Much of the stress we encounter in life stems from conflicts that aren’t resolved well — or aren’t resolved at all. Perhaps it’s the argument with your wife that ended in a yelling match (or the silent treatment). Or maybe there’s a recurring conflict between you and your boyfriend that never quite gets resolved, and you sense a lingering resentment between the two of you.
Arguments are a normal part of life — it’s certainly not expected that you never disagree with the people that you care about. But what can help is finding a way to disagree that doesn’t drive a wedge between the two of you. Wouldn’t it be a relief if there were a way to end an argument more effectively, bringing the two of your towards a common ground?
Just such a strategy does exist, and we’ll explore in this blog how to do it. In this approach, there are three steps to ending an argument effectively: 1) Ask 2) Validate 3) Join. Next time you’re faced with an escalating argument, employ these three steps.
1. Ask. This step involves taking a step back from the argument and asking the other person to let you summarize their position to make sure you understand it correctly. You might say, “Let me make sure I understand where you’re coming from,” or “I want to make sure I’m hearing your point of view correctly.” Then, paraphrase what you believe is the issue based on their point of view. This may seem counter-intuitive at first, because typically in an argument you are trying to make a case for your side. But that’s exactly why it’s so effective. When people argue, they are desperately trying to get their perspective heard. So when you stop explaining your side — and start listening to their side — it makes the conversation much more manageable. By ending the power struggle to be heard, it allows the other person to feel less defensive.
2. Validate. After you correctly identify the person’s perspective about the problem, the next step is to validate how they feel about the problem. Validating doesn’t mean you have to agree with the other person’s perspective, but it does show that you know where they’re coming from. You might say, “I can see how you’d feel that way,” or “It makes complete sense that you’d feel that way given the situation.” To do this, focus on the parts of the other person’s argument that are legitimate and that you can relate to. Showing that you understand where he or she is coming from allows the other person to let their guard down, and makes them more likely to be willing to look at things from your perspective.
Validating their perspective also sets a respectful tone to the conversation. It shows that you respect the person and their feelings, even if their perspective isn’t necessarily the same as your own. You can then proceed to explain your position, with the understanding that they also may see things differently, but that what’s important is that you understand where each other is coming from.
3. Join. The last step is essential. This is where you join with the other person, showing the other person that you both ultimately want the same thing: to resolve the conflict and maintain the relationship. You might say something like, “We’re on the same side here, not against each other. I want to work this out together.” By brining up the fact that your relationship is more important than the argument, it puts things in perspective. Yes, the issue at hand is important to you both, but your relationship together is ultimately what really matters. Joining with the other person also defuses the angry emotions or coldness that might be building, because it reminds you both that you do care for each other.
Resolving an argument in this way can take some practice, but it’s worth the effort. You’ll find it’s much more effective than withdrawing, yelling, or putting each other down. When you start to end arguments in this way, it helps you be less avoidant of conflict because you know you can resolve it in a manner doesn’t hurt your relationship.
And remember, just because an argument ends badly the first time around, it’s never too late to make a second attempt. You can approach the other person and tell them you didn’t like the way things went the first time around. Let them know you want to try again. You might say, “I didn’t like how our argument ended last time, and I’m sorry I walked away. Can we try again? I want to make sure I’m hearing your perspective. ” Then begin a new conversation, using the three outlined steps.
Remember this the next time you have a fight with your wife or husband.
There is never an ideal time to have an argument. But one of the worst cases is when a fight starts up and there’s only a small window of time to discuss it. Early morning before it’s time to get out the door. Saturday afternoon just before the in-laws come over. You want to end the argument so you don’t spend the rest of the day thinking about it and steeping in resentment. But that’s not an easy thing to do when the clock is ticking.
So how do you reach an agreement when time is not on your side? We set a time limit — 20 minutes — and asked a variety of experts for their approach. It’s not easy. But the key is to use forward thinking, good dose of empathy, and shut your mouth when a decision has been reached. Most importantly: Go into the argument understanding what the goals are and, like Tony Stark, work towards that endgame. Here’s how to work out your grievances on the clock.
Empathize and Anticipate.
Ending an argument quickly requires forward thinking. So, once it begins, bust out your inner Dr. Strange and consider how this dispute will play out: what are your partners goals? What are their reservations? What are their main points? When you can anticipate these and work on your responses, says Lance J. Robinson, a practicing criminal defense lawyer in New Orleans, you’ll avoid wasting time on points that won’t persuade or influence them. “The best way to do this is to restate, in your own words, what the other person is telling you they need, want or believe,” he says. Once you do that, ask if you’re understanding them correctly. “It might seem like a waste of time, but it will make things move more quickly because you’ll save precious minutes by avoiding misunderstandings.”
Understand Everyone’s Needs
You’ve got your needs. Your partner has theirs. But don’t forget that your relationship has needs, too. Focusing on your needs with respect to its needs can save time and help you distill your disagreement down to a much more workable size. “Needs change depending on the context of the situation,” says George Ball, Psy. D., L.P., Licensed Clinical Psychologist. “In order to resolve a conflict in such a short amount of time, the immediate needs must be prioritized and presented.” In other words: think about the endgame “Does the situation call for an urgent behavioral change? Space? Once your immediate needs are on the table, you can problem solve more efficiently.”
Negotiate and Bargain.
A little open-mindedness and creativity can go a long way in a short argument. Instead of siphoning all your energy into being the last one standing, focus on being the first one innovating. “You might not have been up for cooking, but it was your turn to get dinner. Maybe that’s what the argument was about,” offers Aimee Daramus, Psy. D., Licensed Clinical Psychologist. “It’s okay to set the boundary: I’m not cooking. But then offer to pick up something you both like, or pay for delivery out of your fun money.” Darmus’ point: In this scenario, by offering options, you fulfilled your responsibility, just in a different way. “If the argument stems from one person’s responsibility, think of other ways to fulfill it, and be open to different ways of having those needs met,” she adds. “There are plenty of different ways to the same goal.”
Take a Clue from the Time Lord
This one comes courtesy of the Time Lord. “There’s a great episode of Doctor Who where the doctor erased the memories of a negotiating team so that nobody knew what side they were on,” says Daramus. “This resulted in the negotiation of a fair argument. If both people agree to this technique, it means you know you can count on each other.” In other words, try solving your partner’s problem, then ask your partner what he or she wants to do about yours. Daramus offers a scenario. Let’s say you’ve only got one car, and you both need to use it. The negotiation isn’t about the goal of using the car. It’s about the goal of getting somewhere. “So, you can consider how you would get your partner to where he or she wanted to be, while he or she does the same for you,” she says. “Maybe you offer the use of the car, and your partner agrees to pay for an Uber. Each person will come out of the argument feeling validated.”
Don’t Confuse Solutions and Emotions
What’s more important: emotions or solutions. In a 20-minute argument the answer is a paradox: both, and neither. According to Daramus, if you want the argument to be over quickly, with a real solution, it’s not useful to judge whether practical issues or emotions are more important “You have to choose between winning the argument and protecting the relationship,” she says. Think: How can the task get done and the emotional needs get satisfied for now? Maybe the task can wait until morning so you can spend time chilling and talking about the emotional needs. Or maybe the task gets done right away, and you agree on a time to listen later. “The details are less important than the goal of shifting from a ‘winning’ mindset to a ‘win-win’ mindset,” she says.
Whatever You Do, Don’t Try to Get the Final Word
When a solution is reached, resist the temptation to say something else. Doing so — especially for the sake of getting the last word in — is like taking a blowtorch to a fire you just put out. “I can’t tell you how many couples struggle to move on once a resolution is agreed upon,” says Ball. “Human beings will talk until they feel like they’ve been heard. This is why trust is so important in arguments.” If you arrive at the end of the conversation, and a resolution is in sight, you have to trust that the resolution will be implemented. And then stop talking about it. “Even with the best intentions, you’re only setting yourself up to derail the progress you just made”
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard absolutely TERRIBLE ways to stop an argument. It is not that the tips were generally terrible, but they were terrible for that particular couple. Couples have told me “I just need to take 10 seconds to breathe” or “A class taught me to separate or take a break.” I hear horror stories of how they could not take time to breathe because they were being yelled at by the other person. Sometimes I hear that the person DID try to take a break/separate but they were followed around by their partner just to continue arguing. After taking the time to listen to these couples, I found that they needed something different. If the tips you have heard in the past don’t seem to work, then keep reading. Here are 3 ways to immediately end an argument:
#1 Understand Then Validate
Stop defending yourself and telling your perspective for a bit. Listen to the details of what the other person is saying and what they want. Try to ignore any insults and read between the lines. If you can tell that your partner wants something from you or if they have a strong emotion, then validate it.
To validate it, say something like, “So you’re pissed at me because we didn’t go to the reunion like you wanted.” (For the record, you do not need to sound like a robot, just talk like you usually do). After, your partner will likely give you a clue that you have it right or wrong. They will feel free to continue speaking (and probably with less insults) after they feel like you understand them. Repeat this understanding and validation.
At a certain point, you will either have a realization that they were right or you will want to speak your perspective. If they had it right, genuinely apologize and say what you intend to do to correct the mistake. If you want to speak your perspective, you will be able to do so with less rage from your partner now.
Related Article: Read The Hidden Power of Apology.
#2 Realize Your Own Goal
Sometimes couples get so wrapped up in the meaninglessness of the argument that they do not realize their own goal. Check out the video “It is not about the nail.” The video is a funny metaphor for how we pay attention to the details or “the nail.” But, in actuality, the other person just wants to be understood. Instead of trying to fix the problem, try to reach a more amicable goal like understanding each other or expressing love again.
#3 Calm Down
In the middle of an argument, we can get really “ramped up”! Arguments tend to make people angry and say things that they do not mean. In order to keep your head on straight and say things you won’t regret, calm yourself. Do whatever you need to to stay calm. Sometimes it helps to realize what you love about the other person, and sometimes breathing exercises are actually helpful. Whatever fits for you, try your best to stay calm. The best outcomes will happen when you are not emotionally and physically ready to verbally assault each other.
To not mislead you, these tips will not immediately end the discussion, but they will end the argument. Instead of carrying on by yelling with no direction, you will now have a conversation with each other. This type of conversation will lead to mutual understanding and then an ultimate resolution.
About The Author
Chris Cummins is a couples specialist with The Marriage and Family Clinic. He specializes in couples who are in high conflict and couples who struggle to reach healthy lifestyle goals. Chris enjoys hiking, traveling, and spending time with his family.
While it’s perfectly OK to have the occasional argument, there’s nothing fun or healthy about disagreements that just won’t quit. Whether you and your partner are fighting over something big, or something seemingly insignificant (like who should do the dishes), it’s always good to know how to end any argument.
If you keep a few tricks up your sleep, and know how to defuse such situations, you can get back to a happier, stress-free life вЂ” and maybe even save your relationship. That’s because (unsurprisingly) ineffective arguing can truly take a toll on things. “When couples can’t resolve their arguments it leads to deepening blame and resentment” relationship expert Dr. Joanne Davila, PhD tells Bustle. “People ‘dig in their heels,’ and partners become polarized against one another.”
There’s no denying knowing what to say, what not to say, and when to say it can make both your lives easier. As Davila says, “Being skilled at knowing how to end an argument can stop what begins as a small disagreement or hurt from turning into a relationship-ending disaster.” Sounds pretty necessary, right? If you’d like to know the tricks, read on for a few genius ways to end your arguments, so you can have the healthiest, most argument-free relationship possible.
1. Stay Physically Close To Each Other
When having a disagreement, it can be tempting to yell at each other from across a room (or over the phone). But if you want the argument to end quickly, make it a point to sit near each other instead. “Simple touch, for many, can calm heated emotions before they get out of control,” says relationship expert Heather Claus. Sometimes holding hands or sitting with knees touching is all it takes.
2. Agree To Make Small Changes
If you and your partner constantly argue about the same little things (like where it’s appropriate to hang a towel or the correct way to wash dishes), you should just go ahead and let them be “right.” As Claus says, “it’s easy to just say, ‘Hey, could you show me (tell me, explain to me) what I’m doing wrong, and what you’d prefer?'” Definitely worth it.
3. Use A Safe Word
As relationship expert Barry S. Selby, MA tells me, having a go-to “safe word” can be a great way to defuse arguments. If you or your partner feels like things are getting out of hand, simply say the word and then make a point of slowing and truly listening. (Genius, right?)
4. Go Ahead And Take A Break
It’s not possible to shut every fight down the moment it begins. Sometimes it’s necessary to take a breather, and that’s perfectly OK. Just be sure to tell your partner when, exactly, you’ll be down to chat again. As licensed clinical psychologist Melanie Greenberg, PhD says, “It communicates to your partner that you are taking their concerns seriously and not just dismissing them.”
5. Agree To Disagree
There are some topics that are so difficult to agree on that it might be necessary to call it a draw. “This is nonjudgmental and can put an end to a stalemate without anybody losing face or feeling like theyвЂ™re backing down,” Greenberg says. Totally worth it.
6. Take The Argument Somewhere Else
If you two have been arguing for hours, it’s more than time to take it outside, so to speak. Go out to a coffee shop, or drive home from the restaurant. As Claus says, “sometimes a change of scenery is enough to clear the air.”
7. Disagree Through A Different Medium
In the same vein, it can often help to pick up the argument again in a different form. “Arguing on the phone? Suggest to meet in person to discuss it further. Arguing in person? Suggest setting it aside and continuing the discussion via email to remove some of the heated emotion,” Claus says. It really can make all the difference in the world.
8. Go For A Walk Together
If you’re embroiled in a disagreement that just won’t quit, think about going for quick a walk. “Walking and talking reduces tension because feel good hormones are being released through physical activity, which will reduce the stress,” says life coach Lizzie O’Halloran. Do a few laps around the block and things should be a-OK.
9. Look At The Bigger Picture
Take a moment to look at the issue in comparison to your relationship and your larger goals. As Kali Rogers, founder of Blush Online Life Coaching, says, “Perspective can change a lot about an argument. If you are able to ‘zoom out’ and realize that in the scheme of your relationship, this argument is a blip and both of you are getting stressed out for nothing, it can easily relieve the pressure you’re under and give you the space you need to become rational again.”
10. Let Your Partner Know You’re Listening
One of the most frustrating things ever is that sense your partner isn’t really, truly listening. So make sure you do your part when it comes to hearing (and understanding) what’s being said during a fight. As couples therapist Evie Shafner says, “Say to your partner, ‘Let me see if I understand you’ and then reflect back what you heard your partner say.” It seems so simple, but it works like a charm.
11. Get Naked
Yes, (if you’re home and you’re both cool with it) getting naked with your partner really can help end an argument. “It’s hard to stay mad at someone when they are naked,” says marriage and family therapist Jessica Bowen, MA, LMFTA, CHT. “Ultimately it should make you remember that you are both just human.” Kinda funny but still so sweet, don’t you think?
Tricks like these can help you end an argument before it gets out of hand. Sure, you may have to “lose” the fight, or agree to disagree, but it’s so much better than simmering in anger or letting the situation get out of control.
In the middle of a knock-down, drag-out fight? Kiss and make up sooner with this guide to fighting right.
Think your relationship is feud-resistant? Whether it’s between partners, pals, family members, or co-workers, even the friendliest of twosomes are bound to disagree. But once you’ve gotten yourself into a fight, it’s important to fight right.
The key? Never leave an argument unresolved — unsettled spats can take a big toll on both your physical and emotional well-being. “Arguing increases stress hormones like cortisol,” says Laurie Puhn, JD, author of the bestseller Fight Less, Love More. “Research has shown that increases in levels of stress hormones increase the risk of stomach issues, headaches, and cardiac problems.”
Making up means not keeping your mouth shut until you blow up. “Staying quiet during an argument or blowing up during a fight increases stress hormones that negatively impact an individual’s physical and mental well-being,” says Puhn.
In fact, as part of the Framingham Offspring Study, researchers followed 3,682 men and women (with an average age of 48 years) for 10 years to determine the effect of marriage and martial strain on the risk of heart disease and death. The investigators found that women who stayed quiet during an argument were four times more likely to die than those who expressed themselves freely.
So how can you make sure your squabble is a healthy one?
The Right (and Wrong) Way to Argue
According to Puhn, “Fights are normal and healthy if they are done correctly, and if both individuals can reach a solution together.” The goal of your fight? Lay out your differences, recognize where the other person is coming from, and reach a solution or joint agreement.
Avoid fixating on winning an argument, but rather on preventing the incident from happening again. “The fight should not focus on yesterday, with comments like ‘You shouldn’t have said that’ or ‘You’ve got it all wrong’ — that would be fighting about the past, which can’t be changed,” says Puhn.
Solve the Spat in Four Simple Steps
Puhn recommends the following steps to ensure your dispute is both purposeful and productive:
- Break free of your fighting routine by sitting down.
- Ask neutral questions to get both sides of the story.
- Summarize what was heard.
- Work toward a solution.
4 Feuding Scenarios
Here’s how to go about resolving an argument with:
Your partner. It’s time to break your typical arguing pattern and focus on the issue at hand. “Let’s say that your spouse secretly spent money that you were not aware of. The first thing to do, instead of screaming, is to sit him down and talk about what happened,” says Puhn.
Next, put your detective cap on: Find out why your spouse decided to act in this way. “Were they afraid of your reaction? Was it just an oversight? It is necessary to find out if you are misunderstanding something, to listen to the answers, and then summarize back what your spouse said, such as ‘You spent money on a new computer because the computer broke and the kids had a project due for school,’” says Puhn. “Then it is important to brainstorm solutions, so this doesn’t happen again.”
Your kid. In an argument with a child, Puhn recommends that you, the parent, remain the authority figure, even as you use the four steps. “Let’s say that your child comes home late after curfew and you are not happy. Before you start yelling, you should find out what happened,” Puhn suggests. Again, play a detective and ask questions: Why was your child late — it might have simply been because her friend didn’t want to leave the party or another issue out of her control.
It is also okay to involve your child in the solution. “Ask your child, ‘What do you think would have worked better?’ Maybe you agree that the child will call you if they think they will be late. However, in the end, the parents are the decision makers,” says Puhn.
Your colleague. In an argument with a boss or co-worker, understanding the problem is key. “Let’s say that you gave a presentation and you weren’t as prepared as you should have been. You should listen to what your boss has to say and then ask questions to understand what really was wrong,” she explains. “Then you both can work together to find a fix for the future. Maybe you recommend that the day before a presentation that you sit down with your boss to make sure you are adequately prepared.”
Your neighbor. In this scenario, focus on being a detective. “You really don’t know the reason why your neighbor is upset that the tree is overgrown on their lawn. It may be that he is sick of racking up the leaves or that the tree is preventing sunlight from getting to his flowers,” says Puhn. “Whatever the issue, you need to ask questions to find out the reason for your neighbor’s compliant. Once you understand the issue, you should repeat it back and then come to a solution together.”
No matter who you’re arguing with, these four steps make up the foundation of a healthy argument. And remember: A healthy relationship doesn’t mean you won’t fuss and feud; it simply means you know how to make up.
Arguments that take place at work are not always as negative as they seem. It isn’t what the argument is about that matters most, it is how you react to the situation that will impact the end result. We’ve compiled a list of helpful tips on how to manage arguments in the workplace. We’ve also
Many may think that running away from the first sign of a disagreement is the best policy to follow especially when dealing with coworkers. But this may not be the best approach to take. Having a difference of opinion can actually benefit you and your team.
In an interview with Laura A. Hill, author of Collective Genius: The Art and Practice of Leading Innovation, she says conflicting arguments at work lead to better innovation of products and ideas within a team. Ignoring the problem at hand will only build more tension, which can severely impact the productivity and energy of the group. Follow these suggestions for how to act before and during an argument to get your team used to having productive arguments.
How to prepare yourself for a potential workplace argument
Debating back and forth on an issue is healthy as long as it does not go into emotional fighting. How you handle an argument that involves emotional fighting will determine the amount of trust and respect you have with your coworkers and will weigh on the kind of relationship you have with others at work. But before it comes to that, here are a few ways to prepare yourself before an argument that you know might come:
- Before a meeting or a confrontation, inform everyone involved about what it will be about and what points will be covered. This will give all participants a chance to look over the material so there are no surprises.
- Before a heated topic, do your homework on your audience. Find out what your audiences’ personalities are like and their views on certain ideas. The more information you know, the better your approach can be to convince your audience to follow you.
How to react when an argument takes place at work
If and when an argument takes place, the way you react to it will affect how intense it can become. Follow these tips on positive ways to act to turn an argument into a constructive one.
Always be civil
No matter what the argument is about, never lose your temper. Especially when the stress level and emotions are running high, it is easy to forget how to act and respond appropriately. Launching personal attacks and getting confrontational will only worsen the situation, instead of finding a solution. You will also lose all credibility the minute you raise your voice.
When in a confrontation with someone, you should always listen to their entire argument. Become a master listener by paying attention to exactly what is being said. People will become less defensive when they see that you are making a solid effort to understand their point of view.
Further clarification can always help
When listening, asking to further clarify a specific point or idea is always helpful for you to completely understand the reason for them to feel a certain way. Don’t be afraid to ask for more details to get a complete grasp on their opinion.
Discover visual collaboration
Watch the language you use
When you are expressing yourself, try to avoid using the words “but” and “however”. Including these words in the conversation will make the other person believe that their ideas are not valued or important.
Ask the right question
Instead of asking “why” the other person is thinking or feeling a certain way, ask them “how”. This change of question will bring a lot more results with facts and figures than a plain “because” answer.
Watch your body language
Many arguments that take place in your workplace can be avoided, or at least calmed, simply by expressing positive body language. For example, try to align your body with whom you’re speaking to, keep your arms uncrossed, and keep non-threatening eye contact. Here are some more tips that can help you portray positive body language.
Instead of focusing on winning the argument , showing full cooperation and listening to others will bring you to a solution that everyone can agree with. Having different opinions and diverse thinking can be beneficial for the spirit of the group, it can pool together more ideas and alternatives to a problem. Use the opportunity of an argument to turn it into a valuable solution, that can also help with the productivity and innovation of your team.
We’ve put together an infographic for tips on positive ways to turn an argument into a constructive one. Check it out below:
How to manage arguments at work in remote teams
It’s normal for teams to have disputes and arguments, but when you’re working remotely, sometimes things can escalate due to the lack of nonverbal cues (body language, facial expressions, eye contact) that help us read people and interpret situations.
Over text or email, direct questioning may come across as aggressive, messages can get lost in translation, or people may feel micro-managed or untrusted. And while conflict resolution training is becoming more common in large organizations, there’s little available in the new domain of remote work. Arguments often arise in already stressful situations, and the added complications of different time zones and work schedules, cultural differences, language barriers, and lack of personal connections can heighten the tension.
Most people hate confrontation – that’s natural. However as Liane Davey, a team effectiveness advisor and professional speaker says, “Avoiding an important conversation is a bad idea with an office mate and an even worse idea with a virtual teammate. Get the issues out in the open as quickly as possible before they sour your relationship and affect your ability to get the job done.”
So here are our five strategies to handling disputes in remote teams.
How do I deal with someone who’s completely irrational? Every time we disagree on a topic, I try to present evidence and information to support my position, and he dismisses them and gets really angry, as if I’m attacking him personally. He has been known to dismiss scientific studies and encyclopedia articles because of typos, or because they were from last year and not this year, and chosen to reject evidence out of hand just because he disagrees. How do I get out of heated arguments with him without just throwing up my hands and letting him think he’s right?
Dear Frustrated Debater,
I think we all know what you’re going through. The holidays may be over, but that doesn’t mean you’ve had your last awkward, irritating discussion with a friend or family members who just won’t listen to reason, especially if you know you’re the reasonable party. Whether you’re arguing science, politics, or the finer points of tipping wait staff, if you find the other party in your argument beginning to get irrational and refusing to listen to reason, here’s how you defuse the situation before it gets testy and someone says something they’ll regret.
Step 1: Make Sure You Know What You’re Talking About
First, check yourself. Seriously—make sure you’re not the one being irrational here, and you’re not the one using faulty information to prove your point. As with any debate or argument, it’s easy for both people to get hot under the collar and pretend that they’re the one capable of separating fact from fiction, while the other person is throwing a shrieking fit. Make sure you’re not the problem first, and make sure that your positions are well thought out, researched, and backed up, and that you’re approaching the discussion calmly. When presented with an opposing view, take a little time to research it and make sure you’re not the one reacting poorly.
You note that this tends to happen with this person frequently, so it’s possible you’re walking into a debate with him knowing that things will likely turn badly. Whether you’re being baited into an argument or your mind is just already set on a fierce debate when you speak up, you need to make sure that your goal is to make your case intelligently and with an informed perspective, not convert him or force him to back down. The former may not end with the other party admitting defeat, but the latter will almost certainly never happen.
Step 2: Learn When to Fold, Even If You’re Right
When you get into a heated discussion with someone, the first thing you need to think about, probably before you really go to town with your argument, is how far you’re willing to let this discussion go. If it continues to escalate and escalate and it’s absolutely clear that no minds are about to be changed over the course of the conversation, or if you realize that this has changed from a civil exchange of ideas into a name-calling match or irrational series of accusations and personal attacks, it’s time to call the whole thing off and end the conversation. Ideally, when the conversation turns inflammatory, it’s time to walk away. If you’re having a enriching, honest, and open discussion of ideas and perspectives, then by all means continue, but the instant the mud starts to fly, even if you’re in the right, it’s probably best to break if off. No minds are about to be changed and no ideas are about to be exchanged once the discussion gets heated.
The old adage, “never wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty, and the pig likes it,” holds especially true here, and if the person you’re talking to has more interest in getting a rise out of you, they’ll behave irrationally and dismiss your evidence, studies, and any real proof you have to offer just to continue to get a reaction from you. If you know this is where these conversations will go before you even start them, it’s best to avoid contentious topics with this person altogether, and save your sanity.
Step 3: Disengage Gracefully, and Leave the Door Open
When it does come time to disengage, try to do so in a way that both leaves good spirits intact and leaves the door open to resuming the discussion when the person has calmed down or has decided to stop being irrational. For example, saying things like “Look, we’re not about to change each other’s minds about this right now, but I wouldn’t mind talking it over with you later when we can look over the facts,” or “Well, there’s no reason for both of us to be upset over something silly like this, why don’t we talk about it later,” or “Look, I don’t want to discuss this anymore. Maybe we can talk about it another time when we’ve both calmed down,” are all good ways to disengage while acknowledging the conversation has gotten to a point where civil conversation isn’t really possible.
This is a fine line to walk—you don’t have to leave the door open to future discussion, but since we’re operating with the assumption that you’re the informed party with accurate information to back up your position, there’s no reason not to unless you know an informed discussion with this person just isn’t possible. If you think they have something they can teach you, or a different perspective that can inform, reinforce, or even alter your own opinions, it can be valuable to converse calmly with someone who disagrees with you.
That said, you want to disengage in a way that leaves the door open, but says that you honestly want to stop talking about it right now. With the lines above, you do leave yourself open to an irritated person’s teasing or accusation that you’re the one who’s irrational or the one who’s upset, but you have to work past that and to the goal: ending the conversation right now and talking about something else. If you have to, go talk to someone else, leave the room to get a drink, do something to both end the conversation and alleviate the inevitable awkward silence that’ll ensue afterward. If you’ve been honest, factual, and intelligent up to this point, there’s no reason for you to worry about the atmosphere of the room after you’ve left, or the opinions of anyone who may have been listening to your discussion.
An area often overlooked in essay writing is the conclusion. Students get their homework assignments, they stress over where they’ll find resources, which citation format they’ll use and how to write a great introduction. But very few give considerations to the importance to the end. An argumentative essay conclusion is particularly important. In these papers you do much more than to inform the audience on a particular matter. You need to state a case and do so with confidence.
Further, you need to state your essay conclusion on a high note that reinforces the points you have made. If you wrap up your paper with a “that’s all folks” your teacher will give you a bad grade for such a weak exit. Well, we are here to put some oomph in how you leave the readers at the end of your paper. So if you’re asking yourself how to write a conclusion for an argumentative essay you’ve come to the right place. Follow these tips from the pros and you’ll improve your writing and get better grades.
What To Write A Conclusion For An Argumentative Essay
The most important part of a conclusion paragraph for an argumentative essay is your tone. Speak with authority. Review your argumentative paper outline and bring your most compelling points back to the foreground with some reminders of evidence. The reason the end has so much power is that readers often forget earlier parts of your paper, which is where writers often make their best claims. So instead of letting your audience off the hook, bring them back into your main arguments to give them something to think about.
How To Format Conclusion Of An Argumentative Essay?
The vanilla variety of your argumentative essay conclusion format should include the lead in (detailed below) and then mention one point from each of your paper’s paragraphs. Using this setup when argumentative essay tips will allow you to hammer out some hard facts to re-convince your audience and refresh them to your position and why it is correct. Once you have validated your position you can then finish off with a call to action. This part will stipulate a need to go forward to implement or correct a current trend.
How to start a conclusion of an argumentative essay
Learn how to write a conclusion for an argumentative essay from the beginning. A good tip is to restate your main argument. You can either restate a claim and some facts. Or you can do this in the form of a question. When leading into the end, make sure you make a good transition from the rest of your paper so the reader doesn’t break off without hearing what you have to say.
Argumentative Essay Conclusion Examples
You may reference these examples for your own paper, but be sure to reward them so you don’t get busted for plagiarism. In the first example we use the closing statement for a global warming essay. This paper in particular wants to give a compelling reason for people to act on the substance of the text.
- In our detailed analysis of increased global temperatures, we found the earth cannot sustain this course. Icecaps will continue to melt and erode away shore lines, many species face extinction and arable land will be greatly reduced. Therefore, we must implement renewable energy strategies to ensure the future of our planet.
In matters of public policy, to persuade others to a particular reason it is important to add an emotional element to justify your argument as being morally right. We present an example on the case on whether social media needs to be regulated
- As technology expands itself into the realm of how society receives information it is found that social media outlets have too much influence over public opinion. An x percentage of responded that they receive their daily news from platforms on Facebook and social media’s filtration algorithms indicate that private entities may invest in social media to increase the audience of their ideas while filtering out opposing positions. If you value free and fair information, we must act to regulate digital media to ensure freedom of the press.
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Often times teachers may give you a task to help you with career objectives. You may be asked to make a case to implement a project you’ve been working on. Such a good conclusion to for argumentative essay may look as follows.
- When given the option to launch either project, my plan calls for meeting x,y, and z obstacles which will enhance processes, produce more revenue and is easily managed. If we elect to go with the other project we run the risk of a,b, and c which could overrun our budget and deadlines.
Examples 4, 5
Many controversial topics rely solely on an emotional appeal to what readers feel is right or wrong. Issues such as abortion are very sensitive and rely mostly on a moral perspective of what is right or wrong. Whether you are pro-choice and believe abortion is a fundamental right for women, or if you’re pro-life and believe a fetus has the right to life, be sure to make a compelling argument that gives sound reasons for your position. We will present two conclusions for both sides of the coin. First with the pro-choice argument.
- The right to choice is a woman’s fundamental right. Without it, women are stripped of their rights in social relationships as it is the women’s duty to carry a fetus to term. Further analysis illustrates how unwanted pregnancies are detrimental to the life and well being of both mother and child. Without the right to choose, women are subjected to dangerous methods of claiming their rights to their bodies.
- Life is a fundamental right guaranteed by the constitution. To deny the unborn their rights to life is the same as denying rights to any other population protected by law such as those with special needs, chronically ill, the elderly. The scientific studies presented prove that life starts at inception and to carry out a policy of pro-choice is nothing less than murder. We must save the unborn and speak up as a voice to ensure their rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How To Finish An Argumentative Essay Conclusion Paragraph
When putting together your call to action, a good strategy is to press your audiences emotional buttons backed up with facts to promote a need to act. This call to action will validate the arguments have you made and help to win people over to your site. Frame your arguments to give the reader a choice of total disaster or to follow your ideas i.e. “If we don’t act, we will have a crisis” or “By adhering to this plan we will achieve incredible results”. Logic may win arguments but if something doesn’t feel right, you won’t attract people to your perspective.
The finale of your papers plays an instrumental role in winning arguments and getting results. With the right ending, you can give your reader something to walk away with and to think about for the future. Take a look at some of the examples to use as a style reference to include in your own papers. If you are strapped for time you can hire our professional writers who can get the job done for you in as little as three hours.
Author and business leader Margaret Heffernan once remarked, “For good ideas and true innovation, you need human interaction, conflict, argument, debate.”
Nevertheless, many of us would rather not engage in conflict, argument or debate (and maybe even avoid human interaction altogether). We work hard to minimize interpersonal tension, avoid disagreements, and even stay quiet in the face of differences of opinion or perspective.
This can be a mistake. According to Amy Gallo, contributing editor at Harvard Business Review and the author of the HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict at Work, we should be disagreeing more at work, not less. Benefits include: positive creative friction that leads to better work outcomes; opportunities to learn and grow; higher job satisfaction; a more inclusive work environment; and even improved relationships.
These benefits come with a condition, though: that you engage in healthy disagreement and productive conflict. And if you’re the kind of person who is would rather keep your difference of perspective to yourself, your constant attempts to keep yourself under control can backfire. In fact, according to research published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science bottling up your emotions can ultimately make you more aggressive. When we can’t or don’t express our emotions, like feeling aggravated, disappointed, or even helpless, we are more likely to act out after.
So, what does that look like? It can look like you going from placid and serene to explosive and combative in the blink of an eye. This can quickly undermine the trust you’ve built with others, and make you seem unpredictable and erratic. If and when that happens, you have some personal work to do, so that you can identify, manage and express your emotions in a healthier way next time. You also have some some relationship repair to engage in if you want prevent a similar scenario from repeating itself.
Here are three things to do after you have a big blow up at work:
1. Make a reparation.
Offer a genuine apology for your tone of voice and the content of your message, especially if it may be perceived as aggressive, rude, defensive, critical or condescending. “I’m sorry for what I said and for how I said it. I got angry and I didn’t control my temper,” is a simple version. Other language where you take full responsibility and communicate your regret work, too. Keep in mind that an apology shouldn’t be any version of “I’m sorry that you. ” (“. are an idiot”, “don’t understand simple logic”, “made me lose my temper”, etc.”) Blaming the other person for your (momentary) inability to behave professionally is an unprofessional move.
2. Express appreciation.
Chances are, there’s something to be grateful for, even when you’re feeling bad about what happened. You might say, “Thank you for staying and listening to me, even when I raised my voice.” Or “While I don’t like how I spoke to you, I am grateful that you were willing to explain your perspective to me.” Or “Thank you for helping us have the conversation we needed to have, even if I didn’t behave the way I’d wanted to.” Or even, “Thank you for recognizing that I wasn’t at my best, and for suggesting we take a break and regroup.” A little gratitude will go a long way.
3. Offer an invitation.
Just because the argument might be over doesn’t mean that the relationship will immediately bounce back. And just because you may have moved past it doesn’t mean the other person has.
Offer a genuine invitation to continue the discussion and hear their perspective — whether it’s about the content, or the impact that your behavior had. You could start by telling the other person how much you value your working relationship, and then ask, “What do you want me to know about how you’re feeling?” You might offer, “What do I need to clean up with you in order for us to move forward?” And you could say, “You might not be ready to talk about what happened now, but I’m always open to discussing it with you. Would you please come talk to me when you’re ready?”
In the words of author David Augsburger, “The more we run from conflict, the more it masters us; the more we try to avoid it, the more it controls us; the less we fear conflict, the less it confuses us; the less we deny our differences, the less they divide us.”
An argument with a customer will almost always destroy the experience – that is unless you handle it so the customer doesn’t even realize you are arguing. Here’s how.
Surely, customer-facing employees never go into a situation with the intention to argue. But sometimes customers come in with their gloves on.
Being fair and tactful when faced with those circumstances is the only way the experience can be salvaged, according to the communication experts at Manage Elite.
When a customer is hell-bent on arguing, here are the keys to handling the situation so it ends well:
- Go to the middle. Find one thing to agree on to stop the butting of heads immediately. It can be a statement of fact, such as a date, time or place that something happened. Say, “We agree that …” to set the stage for more agreement.
- Maintain composure. No matter how rough the customer gets, it’s important to be polite and stay polite throughout the conversation. Being cordial helps you gain respect, and angry customers often end up mirroring the behavior,
- Keep your cool. Avoid getting louder — even as customers raise their voices. A calm, even tone often gets more attention than a raised one. Try repeating your point with slightly different wording to get it across rather than trying to be the loudest speaker.
- Avoid button-pushing. You likely know what you can say that will put a customer in his or her place, or cause the person to erupt more. Avoid the temptation to make “I know I’m right and you’re wrong” statements. On the flip side, don’t take customers’ bait. Ignore catty statements directed at you personally, and refer back to the issue.
- Move on. It doesn’t matter who was wrong or right, or whose point was best. Even if customers were wrong, don’t ask them or expect them to apologize. Instead, move forward so the relationship is on stable ground again.