When it comes to approaching cute strangers, my game level is a solid medium. When it comes to approaching anyone I remotely have/had/or mayВ eventually have a crush on,В I devolve into peak awkwardness no matter how many Tito’s and sodas I’ve ingested.
Case in point: I was out in New York with friends andВ we spotted Adrian Grenier (yes, of Entourage fame) a few tables down from us grabbing drinks with his dog. So darn adorable.
My friends and IВ usuallyВ try to be cool New Yorkers who don’tВ approach celebs, but he did seem a little lonely, TBH. So lonely that one of my friends got up, followed him to the bathroom, and returned to our table with him. He took a picture with us like an angel.
I was horrified and mortified. but also in awe of this friend.
I am awkward; she was not. She went balls to the wall to ask for what she wanted, no apologies or questions asked. ItВ worked.
Inspired byВ my friend’s bravery in the face of actual celebrity, I decided that I should be able to talk to my crush without melting into a pile of weirdo.
Julia Armet, director of matchmaking at Tawkify.com, and dating coach Stef Safran of Stef And The CityВ shared someВ techniques that make talking to your crush easier when you feel awkward AF. Here they are:
1. Own Your V-Card
Nope, I don’t mean your virginity. I mean yourВ vulnerability.
Talking to a stranger is an act of bravery; talking to a crush is even bolder. You are inevitably going to have some nerves when it comes to talking to someone you are super attracted to.
“Accept the reality that vulnerability is an attractive part about you. Your natural reaction in your crush’s presence is more authentic than a scripted maneuver,” Armet says. The not knowingВ is what makes crushes fun.
“Smile and say, ‘How’s it going?’ And then let your crush take it from there,” Armet suggests.
Rather than plan a whole weird bumping-into-each-other thing out, just be yourself, nerves and all.В We’re semi-adults; there’s no such thing as cooties, and it’s 100 percent OKВ to let a person know you are interested in them.
“The reality is, vulnerability is the most attractive quality when you are out there in the dating world,”В Armet says.
Hear that? Vulnerability is hot.
2. Give A C-Word
And by C-word, I mean compliment. Have you ever received a compliment you didn’t like?
Unless it’s a backhanded, “You look less tired than you normally do,” complimentsВ are a pleasure to receive. They’re alsoВ a pleasure to give to others.
Safran agreesВ that compliments areВ usually the easiest way to go. You don’t have to compare his eyes to the ocean, but you could mention that you like his shoes. Or better yet, the points he made at today’s meeting.
“When you are perceptive to a part of your crush’s character beyond the physical, it shows that you see him for who he is,”В Armet explains.
YourВ crush will feel good, and you will be the reason for it.
Still feeling timid? “Have some water cooler type discussions ready to go; maybe your city is a sports city, maybe there is something trending that everyone is talking about,”В Safran says.
It’sВ super simple. Literally start a conversation. Overthinking will only compound your awkwardness.
3. В Keep It Casual
If your crush works with you or is in your larger friend group, it can be scary to cross the line from friendship to flirtation. There’s a lot more at stake than when you’re swiping through Bumble.
Start slowly with an invite outside of the world you usually hang out in and stay patient.
“Don’t assume that you have to ‘close the deal’ with someone right away. Especially since it seems that many people go on dates that go nowhere, sometimes becoming friendly in a casual way by hanging out can determine if they are truly interested in you beyond work,”В Safran says.
It can be scary to ask a co-worker or friend out, so don’t. Get to know them better first. “Take the risk of actually becoming friends before going to the next step,” Safran says.
Invite them to grab coffee and talk about their experience at grad school, or ask them to a smaller group hang out.В “Inviting a coworker to meet up outside the office is an actionable way of gauging his receptivity. This will be an opportunity to see the way he connects with you on a personal level,”В Armet explains.
Your crush won’t assume you’re hitting on them. And if they do? See tip number one. VulnerabilityВ rules.
4. Practice Makes Perfect
I’m not saying you should startВ trying out pick-up lines in order toВ devise some elaborate plan to ask your crush out, but if you’re feeling uncomfortable about making the first move, why not flirt with someВ strangers first?
Armet explains, “Practice with strangers and see the physiological response you have when you take those risks. By becoming familiar with those feelings, it will get easier to approach the guy you actually like without being so awkward.”
Amen to that. Start small, aim big. Simply getting used to putting yourself out there is important.
And if a stranger rejects you? Great. It was a stranger. Plus, you’ll never be able to fully open up if you are forever terrified of rejection.
Safran explains, “In order to be successful, you have to be OKВ with rejection. Plenty of people have actually even been rejected due to timing and notВ due to a lack of interest.”
I love this. So many times I’ve harped on why things didn’t work out, blaming my own actions, feelings, or even my body type, when down the road I’ve learned from an ex it reallyВ was timing and an imperfect match.
Practicing the worst case scenario вЂ” rejection вЂ” will make you far less nervous and awkward when it comes to your crush.
Sit back, relax, and enjoy the fact that you have a crush. Crushes are the best. They’re innocent, they make you feel like a kid again, and they make everything more exciting.
Still convinced you are “too awkward?” I would venture to say that awkward is just a bad word forВ vulnerable.
Everyone’s a little awkwardВ because everyone’s a little vulnerable. The people who ask for what they want вЂ” whether they are talking to a crush or to Adrien Grenier вЂ” are nervous, too. They’re just better at hiding the nerves and doing it anyway.
So fake it ’til you make it. Be patient.В You’re gonnaВ crushВ it.
Hailey Baldwin did it, and you can too!
Honestly, we should all bow down to Hailey Baldwin. She’s been crushing on Justin Bieber since he was singing “One Time,” and now, she’s Mrs. Bieber. So, how did she turn a crush into the real thing? Here’s everything you need to know to get your crush to like you back.
1. Put yourself out there.
I know it can be super scary, but sometimes you just have to make the first move. You can’t expect your crush to read your mind and figure out on their own that you’re majorly crushing. Ask them on a study date, go out of your way to talk to them, invite them over for a movie marathon. Once they see you’re interested, they may just return the feelings, and everything will fall in to place. Don’t wait around for years for your crush to look your way, make things happen!
I get it, talking about yourself is so fun, but your crush probably doesn’t care about the time when your BFF fell in front of everyone at the mall (even though it was hilarious). While you should, of course, share info about yourself, make sure you’re also listening to your crush (not on your phone while they tell you about their siblings). Ask questions, remain engaged, and take note of what they say. Your crush will really appreciate it when you send them a text wishing them luck on the test they casually mentioned a few days before.
3. Find out what your crush is passionate about.
get to know someone, find out what they care about. If you see your crush is volunteering at Planned Parenthood, ask them what draws them to the organization, or maybe see if you can volunteer together. Jean Smith, a social psychologist says, “If you get someone to talk about something they like, it’s going to put that person in a good mood, and you become part of the good vibes.”
Personally, there is nothing that makes me more attracted to my crush than seeing them light up over a cause or hobby that they’re truly passionate about. Asking questions about what is important to them will not only make you feel closer to them, but will also help you understand what type of person they are.
4. Make eye contact.
Nothing is worse than being on a date and having weak eye-contact. Seriously! My advice? If you like someone and are sitting across the table from them, keep eye contact throughout your entire conversation. You don’t have to stare at them while they’re shoving food in their mouth, but avoid looking down when you’re talking or looking around the room or at your phone. If you look away from them, it’ll make you seem uninterested or signal to your crush that you’d rather be anywhere else. No one wants that! Besides, eye-contact will also make you appear more confident, which will only make you appear more attractive to them.
5. Buy your crush a hot drink.
Okay, tbh I’ve never tried this, BUT according to a recent study at Yale University, when someone is holding a warm drink they are more likely to view whomever they are talking to…aka YOU…. as having a personality they’re attracted to. And science is never wrong, so you may as well try it out! Now I have even more of a reason to go on a PSL date with my crush tn.
6. Don’t be afraid to confess your feelings.
I know that it seems “cool” to play the game, and I’ve definitely had my fair share of moments when playing the game has been effective to helping me get closer to my crush. But, tbh when I look back at my past four relationships, none of them have begun after playing hard to get. Instead, they’ve manifested into meaningful relationship after one of us was honest about our feelings for each other. I know this takes bravery, but if I’ve done it FOUR times in my life (and never regretted it once), you can do it too.
7. Be yourself!
In my opinion, one of the worst mistakes you can make while flirting is pretending to be someone you’re not actually IRL. Here’s the thing, if you’re pretending to be someone you THINK your crush will like, then you’re doomed if they start to like this version of you because it’s not YOU! Seriously. From the second you start hanging out with your crush to when you
eventually maybe become official
, be yourself because you want your crush to like YOU, not a version of you.
8. Put your phone down in front of them!
This should go without saying, but put down your phone when you’re with your crush. Your time is precious with them, and you’re obviously going to text your BFF everything afterwards anyway. So, the YouTube makeup tutorials and group chats can wait… Be present with your crush. Ask them questions. Tell them about yourself, your favorite books, and your dreams. Don’t be distracted. Give them your full undivided attention. They’re your CRUSH after all. They deserve it.
9. Talk to your friends about them.
This will help give you perspective on your
. Tell your besties about what you talk about together, what they text you, and then re-evaluate
the whole thing
. Friends can be really helpful in giving you perspective on the whole situation, since when you’re crushing on someone it’s hard to see things objectively. Maybe they like you more than you thought! Or maybe, you don’t like them as much as you initially thought when you first laid eyes on them in volleyball practice.
10. Don’t talk about your old crushes.
No matter WHAT happens. You should never talk about old baes, crushes, flings, dates, or breakups with your new crush. How would you feel if you if your crush spoke about their old crushes and baes? Plus, that’s the quickest way to ‘friend-zone’ anyone in your life. Besides, taking about old romances are what group chats are for!
11. Vocalize what you appreciate about them.
Try to be genuine about this. Is it the way they walk into math class and almost always sit next to you? Is it the ideas they contribute in English class? A sport they excel at? The way their hair falls? What is it about them that bombards your thoughts? What makes them special? This is sometimes harder to pinpoint than you think, but once you do figure out what exactly it is, don’t be afraid to tell them. Everyone loves hearing compliments, and I’m sure your crush would be nothing but honored to receive an earnest compliment from someone as amazing as you.
12. Never forget your self-worth.
Just because you have a totally consuming crush, doesn’t mean you’re any less strong emotionally. Remind yourself of this before your first date, and, hopefully, as you eventually become closer with your crush. There is so much to like about you…. How would anyone NOT crush on you?
Now, you got this. Go be confident. Be self-assured. Put your phone down and go speak with your crush about their weekend plans. If I can do it, you can too!
Many people—even outgoing people—get intimidated when they see a super hottie walk by. But connecting with someone you find ultra attractive is easier than you think. It’s not rocket science, and it doesn’t take memorizing any cheesy pickup lines.
Become an expert at connecting with that “perfect 10” guy or girl with these 5 easy dating tips:
1. Build yourself up.
Remember, there is no “rejection”, only the wrong fit. Often, there’s a reason you’re drawn to a person. Maybe you and this person are meant to connect. But if not, that’s okay. You’ll never know until you find out.
If you are nervous, you’re putting the hottie on a pedestal. If so, you need to get right up there on the pedestal with them! Rather than feeling less-than, remind yourself that you are a catch and think of your best qualities. For all you know, you’re tailor-made for this person and that hottie may have been looking for someone just like you.
2. Connect subtly.
Look this person in the eye and smile. Some of my clients find even this step hard to do. But remember this person needs some contact and you can provide it. Studies show that most men will not approach a woman unless they get this signal. And many men have discovered they don’t even have to make a move. When they first connect with their eyes and their energy, women come to them!
3. Be genuine.
Ask your hottie a question. Or comment on something around you, something they’re wearing or anything you observe: even the weather. No need to try to dazzle with your big wit—just engage with this person in casual conversation.
Avoid seeming desperate—it repels. Besides, you aren’t desperate! Because you know that no single interaction is make-or-break. Be interested and show that you are genuinely hearing the hottie (not just looking at them), and bonding will begin.
One tip here, unless you’re looking for a booty call, skip the sexual innuendo, heavy flirting or showing too much skin (at least for now). The hottie has to feel emotionally safe with you first, and all the rest will come naturally later on.
I repeat: avoid all use of pickup lines! Every attempt to impress, intimidate or to boast will fail where simple connection succeeds.
Just introduce yourself by name (and remember their name when they say it). Hotties like to talk, but just like most people, they appreciate someone helping to break the ice. Help them feel emotionally comfortable. If you are truly interested in them, you will get a warm reception.
4. Shift connection to conversation.
Now that you’re talking together, keep on chatting. Ask questions. Show them photos on your phone of something you’ve done recently. Ask them to dance. Get them to tell you a story of something in their life.
Find out about their work, their friends, their family. Laugh, nod and find reasons to like them. They will sense you warming up to them and reciprocate. We all need someone to see us and to like us for who we are. But they’ll shut you down and rebuff you immediately (as they should) if you’re being shallow.
So, really connect. It puts you at a different level. Not throwing out superficial pick-up lines puts you way ahead of the game.
5. Stay in touch.
Connect on Facebook or your smartphone right then and there during your interaction. Call each other while you’re chatting to save numbers. Get a card or email. It’s surprising how often the info will be freely given once you have made a true connection.
Studies show that most couples bond through repeated interactions before they ever go out on a date. So notice their patterns, try to run into them regularly. Or exchange texts on a consistent basis.
Attraction levels vary wildly as you get to know someone. A hottie may think you’re kind of cute at first, but then suddenly find themselves crushing on you as the two of you bond more.
One thing is for sure, in order to find the love of your life, you need to quit being intimidated by looks and practice connecting with hotties. Otherwise, you might accidently rule out the person who might be the love of your life.
Has someone caught your eyes lately? Do you get insomnia thinking about that person all night and spend the whole day daydreaming about your first date? You probably can’t focus at school or work, because that person keeps on popping up in your mind. The problem is, you’re not sure if all these distractions are worth it, since that person may not feel the same towards you.
Falling for someone could cause you headaches—not just heartaches—especially if your crush doesn’t even know you exist. You feel butterflies in your stomach whenever your paths cross, but s/he doesn’t even throw you a single glance. So frustrating and disheartening, right?
Instead of waiting for nothing, why not try to find out if there could be a chance for your crush to like you. However, I’m not saying you confess your feelings nor you make it obvious to that person, because it might cause him/her to repel you instead. Hmm.. maybe you could just help him/her a bit to notice you.
Here are 10 smart ways to do it:
1. Be a head-turner.
Physical appearance is not everything to look at when you like someone. However, you and I know that it’s the first thing that catches humans’ attentions. That’s why, if you want your crush to notice you, being physically attractive can be the first step.
You don’t need to wear sexy clothes, bulky accessories, a lot of makeup (for girls), and expensive shoes. Simplicity makes a good impression, so don’t overdo it. What you need to do is put your best foot forward by being presentable, neat, and accentuating your assets.
An example could be letting your hair down if you got that long, beautiful hair (for girls). Wearing red is also attractive, especially if you’re fair skinned.
2. Smell irresistible.
You don’t have to look like Zac Efron or Elle Fanning to be attractive. Your scent can play a big role in capturing the attention of your crush. Wear your favorite perfume or cologne so you will smell fresh and clean.
However, just make sure that the scent of your cologne or perfume is not too strong, because it can annoy the people around you including the person you like.
3. Always wear a smile.
In this world full of stress and pressures, a bright disposition can be an attractive asset. People are drawn to those who have a positive outlook in life despite negative circumstances—and the best way to show that is through constant smile.
Whenever you are down and then someone smiles at you, you feel better, right? And you get that grateful feeling towards that person. So, who knows? Smiling at your crush might actually help him/her develop that friendly feeling for you—that’s a good start.
4. Excel at something to impress.
Physical attractiveness is not everything. There should be something more about you than meets the eye. Therefore, find out what you are good at and strive to excel at it. This will make a good impression of how interesting you are as a person.
For instance, if you are good at painting, why not join or have your own exhibit? Or if you play instruments, you can be part of a band or perform in events. You can also attend workshops that can help you enhance your talents or skills.
5. Be friends with him/her.
Friendship is the best foundation of a good relationship. Therefore, if you wish of ending up with your crush, then do yourself a favor by making friends with that person. This will not only help you get noticed, but you will also have a good chance of knowing him/her in a better way.
To be friends with your crush, you should have the guts to say “hello”, offer some help if needed, or be part of the same group or organization. Act natural as much as possible to avoid being obvious.
6. Find out his/her interests.
If you want to start a smart conversation with your crush, then you need to find out what s/he is into. You might even discover that you have the same interests. When you talk about something you have in common, it creates connection and interest in each other as well.
This will also help you avoid topics that s/he does not like. Talking about these stuff will bore them, and it will create an impression that you are a boring companion.
7. Show sincere concern and interest in the person.
If you want your crush to have interest in you, then you need to show that you have genuine care for him/her as well. When s/he talks, listen intentionally and give appropriate reactions. Asking questions about what s/he talks about gives an impression that you are really interested.
When talking to each other, put your cellphone in your bag or pocket to avoid distraction. Also, make sure your eyes do not wander around, but maintain eye contact with him/her for undivided attention.
8. Give praises and appreciations.
Be generous in giving appreciations to your crush. Appreciate him/her even in small things. This will make the person feel that s/he has value. In return, s/he will feel appreciative and thankful towards you as well.
Say good remarks on how your crush looks (but please don’t overemphasize it for you will be obvious). Thank him or her in little things as well.
9. Play mysterious.
Don’t throw yourself at his/her feet. Don’t share anything about yourself unless s/he asks you to. Divulging everything about you will remove the thrill of the getting-to-know stage, and s/he might think you’re too eager to disclose yourself to him/her.
Also, avoid posting too personal thoughts and feelings on social media. Your crush and everyone else would think your life is an open book.
10. Don’t show you’re head-over-heels.
For most people, it is a turn-off when they find out that someone likes them so much—especially if that person does stupid stuff already just to get noticed. Once the person you like finds out you got a big crush on him/her, s/he might lose respect for you.
For this reason, keep your cool, especially if you are a lady, because guys don’t like easy-to-get girls. So, be careful with your actions.
If you’re still a student though, I suggest you focus on your studies first. Having a crush can be fun and may even inspire you to do better at school. However, if you take it too seriously, you might only get hurt, and it will affect your grades and performance. That would be awful.