This new article will show you everything you need to know about how to stop being self-conscious and become more self-aware instead.
Now, let’s jump right into it.
I want you to imagine that you’re on stage: everyone is looking at you, you’re the center
of attention, and the audience is monitoring your every move.
That’s what self consciousness feels like. Self-consciousness keeps us fighting the battle to control our self-image.
We’ve all tried to imagine what other people think of us: whether it was something good
or bad, it’s part of human nature to care about being accepted and part of a tribe.
The problem begins when you give other people’s opinions of you too much power and become self-conscious as a result.
Let’s answer one question first:
What causes self-consciousness?
The short answer is: your ego.
And here is the long one: When you feel self-conscious, your ego is actively involved. The ego is responsible for reality testing.
Part of its function is to create a sense of personal identity. In this process, the ego is constantly testing your relationship to those around you.
So, it is constantly weighing and assessing the people around you.
Sometimes self-consciousness is born from a desire to please others so that you fit in with them.
Or, there may be an urge to meet their expectations so that you are more acceptable to them.’
There’s a big difference between being self-aware and self-conscious: self-awareness is all about viewing yourself and your surroundings objectively in the present moment, while self-consciousness is a preoccupation with oneself.
Here’s what I’ve learned from my practice so far on how to stop being self-conscious and become more self-aware instead.
How To Stop Being Self-Conscious:
1: Stop objectifying yourself
If you put yourself out there to seek validation, other people’s approval, or you want to
feel like you belong somewhere, you’re in big trouble.
By objectifying yourself, you’re essentially showing yourself that you can’t be trusted and that other people’s opinions of you matter more than your opinion of yourself.
You are not the likes you get on Instagram.
You are not the compliments or rude comments that strangers write on the Internet. You are also not the promotion your boss gave you or that praise you got from your mom.
Remember: you are valuable no matter what other people think of you. You are beautiful in your own way. Don’t let other people determine your value. You’re not an object.
2: Raise your consciousness
Instead of being more self-conscious, aim for being conscious: unbiasedly aware of what’s
happening around you.
Let’s say that you need to become aware of the negative self-talk (1) you participate in on a daily basis.
What mean things do you say to yourself? Do you wish you could be skinnier, prettier, more successful? Do you compare yourself with others way too often?
Take a step back and reflect on your negative thought patterns.
If you often feel inadequate in a social situation, it’s highly likely that the actual problem is the way you perceive your surroundings.
Pay attention to whatever thoughts are going through your head and the feelings you experience as a result of them.
3: Get rid of shame and embarrassment
Feeling self-conscious means living in a world where every situation becomes a potential threat to our survival, and we experience fear of rejection, shame, and embarrassment.
If we engage in low-risk social situations and experience positive interactions, it’s easier to become less self-conscious and combat the feeling of awkwardness.
Shame is that painful and self-loathing feeling that you’re just not good enough, that you
are a bad person, or that you need to become someone else to succeed.
You are constantly searching for evidence to prove to yourself that you’re not enough.
The truth? You are enough as you are.
You don’t need to do anything to prove your worth to others. Please, don’t be mean to yourself. Accept yourself as you are and don’t try to hide your imperfections, embrace them instead.
4: Take responsibility for your actions
One of the reasons we get self-conscious is because we try to escape the ugly truth:
our actions have consequences.
Instead of beating yourself up the next time you’re late for a meeting, accept the situation for what it is: you’re late, you’re the reason you’re late, and there’s no point in overthinking it.
The good news is: if you want to change the outcome, you can always choose a different
approach next time you have a similar situation.
You are responsible for your own happiness, shortcomings, and the amount of drama you invite into your life.
Know yourself well enough to make decisions that align with your core values: they will
always give you the best results.
Once you get into the habit of taking responsibility (2) for everything that happens in your life and decide to stop playing the comfortable role of a victim, you’ll see significant improvement in your relationships with others and, most importantly, your relationship with yourself.
5: Serve others by finding your mission
You can’t be self-conscious and help others at the same time, it just doesn’t work that way.
When you’re passionate about something, and you want to serve others, your need for self-importance will disappear.
I wake up every morning and I ask myself one simple question: ‘What will I do today to help as many people as I can?’
It quickly centers me and gets rid of all the ‘social media approval’ noise that pops into my head from time to time.
Focus on your mission.
Let it be the fuel for every decision you make in your life. Make it your number one priority and you will experience much more clarity.
At the and of the day, it doesn’t matter what your vanity numbers are, what matters is how many lives you’ve changed.
I want to thank you for taking the time to read my article about how to stop being self-conscious. I sincerely hope its contents have been a good help to you.
This article was co-authored by Jennifer Butler, MSW. Jennifer Butler is a Love & Transformation Coach and the Owner of JennJoyCoaching, a life coaching business based in Miami, Florida, although Jennifer works with clients all over the world. Jennifer’s work centers around empowering women who are navigating any stage of the divorce or breakup process. She has over four years of life coaching experience. She is also the co-host of the Deep Chats Podcast along with Leah Morris and the host of season 2 “Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle” by Worthy. Her work has been featured in ESME, DivorceForce, and Divorced Girl Smiling. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from New York University. She is also a Certified Health Coach, a Communications & Life Mastery Specialist, and a Certified Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “the One” coach.
There are 10 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. This article received 17 testimonials and 87% of readers who voted found it helpful, earning it our reader-approved status.
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Have you ever stopped to wonder exactly why you feel self-conscious? For some people, it’s worries about certain features of their appearance; for others, it’s about status, smarts, or funds. If you feel judged by other people, it’s important to realize that it does no good to allow others to define you. On a deeper level, one of the biggest reasons for feeling self-conscious is deep introspection and uncertainty in one’s own abilities to interact or perform.  X Research source Learn to disarm your inner critic and find constructive ways to decrease feelings of self-consciousness. It’s time to start living again!
Think back to the last time you had feelings of awkwardness. It was pretty cringe-worthy, right? A lot of fidgety foot shuffling, sleeve pulling, and arm crossing was probably involved. But when you’re intimidated or thrown into the spotlight, it’s hard to remember how to stop feeling self conscious. You begin to entertain the idea that all eyes are on you and that you’re on a short countdown before everyone watches you crash and burn and label you as the one that hasn’t her stuff together.
It makes you feel less than those in the room with you, gives you prickly flushes on your cheeks, and makes you want to go find the nearest blanket and hide under it. It’s the worst. But it doesn’t always have to be that way! Self consciousness is a self-inflicted state of mind, one where you think you don’t measure up the people in the room with you and that all eyes are constantly on you. but honestly, how much truth is there to that? In order to beat self consciousness, you need to learn how to control those paranoid, over-shooting thoughts, and I’ll tell you exactly how to do that. Below are seven tips on how to stop feeling self conscious next time you’re outside your comfort zone.
1. Shrug Away Your Negative Thoughts
I know вЂ” this sounds easier said than done. But if you really want to get over your self consciousness, you need to practice shrugging away your negative feelings instead of agreeing with them. Notice how I didn’t say “pretend they don’t exist.” We all struggle with self-doubt and find things to nit-pick, and pretending that those blimps don’t pop up won’t stop you from indulging them. Instead, acknowledge that they’re there, but refuse to agree with them.
Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., associate editor at PsychCentral explained, “One of the reasons we become self-conscious is because we worry that others will only confirm our own negative thoughts.” So every time you’re awkwardly hovering at a party and think “People will think I’m a loser,” or feel nervous getting into your bikini at the beach because you’re thinking “People will stare at my tummy,” refuse to believe that that’s true. Believe that no one there is agreeing with you. Having a moment sitting on the couch and sipping your vermouth or having a jiggly tummy are in no ways bad, so teach yourself to not agree with those moments of negativity.
2. Don’t Put People On A Pedestal
Say you have to lead a meeting at work for the first time, and you’re absolutely self-conscious. The main reason for that? You think that everyone in that room is more professional and a total pro when it comes to the material you’ll be presenting. While that may be true in some cases, a great way to get rid of your self-consciousness is to stop putting those around you on a pedestal. Lifestyle writer Mike Bundrant from Lifehack explained, “Often we feel inadequate because we see others as вЂmore thanвЂ™ and ourselves as вЂless thanвЂ™ by comparison. We see others as having it all together and not suffering the way we are. This is rarely true.”
Remember that they’re people, too вЂ” they have embarrassing moments, go through work blunders, have to do pep talks in the mirror in the bathroom, and have the same stresses as you do. It’s not like they have it all together and you’re the only one that feels like they’re keeping it all together by the threads.
3. Imagine Your Best Friend In This Same Situation
What if your best friend recounted a moment where they walked in to meet a date and felt completely inadequate and unsure if they could charm their socks off? Or what if they arrived to a networking event and just slinked in the corner all night because they felt too self-conscious to mingle? What would you say to them? Probably a tirade of positive and ego-boosting things.
Lifestyle writer Steve Errey from Lifehack was the one that posed this idea. He said, “Look for the patterns of thought that take you to a place where you start second-guessing or over-thinking. Now imagine that your best friend went through exactly the same thought process and ended up holding themselves back вЂ“ what would you want to say to them?” Next time you’re feeling awkward and shifty in a situation, imagine your best friend doing the same thing and give yourself the exact same pep talk and self-love session.
4. Accept Yourself, Wonderful Faults And All
A big reason we feel self-conscious is because we feel like our “faults” make us lack something special. But if you learn to accept yourself wholeheartedly, you begin to believe you’re worthwhile and bring something amazing to the table, regardless of what you’re lacking. That way, if you walk into a party and know no one, you don’t begin to automatically fidget with your sleeve, because you know you’re about to blow someone’s socks off with your interesting conversation. Knowing that you’re valuable and significant regardless of imperfections allows you to square your shoulders a little easier.
Psychologist John Duffy, PsyD pointed out to PsychCentral, вЂњ[Many people] fail to see their strengths and cling to antique scripts they carry about their lack of worth.вЂќ Don’t be one of those people!
5. Seriously Though, No One’s Paying Attention
Keep this little tidbit in mind: Everyone else is so jumbled up with their own thoughts, worries, and struggles with their own confidence and general going-abouts that they have little time to dwell over (and memorize) any awkward blunders you might have bungled up. Lifestyle writer Martha Beck from Oprah clarified, “The spotlight effect makes most of us assume we’re getting about twice as much attention as we actually are.”
So while, yes, your cheeks might burn if someone witnesses you crash and burn at flirting with someone at the bar, it’s really never, ever as dire as you’re imagining it. Don’t exaggerate! They might have witnessed it, but they’ll soon be going back to their own thoughts.
6. Go All In
Feeling like you want to nervously fidget with a button over something you’re about to attempt? Instead of slinking away, go all in. Beck explained, “I’ve been experimenting with this in many different circumstances: raising both my hands instead of one to ask a question of a lecturer I much admire; pausing twice as long for dramatic effect while telling a story to some friends; eating two servings of a fabulous dessert at a literary club luncheon.”
What does that do? While before you were self-conscious, now by doubling your enthusiasm you bring a smile to the face of anyone watching. Watching someone do something with gusto makes them feel easier about the situation and just gives them a relatively good feeling, so channel those butterflies into excitement and go-getter-ness. There will be zero room for judgement when they’re admiring your spunk.
7. Act On What’s Making You Nervous
You’ll never get rid of your self-consciousness if you just stew in it. Instead, force yourself to roll your shoulders and go do the thing that’s making you feel awkward and nervous. The more you get out of your comfort zone and win, the more you’ll understand that you don’t need to let this feeling hold you back.
Bundrant from Lifehack confirmed, “When all is said and done, you need to just go for it! Confidence builds as you take positive action and begin to see positive results.” So try and get as many positive results as you can. Remember вЂ” that’s impossible if you let your awkwardness keep you in the sidelines!
Imagine that you’re on stage: everyone is looking at you, you’re the center of attention, and the audience is monitoring your every move. That’s what self-consciousness feels like.
Self-consciousness keeps us fighting the battle to control our self-image. We’ve all tried to imagine what other people think of us: whether it was something good or bad, it’s part of human nature to care about being accepted and part of a tribe. The problem begins when you give other people’s opinions of you too much power and become self-conscious as a result.
What Causes Self-Consciousness?
The short answer: your ego.
The long one: according to book author Cynthia Athina Kemp Scherer, ‘When you feel self-conscious, your ego is actively involved. The ego is responsible for reality testing. Part of its function is to create a sense of personal identity. In this process, the ego is constantly poised to test your relationship to those around you, so it is constantly weighing and assessing the people around you. Sometimes self-consciousness is born from a desire to please others so that you fit in with them. Or, there may be an urge to meet their expectations so that you are more acceptable to them.’
There’s a big difference between being self-aware and self-conscious: self-awareness is all about viewing yourself and your surroundings objectively in the present moment, while self-consciousness is a preoccupation with oneself.
Here’s what I’ve learned from my practice so far on how to stop being self-conscious and become more self-aware instead:
1. Stop Objectifying Yourself
If you put yourself out there to seek validation, other people’s approval, or you want to feel like you belong somewhere, you’re in big trouble. By objectifying yourself, you’re essentially showing yourself that you can’t be trusted and that other people’s opinions of you matter more than your opinion of yourself.
You are not the likes you get on Instagram. You are not the compliments or rude comments that strangers write on the Internet. You are also not the promotion your boss gave you or that praise you got from your mom.
Remember: you are valuable no matter what other people think of you. You are beautiful in your own way.
Don’t let other people determine your value. You’re not an object. Click To Tweet
2. Raise Your Consciousness
Instead of being more self-conscious, aim for being conscious: unbiasedly aware of what’s happening around you. I’ll make a separate video in the upcoming weeks on how to master your inner critic and raise your consciousness, so make sure to subscribe to my youtube channel if you don’t want to miss it.
For starters, become aware of the negative self-talk you participate in on a daily basis. What mean things do you say to yourself? Do you wish you could be skinnier, prettier, more successful? Do you compare yourself with others way too often? Take a step back and reflect on your negative thought patterns.
If you often feel inadequate in a social situation, it’s highly likely that the actual problem is the way you perceive your surroundings. Pay attention to whatever thoughts are going through your head and the feelings you experience as a result of them.
3. Get Rid of Shame and Embarrassment
Feeling self-conscious means living in a world where every situation becomes a potential threat to our survival, and we experience fear of rejection, shame, and embarrassment. If we engage in low-risk social situations and experience positive interactions, it’s easier to become less self-conscious and combat the feeling of awkwardness.
As I’ve previously shared in a blog post, ‘Shame is that painful and self-loathing feeling that you’re just not good enough, that you are a bad person, or that you need to become someone else to succeed. You are constantly searching for evidence to prove to yourself that you’re not enough. ‘
The truth? You are enough as you are. You don’t need to do anything to prove your worth to others. Please, don’t be mean to yourself. Accept yourself as you are and don’t try to hide your imperfections, embrace them instead.
4. Take Responsibility for Your Actions
One of the reasons we get self-conscious is because we try to escape the ugly truth: our actions have consequences. Instead of beating yourself up the next time you’re late for a meeting, accept the situation for what it is: you’re late, you’re the reason you’re late, and there’s no point in overthinking it.
The good news is: if you want to change the outcome, you can always choose a different approach next time you have a similar situation on your hands. You are responsible for your own happiness, shortcomings, and the amount of drama you invite into your life. Know yourself well enough to make decisions that align with your core values: they will always give you the best results.
Once you get into the habit of taking responsibility for everything that happens in your life and decide to stop playing the comfortable role of a victim, you’ll see significant improvement in your relationships with others and, most importantly, your relationship with yourself.
5. Serve Others by Finding Your Mission
You can’t be self-conscious and help others at the same time, it just doesn’t work that way. When you’re passionate about something, and you want to serve others, your need for self-importance will disappear.
I wake up every morning and I ask myself one simple question: ‘What will I do today to help as many people as I can?’ It quickly centers me and gets rid of all the ‘social media approval’ noise that pops into my head from time to time.
Focus on your mission. Let it be the fuel for every decision you make in your life. Make it your number one priority and you’ll experience much more clarity. If you don’t know what you’re mission is, don’t worry. It took me many years to find mine and the good news is, you don’t have to do it all on your own.
At the and of the day, it doesn’t matter what your vanity numbers are, what matters is how many lives you’ve changed.
Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. She’s also a psychotherapist, the author of the bestselling book “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do,” and the host of The Verywell Mind Podcast.
If you have social anxiety disorder (SAD), one of the keys to overcoming your symptoms is to learn how to be more confident and less critical of yourself. When you are self-conscious, not only do you make your anxiety symptoms worse, but you make it harder to be aware of what is going on around you. This can cause you to think that other people are judging you negatively; in reality, they likely aren’t paying attention at all.
Psychologists have given a name to this phenomenon: the “spotlight” effect.
Although it feels like all eyes are on you, people are probably only noticing about 50% of what you think they are. So, you are over-imagining everything by about half.
It’s easy to understand that being self-conscious makes your social anxiety worse; it is quite another task to make a change and become more outward-focused. Indeed, one of the antidotes for being self-conscious is to focus your attention outward instead of inward. Below are some steps to help you on your way to becoming less self-conscious.
What’s Holding You Back?
Perhaps there are some roadblocks holding you back from making the change. Maybe you think that it is too scary to focus on the outside world. Maybe it is mentally exhausting for you to keep up with conversations.
As an alternative, consider what benefits there could be from being more confident. Being self-conscious is only making your anxiety worse and focusing on the opinions of others can limit your quality of life. It is easier to be yourself and be spontaneous if you are not focused on editing yourself. You need to learn to lose yourself so that you can become who you really are.
Realize the Disadvantages of Being Self-Conscious
One of the biggest issues with self-consciousness is trouble accurately reading situations. You may remember fewer details about situations where you did well and instead focus on your slight mistakes or faux pas. You may judge other people as being exceptionally good conversationalists when that is an exaggeration. That can cause you to analyze everything happening around you, inhibiting you from relaxing and having a good time.
Develop an Outward Focus
It will be difficult at first to develop an outward focus, particularly if you have used self-attention as a safety strategy for a long time. In order to make the switch, try to become curious about other people as an objective outside observer. The goal is not to imitate behavior, but simply to become more aware of what exchanges really go on.
Watch what others do. Listen to what they say; and think openly about the situation. Be objective as you observe the situation from an outside perspective.
If you have trouble, assign yourself a task of learning something about the person.
Practice Switching Perspectives
One way to develop control over your focus is to learn how to switch between an inward and outward focus and notice the differences between the two. The next time you are in an observational situation (such as riding on a bus), try first focusing totally on yourself. Do this for about five minutes and notice how you feel. Then, switch and try noticing everyone else and how they appear. Try talking to them if it seems appropriate.
Afterwards, notice how you felt and what you took in. The goal of this experiment is to become more aware of where your attention is directed, how to control it, and how it makes you feel. As you gain practice, try switching perspectives while in conversation with someone and notice the differences.
Realize Others Don’t Care
If you start to get down on yourself or feel as though directing your focus outward is too dangerous, remember that in the broader picture, making a mistake or coming off as awkward is not the end of the world.
Behaviors to Change Perspective
When you are self-conscious you likely become tense and say very little. As you focus attention outward, try some behaviors that encourage you to break free from the negative cycle of self-attention; smile at others, and talk.
When you are positive, happy, and talking, it is hard to think negative thoughts about yourself.
When in doubt, asking people questions about themselves, such as about their passions or their pets, is a great way to break the ice and make people feel valued. You’ll be remembered as charming and flattering, not socially awkward.
Learn From Actors
Acting coaches will tell you that the way to a convincing performance is to double everything. Small gestures make you look embarrassed whereas large efforts exude confidence. Although it might seem counter-intuitive at first if you want to draw less attention to yourself, be more grandiose. Putting yourself in the mindset of a “character” who is poised and sociable can also help you ease into the role of interacting in social situations.
When to Seek Help
These suggestions can help you become less self-conscious, but if you find that your social anxiety keeps you from enjoying activities or meeting friends, it may be time to talk to a therapist. Social anxiety is a treatable disorder and a comprehensive treatment plan can help you enjoy a higher quality of life.
A Word From Verywell
Excessive self-consciousness can lead to feelings of social anxiety. If you are always worried about how you are being evaluated by others in social situations, you are more likely to experience anxiety when you are around other people. Taking steps to gain control of your feelings of self-conscious may help ease some of your feelings of social anxiety.
Are you obsessing over your shortcomings? Here’s a few tips that will help you get on with your life.
By Neil Parmar published May 1, 2004 – last reviewed on June 9, 2016
Self-consciousness keeps us fighting that battle to control our self-image. But obsessing over our shortcomings inevitably traps us in embarrassment and shame.
The difference between embarrassment and shame is slight but significant, and the distinction is crucial for building a protective armor of self-esteem. When we introduce our friends to a colleague and forget her name, it’s an embarrassing blow to our image, because we think others are viewing us in a negative light. If there are enough embarrassing moments that we begin viewing ourselves badly, then our self-image collapses and we feel that heavy weight of shame.
Creating a pillar of success in our lives is one way to end the dreaded trap of embarrassment and shame. Successfully completing a difficult project at work builds confidence and leads to future success. Similarly, a satisfying relationship is a prideful accomplishment and helps motivate us to seek other such connections.
But how do we take that first brave step away from self-consciousness in order to feel like (and ultimately become) a success?
Kill shame-inducing situations before they become a threat, advises David Allyn, Ph.D., a Harvard-trained social scientist and visiting scholar at Columbia University’s Institute for Social and Economic Research and Policy. His book, I Can’t Believe I Just Did That, includes a few pointers:
- Be on time. Punctuality creates self-discipline and impresses both others and yourself. It’s a healthy habit that keeps you calm about the clock.
- Stick to the facts. You’re bound to get caught lying, so why bother? Lies just set you up with unnecessary opportunities to feel ashamed.
- Cut the gossip. Comments made behind your back sting, and don’t forget how you feel about those who talked about you. Focus on deep, meaningful talk where every conversation can be a chance to realize a dream or accomplish an aim.
- Keep your word. It feels good to be considered reliable, so honor your word no matter what the reasons are for disregarding them. Remember, a promise is a promise.
If the damage is already done and you find yourself at the tail end of an embarrassing situation, you can still avoid that feeling of shame by recovering gracefully. Don’t lash out in defense or lie to cover your tracks—you’ll just end up feeling worse and likely complicate a relationship that doesn’t need complicating.
Try laughing it off or explaining why you made the mistake. Also, don’t leave a social situation simply to avoid the people you made a mishap in front of—avoidance will leave you feeling further ashamed and isolated.
Here’s a very important point to remember: People tend to forget others’ mistakes and obsess over their own.
Being self-conscious can have a negative impact on all areas of your life. If not dealt with you can very easily become shy and introverted. This can not only damage your personal life but also cause a detrimental impact on your professional life. As a Life Coach I aim trained to help people conquer issues such a self-consciousness, giving you the tools to combat them head on and remove them from your life.
Here is a short list of the telltale signs you are suffering from unhealthy self-conscious emotions:
- Reacting with anger when you are embarrassed by a situation
- Placing blame on others for your own actions
- Avoiding social contact and experiences
- Feeling solely responsible for any problems in your life
- Suffering from low self-esteem
- Experiencing nervousness, depression, agitation and anxiety
Of course, there are ways of helping to combat these negative self-conscious emotions. Try them out in your day to day life and you are bound to see a positive impact, with these negative emotions becoming less frequent.
Here are a few ways you can combat unhealthy self-conscious emotions:
- Take part in activities that make you feel good (Sport etc.)
- Have a list of accomplishments and personal traits you are proud of and look at it whenever you feel negative.
- Make conversations with people in low risk situations. A prime example is talking to the cashier when you are out shopping. This will help combat social anxiety.
- Discipline is key. Try and be punctual and keep to your promises. This will help raise your self-value.
- Be responsible for your own mistakes and try to fix them.
- Avoid activities such as gossiping and lying. All of these can cause negative emotions such as shame or guilt.
- Try not to dwell on past events, move on and look to the future.
Being self-conscious is not all negative though. It can help you have real pride in your accomplishments in life. It also allows you to apologize for mistakes and take responsibility for your actions. It can also help you enjoy social activities. All of these attributes are essential for a happy personal life. Further to this all of these positive self-conscious attributes are essential for business success. Being able to socialize, admitting mistakes and taking pride in your work are all key skills employers look for. Therefore, using your self-conscious positively can help improve your working life, because you are more likely to be promoted and respected if you use these three core skills.
Hopefully now you can see there are many different facets to being self-conscious. The first of these is the negative side. After reading this you now have a few tools you can use to help combat these negative thoughts. Do not forget that self-consciousness can be a positive thing too, so try and take advantage of these and use them in your professional and personal life.
Find out why your supposedly ‘abnormal’ or ‘less than average’ penis really turns her on
Many things go through a woman’s head when she sees a guy’s penis for the first time.
“Is it too soon?” is top of mind for some. But “I hope his penis is pretty” isn’t even on the list (maybe you shouldn’t even worry about average penis size!).
And yet, men still obsess over the appearance of their penis. They worry that it’s too big, too small, too angular, the wrong color, too veiny, not veiny enough. The list goes on and on.
Well, allow me to share a secret with you about women: We don’t care what your penis looks like.
In fact, Swiss researchers found that women aren’t nit picking over length, shape, or color. The only thing we notice is the “overall appearance.”
We’d rather it not be covered in open sores, sure. But the things you’re worried or self-conscious about couldn’t bother us less.
That’s because there is no such thing as a perfect penis. Just ask Dr. Brian Steixner, MD, the director of the Institute for Men’s Health at Jersey Urology Group.
“I see dozens of penises daily and they all have their own oddities,” he says. “They all have some weird color, bumps, or skin abnormalities that men obsess over. These variations are all normal.”
In fact, the so-called “flaw” that you think makes your penis so undesirable, may actually be an advantage. Here are the hidden benefits to your “imperfect” penis.
Penis Predicament: Too Small
The Advantage: There are two positives to having a small dick. One, it may make anal easier on her. And two, it can make her more enthusiastic about oral sex.
“I love anal, but I’ll only have anal with small guys because I’m not a freaking masochist,” says Michele, 37.
And small wieners are easier to fellate. “Giving a normal size penis a blow job is hard on your neck, jaw, and lips,” adds Michele. “But I can go down on my small guy for as long as it takes.”
Penis Predicament: Too Thick
The Advantage: Your massive man-meat may intimidate her at first. But if you spend enough time in foreplay, not only can you fit, but you may actually feel better to her.
Dr. Steixner explains: “Girth is perhaps the most important part of the penis when it comes to pleasure in women. More girth leads to more vaginal satisfaction, as the extra girth increases pressure on the vagina walls.”
Amy, 34, couldn’t agree more. “The first time I saw my boyfriend’s penis—it was like water-bottle thick—I said, ‘No way is that going inside me,’” she says. “Then once we eased it in, it was the best feeling ever.”
Penis Predicament: Slightly Curved
The Advantage: Having a slight curve to your penis can actually be fun, because it’ll take some exploring to find the perfect angle. And that means attempting positions you might not have tried otherwise. (Another great excuse to sample any of these 45 Best Sex Positions That Every Couple Should Try.)
“When the penis is curved either to the left or to the right, it can contribute and enhance some internal stimulation, such as stimulating the G spot,” explains Moushumi Ghose, MFT, the author of Classic Sex Positions Reinvented.
“Some positions to try include the Side Saddle, where he’s lying on his back and she sits on him, facing the side in which the penile angle occurs,” says Ghose. “She has a lot of control and can guide her body up and down in the same motion as the angle of his penis.”
Another excellent position for a curved penis is the Sideways Scissors. “He sits on his knees and she has one leg below him and one leg above him,” says Ghose. “This position gives him a lot of control so that he can direct his penis in the direction that feels good for both of them.”
(However, if the curvature is painful when you get hard, it could be Peyronie’s disease, which is caused by a plaque buildup in the erectile tissue. Schedule an appointment with your doctor to find out for sure. He or she may be able to perscribe treatment methods.)
Penis Predicament: Uncircumcised
The Advantage: Your uncircumcised dick will make her wetter.
“With circumcised men, I would need a lot of lubricant, but with Brad—who was uncut—I didn’t need any,” says Joanna, 42. “I’ve only been able to have a vaginal orgasm with an uncut penis.”
Chris Donaghue, Ph.D.—a sex therapist and sexologist, and author of Sex Outside the Lines—says this is true because “foreskin helps the penis glide in and out of the vagina in smooth movements, keeping it moist. Unlike with a circumcised penis, which can create a pull or drag on the vagina that can cause pain.”
There are two other upsides for the lady. “When Brad’s foreskin bunched up inside me, it rubbed against me and my G-spot in a way that made me very tingly,” remembers Joanna. “And I think his foreskin made him last longer too, because the head of his penis wasn’t so sensitive.”
It also makes handjobs easier on her. “Most uncut guys do not require lube for a hand jobs, because the skin acts like a lubricant,” says Donaghue. “Therefore she doesn’t need to grab any lube and it can be more spontaneous.”
Are you frequently self-conscious when around other people? Does your attention automatically go to your body, clothes, behavior or overall person, and you feel somewhat awkward or insecure? Well, you can learn how to stop being self-conscious and put an end to all of this.
As a social confidence coach, I work with people who are self-conscious on a regular basis. Individuals who are shy, or socially anxious, or they don’t think too highly of themselves are typically also very self-conscious in social settings. And I help them overcome this.
I’d like to show you how they manage to overcome being self-conscious. By applying the ideas that I’m about to share with you, you will be able to attain the same results as them.
Alcohol Isn’t the Way
I was recently chatting with a friend and the topic of how to stop being self-conscious came up. He half jokingly commented: “Oh, it’s easy to stop feeling self-conscious! Just have a couple of drinks. It works for me!”
The truth is that many people do relax and become more comfortable in social settings by drinking just a bit. I’ve certainly experienced this myself. A beer or a couple of shots can reduce the overanalyzing that’s going on in your head and gets you feelings self-conscious, thus making you feel more confident.
However, this is not by far the best solution, and I don’t ever recommend it. It makes you dependent on drinking in social settings in order to feel comfortable; it doesn’t address the roots of the problem, it makes it even harder to feel comfortable without drinking, it damages your health in the long-run, and it creates all sorts of other tangential problems.
So, drinking is out. It’s time to consider better alternatives regarding how to stop being self-conscious.
Practice Shifting Your Attention on Others
A big component of feeling self-conscious is the fact your attention is focused on you. But if you deliberately shift your attention away from you, on other people or on the environment, you’ll immediately begin to relax.
This is why shifting your attention is a great exercise to practice. Whenever you’re feeling self-conscious, try to swing your focus away from your own person.
For instance, if you’re having a conversation and the other person is talking, focus on what they’re saying. Listen attentively to them instead of contemplating the way you look or whatever.
With practice you’ll get better at shifting your focus and you’ll be able to loosen up more and more in social situations.
The “Stop” Technique
A very useful and simple technique to stop feeling self-conscious is this: notice your internal dialog for just a second or two, and then yell to yourself in your inner forum (not out loud): “STOP. ”
You see, when around others, you’re probably questioning and criticizing yourself in your internal dialog, and this makes you feel self-conscious.
By using this technique, you’re commanding your fault-finding thinking to end and you’re interrupting it. This instantly brings a sensation of relief.
The trouble though is that usually the effect will only last a couple of minutes, and then your self-doubting will be back. This is just a temporary fix. Sooner or later, you’re gonna have to implement a permanent solution for your problem. And that solution can only be to…
Change Your Self-Image and Your Perception
Ultimately, people who are self-conscious are this way because at some level they think they’re not good enough, or that they must always get others to like them, or some other irrational stuff like that.
This is what makes them focus on themselves and become very aware of their faults in social situations. If you would truly like yourself, be okay with some people not linking you, and so on, you wouldn’t focus on you and you wouldn’t become self-conscious in the first place.
So really the definitive solution to stop being self-conscious is to work on changing your thinking and your self-image.
The good news as that beyond all the self-help junk, there are some proven psychological tools that you now have available for doing this, which work incredibly fast.
I talk about them in this special presentation, which I recommend you watch right now. It could be one of the most useful and motivating presentations you’ve watched in a long time. So make sure you check it out.
I’ve been helping people learn to look at themselves, others and the world in new, better ways for the past 5+ years. I know this is a change any person can achieve with the right tools and consistent application.
And I know that with a better self-image and gained confidence, a whole lot of things become possible. Being significantly less self-conscious is just the beginning.