That pink cloud dissipated some time ago and you’re left feeling not-so-spiritual. Most likely, it’s time for an attitude adjustment. Here are 5 signs your attitude needs some adjustment as well as ways in which you can fine-tune your outlook on life.
1: People often ask you why you always look so mad (also known as “b*tch resting face”) You frown a lot even if you don’t realize it. Now, some people might argue that that’s just how they naturally look but, honestly, our bodies (and therefore our faces) have this knack of reflecting how we feel on the inside. That said, if you seem to feel achy and sore a lot (and not because you’re exercising) and you have a tendency to scowl, it’s likely a sign that your attitude needs some adjustment.
Attitude Adjustment: Instead, try making a conscious effort to smile, even if you don’t feel like it. There’s actual scientific evidence that smiling can relieve some of that stress and irritability and, eventually, you’ll smile because you’re, well, happy.
2: You’re always complaining about something I’m sorry but, these people are the worstttt. It’s times spent with negative people that are my biggest challenge at practicing compassion. If you’re always thinking negatively then, you’re always constantly saying negative things and putting out negative energy (whether you realize it or not) and this is the quickest, most effective method to drive people away.
Attitude Adjustment: Instead, try change the language you use. Get rid of negative, critical and self-defeating language. Use statements like, “I can” and “I will.” Another good one is to say “I get to” instead of “I have to.” Even when it comes to going to work or the dentist. Because, when you really think about it, it’s a privilege that you get to work and have good health and hygiene. Words have power, so choose the positive option and watch how it changes your attitude. Also, ditch the negative people in your life.
3: You never feel satisfied You’re constantly thinking that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence when it comes to your job, your relationship, your body, everything.
Attitude Adjustment: Get in the practice of writing gratitude lists because this is a great way to adjust this ‘not enough’ attitude. You’ll have it right there, in black and white – evidence of all the great things you have going for you.
4: You’re irritable and quick to anger If you feel ‘on edge’ a lot, that is, easily annoyed or even angered, then this is one of the more telling signs your attitude needs some adjustment. Of course we all have our “off-days” when we’re just not feeling our 100% but, if you’re having more off days than on days, you’ve gotta do something about that attitude. It only serves you to shift your perspective. I mean, who would want to walk around all angry all the time? It sucks.
Attitude Adjustment: Meditate. Talk about it. Breathe. Eat right. Exercise. Pray. And then, choose to get off it.
5: Your sponsor has to remind you not to take other people’s inventory You’re constantly finding fault with others and you blame others for everything, even when you make a mistake. If you knock a drink over, it’s because the waiter put it too close to your elbow. You can’t (read: won’t) take any responsibility for yourself. Having a crappy attitude is to blame.
Attitude Adjustment: Focus on yourself and the ways in which you can improve. You can’t make other people do, say, or think what you want them to. And going around like that will only be an exercise in futility that will surely only fan the flames of your ire towards others for well, not being like you. Practice compassion and remind yourself that we all have our battles and crosses to bear and that we’re all in this thing called ‘life’ together. If you or someone you love is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free 1-800-951-6135.
15 Signs That You Need an Attitude Adjustment
Do you need an attitude adjustment? Take the test. Here are 15 signs that you have an attitude problem:
“What’s in it for me?” Are you selfless or do you focus primarily on your needs and wants? Greed can be the unwillingness to give or the willingness to take.
“You don’t expect me to do that!” People will test you in small ways before trusting you with additional responsibility. Before you dine from a silver platter, you must first eat from a paper plate.
“They don’t pay me enough to do this.” Watch out. Excuses can be habit forming. Pull out the weeds or make peace with the dandelions.
“I don’t feel like working today.” Endurance is as much mental as it is physical. If you’re not willing to make the commitment, don’t complain about the outcome.
“Tuesday’s going to be tough. I’m calling in sick.” Some people will do anything to get out of work. Self-pity is like a disease — the condition worsens with neglect.
“I’m not checking my work. They’ll catch mistakes during the review process.” Make yourself proud. If it’s worth your doing, give it all you’re worth.
“I’ve always done it this way.” Excuses proclaim an unwillingness to learn. Unless you learn something new every day, you’re becoming obsolete.
“I hate doing that. Give it to someone else.” No one likes to do menial work, but it comes with the territory. When you swallow your pride, don’t choke on your ego.
“If I look busy, maybe I can get out of the work.” Being busy doesn’t mean that you’re productive. Just because you’re at work doesn’t mean you’re working.
“I’ll do anything to get ahead.” Character is the fingerprint of your soul. Everything has a price, but not everything should be for sale.
“Nobody’s here, so we can goof off.” If you’re not responsible for your actions, who is? Listen to your conscience. That’s why you have one.
“Nobody knows what they’re doing around here.” Those who love to find fault in others rarely find fault in themselves. People who can, do. People who can’t, criticize.
“I hate it here.” Be positive. If work isn’t fun, you’re not playing on the right team.
“I do what I have to — nothing more, nothing less.” Be the best you can be — and then be a little better. Always give 110%. It’s the extra 10% that everyone remembers.
“Three hours ’til I can go home.” Watching the clock doesn’t make time go faster. If you want to share in the rewards, share in the work.
Do You Know Any Folks Who Have An Attitude Problem?
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Has anyone ever said that you need an attitude adjustment? Or have you just felt that you needed to adjust your attitude? Or maybe you have seen several quotes lately about how important attitude is to your life; and wondered why.
What is the big deal about attitude? Why do people talk about needing to have a positive attitude because a negative attitude will result in problems? And what is with all the quotes about attitude?
“Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude”
“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference”
“Think you can or think you can’t – either way, you’ll be right.”
If you want examples of more just google “attitude quotes” for more quotes than anyone cares about. It appears that having a positive attitude is a very important quality. However, what I find interesting is that while all of the comments are about how a positive attitude is critical and how a negative attitude is harmful, it is very difficult finding information on how to change an attitude.
In order to change or adjust our attitude we must explore our mindset. Two really good resources I have found on helping us understand mindset are Leadership and Self-Deception by The Arbinger Institute and the work of Roger Schwarz in his book The Skilled Facilitator. Both of these resources have had a profound impact on my work and my life.
In Leadership and Self-Deception I learned about how my mindset can leave me “in the box” and therefore, not really understand my true motivations which can result in my having a negative attitude leading to very unpleasant behavior and relationships. I learned how being “in the box” I begin to see others as objects and not people with needs. I begin to make judgements about behaviors and intentions with limited, if any, information which many times leads to conflict or unhealthy relationships.
In Leadership and Self-Deception I also learned how to get “out of the box” and stay out by focusing on the needs and the intended outcomes. I learned that I need to see people as human beings with needs and stop being so judgmental about things that don’t agree with my perspective. I learned to change my mindset and noticed how my attitude adjusted as well.
From Roger Schwarz’s work I learned that I can try to convince everyone how right I am and how wrong they are in order to unilaterally control the situation. Or I can choose to make free and informed choices by learning from the situation and others as much as possible. By changing my mindset to a mutual learning perspective I can once again determine how to perceive the situation and adjust my attitude; resulting in my behavior being more productive an influential.
From Quotes to Action
If you want to just read about how important a positive attitude is, then keep reading the quotes. And perhaps even make up your own quote about attitude. On the other hand, if you want to learn about how to adjust your attitude and begin behaving according to the quotes, then take a look at your mindset and begin to question how you perceive the situation and others. Let your adjusted attitude help you live the quotes.
For more specifics on mindset and how it impacts attitude and behavior, I highly recommend both Leadership and Self-Deception and The Skilled Facilitator. These excellent resources will challenge you and cause you to reflect on your mindset.
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Do you ever have one of those days where you just wake up feeling like a grouch? I know I do.
For no reason I can ever pin point, I just have days where I am off, grumpy and irritable. I feel defeated before my day even begins.
It’s not often but there are certainly those “days” and they come unannounced.
I’m an emotional stuffer by nature, meaning I tend to just push issues and conflicts down until I can no longer ignore them. This doesn’t help my attitude by any means because what happens is that instead of addressing the issues I let them build up until I explode which is neither fun or helpful to my family.
I was reminded recently that I, as the wife and mother, tend to set the tone for my entire family. When my attitude stinks causing me to be a big grouch, the energy in our home also tends to feel negative and irritable.
Our children are watching us too, modeling how we handle conflicts and emotions.
When I let my anger explode, I’m teaching my children that it’s OK to have an angry outburst and not deal with our emotions.
This is not OK nor is it Biblical.
So what can we do when we feel grouchy, irritable, impatient and in need of a serious attitude adjustment?
Today I’m over on Intentional By Grace sharing 8 things to do when you need an attitude adjustment. You can read the full post here.
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A bad mood and a bad attitude are not the same thing, but the former is undoubtedly a precursor for the latter.
A bad attitude develops gradually; we get into bad moods for various reasons and these bad vibes build upon each to develop a bad attitude.
Worse still, bad attitudes are contagious. Don’t become a statistic in the pity party pandemic – if you are experiencing some (or all) of the following symptoms, you could well be in need of an attitude adjustment.
1. Everything irritates you
And by everything we mean everything: the grocery item you forgot to pick up; the family member asking a favour; the food joint that didn’t get your order right; the remote batteries dying… need we go on?
The solution: ask yourself whether this inconvenience will matter a year down the track. This is an easy way to gain perspective and put seemingly mammoth issues in their place.
2. You are jealous and bitter about others’ success
Humans are, by nature, competitive. But we are also compassionate beings, and when competitiveness overrides compassion and deems you incapable of celebrating the successes of others, chances are you’re becoming (or have already become), resentful.
The solution: set your own goals and stop comparing yourself and your progress to those around you. Everyone has a skill set – some greater than others. Make the most of yours by focussing on effective ways to use your skills towards achieving your goals.
3. “But” becomes your best friend
“I was going to… but something came up.” If the word “but” features frequently in your vocabulary, it’s very possible that excuses are stopping you from utilising your potential. Instead you’re probably wasting opportunities.
The solution: take note of how often you actually say “but” and you’ll realise how it allows your positivity and motivation to elude you. Make a conscious effort to end your sentence before using the “but” word.
4. You are ruminating, not reflecting
After a difference in opinion you spend countless minutes going over what you should have said and what to say next – sound familiar? Endlessly replaying a negative scenario in your head is a clear sign that negativity dominates your thoughts.
The solution: the easiest way to move on is to keep busy. Failing that, write a letter to the person which you don’t intend to send. Externalising your feelings this way allows you to shed anxiety without upsetting the other person, or further fuelling the disagreement.
5. You believe the universe is conspiring against you
Unsuccessful people tend to claim they are unlucky, but it’s more likely that a negative attitude is blocking them from making the most out of life’s serendipitous situations. The feeling that everyone else has it better than you is the gateway to negativity and a bad attitude.
The solution: instead of focussing on what is or went wrong, find the positives in your situation. If you are still struggling to see through the fog of negativity then take a walk – virtually or physically – to charities and sites of the less fortunate to remind yourself that the world you inhabit probably isn’t nearly as bad as you perceive it to be.
An attitude adjustment is often needed when life is not going the way we want. So I have here the equivalent of a flu shot for your attitude – but even more effective and no needle. Inoculate your mindset against grumbling and discontent by reminding yourself of truth and purpose.
Take control of your attitude by taking control of your thoughts.
I think our attitude is the missing link in our attempts at getting organized. So I’m excited to announce my new free download: an attitude adjustment guide.
We are in charge of and responsible for our thoughts and our attitudes. We can take them in hand, repenting of sinful thoughts and bad attitudes and getting the grace and strength from God to turn our hearts to gratitude and obedience, thinking truth and rejecting falsehood. We can give ourselves an attitude adjustment.
What is your attitude?
Every passing feeling is not an attitude. The dictionary says than an attitude is “a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person’s behavior.”
However, passing feelings can become our attitudes if we nurture them and keep them around. That’s why it’s important to reject false feelings and cultivate those based on truth and love.
Our actions are produced from our thoughts and feelings: our heart. Self-control – a fruit of the Spirit – includes controlling our thoughts & feelings as well as our actions.
You might be in need of an attitude adjustment if
- It seems like everything your kids and husband do is done to irritate you.
- You feel like you need to escape from your God-given roles and responsibilities.
- Complaints and criticisms dominate your thinking.
- “Ugh” is your reflexive reaction.
Yes, you can adjust and control your attitude!
You can actually change your attitude by deliberately and intentionally changing your thoughts – that’s something we have a responsibility to do. When what we feel or think does not align with God’s revealed will for our lives (which is gratitude), the only obedient option we have is to repent, to change them with the help of the Holy Spirit.
An organized attitude isn’t a fake smile.
Our inner lives and our outer lives are not two disparate and unrelated things. One affects the other. Outer chaos creates stress and confusion. Inner chaos works itself out in how we live our lives. Fixing either kind of disorder is the project of a lifetime, not the project of a day, of a weekend, or of a month. Organizing our attitudes is something we must continually be doing.
It’s constantly reminding ourselves of truth and not panicking when we notice we sin, and also not ignoring it, but rather repenting of it, receiving forgiveness, and gratefully pressing on to do what we called to do.
To organize your attitude is to bring your thoughts into alignment with God’s Word, every day, every situation, every time.
Good attitudes are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, & self-control.
The attitudes we want to grow in are the fruit of the Spirit. That means that we don’t manufacture them ourselves. We ask for them and receive them through His work in our lives.
Bad attitudes are replaced by repentance & prayer for what God has promised: His fruit in our lives.
How to adjust your attitude:
- Pray for grace to practice the fruit of the Spirit, not for easy living.
- Pray before your day begins, that God will give you a soft heart.
- Pick one fruit of the Spirit to focus on asking for & practicing. Others will follow in its train.
- Write down specific times you need the fruit – it will help you notice, ask, & receive.
So many of our organization attempts are actually attempts at being in control of our lives, at being the god in our lives. We are weary because we can’t bear that weight.
God, however, can and does. He gives us work, but He works all things according to the counsels of His will (not ours). So we can trust Him with our lives.
God is in control.
You are not.
How can you receive help when you need an “attitude adjustment?”
The Carnal Nature
If you know anything about human nature, you know that it is our nature to sin. Just a quick reading of Romans chapter 7 will show you what’s in the human heart. Jeremiah wrote that “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it” (Jer 17:9)? Jesus says that our evil nature comes “from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness” (Mark 7:21-22). We can’t blame our sin nature on our parents or our environment because “All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person” (Mark 7:23). Sin is the transgression of God’s law (1st John 3:4), but sin also shows us what sin is, as the Apostle Paul writes, “if it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin. For I would not have known what it is to covet if the law had not said, “You shall not covet” (Rom 7:7), but it’s not the law that’s the problem with our attitude; it’s our sinful nature. Some call it our carnal nature. Before we are born again, we were like “a man who drinks injustice like water” (Job 15:16), so you cannot do anything to adjust your attitude until you have trusted in Christ and have the Spirit of God within you.
Un Uphill Battle
Paul’s honesty about his struggle is refreshing to me. He openly admits for all to read (now numbering in the billions) that “I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing” (Rom 7:19), and just like me, “I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate” (Rom 7:15). Some would say that Paul is losing the battle with sin, but that’s not true. We read later that he declares himself guilty before God and asks, “Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death” (Rom 7:24), but he doesn’t leave us hanging. He confidently concludes, “Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin” (Rom 7:25). We are all in a battle. It’s a battle between the flesh and instant gratification or sanctification and choosing to make choices pleasing to God and relying on Jesus Christ for strength. Jesus says, “apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5), and without Christ we can do less than nothing, however Paul wrote, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (Phil 4:13). The truth is that it’s good to be in the battle, because any old dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live fish to swim upstream against the pulls of the world and the flesh. It’s an uphill battle, but that’s a sign of a healthy spiritual life.
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A New Heart
I was sick. I needed a new heart. Not a physical organ like a real heart, but a new heart, with new desires and new passions. A heart that desires to love God, to serve God, to love others, and serve others. I needed a heart transplant. Ezekiel writes of a day where God declares, “I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh” (Ezk 36:26). Even to God’s own people, He inspired Jeremiah the Prophet to wrote, “I will give them a heart to know that I am the LORD, and they shall be my people and I will be their God, for they shall return to me with their whole heart” (Jer 24:7), meaning that my old heart of stone was too hard to receive the Spirit of God, so God gave to us who have trusted in Christ a new heart so we can “know that [He is] the Lord.” And then, we shall be His people and He will be our God. This should change anyone’s attitude. What a glorious thing our eternity is, so what’s today compared to that (Rom 8:18)?
We can either live in the tent of discontentment all our life or we can choose to live in contentment and people will gladly come over to visit you. It’s hard to be around someone that is always looking at the worst side of things and always assuming the worst will happen and believes the worst in people. Paul writes to Timothy, telling him that “godliness with contentment is great gain” (1st Tim 6:6), meaning it’s very valuable in the sight of God when we display gratitude and thankfulness. This results in a contentment that gives us peace. The Apostle Paul may have suffered more than all of the first century Christians and apostles, yet he “learned in whatever situation I am to be content” (Phil 4:11). How did Paul learn contentment? He had lots of practice as he was beaten, stoned, whipped, shipwrecked, and deprived of food and water, and suffered cold in the winter while being unfairly imprisoned. While he was imprisoned in such horrid conditions, he wrote what many call the “Joy Epistle,” or the Book of Philippians. Paul knew that he had to choose contentment. He had to learn how to choose it. Contentment doesn’t come naturally to any of us, so if you’re in a negative attitude, then you’re obviously discontented. And that’s not next to godliness. Chose to be content and you’ll adjust your attitude.
Christians understand that it’s our nature to have a bad attitude. We don’t naturally sing like songbirds in the morning, but step one to adjusting your attitude is to trust in Christ. Without the Spirit of God, your heart is like mine was; made of stone. I needed a heart of flesh and God provided one. Remember we’re all in the same battle and it’s not going to be easy, but being in the battle means we’re striving to live a life that is pleasing to God, but He has not left us helpless. We have a new heart since we’re a new creation in Christ (2nd Cor 5:17). Finally, contentment is a little like love; you have to choose to be contented, just as you have to choose to show love by your actions. Jesus is the ultimate example of that (John 3:16). It’s not easy…but it is worth it. You are not a helpless victim…you can choose to adjust your attitude with the help of the Spirit of God and the Word of God, and all you do can be for the glory of God.
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When you’re recruiting a new employee, it’s like almost everything else – your attitude makes a big difference to the outcome. Before you start searching for the right candidate, you might first want to take a little time to think about how you feel about the process. If you’re feeling anxious about making your next hire, take a deep breath and compose yourself, then keep reading.
Change Your Attitude
Sometimes managers and business owners hate hiring. They see it as just a necessary evil. This isn’t unique to the residential building products industry either, it’s an attitude which is nearly universal.
Keep in mind candidates pick up on your attitude and behavior. Everyone wants to feel wanted, so if prospective employees feel they are burden or stress to you, they’ll think twice about accepting.
Since I make my living recruiting, I can happily say I love hiring! I am in my comfort zone finding and interviewing top performers in this industry. I have a different perspective and it is one you should consider.
Hiring isn’t something you have to do, it isn’t just a chore. It is an opportunity for you to find the next best thing to take your business to another level.
If you can start thinking about the possibilities that one great hire can bring to you and your company, you will never dread it again.
Attitude Isn’t Everything
It would be easy to say change your attitude and change your life. I wish it was that easy. Yes, you have to go into it with the right intention, but you also have to succeed in finding the right people to hire. Of course, talent and experience also go into closing the deal with candidates. Fortunately, you already have these skills!
Hopefully, you are already very passionate about your business and success. And, I am guessing as a hiring manager, you’re no slouch at networking.
So with the right attitude, passion, networking and a plan, you’ll find hiring to be relatively smooth sailing. Energy and enthusiasm are magnetic and if you know how to use them, they’ll draw talented people to you.
Fix your outlook on hiring and then put it all together if you want to take your business to the next level.
My boss “Ralph” called me into his office last Thursday afternoon and said “You need an attitude adjustment.”
I didn’t know whether to walk out of the room, burst out laughing or what. I just asked him “Why do you say that?”
Ralph said “You have a bad attitude. You took this job and you do a good job, but you’re too negative.”
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I said “Ralph, you and I have differences of opinion. I try to be respectful when I disagree with you. I hope that you find my observations respectful and professional. I have your best interests and the company’s best interests in mind.”
Ralph and I were not even in the same conversation. He must have rehearsed his speech because once he started, he couldn’t stop.
He continued, “Your attitude has to change. A lot of the employees listen to you. You understand our business and that’s good, but I’m the manager and I don’t want to hear your opinions on every topic.”
I said “Ralph, do you want me to leave the company?” He looked straight at me and said “No, I want you to stay and I want you to get behind my vision.”
I said “Ralph, I don’t know what your vision is and neither does anyone else as far as I can tell. I can help you create a vision or someone else can, if you want a vision. There is no vision now.”
That was the end of our meeting. Ralph is in over his head. He doesn’t know what to do and he doesn’t want help.
Ralph does not know what to do with me. I wandered into this job through a temp assignment in another department. Ralph hired me full-time 18 months ago. He relies on me. He knows it. I don’t sneak around behind Ralph’s back.
If I have something to tell him, I tell him in a private conference room. I don’t embarrass him. He is freaking out however because people ask me questions and I answer them truthfully.
I have never said anything mean or unprofessional about Ralph but I do tell people when I disagree with him, if they ask.
My co-workers are sharp. They know the problems in our department and in the company. Nobody in a high-level position talks about those problems. Ralph doesn’t talk about them, even when he and I are talking privately.
I know this is not a long-term job for me but I am happy to be having some impact here, on top of my actual job (which I also enjoy).
Now I am in limbo. Ralph says he doesn’t want me to leave here and I believe him, but he doesn’t want me to be me, either.
I have bent over backwards trying to help Ralph and be a support to him, even to the point where people have said “You don’t have to cover for Ralph’s mistakes” but I have never thrown Ralph under the bus. So, it’s ironic that he would tell me I need an attitude adjustment.
I thought that expression went out with go-go boots.
Let’s analyze your situation. Poor Ralph needs you and he knows it, but he doesn’t take guidance from his team members well.
Like his fellow managers he prefers not to talk openly about problems, because it is embarrassing to admit that you don’t have all the answers.
Ralph desperately wants you to shut up and stop saying things that could be interpreted as critical of Ralph or the status quo. We cannot blame Ralph too harshly for his difficulty in taking feedback — we all have that problem at times.
Ralph used the ludicrously anachronistic threat “You need an attitude adjustment!” to tell you that he doesn’t know what to do.
My recommendation is to look dispassionately at the year ahead and ask yourself honestly “Is there enough left to learn and discover here to justify another year (or part of a year) working for Ralph?”
Even though Ralph says he wants you to stay, he also laid the world’s lamest and most pathetic threat on you when he said you need an Attitude Adjustment. It’s a threat. There’s no other way to classify that statement.
You don’t need an attitude adjustment, whatever that is. You need to be able to talk honestly with a manager who can talk honestly with you in return. That is not too much to ask. It’s what you deserve. When you get uncomfortable enough watching Ralph go through his painful learning process and feeling the heat of his wrath, you will make a change.
People like Ralph get put in our way to teach us lessons. Ralph is teaching you that people are afraid of what they don’t understand.
How can a lowly employee on my team have other people listening to him and asking him for advice? They should be asking me! I’m the manager, not Brian!
Every new year brings new possibilities and 2017 will do the same. Do you want to look back a year from now at another 12 months of drama with Ralph? I think you deserve better!