s the vibration she gives off, so even when your eyes can’t see her, you can nonetheless feel her presence.

2. The way her eyes don’t look at you, but into you

People look judgeВ all the time. We’ve adapted to do these thingsВ to keepВ ourselves out of harm’s way.

It’s easy to judge someone from the outside.В Judging someone’s soul, on the other hand, is different. She doesn’t judge you. She simply sees you.

3. The confidence she has in all the things she does

It’s one thing to be confident — anyone can be confident — butВ that’sВ not what makes her sexy.В Having confidence because youВ deserveВ that confidence — now that’s sexy.

Rightful confidence is arguably the sexiest quality a woman can have. Nothing is sexier than a confident woman whoВ you can tell, just by looking at her, has every reason to be so confident.В

4. How she always manages to find time to help those closest to her

You want to find a sexy woman? Find a woman that cares. A woman that is willing to give a helping hand to those who ask for it.

She’s never too busy when her friends and family need her. She’s always there for them, and not because she’s doing them a favor, but because she’s naturally inclined to care.

5. HowВ passionately she lives her life

Passion is sexy. It just is. Without passion, love fades. Without passion, life fades.

Having someone in your life who’sВ passionate about the things she does — even if it’s the littlest of things — has a very positive impact on your life. Because she’s passionate, you’ll likely become more passionate. Being passionate makes you feel sexy.

So now you’re both feeling passionate and sexy. Need I say more?

6. How she makes you want to be a better person

Sexiness has a power to it. It moves us. It influences us. It’s an energy that both excites and attracts us. It even motivates us. Or rather, the fear of losing her motivates you to become a better version of you.

Of course, her kind and motivating words also help, but it’s really how much you need her that makes you want to grow as an individual.

7. The way she listens

It can be difficult to understand how being a good listener is sexy. I get that. I didn’t always understand it either — not until realizing, after years of meeting people and having conversations, that most people don’t listen.

They don’t listen just to listen; they listen just enough so they can respond. Most of the time people are talking, they’re really just eagerly awaiting the next time they can speak. You don’t know how sexy being a good listener is until you realize how incredibly rare that is.

8. The way she shares

It’s not so much the act of sharing itself, but the way she does it. She doesn’t share because she feels that it’s the right thing to do. Or because she grew up hearing “sharing is caring.” OrВ because she feels obligated to do so in any way.

When she’s sharing that sandwich, that bowl of ice cream, that blanket, it’s not those things themselves that she’s sharing with you. She’s sharing the experience. She’s sharing her life.

9. The way she loves

She doesn’t love you for the things you provide her. She doesn’t love you only for the experiences you share together. She doesn’t only love you because of the way you make her feel.

She loves you because when she lookedВ into your soul, she found that you’re a person worth loving. She loves you for you — in a way that very few ever have or ever will. She loves you an eternity’s worth.

Need to tell a woman how sexy she is without being too obvious or repetitive? This is the article you’ve been looking for.

It gets quite boring telling a woman she is sexy all the time.

Remember that time she wore that dress with the teasingly low neckline? You called her sexy.

You also called her sexy on that day she wore that sexy jean and she was all shades of hot.

You’ve also used the word on many other occasions. It gets tiring after a while.

Women are moved by what they hear, and you need to upgrade from saying the same compliment all the time if you want that flirtation between you both to become even better.

When you see that drop-dead gorgeous lady you have been crushing on, and you’ve run out of words to describe her, simply because she always find new ways to blow your mind to bits, here are extra words you can turn to.

1. Tell her she’s enticing. Afterall her very presence draws you in effortlessly,doesn’t it?

2. Tell her she’s captivating. It’s not just about her curves and smoking-hot body, there’s something about the entire package, the entirety of her femininity which totally captures your imagination.

3. Tell her she’s alluring if you feel her sexiness actually drawing and luring you to her. This is not as bland as just saying she is sexy.

It gives it an extra meaning.

4. Call her sensuous when the flirtation gets really deep and it is only a matter of time before you both seal the deal.

Calling her this shows her the picture that you do not find her sexy just for the sake of it. You find her sexy and you’d probably give anything to unravel that sexy.

5. Call her fascinating. This is another word that shows that she is sexy to you not just because of her impressive body features. It’s more than that.

6. Call her ravishing. This portends a sexiness that is at least three times more intense.

7. Call her charming if her sexiness holds you spellbound. Enchanting works just fine here too.

8. Call her sultry if you need a direct word to replace sexy.

9. Call her irresistible. The word explains itself and she will get the point that you really do try but her sexiness is too potent and keeps pulling you back.

I’m a 60-year-old woman who still considers herself a sexy beast. Well, maybe not a beast. A kitten. A sexy kitten. Okay, maybe not a kitten. A sexy gerbil. That’s it. a sexy gerbil! The operative word here is sexy.

I was married for 27 years, and single for the last 10. Dating in your 50s isn’t for sissies. One man I dated told me that I was sexy in my glasses. Another loved it when I wore high heels, and yet another was a big fan of red lipstick and cleavage. Mine, not his.

When you begin to date after you’ve been married for most of your adult life, you can count on being confused most of the time. Juggling your needs and desires with the needs and wants of your partner is tough. Yeah, I was definitely a picky dater. Which means I spent more nights at home with my dog and was generally pretty happy about it.

It all seemed like so much work. Games were still being played and I found myself less than tolerant of people who were less than forthcoming. Sex was still a huge part of the equation, but not something I was ever willing to give away, if not to the right person.

The question begs asking: what makes a woman feel sexy, and what makes a man think that she is?

I can answer that question by first stating that what was sexy in my 20s is no longer such a big deal. When I was in my 20s, I fell in love with my high school sweetheart who was tall (6’4″), dark, handsome, and had a gorgeous head of hair and a ridiculously confident personality. I knew our love would last forever.

It didn’t. Lust always outlives love, if for no other reason but to baffle us further. He is still tall, dark and handsome. The hair is now store bought and the confident personality turned out to be just loud and obnoxious arrogance. Who knew? He was everything I was looking for and all I ever wanted.

Until I didn’t. It took me years to learn that what you put up with is what you end up with.

These days, sexy is a lot less about tall, dark and handsome with a full head of hair. It has become a lot more about confidence, humor, affection, kindness, loyalty, and intellect. And sex.

I was no longer in the market for a man to have children with, build a career alongside, settle into our first home together, and have crazy, sweaty sex 7 nights a week. I was looking for a man I could grow old with, travel the world, have wonderful conversations, share our homes together and have crazy (less than sweaty) sex 2 nights a week.

According to e-Harmony, men find women sexy who are playful (flirty), beautiful, affectionate, open and mature about sex, fearless, appreciative, like and understand men (I’m not at all sure the latter is possible), flexible (in thought, not in body. I think), funny, and a good kisser. It didn’t disclose what age demographic they were talking about. But I’m betting it was younger rather than older. Just a hunch.

In my 10 years of dating between the ages of 50 – 60, there was only one man, out of many, who asked me what I found sexy in a man. That is the man I’ve been with for the last four years. Not because he asked, but because he made sure that he was what I wanted and needed. Which only makes me want to please him more. Funny how that works.

Not too long ago I was watching my fiancé on the floor playing with our little dog and two cats. He was throwing a squeaky hamburger for Maddy, our dog, and playing laser beam with the cats. When he got up off the floor, he hugged me hard with both arms and buried his face into my neck and breathed me in for a very long moment. I’m not sure a man has ever been as sexy to me as he was that night.

So, if you want to know what a mature woman finds sexy, I’m betting big money that you will get a different answer from every woman who is asked. Because it’s a lot less about you look like and a lot more about compatibility, wants, needs, and, of course, love.

For me it’s about affection, appreciation, passion, tenderness, laughter and loyalty. Okay, fine, he is a fine drink of water with a full head of hair, but that’s just icing on the cake.

At one time, all it took for me to feel sexy was hearing Jim Morrison singing “Light My Fire.” These days? I need killer eye contact with a man who smells like a rainforest and who can make me laugh until my panties slide to the floor. Nothing is sexier than a wicked sense of humor. It signals intelligence, imagination and confidence. All qualities of a good lover. I also find it sexy if a man loves to cook, speaks at least one foreign language fluently and has a secret passion. Preferably for me. P.S. If Jon Stewart doesn’t know how to cook and isn’t fluent in French, I’ll let it slide.–Stacia Friedman

Dancing. A great modern class where I am fully in my body in a room full of dancers fully in theirs. Then going home and taking a hot bath, especially now that I had the grouting redone. Yes, it’s simple domestic luxuries that turn me on now. A clean bathroom, no dishes in a porcelain sink scrubbed white, cool sheets on a freshly made bed. I have a memory of thick lips in a dimly lit bar being enough to get me to disrobe in my studio apartment, now all you have to do is dance with me and do the dishes. Not in that order.–Dani Klein Modisett

What makes me feel sexy? My partner’s hands kneading challah dough into a silky mound. With “Feels Like Home” (the Dolly Parton, Emmylou Harris, Linda Ronstadt version) rippling into the kitchen from the living-room stereo. Because we still have a stereo, and a princess-style telephone anchored to the kitchen wall, and no microwave, so when she bends in her wine-stained apron to pull chocolate babka from the oven, and the kitchen is buttered with sun from the garden that went wild, simply wild, over winter, I could live forever in the warm caramel cave of her neck.–Anndee Hochman

Wearing a pair of slacks that fit my ample butt just right. Spraying on a subtle fragrance in a scent that is slightly detectable and mixes well with my own pheromones. Going to an event and bumping into a man I dated more than 30 years ago, before I was married, and having that man say, “You’re still hot.” Don’t laugh. That actually happened to me and had me smiling for several days. Having a good hair day whether I wear it natural and very wavy/frizzy or ironed and pulled up on top of my head to show off dangling earrings. And last but definitely not least, dancing to great music.–Leslie Hunter-Gadsden

Sinking a birdie putt in front of three men in my foursome.–Sue Kolinsky

Graveyards get me hot, and I think my husband knows it; that’s why we visit them when we can. There really is something seductive about death for me. I love to roam among the gravestones with him, thinking about all the bone-racks lying there no longer able to touch flesh. They’ve had their erotic moments under the sun, their ecstasy between the sheets, behind the old drive-in, steaming up the backseats of cars. Wandering among the dead drives home the reality that we, even with our aching joints, creaky backs, and graying hair, can still walk hand in hand; can still press warm lip to warm lip, before going home to do what we can still do, thank fucking God.–Erica Ferencik

Someone looking straight into my eyes and really listening to what I say.–Amy Klein

Several years ago, I switched up the color and style of my hair. I was tired of looking (and feeling) like a frazzled mother. Long hair is sexy, but I never had the courage to grow mine out until I became an empty nester. My locks are now quite long, colored in glorious shades of purple, blonde, and fuchsia. The style has boosted my self-confidence, making me feel 20 years younger and sexy as hell. Best of all, my husband loves to run his fingers through my silky, purple strands. If that isn’t sexy, I don’t know what is. –Marcia Kester Doyle

In a low-lit yoga studio in Midtown Manhattan, to the firm yet gentle commands of my teacher, my body moves–fluidly, gracefully, and, yes, sensually–from Child’s Pose to Tree Pose to Cobra and more. At class’s end, my flesh melts deliciously into the mat. Hypnotic sitar music plays as I relax into Shavasana, or Corpse Pose. In my black leggings and T-shirt, I feel aglow, lying still and at peace. The only gaze that matters to me is my own; I have no interest in being anyone else’s object of desire. Turning inward, I turn myself on.–Janice Eidus

Back in high school, a guy told me I projected “an aura.” Spoken like a horny teenager, but I believed him. To this day, my aura, when I feel it, gives me a sense of power and a feeling of “Yeah, baby. Check this out.” It starts from the inside and works its way to the surface. When everything is going right for me (hair, makeup, lacy underwear), I go out in the world and know I’m giving off that vibe. I make eye contact and flirt a little. Good things happen. I feel sexy, yes, but powerful too.–Risa Nye

I feel sexiest when my husband of 29 years takes my hand when we’re walking down the street. For me, being loved and loving someone after so many years together and getting older is the sexiest thing there is.–Sharon Greenthal

Feeling sexy used to be external. Shoes with heels to make my legs look incredible. A Good Hair Day. A splash of Pierre Cardin for Men. The glint in a man’s eyes when he looked at me. Not appraisal, as if I were prey, rather, appreciation…a look that said, “I know that you know.” It’s taken time to make me experience my sexiness internally. Time to become secure in myself, without props, without outside validation. But that’s what makes me feel sexy now: feeling secure. Knowing that I’m completely myself, and–if you’re smart–you’ll know that’s sexy.–Denise Wolfe

Sadly, what most makes me feel sexy is feeling thin. (Thanks, society!) I doubt that I’m alone in this. We seem to revere the thin body. But besides that, a few things that make me feel sexy are: a great lipstick, a hot bath, a massage and firemen. Firemen make me feel very sexy. – Cathy Ladman

EXERCISE! Feeling breathless, in a sweat, and feeling my body work to its maximum always makes me feel alive. –Alexandra Rosas

Sexy is that tantalizing sensation of his eyes on you, that guy you’ve been silently flirting with all evening. Sexy is when his hand finds the arch of your back and he pulls you to him on the dance floor, and your bodies meld. It’s the three or four-second pause before a first kiss to savor that yearning, that fire, that moment, before your life is forever defined by: Before the kiss and After the kiss. It’s all in those magical moments.–Mary McLaurine

I feel sexy when I’m having a good hair day. I recently let my hair go white and added a few pink streaks for fun. And suddenly, men (and not just senior citizens and beyond) are noticing and smiling at me. And complimenting me. It has definitely made me feel sexier.
–Janie Emaus

I feel sexiest when I feel good about myself. When I’m being brave, taking chances, and striving to achieve something. What also makes me feel sexy is the way a man holds my gaze and gives me a smile that makes me feel like I’m the most exciting woman in the room.–Linda Wolff

New lingerie, no adult children lurking about the house, and the tiniest puff of marijuana.–Julia Clark Salmon

What makes a woman feel sexy?

Posted Jan 17, 2013

What makes a woman feel sexy? How can she sustain that feeling if she can get there? But on most days, for many of us, self-image can really take a beating.

Many of us want to be seen as hot and sexy. And perhaps most of all, we want to feel like the models in women’s magazines sipping Margaritas with smoky knowing eyes. We just know that they are about to have the most incredible experiences in the universe.

Seeing those images can make me feel like I’m not enough. It is this feeling that I will never have what I truly want because I don’t look like that. And it really doesn’t matter how old you are, it’s hard to look like these women. This is not news. But the impact on women is real.

What do I, and many women, want? It’s a simple thing. I want to be deeply desired, and feel free in my body. I want to know that I am sexy from the inside out and truly believe it. All the time. I want to walk around naked and not worry about my behind shaking. Perhaps this is universal. This is what I hear from women:

“I want to get so lost in my own wanton sexiness that orgasms flow from me like a waterfall. I don’t want much — I just want to dance in my own inner sexy wildness.”

They are not alone, and sometimes I have been confronted with my own self-loathing. It is shocking that I can still call myself names. After all, this true confession is being spoken by a woman who has professed to the world that I have conquered body shame and embrace my sexual pleasure.

Am I a fraud? Or am I simply real and honest? The fact is that I have healed so much of the damage that I have walked around with for most of my life when it comes to my body image and my sexuality.

But every day, when I wake up and my feet touch the ground, it takes a little bit of courage to love myself just as I am. That is the truth. To say anything else would be to over-promise healing like those 30-day miracle diets on TV.

A great article in The Wall Street Journal, “Conquering Fear,” discusses those nasty little voices in our heads that tell us that we are not enough. We are fat and stupid. Our bodies are ugly. Our bosses hate us.

Sometimes, I get stuck in how I believe I look. I hate my neck. My face is too round. I have a double chin from certain angles. And I stop feeling sexy. Instead, I get filled with self-doubt and worry.

You see. I am a real woman. Isn’t that reassuring? I am not going to give you pleasure platitudes and tell you that if you do this or that all of your inner fears will go away completely. They don’t. But it can get better.

If you work on embracing who you are, every single day just like a religious practice, things will change in your world.

In so many ways, it is like developing a healthy eating and exercising plan. There is a lot of self-encouragement that has to happen. I do it too.

The voices of fear that tell us that we are not enough, or are broken in some way and don’t go completely away.

However, most of the time these days, I feel smoking. I have a swagger to my step and kick to my heels. I dress like a diva with a wink. And I still feel bad about my neck. I still have big moments of self-loathing. That is part of the process.

Self-loving is a practice. Feeling sexy is a practice. Let’s practice together.

It is in how you present

I hope this does not come across in the wrong manner, because it is not meant to be, but I find in my personal experience that sexy can be manufactured even when it is not felt inside by how you present yourself to the world on the outside. If one dresses nicely, has their nails done, hair done . then one appears to care for themselves, no matter their body structure. The latter is harder to control, but the former is easy, and if a person doesn’t adDRESS (pun actually not intended) this, sexy is impossible. I find myself attracted more to how a person works to present themselves on the outside, regardless of physical attributes, or lack of them. We can forgive those things that nature has created. It is the lack of trying to make it prettier that is not sexy. The ladies know this better than men. They love a well dressed man. The sexy will come with a little attention to what is easy to manipulate.

  • Reply to Dan C, J.D.
  • Quote Dan C, J.D.

Not believable

So Dan. You’re saying having hair and nails done and nice clothes is what makes a woman sexy and makes you overlook her body? That seems hard to believe. And it’s demoralizing too, to know that it’s still only about appearances from the male point of view.

  • Reply to Alisha
  • Quote Alisha

It starts from the inside

Hi Pamela,
I know you are using yourself as something of a straw woman here in this post in order to tell and explain a more general story. Although I am going to address this comment to you, it is actually to your straw woman.
I’m a little confused by the logic. Are you saying that in order to feel sexy you need to feel you are desirable or that you need to know that you are desired? I’m sure you will agree that they are different things.
Those voices in your head, those dragons lurking in the dark caverns of your mind, were surely born from things that were said to you, either consistently or at a vulnerable moment, at an early age. Those dragons are really quite timid and when you flush them out into the clear light of day you may see that they are nothing more than tiny gekkos that will scurry away to find another dark place to hide.
But let’s go back to the logic. As I understand it, in order to feel sexy you have to feel or believe that you are desirable, but you can only be truly desirable if you look like a photoshopped picture of a supermodel in a magazine. This is like a double bind, a catch 22 from which there is no escape until you realise it is based on a manufactured fantasy.
Those who come across to me as attractive and desirable have one thing in common and it has absolutely nothing to do with body shape nor age. It is that they are congruent and centered. This gives them poise and a quiet confidence, and they seem comfortable in their own skin. You know they have it from the way they carry themselves, the way they look at you and the way they speak. They may have done a hard days work under a hot sun, be dirty, sweaty and bedraggled but they retain their poise. This is not unattainable because I know people who are like that.
To achieve congruence certainly means flushing out the gekkos and, as you know, it is not a quick fix, and for that reason many people will not take it on. It’s an old story, but I believe it is true – you have to start from the inside and everything else will follow.

Black stilettos, red lipstick and a push up bra have emerged on a list of 20 things which make a woman feel sexy

by Taryn Davies | 3 December 2012

Red lips help a woman feel sexy

Feeling sexy raises your confidence and helps give you a boost, especially if you’re on a night out. But what things are helping you feel this way?

New research has revealed the top 20 things which can make a woman feel sexy.

The top three boosts were having silky smooth legs, putting on new underwear and receiving a compliment from a man (or a woman).

Also on the list were painted finger nails, putting up hair and sipping a glass of wine, according to the study by online underwear retailer Boux Avenue.

Lisa Bond, spokeswoman for Boux Avenue, said: “It’s amazing that the most subtle changes can transform a woman in to feeling sexy.

“High heels and red lipstick predictably have an effect on how we look, feel, and act, but people tend to underestimate the power that new underwear can have on a woman, despite the fact very few people will actually see it.

“Dressing up by wearing nice underwear, a fabulous dress and a spritz of perfume can really make you feel special.”

The study also found a flashy one in ten women think wearing diamonds makes them feel sexy, while 80% said high heels made them feel instantly appealing and feel that bit slimmer.

Perhaps unsurprisingly the study found that more than half of females said they always feel better when their hair and make-up is done.

A very dedicated one in twenty women said they consciously make the effort to be sexy every day, but a slightly less sultry 19% said they never bother.

Aside from clothes, hair, and make-up, the biggest impact on a female’s ‘sexiness’ was considered to be confidence, followed by her personality and charisma – with one in ten feeling that a sense of humour was a sexy personal trait for women to possess.

But it would seem there is a fine line between what is overtly sexy and what is considered unappealing.

A visible cleavage is thought to be sexy by 40% but unappealing by 60%. Tattoos, lots of make-up and the tops of knickers on display are also considered turn-offs by the majority of people.

Of the 2000 women polled, more than half said they like to be sexy for their other half and 28% have even admitted to dressing provocatively to get what they want.

Of those, three quarters did it to woo a date and one in ten girls did it to get their car fixed.

The poll found on a typical morning, UK ladies would spend around 17 minutes getting ready before heading out the door, but would spend nearly 40 minutes preening if it was a big night out.

But a saucy one in five women said they often dress up to stay in, with a third saying they regularly don stockings, suspenders and high heels.

When it comes to night time, four in ten women feel sexiest when they are wearing nothing at all, but a quarter prefer to slip on a sexy nightie- a more laidback 20% said they prefer a pair of pyjamas.

More than half of females said they favoured black underwear, followed by red.

On average 29% of women regularly wear matching underwear.

Lisa added: “The clothes we wear and the style we adopt contribute to how sexy we feel, and underwear plays a huge part in that.

“Putting on new underwear for the first time and wearing a matching bra and knicker set does boost your confidence and make you feel more alluring.

“Lingerie is no longer just to be hidden under clothes, something that the recent ‘Underwear As Outerwear’ trend has reinforced.”

Women are celebrating their curves once again, aspiring to an ultra-feminine ‘Mad Men’ inspired silhouette, and investing in beautiful lingerie to help them feel as sexy as possible.”


1. Smooth legs
2. Receiving a compliment
3. New underwear
4. Wearing a push-up bra
5. Black stilettos
6. Wearing perfume
7. Wearing stockings and suspenders
8. Applying red lipstick
9. Painted fingernails
10. Glass of wine
11. Short dress
12. Knee high boots
13. Tight jeans
14. Dancing
15. Curling hair
16. Putting their hair up
17. Wearing diamonds
18. Fake-tanning
19. Applying false eyelashes
20. See-thru top

A new survey by car company Kia (. ) sought to discover what makes men and women feel their most confident. For dudes, it was all about a freshly shaved face and compliments at work. Women found their confidence in haircuts, learning new skills, high heels and diamonds diamond diiiiiiiiamonds.

While the survey was actually about empowerment, The Daily Mail (I read it so you don’t have to) has framed it as a list on what makes women feel the sexiest. It’s a little annoying because feeling confident doesn’t necessarily equal feeling sexy, but what-the-fuck-ever. I’m too tired to get into that shit right now.

Here’s what they’ve come up with:

1. A new haircut
2. A sunny day
3. Walking in heels
4. Learning a new skill
5. Booking a holiday
6. Shaved legs
7. Lipstick
8. Glowing tan
9. Little black dress
10. Designer perfume
11. A day off
12. Being asked out on a date
13. Matching lingerie
14. Eating a healthy breakfast
15. Going to the gym
16. Diamond ring
17. A blow-dry
18. Whitened teeth
19. Chatting with a friend or close relative
20. Trouser suit

Feeling empowered or, to play the Daily Mail‘s game, feeling $EXY is a pretty personal thing. Like, maybe I’m in the minority, but very few things on that list appeals to me.

For example, here’s how a lot of these things make me feel:

  • Booking a vacation = panicked about money
  • Matching lingerie = does it count when everything you own is breathable cotton?
  • Shaved legs = LOL
  • Glowing tan = LOL
  • Going to the gym = LOL

The original Kia self-assurance survey is little hard to track down, so I can’t tell whether or not respondents had a fixed set of answers to choose from or if they were able to submit their own (the latter would be a lot more telling). Either way, there are only a few things that, universally, will actually make a woman feel sexy and they are:

  • Having your asshole bedazzled (buttdazzled?).
  • Being told that you look like an actress you hate.
  • And getting a free coffee because the barista can tell you’ve been “having a rough time lately.”

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How to Make a Woman Feel Sexy

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2 thoughts on “How to Feel Sexy and Desirable All the Time”

This article was ok, until I got to the part where you suggested getting a perfect body! What the heck are you trying to do? You’ve just basically told everyone of us insecure, self-criticising women that we are right to feel unsexy unless our bodies are perfect. I know your comment is probably aimed at the overweight (coz, everybody hates them, right??) but what about those who are disabled, or have stretch marks and a saggy tummy from childbirth, or those with scars, or those with saddle bag hips that just will NOT change shape without surgery? It is articles like this that cause people like me to search the internet for more articles to undo the damage you just did.

For me, feeling sexy seems particularly elusive. That’s kinda bad, when I lean towards the notion that a sparse sex-life is an indicator for how “the human race considers you unfit for reproduction and a waste of common ressources”.

The feeling I get depends on the perceivable quality of the carbon-based lifeforms purporting that my physical presence affects their circulation and cognitive patterns.

When a fat, old man says he wants to fuck my ass, I feel degraded right there… that he has the audacity, to even suggest, I might settle for an uggo like that? Like he thinks that *I* am equally worthless and only here for his abuse and amusement?

When a photogenic and pretty, but not otherwise attractive guy requisitions for my services, I feel a noteworthy disinterest, but not as much as compelling guilt, pertaining to the idea of saying no to a perfecly good (looking) boy – if I really, really hated him and wanted him dead, yeah, then, I could refuse him the sex he wants.

But when I don’t “desire” him, he will, by default, be more of a “settler-for”, than a “choser”, and the value of his choice of me, consequently, remains in the shallow end. It doesn’t euphorize me, it gives me nothing (beyond the technical occupation of sex). I don’t “trust” in that context – for my trust and sense of security, I must feel “my enemy’s tears”.

Only when a lean, young boy gets under my skin, where I get turned on/maniacally elated by the very contemplation of any kind of sex-like activity with him – when my conviction that “other people would certainly covet the sex I get” (the aforementioned enemy’s tears) becomes unshakably solid…

Only then, could his sexual desires generate this feeling of “I am okay, good enough” within me.

Now that I’m well into my thirties, my hopes that I will one day come to feel good about myself seem more dismal than ever… Considering how few sexy young boys will give an adult man the time of day, much less a blowjob.

“The guy I’m currently seeing woke me up one morning by slowly running his hands all over my body and murmuring, ‘Come play with me,’ in my ear.”

How to Make a Woman Feel Sexy

Turning on a woman isn’t as simple as pressing a button. She’s a human, not a Macbook Air, for god’s sake. Besides, every woman gets horny from different things (just like every dude does). For some people you hook up with, it’s all about the dirty talk, whereas other people might not want you to say anything at all. Then there are the times you’re with a woman you’ve been with for years, and you’re doing everything you know she likes, but for whatever the reason, it isn’t working—and you have to switch things up on the fly.

Given that every woman gets aroused in her own unique fashion, it’s always a good move to ask your partner what turns her on. (Some women may simply get turned on being asked what turns them on—meta!) It shows that you care about her pleasure and want her to have the best sexual experience possible, not to mention it maximizes your likelihood of success.

But some women might not be sure exactly what gets them horny. Or, the surprise—the spontaneity—is what really gets her hot and bothered. Since every woman has something different that gets her in the mood, we asked five women to share stories of times they got really turned on. Here’s what they had to say.

“Once me and this guy were hanging out, and he was like, ‘Have you ever played with ice?’ And I was like, ‘Not really.’ He was like, ‘Oh, it can be really sensual,’ so I said let’s try it now. He told me to go to his room and had me lay down. He slowly rubbed an ice cube all over me, in non-sexual places first, then my neck and boobs. Then he would kiss the areas too. But the way he slowly used the ice was delicious torture! The slowness of it led to such a huge buildup.” —Ashley, 27.

“The guy I’m currently seeing woke me up one morning by slowly running his hands all over my body and murmuring, ‘Come play with me,’ in my ear. (A+++ would wake up again.)” —Becca, 29.

How to Make a Woman Feel Sexy

“A guy I’m sexting has started recording voice notes to take the sexting up a notch. He created stories about us having sex and sends them to me in chapters. He writes it all himself, and they are very detailed with aspects of things he knows that I like and what will turn me on. He always finishes a chapter on something that he knows will leave me really horny. The latest story focused on being tied up and blindfolded. The sound of his voice and the content of the messages are sending me wild. I don’t think I have ever been so turned on in my life, and I keep listening back to them!” —Elizabeth, 33

“I can smell insecurity in a man from a mile away, and as a polyamorous woman, there’s no time for that with me. The most attractive thing a man can do for me is to have a quiet kind of confidence, where they don’t feel the need to prove themselves or overcompensate. This ends up extending to the bedroom. For whatever reason, men can be very skittish with me, even after I’ve given consent. At that point, just go for it! I really love it when I can tell someone has been waiting for my yes, and then that tension is unleashed. Past that, little cocky things during sex is fun. One time, I made eye contact with a partner while both his hands were inside of me. He blew a kiss and the audacity of it got to me, but in all the best ways. Teasing, letting me think I’m in charge and then reigning me in… those are some of the keys to my heart.” —Gabrielle, 25

“Ooh, I love when partners ‘yes, and’ my fantasies. It validates the fantasy as sexy and lets me inhabit a space in my imagination where I get to keep growing as a sexual being. And I get to see them take delight in me as a sexual being. If I say, for example, it would be so hot if you kiss me really softly. and they say, ‘Ooh, yes. and then what?’” —Natalie, 36

What makes an older woman sexy? I fell asleep the other night wondering this, having contemplated the subtle erosion of the various bodily bits which supposedly evoke sexual urges.

But before I launch into my exegesis, I must make a minor (and defensive) detour and query the same about older men. What do we find sexy about Jeremy Irons or Clint Eastwood? Isn’t is their self-assurance? Their ease? Why is it considered that they look great when their hair turns silver and lines define their face, yet this doesn’t apply to women? I know, this is a huge topic and a bit of an old saw, and frankly I’m really bored by it, as any self respecting woman of our generation should be, and yet the imbalance does persist. (Oh yes, I forgot — and how could I, given contemporary media — we are sex objects.) I know. Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem did the mindful on our behalf, yet that did little for the Australopithecus brain of our male counterparts. Hello Ladies, we need to, as they say, represent.

Of course traditionally women of a certain age went and did strange things to their hair: dyed it too dark, or tinged it violet, or permed it, or waved it, or essentially made it look seriously goofy. I mean really, do the same to a man and he’ll look ridiculous too. Then of course, older dames insisted on wearing too much jewelry and makeup and floral print silks or absurd matching outfits a la Queen Mum. So really, we’ve been doing it to ourselves for years.

But let’s get down to the nitty gritty. What is it that makes an older woman sexy? First of all, it’s how a woman inhabits her body. No matter the size or shape — is it her temple? Does she treasure it? Is she proud of it? Does she own it? A woman who owns her body, is just damn sexy. Every shape has its attendant curves and delights; a woman who knows how to display them just plain rocks. And let’s not forget the structural elements, the bones, many of which, as the flesh shifts, gain more presence, more sculptural gravitas. Consider shoulders, consider hips, consider the back.

How to Make a Woman Feel Sexy

Add to that the way a woman moves her body, not simply in bed, but everywhere she goes. It’s like a signature, maybe funny and abrupt, maybe languorous and full of grace. It’s something every woman should contemplate — how much is conveyed by the way she moves.

. as well as by the sound of her voice. A cultivated female voice is something which only grows more alluring with age. Don’t forget how much sex occurs in the dark. A resonant voice, a voice modulated for allure, a ‘come hither’ voice, can unbutton any psyche. A woman who has control over the tone, the inflection and the colors, can float you on the oscillations, on the waves of her voice. Yes. Cougars purrrrrrr.

But a voice is rudderless without a mind. What in fact is the sexiest part of anyone? The mind — for that is what creates the context, spins the tale. Knowing when to stroke, when to resist, when to yield, when to quicken, when to slow. when to submit, when to dominate, when to make a sudden volte-face. And, let’s banish any doubt — an older mind, or shall we say a sophisticated mind, filled with experience and stories and years of observation, can knock a younger one out of the ring.

Then there are the eyes. The power that emanates can cause spontaneous combustion. And of course, the mouth. It can hunt with agility at any age, and again, years of experience make it a formidable adversary to any prey that it targets.

Ah, and then there is her hair. I was just about to descend into my down dog at yoga this morning when a friend, well into her 60s, strode by, her honey blonde hair radiating outward like that of a Botticelli nymph gone Electric Ladyland. This woman looks positively archetypal on a yoga mat; she slides into her poses like a serpent, then holds them like a Tantric Rodin. Truly, an inspiration to get on your mat. However, maybe you’ve clipped your locks short, like Michelle Williams short. Since I sport that look, I happen to find it kind of hot as well. First of all, it’s a truly liberating style (absolutely no maintenance) but it also projects a sort of boyish quality — which can lead to some obstreperous behavior in the bedroom.

Of course the historic ‘refuge’ of the older woman is her style. Unquestionably some of the most wonderfully dressed females on the planet now are over 50. The reason is that they understand what works for them, what flatters them. so their style is unique, often above and beyond trends. And that is just plain sexy. Self-awareness is sexy.

But my favorite element is the laugh (which is of course linked to the voice). The way a woman laughs, how easily and how often, how hard she laughs, how lilting her laugh. Does she giggle, chuckle, chortle, guffaw; does she snort :)? To laugh is to open. As an English proverb states: “A maid that laughs is a maid half taken.” Or as the dour St. John Chrysostom, an early Church Father, darkly opines: “Laughter does not seem to be a sin but it leads to sin.”

And so let us laugh, Darlings, because the paramount quality that makes a woman sexy is her outlook on life. If she laughs without measure, you know she derives great joy from life, has the ability to transcend pain and grief and still find pleasure in the mere fact of her existence. And is this not the most appealing element of any human — their ability to feel and express joy? To me, this is our single most captivating virtue and one which, in my mind at least, is infinitely sexy.

Need to tell a woman how sexy she is without being too obvious or repetitive? This is the article you’ve been looking for.

It gets quite boring telling a woman she is sexy all the time.

Remember that time she wore that dress with the teasingly low neckline? You called her sexy.

You also called her sexy on that day she wore that sexy jean and she was all shades of hot.

You’ve also used the word on many other occasions. It gets tiring after a while.

Women are moved by what they hear, and you need to upgrade from saying the same compliment all the time if you want that flirtation between you both to become even better.

When you see that drop-dead gorgeous lady you have been crushing on, and you’ve run out of words to describe her, simply because she always find new ways to blow your mind to bits, here are extra words you can turn to.

1. Tell her she’s enticing. Afterall her very presence draws you in effortlessly,doesn’t it?

2. Tell her she’s captivating. It’s not just about her curves and smoking-hot body, there’s something about the entire package, the entirety of her femininity which totally captures your imagination.

3. Tell her she’s alluring if you feel her sexiness actually drawing and luring you to her. This is not as bland as just saying she is sexy.

It gives it an extra meaning.

4. Call her sensuous when the flirtation gets really deep and it is only a matter of time before you both seal the deal.

Calling her this shows her the picture that you do not find her sexy just for the sake of it. You find her sexy and you’d probably give anything to unravel that sexy.

5. Call her fascinating. This is another word that shows that she is sexy to you not just because of her impressive body features. It’s more than that.

6. Call her ravishing. This portends a sexiness that is at least three times more intense.

7. Call her charming if her sexiness holds you spellbound. Enchanting works just fine here too.

8. Call her sultry if you need a direct word to replace sexy.

9. Call her irresistible. The word explains itself and she will get the point that you really do try but her sexiness is too potent and keeps pulling you back.

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I know what you’re thinking when I say “Here’s how to feel sexy by yourself,” but get your minds out of the gutter!

Or actually, don’t. I’m fine with that too. But what I’m talking about here are the activities you do on your own that just make you feel totally recharged and aware of your own body and energy. I find that as a single woman, I don’t always feel at my sexiest since I don’t have a partner complimenting me or touching me or, you know, actually having sex with me. I still maintain a general level of confidence, but I feel like I lose touch with my sexy side.

But while all that stuff with a guy is great, it’s not—nor should it be, even if you are in a relationship—the only way to feel sexy. These are a few of my own foolproof ways to make me feel like a woman, Shania style. No dudes necessary.

Pretend you’re Beyonce. WWBeyD? The woman basically invented the concept of channeling your inner Sasha Fierce sexpot when necessary.

Go to a dance class. Even if you feel a little silly, it makes you so aware of your body and how you move it. I went to my first Zumba class last night (so, um, I guess I’ll scratch that off my 2010 to-do list) and I was reminded of how good it makes me feel to dance. It’s the only time I think sweating is kind of hot.

Put on a bright red lipstick. No judgment if you spend the next 20 minutes making kissy faces at yourself in the mirror and taking selfies. I always do.

Walk around in high heels inside your own home. Possibly paired with just your bra and underwear, if you’re feeling really daring. The best part about this is as soon as they start to hurt, you can kick them off and crash on the couch. Because when you wear them in real life, well, blisters and limping don’t make you feel so hot.

Go to a bar alone. I know it’s intimidating, but I swear that whenever I force myself to confidently walk up to a bar alone and order a drink without nervously having to fidget with my cell phone or bury my face in a book, I feel like a badass femme fatale in a movie. Going 20 minutes early when you’re meeting a friend is a great way to do this with a time limit in case you feel weird.

Strut with headphones. I do this on my own time, but I also always use this trick when walking to meet a date. Pop in your earbuds, turn on your favorite sultry-peppy tune, and let it put a little sass in your step. This one might actually cause male heads to turn, but that’s not really the point.

What are your tricks when you need to get in touch with your sexy side?

How to Make a Woman Feel Sexy

You used to want to have sex. A lot. There was a time when you couldn’t wait to rip your guy’s clothes off, when you felt empowered and excited by the mere thought of a bedroom romp. Ah, the good ol’ days. Recently, however, it seems that watching American Idol — or watching paint dry — are more appealing options than getting it on with your fella. Whatever happened to that sexy, flirtatious girl you used to know? Don’t worry — she’s still in there.

While many of us blame kids, bills, or work and say we don’t have the time or energy to get sexual, we’re actually missing the real cause of the cool-down, says psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, M.D., the author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women. “One of the main reasons I’ve found that women don’t want to have sex is that they don’t feel as sexy as they used to,” he says. Unfortunately, feeling sexy isn’t something you can just conjure up at a moment’s notice. “Women have to transition between the mother who’s taking care of everything to the seductive wife, and that doesn’t happen in an instant,” Haltzman says. “It takes work.”

You can find the time to get your sexy back. The first step? Retrain your brain. “Change the way you think about sex,” suggests Haltzman. “Most women think of sex as something he gets and you give. Instead, think of yourself as being the receiver or the lucky one.” Once you start seeing sex as a treat for you, you can tune in to other sensual treats in your daily life. And getting in touch with feel-good sights, sounds, and experiences will make you feel more confident and vibrant. Soon, you’ll open yourself up to feeling sexy and attractive — and you’ll actually want to have sex (dishes be damned!). Then you can start reveling in all the rewards a healthy sex life can bring: a tighter bond with your husband; less stress, tension, and anxiety; and a rosier outlook on life. Not to mention, when you’re having good sex on a regular basis, you feel sexier. It’s a cycle — one that you can kick-start now to cast a positive halo over every area of your life, including your friendships, your job, and your self-confidence. Here are 21 ways to tap in to your sensual self — and start reaping the benefits tonight.

1. Focus on the last time. Taking just five minutes out of your busy day to replay the specifics of your last really great sexual encounter will whet your appetite, says Gail Saltz, Ph.D., the author of The Ripple Effect: How Better Sex Can Lead to a Better Life. Think about your pleasure: how it made you feel — and how you want to feel that way again.

2. Touch yourself. (No, we don’t mean that way, but that’s not a bad idea either.) Take the time after a hot shower to massage your body with lotion, instead of just slapping it on. Or give yourself a relaxing neck rub. “I brush my skin with a soft brush every morning when I wake up,” says Mary McGuire-Wien, of New York City. “It makes my skin feel much more alive.”

3. Watch something hot. Does Brad Pitt do it for you? Be sure to add Troy to your Netflix queue. Or the movie that you and your husband saw on your fifth date. and didn’t quite make it all the way through. Women are visual creatures (just like men), and when you give your eyes a sensual treat, it will reignite your flames of desire.

4. Throw away the Victoria’s Secret catalogue. Comparing yourself to unrealistic body ideals is a surefire way to feel unsexy. Remove these images from your life as much as you possibly can (as in, turn off The Bachelor and all those size 0 bikini bodies). When you do see them, remind yourself that these body types are un-attainable. And that yours is just fine, thank you very much.

5. Ditch the sweats. “If sweats have become your standard after-work uniform, then you are unlikely to feel sexy,” says Sari Locker, the author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex. You don’t have to wear fishnets, “but buy some clothes that make you feel sexy when you’re lounging, even if that’s just a silky camisole and leggings.”

6. Get away. Take a walk or plan a girls’ night out. “When I do something just for me, it’s easier to remember who I was before I was a wife and mom,” says Megan Barner, of Charlotte, NC. “After I spend time with friends, my husband says I come back a new woman.”

7. Exercise. There are a million reasons to hit the gym — lose weight, lower stress — but the best one is to boost your sexiness. Sweat releases endorphins, giving you a natural high. “When I feel low, I hit the gym,” says Jaime Sarrio, of Nashville. “I feel strong and sexy after a run on the treadmill or a weight-lifting session.”

8. Get nostalgic. Joanne Rock, of Peru, NY, creates lustful playlists that remind her of when she was falling in love with her husband. “Hearing those tunes sends my thoughts to sexy places,” she says. Or take out photos from when you two first started dating. Remember that wanton lust that overcame both of you? Trust us, it’s still there.

9. Make your most beautiful feature pop. Play up your eyes with a new eyeliner, or try a different gloss on your lips. Or, if you normally go natural, put on a little concealer. “When you feel beautiful, you feel sensual,” says Debbie Mandel, the author of Turn On Your Inner Light. Take the extra three or four minutes to primp yourself and feel pretty — just for you.

10. Buy new underthings. Throw away those ripped, faded, you’ve-had-them-for-four-years granny panties and invest in some new underwear. The sexier, the better — but G-strings aren’t required. New bikinis, boy shorts, or even basic briefs can make you feel special.

11. Stop worrying. When you’re focused on worry, the last thing on your mind is feeling sexy, says Louann Brizendine, the author of The Female Brain and The Male Brain. Pinpoint what’s bothering you and try to set it aside. Write down your concerns and tuck them away. Or distract yourself from a problem that’s weighing on you by concentrating on a crossword or Sudoku puzzle. And for Pete’s sake, stop stressing over your thighs or your tummy pooch. He’s (really, truly, absolutely) not thinking about it, so why are you?

12. Breathe. Mindful breaths enhance and reinforce the mind-body connection, says Sandor Gardos, Ph.D., the founder of For a few minutes each morning, close your eyes and breathe deeply. Clear your thoughts and focus on being calm. When you’re relaxed, it’s easier to get in touch with your inner sexiness.

13. Look in the mirror. From the onset of puberty, we’re taught to scrutinize every imperfection of our bodies. Instead, give yourself a reaffirming reality check by doing the opposite. Stand naked in front of a full-length mirror and focus on the things you really love about yourself: your strong thighs, shiny hair, or full, sexy chest.

14. Turn off the iPhone. And the TV. And your laptop. Life’s distractions keep you from being fully in touch with yourself, never mind anyone else, Brizendine says. Unplug for a few minutes each day so you can plug in to what’s important: you. Focus on just one activity — reading a book or having a snack. Tuning out from the world helps make you a priority, which in turn reminds you just how lovable you are.

How to Make a Woman Feel Sexy

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Have you ever had a night out with a girl that really made you feel like a man?

If you are anything like me, it made you feel like you could conquer mountains. All the amazing things about being a man are amplified tenfold when a woman helps you remember that you ARE indeed a man. It is an intoxicating mix of sensations that helps you notice the contrasts of life that at other times blur together, and it releases all that dopamine and those feel-good hormones that make you feel like you have purpose.

You appreciate the fact that you are a man, and it rouses a deep sense of pride in you.

How to Make a Woman Feel Sexy

Having her on your arm, laughing, smiling and trusting, you strengthen your sense of self like nothing else.

Now imagine that all these effects also happen to a woman when you help her to feel like one. On a scale of one to ten, how likely do you think it is she will give you her number, a date, a kiss, follow you in a sexual relationship? Will she hold up limitless resistance and string you along? Forget about it! She would not waste an OUNCE of that perfect feeling. She will want to breathe you in and be intoxicated by this world of womanhood you have allowed her to enter, and she will be grateful.

Women are truly beautiful creatures, and this is never more apparent than when you are a man who can make a girl come ALIVE into her womanly whiles.

How to Make a Woman Feel Sexy

For many people, there’s a direct correlation between negative self image and their libido. It’s hard to feel sexy with a slew of negative thoughts swirling around in your head. We asked our Experts to weigh in with simple yet effective ways for how to feel sexy in your own skin.

Using the principal of acting “as if” (AKA, fake it ’til you make it), we think this can help even the most stubborn believer to connect with their more sexual self and reap some of the amazing benefits of a healthy sex life. Below are 12 ways you can bring the sexy back in your life today.

1. Embrace who you are.

Grab onto whatever bits you tend to consider your “problem” and tell that flesh, out loud, that you love, cherish, respect and honor it, and let it know that it’s absolutely perfect just the way it is. The more you say it, the more you’ll believe it.

Most women have a tendency to use negative language about their bodies. Simply changing the way you think and talk about your body can have a powerful impact on all aspects of your life.

2. Do something that scares you.

It’s easy to fall into routines that turn into ruts, but trying new things literally triggers a happiness response in the brain. So do something you’ve always thought looked fun but never had the nerve to try.

That spin class you’ve been talking about trying is a great place to start. Go skydiving. Travel. Learn a new language. Get your Scuba certificate. Endorphins are a powerful thing, and you can stimulate them right now for immediate gratification and long-term gain.

3. Let yourself chill out.

The simple act of letting yourself relax is a tremendous first step toward total satisfaction. While it’s easier said than done in a hyper-connected world full of stress, deadlines and an inflated sense of urgency about practically everything, once you’ve mastered the art of letting go, a whole new world opens up.

According to Dr. Steven Snyder, “If you can’t relax, sex is going to suffer.” So every once in a while, turn off your phone and laptop, switch off the TV and lay your worries temporarily to the side. Make an appointment with yourself (or your partner) to do absolutely nothing for at least a solid hour — no agenda, no goals, no distractions — and see what happens.

4. Wear a sexy outfit.

Even if you’re just making cereal, watching reality TV or vacuuming the living room, wear something that makes your feel your best. Maybe it’s some sexy lingerie, a sultry summer dress or your favorite skinny jeans.

Comfy clothes tend to give people permission to “let go” and start indulging. Ever notice that when you are wearing something sexy it changes your whole energy? Instead of getting home and getting into your comfortable clothes, light some candles and get comfortable with feeling sexy instead.

5. Flirt with other people.

It’s as simple as making eye contact with people as you walk down the street. Maybe even give a little smile and ignite that twinkle in your eye. Just putting out those attraction vibes will instantly increase your mojo.

Whether you’re married or single, we all want to feel desired. This type of innocent flirting is great foreplay that will instantly make you feel sexy and empowered.

6. Stop competing.

Body image agonies are aggravated to a great extent by woman-on-woman competition for desirability or “Who’s the prettiest in the room?” Women will pick on the tiniest details and micro-flaws in other women because they are strongly focused on winning this competition.

Know this: most men are desirous of the major sexy points of your body. They don’t care about the small flaws.

7. Accentuate your positives.

Choose clothes, casual and Friday night outfits, that fit you (men) and accentuate your assets (women). Guys, go ask women friends of your partner or those who aren’t prospective sweethearts to take you shopping and help make you over.

The transformations are really eye-opening. Seeing their approval and feeling your own improvement when you look in the mirror is what you need.

8. Pamper yourself.

Treat yourself to a little dose of lavish luxury. Give yourself permission to let go of any guilt and simply indulge in something that reawakens your sensual energy.

Maybe it’s treating yourself to a massage, mani/pedi, facial or a nice long bubble bath. You could go dancing or out for a nice long walk in nature. Simply allow yourself to relinquish responsibilities for an hour and reconnect with yourself.

9. Try on a different persona.

There’s a reason why Halloween parties are so much fun, and why so many women totally change their hair after a breakup. Playing dress-up is just plain liberating. It’s nice to take a break from over-analyzing how we look by making a drastic change, even if it’s temporary.

Wear something totally out of character, just for a day, or book an appointment with an amazing stylist. Switch it up big-time and enjoy the way everyone around you responds.

10. Date yourself!

Independence is sexy, period. So whether you’re officially attached or a total free agent, treat yourself to a hot date with you. Hit up a new restaurant and order something delicious. Slide into an actual conversation with your server instead of a ten-word exchange about the menu. Bring a great book and pause between chapters to absorb the sights, sounds and quirks of where you are.

There’s something mysterious — and therefore hot — about going on a little adventure and savoring the fact that the world is full of possibilities.

11. Get a massage.

Read a book and do research on massage; then, if you can, share what you learned with a partner. Practice and you’ll get better.

Learning how to feel sexy isn’t just about what you look like, no matter how much our culture is glued to that belief. It also lies in confidence born of what skills you can bring to the bedroom. If you know yourself as sensuously capable, then you will exude that confidence naturally — in and out of the bedroom.

12. Remember that resolve, determination, and spirit are the sexiest attributes of all.

Some tips are fast changers. However, as much as this stings to hear it, most major change doesn’t happen immediately.

Take up an exercise plan for targeting some parts of your body you know you want changed, but along the way, be thankful for what parts are hot and be happy for your blessings and strengths. Don’t get discouraged when you don’t see results overnight.

Remember that the path is the result — and investing in your health and well-being in a positive way is never going to disappoint.

Haven’t you ever wondered?

How to Make a Woman Feel Sexy

How to Make a Woman Feel Sexy

It feels like women can’t go a day without being reminded just how important it is to feel “sexy,” but what about men? Just as it’s healthy for women to want to feel confident and attractive, it’s necessary for men as well. Here, seven guys get real about what makes them feel *

*. And while I did offer the synonyms of “confident/desired/attractive” as jumping-off points to help them dip their toes into the pool of sensual positivity, it’s interesting how many of them preferred using those terms instead of “sexy” in their answers. Masculinity is still so fragile.

1. “I think traditionally sexiness comes from peak presentation — a good haircut, a good shave, a perfect outfit. Part of me wants to say it has something to do with being in shape, but I have felt unattractive while thin and similarly have felt sexy when thick as well. These days, I can usually get a quick boost of self-confidence through sexiness if I get a quick reply on a selfie on my story. If a cute girl responds within the first 10 minutes of posting, I know it’s gonna be a good night.” —Matt, 25

2. “Confidence goes a very long way in making one more attractive, so I like to do things that primarily make me feel more confident. That could be anything from staying fit/healthy or getting enough sleep to taking care of my appearance like dressing well and getting frequent haircuts. I also like to keep a clean apartment, cook as much as possible, and try to maintain a fun, lighthearted demeanor. My general guideline is to feel myself before I start worrying about women feeling me.” —Alex*, 26

3. “I think something that makes me feel sexy or desired is when I’m with someone, and they initiate cuddling or getting close to me. It’s different if I initiate and they go with it, but if we’re sitting together and they decide to get close, it’s a big confidence boost and I immediately feel less nervous. It makes me feel like she’s not just going along with what I’m doing, but the feeling is mutual.” —Will*, 22

4. “Being noticed and approached by a woman is one of the biggest turn-ons for me. It shows she thinks I’m attractive and approachable enough to make a pretty bold move that many men aren’t used to in this post-tinder world. I’m not talking about Bumble here, I’m talking about making the move, introducing yourself in person, and at the very least exchanging numbers. That’s a huge confidence boost that makes me feel in demand and completely wanted.” —Brad, 25

5. “I’d definitely have to say getting a great workout in that day boosts my confidence level. The physicality of my workouts result in a visible ‘pump,’ which lasts for a couple hours, and I have found that attracts attention. The act of working out also gets the sexual endorphins going, adding to that confidence. I work out primarily to get stronger and be in great shape, but the added benefit of attractive women eyeballing me more is a nice perk. Getting a solid arm and shoulder pump before hitting the town is a key ingredient in the recipe for a solid night out.” —John, 24

6. “Getting approached first by a woman in any way (in person, over social media, through a dating site) is definitely something that makes me feel desired since usually the guy has to make the first move. Simple stuff always makes me feel desired too, such as a new haircut or a good picture of myself being taken. Another nice confidence boost is when I get complimented by a girl on something I deemed as risky such as a new hairstyle or article of clothing I thought I might get shit for, or posting a picture I thought my bros might goof on me for. One of the biggest guilty pleasure confidence boosters I’ll admit to, as conceited as it sounds, is Instagram likes — especially if I post a picture and people who don’t normally interact with me through Instagram like or comment on it.” —Mike*, 24

7. “Connecting with someone is always satisfying. I put a lot of myself into making music, so if someone can understand me or what I was going for, if it makes them feel some type of way — that’s usually pretty satisfying. I don’t know if it’s sexual, but it’s definitely sexy to connect with someone emotionally. Aren’t we all trying to just be understood anyway?” —Jules, 23

*Names have been changed.

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How to Make a Woman Feel Sexy

1. Do your household chores. It may seem counterintuitive, but crossing tasks off your to-do list will put you in a much better mental space for sex. “Research has shown that, unlike men, in order for women to relax into arousal and experience orgasm, the parts of their brain that associate with outside stressors must deactivate during sex,” says Ian Kerner, PhD, sex therapist and founder of So while your husband may have no problem getting busy while your house is crumbling around you, you need to feel like there’s a sense of order. Tackle your list of chores in order to create a stress-free mental environment that’s conducive to sex.

2. Hit the gym. There’s a pleasant domino effect in going for a brisk jog or taking a spinning class: When you feel good about yourself, you’ll be much more in the mood to burn some more calories between the sheets. “Not only will you feel more energetic after a sweat session, but you’ll get your endorphins—which put you in the mood for sex–– going as well,” says Dennis Lin, MD, director of the Psychosexual Medicine Program at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York City. Working out with your partner is also a great way to squeeze in some extra time together—plus, “since you’re usually wearing less clothing, it’s an easy way to check out your partner’s body and get turned on.”

3. Take notice when your husband is playing with the kids. According to Dr. Kerner, many women report being more interested in sex after seeing their partner spend time with the kids. “It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective—knowing your husband is a good dad will validate and stimulate those reproductive urges. It’s a win-win situation!”

4. Go to a bar with your partner and flirt with other people. “Seeing the person you’re with being desired by somebody else can make you want him even more,” says Stacey Nelkin, relationship expert and founder of “That little bit of jealousy can be an aphrodisiac if consumed in the right dosage.” But while seeing your partner in a new light can be a definite turn-on, be sure you’re on the same page—meaning that neither of you will take the flirting too far—before you head out the door.

5. Hold your beloved tight—for at least 30 seconds. “Studies have shown that, especially in women, when you hug your partner for 30 seconds or more, it produces oxytocin, which is the hormone that facilitates trust and a sense of sexual connection and desire,” says Dr. Kerner. While you’re there, he recommends, nuzzle into the crook of your partner’s neck and take a few deep inhalations. “If you like your guy’s scent—and most women do, for biological reasons—it will usually function as a bit of an aphrodisiac.”

6. Make a “no touching below the belt” rule. Instituting this plan for the first 20 to 30 minutes of intimacy will not only force you to focus more on touching and kissing, which, according to Dr. Lin, people tend to abandon when they rush into intercourse, but it will also create novelty. “Doing something new stimulates dopamine, which is a neurotransmitter that plays a big role in sexual arousal,” says Dr. Kerner.

7. Share your sexual fantasies with your partner. According to Dr. Kerner, “the brain is your biggest sexual organ. You can’t just rely on the physical stimulation of sex; you also have to take advantage of the mental power.” So share your fantasies and desires with your boyfriend or husband. Feeling too shy? Dr. Kerner suggests saying you had a sexy dream about your partner, which will help alleviate any fears of judgment or embarrassment. Dr. Lin has recommended that some of his patients text or instant-message each other their sexual fantasies in order to get comfortable with the idea of sharing.

8. Institute the 10-minute rule. “Even if you’re not in the mood, give yourself 10 minutes to give sex a shot,” says Dr. Kerner. According to him, most people stuck in a rut don’t have anything against sex—they want to want sex—but just aren’t giving themselves a chance to do so. “Put yourself through the motions; your body will catch up with you quickly.”

9. Try on a different sex personality. It’s easy to fall into the same role you always take in the bedroom. Make an effort to change that. “We’re visual creatures, so buying a different kind of lingerie or doing your hair differently will create a sense of newness,” says Nelkin. Just one small change can inspire bigger developments in the bedroom, like trying new positions or sharing new fantasies.

10. Masturbate. “People sometimes think that if they masturbate while they’re in a relationship they’re somehow cheating on their partner or their partner isn’t satisfying them. That’s just not true,” says Dr. Lin. According to him, it’s a healthy sexual outlet for many people, and is a surefire way to get in the mood for sex, whether you do it solo or in bed with your partner.

Is it hot in here, or is that just you?

How to Make a Woman Feel Sexy

How to Make a Woman Feel Sexy

Let’s face it, sometimes feeling sexy can be hard. Like, really hard. You might ooze confidence during a work presentation, but it’s a totally different ballgame when it comes to sex. “It’s hard to be open with your sexuality—for anybody—because you feel vulnerable to rejection,” says sex expert Jane Greer, Ph.D., author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship. “The trick is to know your comfort level and then to push it just a little bit—that’s all you need.”

Now, we know it can be intimidating to make the leap from tame girl to sex goddess overnight, but a few small tweaks can make you feel wilder and more self-assured in bed. “There’s a misconception that taking charge has to be something big,” says Greer. But in reality, tiny acts can give you a major confidence boost. Test out these 10 feel-sexy-right-now moves tonight. Samantha Jones would be so proud.

Splurge on racy lingerie. Sure, you look great in a bra and underwear, but wearing something that is totally not you (like bright red lace or a sexy-as-hell corset) will make you feel like you’re actually playing into the role of a seductress, says sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First. You don’t need to break the bank for a pearl thong—just get sexy-wear that’s a bit more risqué than your normal tastes. Find the hottest looks for your shape right here.

Play an unfamiliar character. We know, we know, we know: Sexual dress-up is so been-there-done-that. But we’re not talking about dolling up head-to-toe in a French maid uniform. Step outside the box and portray a totally new persona whose sexiness you want to emulate—like Nicki Minaj with an awesome neon wig, says psychologist and sex therapist Brandy Engler, Ph.D., author of The Men on My Couch. You’re basically channeling your sexual spirit animal (whether that’s Katy Perry or Rihanna), which will help you get into character and mask any insecurity from your everyday personality.

Make dirty talk dirtier. It is possible to make a no-brainer even sexier. Use your finger to trace a word on your partner’s body—like “kiss” or “blowjob”—and have them guess, says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., author of NeuroLoveology: The Power to Mindful Love & Sex. If they’re right, perform the move. If they’re wrong, well, use your best judgment.

Blast a libido-pumping song. It doesn’t have to be as slow and romantic as John Legend’s “All of Me.” Listen to something that makes you feel a little wild and sensual, says Kerner, like something that would make you lose your inhibitions and dance like crazy in a club. Not only will it drown out any nerves (and any awkward noises), but it’ll also create a vibe like you’re actually sneaking away in a crowded party to hookup. What’s hotter than that?

Dim the lights. According to our recent survey, both men and women prefer dim lights for sex. It’s pretty obvious why—it’s just enough light to see what you’re doing and it gives you both a soft, flattering shadow. Use these tips to install a dimmer switch—trust us, once you have one, it’s like a two-second way to set the mood and feel so much sexier.

Spritz a special perfume. You know the bottle—it’s the one you only spray for weddings, first dates, and business dinners. Engler recommends applying this eau-du-jour before you get it on to give yourself an instant confidence boost.

Lather on oil. Essential oils make your skin look smooth, shiny, and so damn sexy. It’s the perfect alternative to lingerie that requires little to no effort (or money), says Engler. Just rub a little on your body and take a glance at yourself in the mirror. Yep, you basically look like a swimsuit model.

Accessorize. There’s something surprisingly hot and novel about keeping just one or two things on during sex, says Engler. So strip down to just your jewelry—like dangly earrings, bangles, or a long necklace—to keep that feeling of wearing an “outfit.” (If you go with fancier jewelry, make sure the clasps are tight—you wouldn’t want to lose grandma’s diamond pendant.) Or keep on those super-hot red heels that always make you feel like walking sex. These are pieces that make you feel ballsy and confident on an everyday basis—why not let them pull double duty?

Take the reins. Experts say that taking initiative is one of the top things men crave in bed—so feel free to get a little bossy. Use a soft, sensual voice and tell your guy exactly what you’re going to do to him (or what you want him to do to you), says Engler. When someone’s very specific about their demands, it can make the other person feel desirable—like they’re the only person who can satisfy these needs.

Strip in slow motion. Performing a choreographed striptease takes your focus from feeling smokin’ hot to making sure your audience has a good show, says Engler. (Not to mention, who has time for dance rehearsal?) So tone it down a notch and focus just on taking off each item of clothing in a slow and sensual way. Maintain eye contact while you gradually show hints of skin, says Engler. And don’t let your partner touch you until every piece of clothing is on the floor. This painfully slow build will make you feel totally in control and completely irresistible.

All Pro Dad

The National Eating Disorder Association found that 80% of women are unhappy with their weight. Pop culture is a big factor in that. Seventy-five percent (75%) of women portrayed in sitcoms are officially underweight. The average American woman is 5’4” and weighs 140 lbs. The average model is 5’11” and weighs 117 lbs. Our culture’s definition of a beautiful body is getting more and more unrealistic. This twisting is causing many women, perhaps your wife, to feel unattractive.

As a loving husband, you have to counteract our culture. If you implement the following 10 things your wife will tell you, “You make me feel beautiful.”

1. Straight up tell her.

Tell her often and in different ways. Don’t wait until she needs it. Let her know when she isn’t expecting it.

2. Make sure she catches you looking – at her.

Perception is built on small details. A glance, a word, a raised eyebrow, a smile.

3. Never view pornography or “girlie” magazines – the message will be clear.

4. Never compare her negatively to other women.

If you really believe your wife needs to look better, tell her she’s beautiful now. If you want her to lose weight like her sister or get toned like your neighbor, the last thing you should do is point that out.

5. Place her picture prominently on your desk and carry it in your wallet.

Introduce her to your friends as, “My awesome, beautiful wife.” In other words, develop and support a culture of positive regard.

6. Shower her with gifts and tokens of love at unexpected moments.

Communicate how valuable she is. Nothing does the job like unconditional, generous, spontaneous love.

7. Compliment her in front of your children.

Make sure your kids know how special and lovely their mother is. They will repackage those sentiments. The truth will leak out and do its work.

8. Purchase intimate apparel, have it gift wrapped, and leave the package for her with a love note.

Need we say more? I don’t think so.

9. Be deliberate about romance.

Be the guy that worked so hard to win your wife’s affection before you were married. Be the guy that worked so hard to win your wife’s affection before you were married. Be courteous, sophisticated, funny, and/or romantic. Whoever that guy was, bring him back.

10. Treat your own physique with respect.

Let your wife see how you respect your body and your health. Self-respect is a value that replicates within the family. “My wife deserves the best that I can be…” But don’t talk about it, especially if you are losing weight. It may make her feel like a failure.

Huddle Up Question

Huddle up with your wife and say, “You are beautiful because…”

Being able to easily feel sexy when you’re naked has almost nothing to do with how you look. It’s pretty much all about how you feel. You can start working out to change areas you don’t like, and covering up imperfections that bother you, but because you’re human, and because there are no shortages of messages in our culture about how we always seem to fall short of body perfection, it’s possible that you may always find something new to dislike about yourself. Sure, there are some things that might bother you (especially if you’re really self conscious about them), and it’s OK to change your body. It’s your body, after all. But on the whole, feeling sexier naked is an inside job.

Even when you do change something about your body, the confidence boost you get is going to be mental and physical. So how can you get this confidence party started inside of your body so you can radiate that sexiness when you’re nude? It’s a process that will look different for every person, but there are some good places to start. And remember, you don’t have to apologize or justify any of the decisions you make about your body, including how you feel about your naked self. So don’t be ashamed, whether you’re a workout buff, a plastic surgery fan, or somewhere in between. Your choices are valid, no matter what. But we could all use some inner maintenance when it comes to our bodies.

1. Fire Up Your Inner Feminist

Feminism changed my whole relationship with my body, especially when I learned that beauty was a social construct — it’s something humans made up. Different bodies and body types have been considered beautiful throughout history. Plus, while the beauty industry can be about empowerment and self expression, marketers can also use our insecurities to help sell products. They often also promote one strict idea of beauty. My point? You have to understand that there’s nothing wrong with or unsexy about your body. You’re not operating from a deficit of sexiness. And you have all the power to decide what’s sexy. It’s like Peter Pan’s flying skills. You just have to believe.

2. Deconstruct Your “Flaws”

When you start to pick apart your body and hate on your flaws, make a point to stop yourself and ask some questions. Are they really flaws? Who says? Have you received any negative feedback about them, or do you just assume people judge you based on this flaw? If you take a good, hard look at your flaws, you’ll realize that many of them are just battles you’re creating and feeding inside your own head. Try to turn your flaws into neutral or positives.

3. Take Bodies Out Of The Equation

Sometimes when I can’t even deal with my body image issues anymore, I just decide to take my body out of the equation, mentally. I remind myself that I find intelligence, kindness, and humor incredibly sexy, and that I posses all of those qualities. My sexiness is the same, naked or not, because it’s not body-based. It could be body based, because there’s nothing wrong with my plus-sized, big hipped, hairy body, but sometimes that mental stuff is such a turn on.

4. Spoil Yourself

When you’re pampered, you feel good about yourself. Maybe all you need in order to feel that little confidence boost is to get a hair cut or a fresh wax. Maybe you need to dye your pit hair bright green. Maybe you just need a new eyeliner. Or a massage. Felling like you’re at your best translates into confidence, which translates into buckets of sexiness.

5. Focus On The Positive

Think about what you love, not what you hate. If you don’t like your thighs and your feet, but you’re cool with everything else, then do the math. That’s a low number of things to hate and a high number of things to love. Why do the things you hate get all the play? Psh. Until you make peace with those parts, just take them off the roll call. Own the parts you love and work it.

6. Ask For Input

Ask your partner what they love most about you and play up those assets. If you know your partner is really into your breasts when you’re naked, getting some lingerie or a great bra, or a making your breast skin super soft with a luxurious cream might make you feel even more confident. And keep in mind, this isn’t about your partner at all. It’s about how you feel. Asking your partner what they love about you is just a good place to start if you’re feeling a little lost when it comes to body love.

7. Take Care Of Yourself

When you’re healthy, you’re sexy. When you’re hydrated, well rested, nourished, and not over-stressed, you’ll sleep better, work better, and feel better. Plus, you’ll have more energy and stamina for what happens after your clothes come off. Of course, the hungover, extra fries, running late for everything version of yourself is sexy, too. But healthy is better. Let’s just be real.

8. Ask For Compliments

It’s true that you don’t need anyone’s approval but your own, but it’s also nice, and a good boost, when the person you’re getting down with tells you what they like about you. A partner who thinks you’re really sexy, and who tells you how sexy you are on the regular, will make you want to rip your clothes off instead of sneaking out of them when the lights go out.

9. Be With People Who Make You Feel Good About Yourself

If the person you’re with doesn’t think you’re sexy, they don’t get the privilege of seeing you naked. Period. You in your nude glory is a gift for the worthy.

10. Nurture Your Self-Esteem

What are you good at? Do more of that. Lady bosses (or bosses of all/no genders) are hot AF. Artists are so hot. Musicians are so hot. Parents doing the jobs of 20 people at once are hot. Runners are hot. Video game masters are hot. There’s a certain sexiness that comes with being in the flow state of doing what you love. It’s a sexiness that’s hard to ignore. Do your thang, and know that you’re awesome at it. Accept the sexiness that it brings.

11. Stop Negative Thinking In Its Tracks

You’re naked and that’s awesome. Whether you’re about to have sex, or you’re just dancing around your apartment, there’s an explosion of sexiness happening. No room for negative thinking. You have to make it a practice to interrupt negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones if you want to banish them. They’re sexiness killers. Plus, it’s not like your negative thoughts are going to accomplish anything good, so they’re basically useless. All your thoughts are now this: Dang, I’m sexy. Like, pure fire.

It’s amazing how much sexier you can fee without doing a single crunch or eating a single piece of kale, isn’t it?

Images: Pexels (12); Bustle