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Before you write anything, to anyone, think about why you want to write your crush an anonymous note, rather than signing your own name. Never leave your note anonymous simply to continue hiding from your crush! Sending anonymous notes can be a creative and romantic way to attain your crush’s attention, but it can also end in disaster.
To avoid disaster:
- Send the note discreetly, via email, or directly into his or her locker. Don’t take the chance of embarrassing your crush by making a public display of it.
- Make sure that your note makes it to the correct person.
- Never use the ‘L’ word. And for heaven’s sake– try to not come off as creepy or stalkerish!
- Never use a cheesy version of “roses are red, violets are blue.”
- Send notes sparingly. Multiple notes a day comes off as a bit obsessive, and most people don’t find this an attractive quality.
Writing the Note
Always write a rough draft on the computer so that you can check your spelling and grammar. You want to make a good first impression.
You might write about how you feel about the person, but don’t spend the whole note talking about yourself. What about him or her intrigues you? Do you admire anything about him or her? Avoid clichés: you’re probably better off not mentioning anything about hearts, or about roses. Don’t be afraid to feel uncomfortable with what you are writing—it’s anonymous.
After writing the rough draft and making any immediate, necessary changes, spend a few days not thinking about it. Return to the note with fresh eyes; you’ll notice mistakes, and anything that might sound awkward (or stalkerish). Make any further changes, and then read the note aloud to yourself. Pretend that you are the person who will read it, and make any final revisions.
Now that you have the words, it is time to work on the presentation of your note. If you plan on writing a hard copy, choose a nice piece of paper, not just printer paper or notebook paper. Hand write it—even if you have bad handwriting. It’s more personal.
If you are going to send an email, make sure that you create a new email account to send it from, don’t send it from your regular account. You should still try to personalize the email. Change the font, and maybe add some designs or a picture of something your crush has an interest in. He or she will appreciate the extra effort
Sending the Note
Never send your crush an anonymous note through snail mail. It comes off creepy, because you know his or her address and he or she doesn’t know you. Placing a note in his or her locker is classic, and convenient, but don’t let anyone see you or it will no longer be an anonymous note!
You could ask a mutual friend to deliver it to your crush, as long as it is a friend you trust not to begin rumors, or give you away.
If you have any kind of crafty ability, try folding the note in an interesting way. It goes that extra step to personalizing your message, and making it a note that your crush will keep for a long time.
I am shy and he is shy also. He tried to make a connection once ,but i didn`t recognize it.
Now I can`t get him out of my head and want ot get to know him better and let him know i like him.
I thought writing a note would be a nice way. but what exactly should i write?
The truth is, he was in my dream the other night and I think about him often.This situation makes me feel bad, I have to do something about it.What shoul I write?Should I write he was in my dream the other night. would that be good or bad?
i was in your exact same position last year. i was trying to ask this kid to semi (formal dance) in a note. he sat right behind me so i jut put it on the floor not putting his name on it, thinking he would see it and pick it up. PUT HIS NAME ON IT! if you dont youll end up liek i did. feeling so stupid and not wanting to give it to him. first thing, give it to him in the hallway, just passing by, so you dont have to see his face when he reads it, its less embarassing. if you do that though, make sure to give him your number on it. heres what it should look like.
So you know, its been a while that we’ve known eachother and I was thinking, maybe we should hang out more. Your not like other guys I’ve liked, your blank, blank, and blank, and I love that about you. I know your shy, so am I. I really think we’d make great friends, or maybe more. I really hope you’re not sitting there thinking ” Huh? Why is she writing to me?” , because I think your really special. I hope you think I’m kind of special too.
Switch it up a bit, I know that s kinda corny, but hey, whatever.Hope that helps.
I agree with what the majority of the people are saying: DON’T WRITE HIM A NOTE. unless maybe you’re 5. Talking to him in person makes a bigger impression than sending a note. When you write someone a letter (esp. one that confesses your feelings) it shows that you are not confident. You may be shy, yes. but, you should at least have enough confidence in yourself to talk to him. Don’t tell him that you dream of him. If someone came up to you and said “I’ve been having dreams of you lately..” you’d probably be freaked out and think “Why is this crazy person dreaming of me?!” So, don’t say/do anything that you wouldn’t want have said/done to you. Best of luck with talking to him!
Do not write a letter. Go up and talk to him. You eventually will need to stop being shy because that does cut off some social activities for you. This will help break the ice and make it easy. Just say hello and go from there.
do not write a note to this guy. play your shyness to your advantage. the only way to get to know him is by talking to him. try hanging out with him before you mention your feelings towards him. regardless of your dream, you don’t want to give a guy or any person a note that says how y ou feel because this guy might be a jerk and flash the letter to his friends. giving letters to guys is so juvinile, be a shy sophisticate. invite him out with your friends. or make friends with his friends.
ok, there is this guy that i really like. he is super cute and he is in my physics class. the problem is that im really nervous to talk to him, so i thought that it would be a good idea to write him a note.
and i dont know what the heck to say!
i want to put my email address in it so that he can text me to my email so i can get to know him better (i know, im like the only one in high school who doesnt have a phone!!)
and i want to include that i think that he is really cute and that i want to get to know him better.
I think that everything that you said in your question, you should put in the note. What to put in the note put in the fact that you think he’s cute, remember to say who you are, include your email and if you have one your IM screen name. The worst that can happen is that he can ignore it, and if he does than its his loss because you sound sweet. When i was young I liked getting notes from girls it was flattering. So give it a try
Ask him help on a problem first in person. Then start small talk. IF he doesn’t seem interested this note idea won’t be necessary. You can take a hint. But if he is slip him a note a few days from now when you are a bit closer and say “Hey what’s your number?(:” Make it seem friendly but a little flirty? Get me?
Btw I had a humongous crush on a kid in my physics class last year.
PLEASE? SO NEEED HELP!
The easiest thing to do is start out as a friendship. Let him know that is your only intentions.
Guys don’t like to be pressure. Call me old-fashioned – but I think guys should do the chasing. So work on building a friendship and then wait and see what happens.
This is so sweet. And so cute.
You want to write a note and use your e-mail addy?
” Hello cute boy ( or his name it’s up to you.)
I think you are very handsome, and I would like us to be friends.
My name is Katelyn, and you can reach me at (your e-mail addy).
Do you want to be my friend? “
Draw two little boxes, and put “yes’ next to one box and “no” next to the other.
Cupcake, the rest is up to him. Just don’t hang your heart on him until he say’s yes.
Sometimes you just have to pull the trigger, for love.
Trust in the fact that there are a lot of guy’s out there that are just as scared of talking to you and asking you out as well. Welcome to love.
How To Write a Letter To Your Secret Admirer And Get Their Attention Too!
Did that cute boy, or that pretty girl catch your eye? You want to approach them, but you just don’t have the ‘liver’. Did you ever think a letter could do the trick – introduce you and your intentions – and start you off on the path to their precious hearts?
Pure Genius! right? Read on young heart.
What to Include in Your Letter
The best notes to flatter your secret crush require something thoughtful, honest and unique. Stick to writing about how you feel, leaving out things like how you can’t stop thinking about them and over-used poetry like, “Roses are red, violets are blue…”
Your goal isn’t to scare them or suggest you are completely infatuated, but to declare your interest. To do so, spend time reflecting on what it is you appreciate about this person and then compile your letter with the following ideas.
To make sure it gets in the right hands, don’t forget to write the name of the person you are crushing over. Identifying them by physical appearance can come across as creepy (e.g. Dear beautiful girl with really long legs), but can also be confusing if there’s more than one long-legged girl in class. Instead simply start your letter with, “Hi/Dear/To (Name of your crush).”
Right away, tell them why you are taking the time to compile this letter. A simple, “I like you,” would be okay, or share what made you notice them (e.g. “Our eyes keep meeting each time I look your way”)
Here’s where you tell your crush what makes them so special. Is it a common interest, their cute smile, or your admiration for his display on the football field? Explain what it is that makes the person unique without going on and on about how wonderful they are or how much you can’t stop thinking about them.
In a few sentences, you can tell him, “I thought the way you answered that question was pretty cool” or “I like your style”. Write something personal, but put yourself in your admirer’s shoes and create something that would impress, rather than scare them off.
What do you hope to get out of this? Are you hoping to set up a date? Do you want the opportunity to get to know him/her better or just express how you feel? Be clear about what you want and then share this in your closing.
A casual statement such as, “If you ever want to hang out” or “It will be my pleasure if you ever want to walk home with someone” are great ways to communicate your intentions. If you are not ready, and want to stay anonymous, you can end with, “I just wanted to let you know someone thinks you are pretty awesome”. Reading that, your admirer can’t help feeling special.
Are you ready to reveal your identity? You can do this by simply signing your name. You could also provide a hint about who you are (e.g. I’m the girl who always sits at the back of the class.) If you want to keep things anonymous sign it, “From your secret admirer.”
Delivering Your Letter
You can give the letter to your crush in person if you are ready to show them who you are. If that’s too direct, put it in their locker, ask someone you know to deliver it for you, or place it somewhere they’ll see it such as their desk or inside their bag.
well i was going to write to note to this boy that i have a major crush on with my locker number on it so he can write me back and slip it in my locker. ill show him my true feelings on that note because im pretty shy and im really scared to talk to him 🙁 . is this a good idea or a bad idea?
thank you to all who helps me with this question 🙂
wow peopel the answers are great keep em coming 🙂 and i dont know his name and i was going to walk up to him and give him the note and in the note i was just gonna tell him how i feel and he doesnt have to like me back its just that i wanted him to know.
also i dont know his myspace or email or anything. i just came into middle school so yeah. im going to school with alot of people i dont know..plus he is in the 8th grade..and he seems nice like hes not mean and hes not wild and loud like his friends and hes only in my gym class
just as long as you are comfortable with him finding out who you are alter- because he will.
I wouldn’t do the whole locker thing, though I might email or call him. Either way, be prepared for disappointment. To tell you the truth, it’s not a great idea to put anything in writing that later might be showed to other people and be embarrassing. I hope it works out for you, but would try to think of another way to express your feelings to him.
that’s kind of hard. you never know if he really has any feelings toward you, so you kind of have to hope that he isn’t going to make fun of you back or something. I wanted to tell my crush I liked him back, so I wrote him a message on myspace on the last day of school, since I knew I wouldn’t see him over the summer. that way, if he really liked me back, then he could have replied or something. If he didn’t, then nothing would really happen since there’s so much time between then and school.
so sure, write him a note, but watch your wording, you don’t want to seem desperate or anything
I’d feel special if it happened to me. That torrence girl doesn’t know what shes talking about. Taking the first step by slipping the note in his locker shows confidence. If it happened to me it would drive me crazy all day trying to figure out who did it. I’d say go for it
Someone’s caught your attention, but you’re too afraid to approach him or her. A handwritten secret admirer letter could be the jumping point to express how you really feel, especially in this day and age of digital overload. The key is to keep it simple and genuine.
What to Include in Your Letter
The best notes to flatter your secret crush require something thoughtful, honest and unique. Stick to a brief written expression of how you feel versus an essay, and leave out things like how you can’t stop thinking about them, or trite poetry such as, “Roses are red. ” Your goal isn’t to scare them or suggest you’re completely infatuated, but to declare your interest. To do so, spend time reflecting on what it is you appreciate about this person and then compile your letter with the following ideas.
To make sure it gets in the right hands, don’t forget to write the name of the person you’re crushing over. Identifying them by physical appearance can come across as creepy (e.g. Dear beautiful girl with silky red hair). It can also be confusing and potentially fall into the wrong person’s hands. Instead, start your letter with, “Hi/Dear/To (Name of your crush).”
Right away, tell them why you’re taking the time to compile this letter. A simple, “I like you,” would suffice, or share what made you notice them (e.g. “I notice that we have ____________ in common,” or, “When I first saw you, I was impressed with _____________.”)
Here’s where you tell your crush what makes them so special. Is it a common interest, their cute smile, or your admiration for her skills? Explain what it is that makes the person unique without going overboard about how wonderful they are or how much you can’t stop thinking about them. In a few sentences, you can tell him, “I thought your presentation was really creative,” or “I like your style.” Write something personal, but put yourself in your admirer’s shoes and create something that would impress, rather than scare them off.
Help make the person you are admiring feel great with a closing that compliments them, but doesn’t make them feel as if they have a stalker. For example, you could say, “I just wanted to let you know someone thinks you’re pretty fantastic.” Reading that, your admirer can’t help but feel special.
The best way to end a letter of this nature is by simply signing something vague simple like, “Your Secret Admirer.” Make sure you know how to spell secret admirer before you close! You don’t want a spelling mistake to cause problems. If you’re wanting to be a little flirtatious you could try something like, “Someone who thinks you’re beautiful/handsome.”
Delivering Your Note
Delivering your note is a tricky proposition since you don’t want to be discovered, but you want to make sure it gets into the right hands. Make sure the recipient’s name is on it clearly, so that your efforts land into the right hands. Next, get creative with your delivery. Go beyond just leaving it out somewhere to be discovered. After all, you’ve made the effort to write the secret note, why not make an impression with delivering it too?
- Order flowers and have them delivered to her at work or her house. Leave your note with the flowers.
- Leave the note in his backpack, or slip it into his locker.
- Slip the note into a pocket jacket while her coat is hung up.
- Grab coffee, and leave the note with the cup waiting for her on her desk in the morning.
- Buy a small present such as a box of chocolate, a teddy bear or even some perfume. Put the present in the bag along with the note.
- Buy special stationery and a nice pen. Write the note on the first sheet of stationary, and leave the whole thing (paper, pen and secret admirer note) on her desk or somewhere else where he’ll find it.
- If you know his address, you can send it in the mail. Leave off the return address to keep your anonymity.
Secret Admirer Note Example
If the above tips don’t inspire you to figure out what to write in a crush’s note, read this sample letter to help guide you. Note how the letter stays lighthearted and complimentary and never delves into the realm of potentially creepy. If you need help downloading the sample note, check out LoveToKnow’s Guide for Adobe Printables.
What to Do Next
Once your note is delivered, try to gauge the recipient’s reaction. If they seem pleased to have a secret admirer, you can write more notes, or consider upping your game with a few small presents. If on the other hand, they seem a bit scared off, it’s best to lay low for a little while rather than doggedly pursuing your affections in secret. Remember, the goal is to make your admired feel special.
Try to imagine your child 25 years from now. He’s living on his own, and it’s a lonely Saturday for him. He stumbles upon his beloved treasure box, and begins rummaging through its contents. Wouldn’t you be happy to know that inside that box are all the little notes, now yellowing, that you wrote to him as a little boy, in which you said all the things that were in your heart at the time? He thought enough of these notes as a boy to save them because they were the dearest things in his life, and 25 years later, they were a tangible reminder of his parents love for him.В
I know this feeling from my own experience. My father was not one to write many words on paperВ вЂ” the only ones I ever received from him are those he penned in my elementary school autograph book. He wrote: “I wish I was gifted with words good enough to tell you what a swell boy I have for a son. God Bless You. Love, Daddy.”
Those words stayed with me all my life, and I look at them from time to time when I need reassurance. Your son or daughter, no matter how old, will treasure and hang on to your words, too, even if you have only a few within you to offer. Your child needs to hear good words from you as he makes the journey through life. Believe me, you have good stuff to share with your children, if only you’ll take a few moments to write.
The Written Connection
In today’s fast-paced life, letters are a personalized way to stay in touch with your child, even as you are separated from each other during the day. They can help you stay connected with your children as you compete against television and computer games for their attention. Writing such notes is a fine way to communicate your family’s values and your own love of writing and reading. Notes from you are sure to be read and to make the practice of reading meaningful and entertaining.
You can place your simple notes in your children’s lunch boxes or knapsacks before they leave for school, to be opened later in the day, or you can place them under the pillow of a sleeping child to be discovered upon waking. Slip them under a bedroom door, give them on special occasions such as birthdays, or even post them on the refrigerator door. The idea is to be creative and fun! You can also encourage grandparents, aunts and uncles, and godparents to mail letters to your child.В
I first started writing such notes to my daughter, Carlota, when she began losing her baby teeth. Using shaky, squiggly script, I would write notes to her from the Tooth Fairy each time she lost a tooth. In these letters, the Tooth Fairy would marvel at how quickly Carlota was growing up and on the beautiful tooth that she would add to her baby tooth collection. The Tooth Fairy would also comment on some new achievement by my daughter, such as learning how to ride a bicycle or to read.
In time, as my daughter got older and went to summer camp, I would write her notes in the “voice” and “paw-writing” of her beloved dog, Dynamite. I tried to infuse these letters with humor and fun. Plus, I loved writing in the mindset of a four-footed animal, and I knew the letters would make my daughter giggle. Carlota would write to me from camp, and even years later from college, telling me she longed for more letters from Dynamite.
You can start writing simple notes to your child as soon as she starts making out words in a favorite book. Using or embellishing your notes with pictures and illustrations will help get the point across. For younger kids who are not yet reading, draw a simple picture with one or two words (or the names of family members) they recognize. The idea behind such notes is to let your child know you’re thinking of him, so whatever you include in the letter, no matter how brief, is just right. Every child knows that hearts mean love, so fill a page with them.
When you’re going to be on a trip away from your child for a few days, remember to take along postcards on which you can write about your trip and mail them to your youngster at home. Don’t you still remember how happy you were as a child to receive such a postcard or greeting card from someone you loved? (E-mail is fine, too, but nothing beats a handwritten letter.)
Write your notes on colorful paper to enhance the experience. Perhaps even write a riddle in the corner, such as “What does a ghost read every day?” (Answer: HisВ horrorscope.) Buy some little bags of tiny cutout heart shapes or star shapes made of glittery tinsel, and sprinkle them into a folded letter so that when you child opens the letter, a little magic pours out along with your loving words.
There are all kinds of subjects you can write about to your children. Think about their interests, loves, worries, and fears. Let your own lives be the inspiration. Here are some ideas:
- Notes can be simpleВ expressions of love: “Just a note to tell you how much I love you. I think of you often during the day!” To have even more fun, you can write the letter in a secret code or even by spelling words backwards or in mirror writing.
- Notes can offerВ encouragement: “I know you will do your best today, as you do each day in your life. Keep that happy smile on your face.”
- Some notes can beВ just for fun, such as this note from the family cat: “Can’t wait for you to come home today from school (meow) and play with me. It’s pretty boring when you’re not here. Nobody rubs my tummy the way you do (purr).”
- Notes can beВ interactive: “Check the box you like! We’ve both been so busyВ вЂ” you with school, me with work. Let’s make some time together to have fun. Please check the one thing you want to do the most:”
[ ] Go out for pizza
[ ] Go to a movie
[ ] Go to the beach
[ ] Take a walk together
[ ] Your suggestion: ____________
- Notes canВ give thanks: “Thanks for giving the dog a good brushing yesterday. She really enjoyed it. She says, вЂThank you, have a good day, arf, arf, arf.'”
Writing notes to young people, expressing love to another, is an act of pleasure, both for the writer and for the recipient. Every note you send to your child is like laying another brick in the foundation of your child’s life. It is a way of connecting. Each note conveys to your child that she is loved and cherished and need not feel aloneВ вЂ” that there is someone walking in the world today who loves her, and loves strongly enough to put those feelings in writing.
KIDS THANK YOU NOTES: As you’d imagine, I’m a big proponent of having children write their own thank you notes. However, if they’re not old enough, you (the parent) can write them for them.
There are a couple approaches to this: 1) Writing them as the child, as in, “Thank you for the sidewalk chalk—I drew all over the driveway with it”. Or 2) Writing them as the parent, such as “Thank you for sending Billy that adorable shirt”.
It’s really up to you. I’ve done both, usually depending on the giver. For example, if it’s my kid’s playmate, I write from my kid’s point of view. If it’s a distant aunt who sent a check, I keep it a little more formal.
Either way, you can have your child personalize the note by drawing a picture or adding stickers or stamps. This gets them into the spirit of thank you notes, plus the recipient knows the child was part of the sentiment. To keep it fun, only ask them to do a few at a time.
It’s also a good idea to ask your kids why they like the gift. You’d be surprised how much this helps. I’m staring at a toy car, totally uninspired about what to write, and then I ask my son why it’s cool and he says, “I like the fire on the side and I can make it go VRROOOOM.” Voila, thank you note done.
Below are some examples of all 3 types of thank you notes.
Kids Thank You NOTES Written by My 7-year-old
I told him “at least 3 sentences” so most of them are exactly 3 sentences.
He didn’t spell everything correctly but I didn’t have him fix mistakes because a) I don’t want to make a tough job tougher and b) I think it lets people know he wrote this himself.
Thank you for the Bionicle. I already built it. I have been playing with it a lot.
Thanks for coming to my party!
Thanks for the Science Experiments Book. It’s really cool. I did the Singing Wine Glasses one.
Thanks for coming to my party!
Dear Grandma and Papa,
Thanks for the Castle Lego. It was the number one thing on my Wish List. I love it! I play with it a lot.
Dear Aunt M and Uncle F,
Thank you for the pool basketball hoop. It was a big surprise in the mail. I love basketball! I can’t wait to try it out in the summer.
Dear Will and Colin,
The pirate code game is very cool. I’m getting really good at it. So far I’ve beaten Logan like seven times. Thank you for the awesome gift!
kids Thank You Notes Written by Mom, Pretending to be a Kid Because He’s Too Young to Write
I love my huge box of Legos so much, I can’t stop playing with them. I build a tower and knock it over many times a day. I don’t know what I used to do before this. Thank you so much for the great toy. My mom also likes that it comes with its own box, though I have not yet left it alone long enough to put it away!
Thank you for the bug habitat and vacuum. I love being able to collect bugs and give them a home. I have 4 right now, and I named them all. I can tell they are really happy.
Thanks also for coming to my party! Having you there made it extra fun.
I love my Littlest Pet Shop! I always wanted that one with the blue dog and now I have it. I play with it every chance I get. When we see each other next, I can’t wait to get all our pets together for a party.
Thank you very much!
I love my coloring set! It has paint and glow-in-the-dark pens and glitter—things I always wanted. I have been drawing up a storm over here. When you come over, you’ll see my pictures hanging on the walls.
Thank you so much for picking the perfect gift, and for coming to my party. I always have more fun places when you’re there!
Thank you for the Webkinz! I named her Happy and have already set up her room. She has a princess bed, a checkers game, and lots of clothes and friends. Her favorite food is blueberries.
Thanks again. You know how much I like Webkinz. She is my favorite toy!
Thank You Notes Written by Mom as Mom
Teddy will LOVE going to Target with your gift card. He’s always begging to cruise the Lego aisle and this time he’ll actually get to pick something out. Thank you so much for the gift!
Dear Linda and Bob,
That Barbie was a huge hit over here. Hannah seriously has not put it down since she opened it. Thank you for the thoughtful and much appreciated gift.
Hope you both are enjoying your summer. Looking forward to seeing you at the holidays!
Dear Doug and Tim,
You guys always pick the best stuff! Darcy is obsessed with Frozen and absolutely loves her Elsa doll. She even sleeps with it. Thank you so much for sending it.
Thank You Note to Coach from Player
My husband received this from one of his flag football players at the end of the season. I love it!! (Apparently Coach nicknamed this guy “Megatron”.)
It says, “Dear Coach, Thanks for the great season and helping on defense (Smiley face). Hope to see you next season. From, Megatron.”
Two sentences is all it took to put a big smile on Coach’s face!
Helping Families Love Well
D etroit Lions head coach Jim Caldwell has shared with me about how he wrote many letters to his daughter in college, but she never said anything to him about it when they spoke on the phone or when they saw each other. He wondered if she ever even read them. One day when Jim was visiting her in her dorm room, he saw all of the letters he had written to her opened and proudly posted on her bulletin board!
Your children may not express their enthusiasm about your notes or even acknowledge getting them, but know that writing notes to them will impact their lives and always be remembered. Over the years, I’ve made it a practice to write a note to each of my children. I’d like to share the kinds of notes I’ve written, and then show you how you can write those notes to your children as well. If you don’t feel like you’re the writing type or don’t know what to say, I’m going to try to give you some ideas and specific things you can say in your notes. Some of these notes you’ll write one time; others will be notes you’ll want to write on an ongoing basis when you can.
Here are the 7 notes you should write to your children:
1. Love note.
This is a note where you express your unconditional love to your children for who they are and validate their wonderful gifts. You can read what I wrote to my children in my How to Win Your Child’s Heart blog post. Here are some ideas for what to write your daughter too.
2. Lunch box note.
Another way to uplift our children is to slip them a note in their lunchbox. My wife, Susan, and I found that just simply letting them know we’re thinking of them will encourage them through the day. Not sure of what to write? How about, “I love you,” “I’m proud of you,” or “Have a great day.” You can even surprise them with a “Let’s go for ice cream after school” note. I’ve got some free, downloadable lunchbox notes for kids and teens you can use to get started.
3. Post-It note.
You can write little notes to your kids on yellow sticky notes and put them on their mirror, dresser, notebook or anywhere you want. Like lunchbox notes, these post-its are just quick words of encouragement to your kids. You might just say something like, “Way to go. An “A” in math! Awesome!” or “That was so nice that you encouraged your brother when he was down.” You can check out my How to Love your Family with Sticky Notes blog to see how we do it in our home.
4. Pillow Talk note.
As our children were growing up, Susan began to feel as if all communication with them was becoming instructional or disciplinary. So one time, she grabbed a spiral notebook and wrote a note to one of our daughters praising her for a nice thing she did for her sister and put it on her pillow. To my wife’s surprise, my daughter wrote back and placed the journal on her pillow. As a result, Susan developed the Pillow Talk journal so parents, like you, can write short notes of encouragement to their kids when they desire.
5. Forgiveness note.
Every parent makes mistakes in child-rearing. And every parent should ask their child to forgive them for those mistakes. Sometimes a verbal, “I was wrong, would you please forgive me?” is appropriate. Other times, a written letter to your child is the way to go. Write to Right a Wrong.
6. Blessing note.
There is something inside every child that makes that child crave a good word from his or her parents. When we bless our child, we are placing our “seal of approval” upon them and giving them power to prosper in many areas of life, including marriage, children, finances, health and career. In addition to writing a note of blessing, you can also have a blessing ceremony.
There is something inside every child that makes that child crave a good word from his or her parents.
7. College and career note.
Another thing I’ve done for my children is to memorialize, in writing, the most important things I tried to instill in them as they were growing up. All five children are now in college or working. Before they left our nest, there were four things that Susan and I taught them and always want them to remember. Here are the four things I penned to each of them.
I hope these ideas will help you get started on writing notes to your children. If you have any creative ideas that you have used with your children, I’d love to hear them!
Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.
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I am the president of the national non-profit organization, Family First , and the voice of a daily radio program called The Family Minute.
I’m so grateful for my wife Susan , and our five children. I’ve learned how to be a better husband and dad because of them.
The thing women most want on Valentine’s Day is not jewelry or chocolate but a love note from you. A Hallmark card with some prefabricated message simply won’t do. Women want to hear words straight from your heart.
But writing a well-crafted love note is no easy task. They can quickly devolve into trite, cliche mushiness that doesn’t say anything meaningful. Chock full of banal generalities, these love notes pack the romantic punch of a wet noodle. Do you need some inspiration on making your love note powerfully romantic?
Nothing is more romantic and tragic than the last letter a soldier writes home before being killed in action. The supreme example of this type of letter was written by a man named Sullivan Ballou.
Ballou was an American patriot who immediately and voluntarily left his career and family and enlisted in the Union army when the Civil War commenced. A week before Bull Run, a battle in which he would be killed, Sullivan penned this love letter to his wife Sarah. Read over the words slowly and take in what a true man’s love sounds like:
My very dear Sarah:
The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days-perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.
Our movement may be one of a few days duration and full of pleasure-and it may be one of severe conflict and death to me. Not my will, but thine O God, be done. If it is necessary that I should fall on the battlefield for my country, I am ready. I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing-perfectly willing-to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt.
But, my dear wife, when I know that with my own joys I lay down nearly all of yours, and replace them in this life with cares and sorrows-when, after having eaten for long years the bitter fruit of orphanage myself, I must offer it as their only sustenance to my dear little children-is it weak or dishonorable, while the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze, that my unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children, should struggle in fierce, though useless, contest with my love of country?
I cannot describe to you my feelings on this calm summer night, when two thousand men are sleeping around me, many of them enjoying the last, perhaps, before that of death-and I, suspicious that Death is creeping behind me with his fatal dart, am communing with God, my country, and thee.
I have sought most closely and diligently, and often in my breast, for a wrong motive in thus hazarding the happiness of those I loved and I could not find one. A pure love of my country and of the principles have often advocated before the people and “the name of honor that I love more than I fear death” have called upon me, and I have obeyed.
Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield.
The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our sons grow up to honorable manhood around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me-perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar-that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.
Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have often been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.
But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the garish day and in the darkest night-amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours-always, always; and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.
Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again.
As for my little boys, they will grow as I have done, and never know a father’s love and care. Little Willie is too young to remember me long, and my blue-eyed Edgar will keep my frolics with him among the dimmest memories of his childhood. Sarah, I have unlimited confidence in your maternal care and your development of their characters. Tell my two mothers his and hers I call God’s blessing upon them. O Sarah, I wait for you there! Come to me, and lead thither my children.
After you read the letter listen to a shortened version in this clip from Ken Burn’s Civil War documentary. It is set to the achingly beautiful “Ashokan Farewell.” Whether you are a man or a woman, I dare you not to get a tear in your eye:
Feeling inspired now? Some of the best love letters have been crafted while the threat of death was imminent. The truth is that any day could be your last. Don’t wait to tell your loved ones how you feel. And have a Happy Valentine’s Day.
How to say no to a date? This post discusses polite ways to refuse and turn down a guy or girl’s proposal while avoiding overused excuses that include ‘you are not my type’ and ‘let’s just be friends’.
Rejecting a proposal for a romantic relationship is all about using situation, circumstances and white lies to say no without ignoring and hurting someone’s feelings. Avoid sounding bad, rude or uptight by being nice, firm and direct at the same time.
Turn down your date by pretending that you have a crush on someone else.
1) Say that you have a crush on someone else
An easy way to politely refuse a guy or a girl’s proposal is to say that you have a crush on someone else. That way you will not hurt anyone’s feelings and you will have thwarted off an unwanted advance without sounding rude.
The best part about this is that you won’t have to take any names. You can simply say that you don’t want to reveal your crush to anyone because it is a secret.
2) Use studies or work as an excuse to politely say no to a proposal
You can easily use studies, projects and work as an excuse to say no to a proposal. When someone tells you that you have a crush on you, just say that you are too busy to be involved in a romantic relationship. Below are some examples.
- I have reached a crucial point and I am preparing to get into the college I’ve always wanted to go to. I don’t see myself dating anyone in the near future.
- My job is my life and I hardly get time to meet my own friends. I don’t want to let someone down by giving them false hopes.
- Don’t be curt and explain to him or her how you are completely focused on carving out your career at the moment.
3) Say that you can’t go out because your friend had a crush on him or her
You can use morality to your advantage by turning down a date because you can’t go out with your friend’s crush. Tell the guy or girl that you would be betraying your friendship if you went out. Below are a few examples.
- One of my friends had a crush on you. I can never go out with you because it would break her heart.
- It would be wrong if I dated you because my friend had a crush on you.
- My friend was crushing over you and if we go out it will become way too awkward.
- I can never do this to my friend. He had a crush on you. Sorry but this will never work out.
You may be faced with a question like ‘Who is it?’ or ‘Who is that friend of yours?’ Just be cool and say that you can’t reveal it and you would rather keep it a secret from him or her.
4) Say that you have just come out of a relationship and you don’t want to date anyone
Politely turn down a date by saying that you have just come out a relationship. Say that your heart is still hurting from your breakup, you are still not over your ex, and that you don’t feel like seeing anyone.
Don’t give false hopes by saying that you will get back to him or her. Just be direct and say that there is no chance of you getting back in the dating scene.
Write a cute handwritten note to add a touch of warmth to your refusal.
5) Give the guy or girl a cute handwritten note
If you don’t feel like confronting the girl or guy who asked you out on a date, wrap up the matter by giving a cute handwritten note. Don’t turn the note into a letter by writing more than one or two lines. Here are a few examples of cute one-liners you can write on the note.
- Sorry, I can’t go out with you. 🙁
- I don’t know how to say this, but I don’t see us becoming a couple.
- I can’t. I’m sorry.
The whole point of the note is to make your refusal a bit touching. It will show that you have thought about it and you care about someone’s feelings. It will also help you avoid a face to face conversation or a chat with the guy or girl on the phone.
6) Say that you have other stress causing problems in your life at the moment
You can say no to being asked out by saying that you have other problems that are causing stress in your life right now. Tell the guy or girl that you want to sort of those issues and get your life back on track before you even think about seeing someone.
If he or she asks you about the problems, just say that it is a personal matter and you would rather not discuss it with anyone else. Say it once and be direct otherwise anyone will be able to see through your lie.
7) Turn down a proposal by a stranger by saying that you are already dating someone
This option cannot be used for people who are in your friend circle or with someone with whom you have a lot of common friends. But you can use this if a relatively unknown guy or a girl approaches you at a party or other social events.
Make sure that you don’t use this excuse with a person who is very familiar to you or else your lie will be easily spotted. You will come across as rude if this happens.
Turn down a guy or a girl by genuinely saying that you want to be single right now.
8) Say that you want to be single and don’t want to get into a relationship right now
If you don’t want to get into lies and excuses, you can politely refuse a date by saying that you are not in the state of mind to date anyone. Tell the guy or girl that you want to enjoy life while you are still single. Below are a few examples.
- It’s me. I don’t feel like seeing anyone right now.
- My priorities in life are totally messed up. I don’t want to date anyone right now.
- I want to be honest with you by saying that I want to be single right now. I don’t want to hurt you by giving you false hopes.
9) Don’t feel guilty or sorry when you turn down a date
You will put yourself in emotional turmoil if you start feeling guilty or sorry while turning down a date. First you will fumble when you actually say no to that person, risking hurting someone’s feelings.
Your guilt will also make you feel bad about saying no and every time you meet that person, there will be an awkward silence. Avoid this awkwardness by removing any trace of guilt from your mind.
Sejal S on April 16, 2020:
What if the guy is stubborn and doesn’t understand the refusal in polite manner?
Confidence Nicholas on March 09, 2019:
How do i turn down a relationship
In a case where i don’t love the guy because he drinks hot,not finically fitted ,but loveble
But not the kind of guy i want in my life
Aurelio Locsin from Orange County, CA on July 13, 2013:
The problem with coming up with different reasons not to go out with someone is that they’ll keep trying. I find it best to just be honest and say, “I don’t see you that way,” or “I just want to be friends” or “I don’t think we would work out in a relationship.” Voting this Up and Useful.
The mailman brings you mail through most weather conditions 6 days a week. If they are on a walking route, they may be walking over 10 miles each day delivering mail. Reward their dedication with a thank-you.
In this post, mailman refers to both male and female mail carriers in the United States.
National Mailman Day is on February 4th and is a great time to thank your mailman. However, I’m sure your mailman would enjoy being thanked throughout the year.
Mailman Thank You Ideas
There are rules for what can be given to the mailman in the United States. The United States Postal Service states on their website:
…Carriers are permitted to accept a gift worth $20 or less from a customer per occasion, such as Christmas. However, cash and cash equivalents, such as checks or gift cards that can be exchanged for cash, must never be accepted in any amount. Furthermore, no employee may accept more than $50 worth of gifts from any one customer in any one calendar year period.
This means cash and gift cards are not options. Do not insist on giving your mailman a cash tip anyway and putting them in an awkward situation of declining. Follow their rules.
Here are some other noncash ideas:
- A baked treat. My grandma gave her mailman cookies often. Remember, if you are on a walking route that the mailman will have to carry the treat with them unless they consume right away.
- Coffee or hot chocolate on a cold day in a travel mug that they can keep.
- Say “Thank you” to them if you happen to be near your mailbox when they deliver your mail. I do this when I am home when my mailman comes to the door.
- A thank you note. A thank-you note will be something they can keep and will not take up much room in their bag.
Mailman Thank You Note Examples
If you know your mailman’s name, you can start the note with their name. If not, start with Hi or Hello. Each note should be concluded with the signing of your name. The examples following the first example will only include the thank-you note text (opening and closing will be excluded).
Thank you for delivering our mail during the rainstorm last week. I am impressed with your dedication. I appreciate getting my mail the most on bad weather days!
- I am thankful for your accuracy in delivering our mail. We rarely get a piece of mail intended for a different address. And thank you for putting the large packages by the side door. I take comfort knowing that they will not be sitting out in the rain on rainy days.
- Each day I look forward to opening the mailbox. Thank you for bringing the mail/ I know it’s your job, but I still appreciate it!
- I want to thank you for the short visit the other day. We have been attempting to find homes for the kittens for several weeks. Thank you for keeping an ear open for people looking to adopt a kitten. However, we have decided to keep them! You will see them soon in the windows when dropping off the mail.
- Wow, the weather has been terrible lately. We appreciate your willingness to still deliver our mail as it contains our medication that we depend on. We are glad that we can count on you!
- The children are so happy that you are our mailman. I think Peter may become a mailman someday! He is fascinated with the process. Thank you for being polite and kind when he asks you questions!
- Thank you for delivering our mail promptly. We have noticed that you are careful with the large boxes which we appreciate since they often contain fragile items. We have not had anything break yet (unlike with other delivery services and mailmen).
How have you thanked your mailman?
Writing about family members seems to come naturally, but many family history and memory writers struggle with how to write about a friend.
Before we look at the how, let’s look at why it’s more than appropriate to write about a friend in your memory stories Don’t worry, you’ll see that the why and the how are related.
Why you should write about a friend
Family members are not the only ones who play a starring role in memories. There are times—when family is far away, when the nest is empty, or when family is gone—that good friends fill the gaps.
We all know that friends can become as close as family members. Many of us have friends that have stood by us throughout the years, sharing good times, bringing meals, and mopping up tears in times of sorrow. They are fixtures in our lives. Many are responsible for our emotional and spiritual well-being.
My grandmother wrote a loving poem in honor of her friend Ellen, which she called “Ellen of Virginia.” Much of her poem had to do with how heartbreaking it would be if her friend Ellen ever left Virginia.
For my mother, also named Ellen, this was a very moving piece. She had always harbored doubts about leaving her home state of Virginia and living so far from her parents. My mom was gratified to know that when she wasn’t able to be with her mother, a dear friend was.
Writing About a Friend Tells about You
When you write about a friend and your feeling for that person, it gives loved ones insight into your development, regardless of whether it was a childhood or adult friendship. You don’t need to write about every friend you have, but consider writing about those friendship experiences that have helped mold you.
Beth, in the center of the photo above, isn’t my biological sister, but note that we had matching night-gowns. As my sister’s best friend, she was like a second older sister to me.
Write about a Friend to Deepen Connections
Another reason to write about a friend: Our loved ones tend to love the people who we love. They can develop an affection for a near stranger, based only on that person’s relationship to you.
For example, my mother had a friend named Nancy Green. I’ve never met Nancy, but I have a deep fondness for her. This grows not only out of the fact that they shared a childhood, but also from their shared passion for art and the fact that they managed to stay close for five decades.
Likewise, I have strong connections to some of the youth for whom my mother advocated as a child protection worker. I never knew their names, but, because my mom cared so deeply about them, I think about them from time to time and pray that they have found their paths to happiness.
Not a Competition
Before you start deliberating about which friend is “best,” realize that this is not a competition or ranking. It’s simply your feelings about someone and they role they play or have played in your life. You can write about one special friendship or many. You can also write about the people that helped you through a particular circumstance or transition.
For instance, college friends occupy a different space in your heart than the people that helped you settle in a new place, raised kids with yours, or your office mate. Depending on the story you’re telling, different characters will play a pivotal role.
How to Write About a Friend
Try writing down your memories of and reflections on a dear friend.
• Physical attributes
• Personality attributes
• How you met
• Bonds that you shared
• Why you treasure your friend
It can rhyme, be in simple prose, or an essay. The point is to convey some sense of this person to those who do (or did) not know him/her well.
Want to read an example of a writing about a dear friend? Read Laura of Laurens.
© Laura Hedgecock 2013
Fun Group Games for Teenagers That Are Easy
The 1930s first introduced people to Sadie Hawkins dances. Single women had the opportunity to ask single men of the community to a dance. Now these dances have become somewhat of an American tradition. Schools use Sadie Hawkins dances or lunches as fundraisers. With reversed roles, it is hard for a girl to come up with an interesting way to ask a boy to go to the event with her.
Send the boy a note. Make the note creative, and give him clues as to who you are. Tell him what you will wear at the dance.
Write a poem. You can take a traditional poem, such as “Roses are red,” and change the words around to make it personal to the young man you want to ask. You also can make up a new poem, but make sure to include a lot about the guy in it.
Give him a small bucket filled with small candies like M&M’s or Skittles. Tape a request on the outside of the bucket, “Go to the dance with me?” Make sure to add a spoon to the bucket, so he can dig to the bottom and find out who asked. Before you put the candy in the bucket, write your name on a piece of paper, and tape it to the bottom. He has to eat or pour out all of the candy before he can find out who is doing the asking.
It is true that a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Bake him a small cake or some cookies. Use frosting to write your name on the top. Don’t forget to add “Sadies?” or whatever the name of your event is to the top of your cake or cookies.
Make a sign to hang on his locker at school. Do not make it too easy for him, though. Write the message backward. It is easier for you to write the whole message out on a scrap piece of paper and then work backward to write the message for the boy. You can use a big piece of poster board or just a large piece of paper. Just make sure the sign is big enough for him to see it.
Burn a CD
Burn him a CD with all of his favorite songs on it. At the end of the CD, add the song by Reliant K, “Sadie Hawkins Dance.” Add a personal message asking him to go to the dance with you if you have the recording equipment that can do that.
I miss my ex and I want to know what to do!
Break Up Songs : 20 of the absolute best tracks to listen to in a break up
The author Alexandre Cormont
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Hello. I need help writing this if I can have help. Thank you
My ex broke up with me after 9 years for reasons I NOW understand. I messed up and sent her a desperation text after about a month and a half of no contact. It’s been a month since I messed up sending that text and got no response from her. I’m now trying to write her an email letting her know what’s been going on with me, the changes I’ve made, and I’m just trying to reconnect. I had so much to say my letter is easily over 5 pages. Can you help me with my letter? I’m trying to be patient and continue to work on it as well as myself. I was planning on sending it in October as that would be almost 5 months of no contact. I just wanted to make sure she had time to wipe the negative thoughts of me clean in her head and I wanted to make sure I’ve had enough time to grow and make changes. Thank you Natalie, hope to hear from you soon !
Looking for your help to write the perfect letter to my ex. Thank you for your time and help
I am 20 years old and my girlfriend is 29. We recently broke up because she felt like I wasn’t contributing enough to the relationship based on the fact that we are in two different stages of our lives. “We weren’t a team” and I feel like I took her for granted. I want to change that and show her that I am truly in love with her and I know she feels the same way too.
Is the no contact rule something that is right for this situation? Haven’t contacted her/each other in a week as of now.
Writing a letter is something I want to do when I feel like the time is right, when I am a better me.
I have wrote an accountability letter for me ex. Could I send you it for your to have a look maybe u could even use it in your programs. Thanks for your time
Hi my ex said to a friend that he doesn’t miss me. I am having doubts writing the letter. It’s been over 2 weeks no contact. My ex did reach out to me but it was only for a favour.. he never even said hi how are you..
He blames everything on me can I show that he was in the wrong too in the letter?
I whant to write a letter to my ex girlfriend. She still meand the world to me. It’s been six months since the breakup. We dated for 9 months, we met at work and we started living together straight away. After a while i started taking her for granted and took another job wich split us up cause she was stil at the other jib were we akso lived, it was a hotel. I didnt havr the time and due to my new jib the energy to come visit here everyday. I broke some promices and when she came back from her holiday wich i also was invited to with her parents but couldnt make it because of work. We got into an argument and i left. We still dated for another month but i wasn’t allowed to sleep over anymore. Then finally she broke up with me. I begged and pleaded but i didnt do much good. I havent talked to her in 4 months. Because we got into a fight over whatsapp. I know real smart of me. The last thing she told me is to move on, i wished her all the best with or without me. I tried dating other woman butt she stik is on my mind everyday. Deep in my heart i know she is the one for me and im for her butt i made mistakes wich she initually forgive me for but in the end it was to much. I never cheated but hurt her feelings one to many time. Hope this is enough info. Greetings and kind regards Peter.
Hello, I recently experienced a breakup and want to know more about this letter. Also, I’d like more info on the one on one coaching.
Your advice seems solid but I’m having trouble writing my letter. Would it be possible to set up a meeting with a coach to go over it?
I have made a draft letter and would love your opinion and/or help in making it more effective.
How may I get in direct contact with you Coach Natalie? Are payments necessary?
I’d like some coaching because my situation is a bit hard please contact me
Please can i know when iam writing the letter to my ex girlfriend i shouldnt what so ever connect the happy beginning we had atyhe start?
I love reading the comments and seeing how many men are owning up to the fact that they took advantage of their girlfriends and now want to make it right. I wish my ex would realize the same thing. We dated for almost a year and a half and have known each other for almost two years. Met at the gym. He works there. We broke up almost a month ago and I haven’t been able to see his face since the night he walked out on me. He broke up with me during an argument because he cannot handle the emotional side of a relationship. My feelings typically would get shut down. I miss him but I miss the good him. But I am extremely hurt on how he pulled the rug out from under me that night after everything I have done for that man. I was thinking of writing him a letter not as a means to get him to even talk to me but as a way for me to get my closure, since he will not give it to me. I want to say what I never got to say to him. Wondering what your thoughts are? I had already apologized to him for my part in what led to the argument but he has taken no ownership for how horrible he treated me that night. I wish he could be like some of the men on here and realize where he went wrong and try to make it better. But he has way too much pride and not enough heart to do something like that.
A year ago, a sky lantern crashed in my front yard. Scrawled across it were the words, “Love you, Dad. Miss you so much. Steph.” I wrote an open letter to Steph, which TODAY.com picked up, and eventually that letter made its way to the woman who sent the lantern. She and I became friends, and she encouraged me to write letters to my own three daughters.
Message in a sky lantern unites two people hundreds of miles away
The difficulty of writing a meaningful letter to my kids shocked me. The complexity and breadth of my deep emotional attachment to my girls proved difficult to get onto paper. It took time and focused attention to write letters that had a chance of catching a tenth of what I feel, but I am so glad that I did.
I want to share some of the lessons I learned along the way. If there is a child you love — son, daughter, grandchild, niece, nephew or simply someone who is like family to you — you might like to write a letter, too.
Here are some tips and exercises to get you started:
- Short is good. You could write a 30-page letter, but you don’t have to. A great letter might be just a few paragraphs or even a few sentences. It’s the quality of the words that matters, not the number. Don’t get intimidated by length!
- Accentuate the positive. “I love you even though you don’t excel at football” is not a particularly happy sentence. This letter is not the place to share how you wish your child was different. Resist the temptation to say something like “I love you, but….” Drop that last word. This is not the time. This should be a letter a child can go to when they have doubts you love them and need the reminder. When you’ve finished your letter, go back through and remove any negative comments that may have creeped in without you realizing it. No criticism, no complaints, no negative comparisons, no back-handed compliments. This letter should celebrate the positive and lift the child up.
- Be honest. Be vulnerable. There are times when we’re uncertain how our kids feel about us. It’s hard not to withdraw or protect ourselves when that happens. Don’t worry about whether your teen, for instance, will roll their eyes or say how cheesy it is. In this letter, just be honest. Don’t shy away from being strong in expressing your deep love for them. Don’t worry about how they will react. And know that even if they don’t respond how you would hope, your words are powerful, necessary and transformative. Every kid wants to hear that they are loved, even if they tell you the opposite,.
- Use the words “I love you” and “I am proud of you.” These are two phrases children want to hear. Plus, that’s two sentences written already! Make sure they know you love them because of who they are and not because of anything they’ve accomplished. This way they know that no matter what happens, you’ll always love them.
Exercises that may help:
- Look at old photographs of your child. What are some of your favorite times together? Why? What was it like in the hard times? How did your child change your life?
- When I wrote to my daughters, I chose a central metaphor for each letter using things they loved. So for one daughter I talked about “love is a story” because she loves reading. For another I chose “love is a dance” because she is a ballerina. For my third I chose “love is a hummingbird” because she loves birds (she later told me that was terrible and I should have chosen “love is soccer”). I came to these central metaphors by asking some of these questions: What are my child’s favorite things? Toys? Activities? Colors? People? What does this say about them? What does this say about their passions and interests? What things about those interests reveal something beautiful about my child? Finding a central theme helps in crafting the letter and making it unique to how you feel about your child.
- What do you wish you had heard from your parents? If they wrote you a letter, what did they say that was particularly meaningful to you, that you treasure? Is there something they said or you wish they had said that you would want to pass on to your own child?
I hope your child treasures your letter. Set aside some time right now and go write it!
You know those wonderful, heartfelt letters that moms slip into their kid’s camp bags or leave in college dorm rooms, the ones with wisdom and love that make lifetime mementos? Yeah, well, I have never written one of those. Every time I hear of a wonderful parent who takes the time and care to compose such a missive to their college kid, I beat myself up for a few moments as a derelict parent. And then promise myself, next time.
And as I am fairly certain in the rush to get my third son off to college I will once again fail to write that perfect letter, here is what I might have said, if I could get my act together.
College is a Privilege
Sure, I expected you to go and, in turn, you expected nothing less from yourself. But this in no way takes away from the fact that spending four years learning, growing and focused almost exclusively on yourself is a gift like none other. Before you set foot on campus think through the sweep of human history and try to guess how many people were given this opportunity. Only after you have acknowledged just how rare and special this gift is, will I help move you into your dorm.
[More on best advice to freshmen from a college professor here.]
Best Four Years of Your Life
You have heard adults say it a hundred times and it may be true, but it is not automatically so. Imbibe deeply of all that a University has to offer. Heap your plate with its academic, athletic, cultural and social offerings. Never again will life mix youth, freedom, opportunity and resources together in quite this heady combination. If these are to be the very best years, you must make them so.
First Weeks of College are a Time like None Other
Everyone will want to meet you and there will be none of the social awkwardness that usually accompanies rushing up and speaking to total strangers. Do not squander this short window of opportunity, it will never come around again.
You are now in a place where alcohol is both tacitly allowed and legally forbidden. The only thing that stands between you and a very bad experience is your own good judgment. But here is the tricky part. You need to exercise that good judgment at the very moment when it is already impaired by alcohol.
[More on binge drinking from brain science expert here.]
Being Friends in High School was Easy
You sat in the same classes or did the same activities as your high school friends. In college, maintaining friendships is a bit more work. After college it is a lot more work. Investing in friendships now pays dividends forever, truly forever.
Living With Those Who Love You
It is your good fortune to never have lived in a place where no one loved you or frankly cared a whit about you. At the outset, college is that place. Despite everyone’s outward cheer in the first weeks of college you will have no real friends. Sure you will know some kids, but these are not true friends, yet. They are still just acquaintances you really like. It is better to live amongst those you love, but it takes time and only you can make this happen. College gets better after that first Thanksgiving.
Do Not Fool Yourself, I Was 18
When you look at me you probably see “Mom” and “Old.” Do not fool yourself. Not one fiber of my being has forgotten how it feels to be 18. If you have a problem, talk to me. Few things you will say will shock me and there is every chance, though admittedly just a chance, that I might have a good suggestion. And while the law may recognize you as an adult, I promise you that you still have much to learn.
I have loved you every moment of your life. Even as you prepare to move out, I shock myself by loving you even more. This love comes without strings, but life does not. If there are things you want to achieve, knowledge you want to gain, friends you want to make it is now entirely up to you.
In writing up today’s post on the 7 letters your should write before you turn 70, I realized that the congratulatory note was the only type we hadn’t offered a fuller guide on previously, and that needed one. So let’s remedy that.
Writing a note of congratulations isn’t too complicated, but this quick primer will offer a few basics tips and reminders to ensure yours are done well and received warmly.
When to Send
Everyone likes to be noticed and recognized for their accomplishments. So there’s really no bad reason to send someone a congratulatory note. They can strengthen both personal and professional relationships, and there are a wide variety of occasions when they’re appropriate. Here’s just a sampling:
- Personal: Weddings, engagements, birth/adoption of child, graduations, religious rites (bah mitzvah, confirmation, baptism, etc.), winning a sports competition/election, making it onto a team, college acceptance, new home
- Professional: Promotion, award, retirement, new title, landing new contract or client, starting a new business
The big thing with sending a note of congratulations is to do it as soon as possible. You don’t want to congratulate someone on their new baby when the kid’s about to turn one. A well-timed congratulations gives a boost to the excitement someone is already feeling; a belated one is a mismatch with the person’s circumstances and thus falls flat.
Who to Send To
Oftentimes we think of congratulations as something the older/more powerful offer to those “below” them, e.g., the boss congratulating his subordinate for a job well done, or a parent congratulating their child for graduating.
But congratulations can go up and down the social ladder. A child can write to celebrate their parents’ wedding anniversary; an employee can congratulate their manager on their promotion.
Congratulations is something you should also express to your rivals. I feel like we’ve lost the idea of having a competitor you simultaneously want to excel, but also greatly respect and admire. Be humble enough to be able to recognize the accomplishments of your rivals – and then let those accomplishments inspire you to rise higher too!
How to Structure
Here are some general guidelines on how to word a letter of congratulations, with examples of each piece:
2. Express your congratulations early on and share how you heard the news of their accomplishment/milestone, if appropriate/applicable.
- Your mom just called to tell me you’ve joined the Marines and will be heading off to boot camp soon. Congratulations on this big decision!
3. If appropriate, reference how far the person has come to get to this point. If the obstacles in one’s past were self-inflicted and/or embarrassing, it’s best to skip this step, and/or refer to it obliquely. For example, don’t say, “It’s hard to believe that just two years ago you were a coked-out junkie.”
- When your father died five years ago, I know how tough it was for you.
4. Reflect on the person’s positive attributes that have made this milestone/accomplishment possible, and will continue to bring them success in their new endeavor.
- I was so impressed then with how quickly and willingly you took on the mantle of “man of the household” and supported your mom and brothers and sisters. You showed a tremendous amount of maturity and emotional fortitude, and I know those qualities will serve you well as a Marine.
5. Express your confidence and faith in them, as well as your support.
- I know you have what it takes to make it through boot camp and become a successful Marine. I’ll be thinking and praying for you as you tackle this challenge and can’t wait to see you at graduation.
6. Reiterate your congratulations.
- Congratulations again on this tremendous decision. Your Aunt Vickie and I are very proud of you. Your dad would have been bursting with pride too.
- With Love, Uncle Rick
A Few Things to Avoid:
Passive aggressive/bitterness — even if you’re “joking.”
- Congrats on the promotion! One of these days I’ll be lucky enough to get out of this cubicle too.
Expressing surprise. You don’t want it to seem like you’re shocked they were able to achieve the accomplishment.
- Given how selective the program is, it’s amazing you got picked!
Excessive flattery. No need to go overboard with the praise; make everything you say sincere.
- I just heard your book was accepted for publication! Congrats! Your novel puts everything Hemingway wrote to shame and will surely win a Pulitzer .
Comparing their accomplishment to one of yours. This is their time to shine.
- Congratulations on winning the state championship. When I played, ifCoach woulda put me in fourth quarter, we would’ve been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind.
As with all correspondence, emailing a note of congratulations is okay in some circumstances (the person’s milestone or achievement was of the small and casual variety), and is better than doing nothing. But handwrite them whenever possible. Pen and paper convey the weight and sincerity of your words better than anything else. So grab yourself some nice, manly stationery, and start saluting your friends and loved one’s accomplishments!
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- How to Be Romantic to Your Girlfriend
If you’re looking for sweet surprises for your girlfriend, love notes may be the way to go. Write love messages that tell her what you think about her in a variety of creative ways. Love notes communicate your affection, desire and commitment to your girlfriend, along with showing off your creativity. They can help keep the romance and excitement thriving in your relationship.
Traditional endearments became classics because they follow the K.I.S.S. principle: “keep it short and simple.” Thrill your girlfriend with a handful of messages such as, “I love you,” “I miss you” and “You are my sunshine” on a number of small, heart-shaped notes. Add a personal touch to this gesture by tucking them on top of her car visor so that the notes will shower down on her when she uses it for a sweet surprise. Consider other unexpected places too, such as a footprint love note in freshly fallen snow, or traced on a bathroom mirror to appear the next time she showers.
Write love notes describing qualities you like in your girlfriend, using the letters in her name. As an example, for Sharon, write something like “Sexy” for S, “Honest” for H, “Artistic” for A, “Optimistic” for O, and so on. Put each love note in a place where she is most likely to find it after returning home. For example, you could place the starting note on the bathroom mirror, then one on the refrigerator, one on dinner table and end with one under her pillow.
Love Potion Messages
Write a series of tiny love notes with humorous, erotic and emotional messages, such as, “I love you so much, I’d carry your little pink purse for you in front of my buddies,” “You can make me want you with just one look” or “I see our future in your smile.” Write as many love notes as possible. Put the notes in an empty bottle, such as an aspirin bottle. Stick a label on the bottle that says something like, “My Love Medicine for You.” Place it on your girlfriend’s dressing table or in her medicine cabinet.
Memory Lane Messages
Arrange photographs and other small mementos that your girlfriend has given you over the years in a scrapbook. Now, stick love notes on each page and describe how you felt when that particular photo was taken or when your received that particular memento. For example, on a page with a photo taken during your vacation, you could say something like, “One of the best times in my life. I remember you having such a wonderful time, which made me feel so happy and wonderful.”